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Delicate question.... guys HELP Family

  • View author's info Posted on Jan 14, 2005 at 02:52 AM

    Uhmmmmmmmmmm...... well.........
    You see it's like this.....

    I'm a single mom... with a 13 old boy....

    We are reaching some uncharted territory here and I'm a bit lost as to what is 'normal' teenage boy behaivior as far as all that male puberty stuff goes.

    (my girls were much easier.. LOL)

    I need some advice guys... LOL

    What should I be expecting and what uhm.... 'activities' is normal in a boy this age? At what point should I be thinking there is a problem, or is... well... you know... *blush*.... gosh I hope you know... I really dont wish to spell it out.

    And how about emotions? Is it normal to be totally out of control? Mood swings from being fine to total rage? Or laughing then just as quickly, crying?

    Should I allow him to have 'magazines'... or should I not? Do I just ignore it and pretend I dont know?

    I've never worried about him "seeing" me before, but now, it's not the same as when he was young.... is it normal for boys to try to catch a "peek" ???

    I'm soooo in need of male adive here !!!
  • 26Comments

  • View author's info Posted on Apr 17, 2006 at 01:57 AM

    Oh...In about 3 or 4 years Toketee!
    Don't know what it is, but the male hormones take sooo long to settle down, If they ever do?
    And will someone enlighten me as to "pocket Kitties" ????
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 15, 2006 at 04:33 AM

    ohhhhhh GOSHHHHHH!!!!

    This original post was awhile back. My boy has since turned 15 just recently and I'm ready to pull my hair out.

    I"m either going to have to buy stock in KY jelly or the boy is going to have calloused hands!!

    Then I find out that my Nephews girlfriend bought him one of those "Pocket kittys" and I nearly hit the roof!! Read her the act and flipped out on the poor girl for doing such a thing for my minor child.

    His older Sisters are getting real tired of walking in on him while he's 'doing his thang' and "grossing me out Mom!" I've told him everything I can think of regarding being discreet. I am greatful that he hasn't begun messing around with girls yet and is content with ... well... magazines and what not. I'd much rather be dealing with this than with him getting some girl pregnant... but SHEEEESHHHHHH....

    Guyssssss..... is this going to end???
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 14, 2006 at 08:30 AM

    I know this is probably an old posting, but anyway I have 3 boys 18, 15, and 9 I had the same problem you are having when my oldest hit that stage in life where he was curious. Advice, If you are involved in church, Its helps when an older man councilors help. On your side, you try to understand what it is he is going through, Boys will look at there moms for role models when they start looking for there girl friends. I always tell my boys, treat a girl as if it was your mother. Respect her wishes, I also tell them that there are choices that you have to make, but there are Consequences that follow, When they start exploring there bodies, inform them it is natural but they should be discreet about it. Its better for them to full fill there sexuality with them selves then with another person before its time. If you tell them no...then there going to go out and do it with someone and the next thing you know you have some girlfriend and parents standing on your doorstep informing you that she is pregnant. As a single mom. I know its do not want to think about your child doing things like that..Give him his privacy and it will all work out, I have 3 great boys, its also easier with the next one in line, the oldest helps out to. When it comes to mood swings, there as bad as girls. Girls cry for attention...Boys get mad and yell. let them know your there if they need to talk.
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 11, 2006 at 07:13 PM

    o and incidentally Ive heard a lot of good advise here from a lot of people. Good for you all.
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 11, 2006 at 07:09 PM

    well I have two sons the youngest will be 25 this July and How you all can think boys are complicated and girls are simple is beyond me. Im glad I didnt have any girls. that would scare me to death.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 21, 2005 at 08:21 AM

    I think we've all been curious about magazines that we've found in Grandpa's basement. I wouldn't worry about the magazines. I would worry about the internet. There is plenty of porn out there at just a click of the mouse, and there are plenty of preditors to go with it. If he is in your home, looking at girly magazines, at least he is safe.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 08, 2005 at 03:15 PM

    If I had a son I'd tell him that those ladies in Playboy aren't real ladies and I'd tell him to wait a couple of years til he's old enough and I'd buy him a copy of XL or Voluptuous!
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 11, 2005 at 10:01 AM

    Well, I have two boys. Well, they're men now. I found magazines under the first one's bed, but I just put them right back. Thery're his business. I'm not crazy about them, but it's pretty normal.

    I figured it was a good idea to talk with them about respect for woman and what love is. (There father was unwilling to have this talk so I had to undertake the mission) It went pretty wel with my oldest, but I made sure I didn't talk about myself or my sexuallity. (I didn't want to scar him for life! LOL!) Actually I read somewhere it was best not to talk about yourself. He was pretty shy, but appreciated me being willing to talk to him. I think that even more than what you say it's your willingness to be open with him.

    My second son was more of the scientist type and was willing to ask questions about the female body. I took a detached view and just gave the facts. I decided to take a book out ofthe library for him. I think it was 'Our body, Ourselves for Boys' This is when I learned something from him. He was grateful that I got the book. He said he was too embarassed to take it out of the library! So the light dawned. The magazines are okay with other kids, but taking a book out of the library is not cool. So get him a good book about s*x, but get one about love also, but talk to him first. He'll be more open if you ask if he'd like that and a book is never the solution to any problem. Having a good old fashioned talk is best. Try to gear it for the kid too. The first son walked through when I was drawing a picture of the female anatomy for my scientist and the first son was mortified.

    And all we can do is do our best. So don't beat yourself up, but remember to always knock on their doors and wait to be let in. They need boundaries.

    (The one mistake I made about this was waiting too long to have a talk. {ONE mistake?} I sat down with the oldest when he 13. He really needed the talk earlier. Maybe an ongoing dialogue is better. He already had suffered embarassment when he saw a pretty girl and was aroused.)
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 24, 2005 at 01:54 PM

    hi tokee

    the best way to deal with a teenager is to take the problems as they come. don't have any preset judgements about the situations that come up. try and remember back to when you were a child and how you felt and let that play in some of the decisions you make, but no matter what always let your son know that you are the parent and there are consequences to his actions. and no matter what if you for a definite that you are correct stand your ground and do not let your emotions get the best of you. no book can tell you about your child because they don't know your child, and yes sometimes you will make a mistake but just know that noone is perfect. and your child will make mistakes you have to deal with them and not put it on the back burner......

    and keep in mind there is adults walking around trying to get peeks and buy magazines.

  • View author's info Posted on Jun 09, 2005 at 05:51 AM

    My twin sons will be 18 on September 23. They were almost 14 when their mother became ill and could no longer be as strong as influence in their life.
    Up to that point with me being gone with the Navy, she did alot of single parenting and I did not require her to ask me 'if this is what we should do'. Sometimes she was baffled, most of the time it was common sense and the beliefs and social mores we had tried to instill from the beginning.

    She wanted our sons to have a strong Christian upbringing and church ties. No they don't HAVE to go to church each week, but they were active in the youth groups. She confided that alot of what you discussed was talked about in these groups on how young people handle themselves. The same thing with scouting. Their leader had many discussions about 'growing up'.

    They have been taught by these formable adults in their lives and my late wife and myself that women are not objects for display as in magazines or strip clubs. Yes, I have seen both, but my thought was always, I wanted a daughter, and these 'girls' were daughters and it saddened me.

    Since I retired I have spent alot of time'just being a dad' and a single dad. At age 12 my wife found our sons mastrubating and told them it was alright and natural, but it was a private moment action, not to be shared with others. I backed her on that.

    They go through temper tantrums yet today. Sometimes they want nothing to do with me. This began when they were maybe 13.My wife was hurt.Sometimes they wanted to be with her and other times treated her like a nonentity. This is how we all were when we think back. Wanting to learn to at least step to the edge of the nest and peak over, getting ready for the flight which will happen and we leave the nest.

    I am sure my sons have seen Playboy or Penthouse and they also understand that this is not reality. They should look toward their spiritual self and not for instant gratification.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 20, 2005 at 02:33 PM

    Well said ravishing. I dont have any children of my own, but I do have younger brothers and my cousin's children. Kids are curious by nature, they LOVE to learn about everything, and this is one of those appealing "adult" subjects that are clouded in mystery. As adults, we have an obligation to be upfront with our kids in regards to our knowledge and our beliefs about it, no matter how uncomfortable it is for us.

    It might not be easy to accept, but they are going to have to go their own way. Studies have shown though, that children whose parents have given them the facts about the birds and bees along WITH their moral/religious views on it are more likely to align with their parents. So I would say that the best thing to do is to educate your son in a objective manner and then say that you personally do not approve of erotic magazines, or whatever you believe and why.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 19, 2005 at 02:10 AM

    I have a twin brother and when we were about ten he found my father's stash of adult magazines. My mother noticed that he kept going under the bed, so she pulled the books from under the bed and showed him the magazines. He was disgusted with what was in the mags. Most of the time kids are just curious. If you make it forbidden to look at certain things it will become more appealing to them. Once she showed himi the books he lost interest. He was just a curious kid. Saying no to small things such as this (i say small because it is only normal for children to be curious) will only prevent them from being open with you about more important information in the future.

    A lot of people think kids are to young to know about certain things. My philosophy is that if they ask they are old enough to know the answer, and it is your responsibility as the adult to tell them the truth. My mother raised me and my brother using this same philosophy. My aunts criticized this method but she refused to listen and my brother and i are better off for it. We have the best and most open relationship with her. The fact that she didn't beat around the bush made it easier for us to be open with her regarding anything. Isn't that what every parent wants? A child that feels he/she can tell their parents anything?
    As adults I think we let our feelings towards certain things influence the way we treat our children regarding certain uncomfortable subjects.

    But that's just my opinion.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 18, 2005 at 05:01 PM

    Thanks for the "right on" Diva! I have been chastised by a few friends for being so open about sex and sexuality with my boy at his tender young age. I haven't covered EVERYTHING,but if he asks me something specific, I will tell him what I know. Trying to keep it all in perspective of course... he's only ten after all. But I do think its important to let him know that his feelings are NORMAL. He's not a freak, LOL. Just because I thought that was "so gross" when i was his age, doesn't mean he does. Boys are just different. I never really understood until I started raising him on my own. Its not a learned behaviour, its ingrained in their DNA! LOL.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 17, 2005 at 09:59 PM

    One thing to remember is that boys will be boys. Just because he is looking at nude pics of women isn't bad. And you will find out, there is always the one kid who will get the dirtiest mag known to man from under his dads mattress and show it around. I feel that 14 is plenty old enough to talk with him about mens and women's bodies and what the differences are. I have to admit, I seem to be one of those odd kids who grew up with both mom and dad married the whole time, and never had to look for the right role model. They were always present. I remember my mom sitting me down at about the 6th or 7th grade age and explaining certain things, and one was about little girls and periods. I was told that if I ever noticed one of my classmates with what looked like blood or wetness in the crotch area, go tell the teacher and not to make a scene over it. I was also told the facts of life pretty young. Now this may have been because my mom was a jr. high school teacher and had seen how kids act and wanted me and my brother to be prepared. Or it could be that my parents were older than most parents of my friends and they had no hangups about talking to us. I remember seeing my first nudie mags about 4th or 5th grade and having my own Playboy and Penthouse mags when I was in the 9th grade. If your son is 14 going on 15, it will be just about another year until he has his driving lisence and then look out. All you can do is teach him the correct things to do in life and how you expect him to act when he is in certain situations. Rest assured, like you and everybody else, he won't always make the right decision, but at least he'll know if he's messing up or not. One of my best friends from high school would never even try drinking or smoking with us because he was afraid "I would like it and then have to lie to my folks." his exact words. Pretty ballsy for a high school kid to say to his peers, but I have had nothing but respect for him from that day...
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 17, 2005 at 05:19 AM

    hazelcat - my two boys are a bit older (9 & 11) and they recently found their uncle's stack of Playboys....I think if you don't label it as something "nasty" or bad or evil...their curiosity about it won't be so engrossed. Just say, well it's just a book of naked ladies some people enjoy to look at, he'll be all right with that. 'Cause look at FRECKLES - her son found it on the playground! Your boy is gonna see it - it's all about your reaction to it. By the way FRECKLES - right on! :)

    and BLKANESENSHY - please do not cuss out grandma. She's probably set in her ways, but you may want to try to have a discussion with her. If you feel yourself loosing your temper, walk away. I recently let years of hard feelings out at one time on a family member and let me just say - once it happens - you can't change it. The outburst will make it worse. Please - think about it before you lose your cool.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 16, 2005 at 09:00 AM

    well i have a family problem lol my grandmother she is japanese and she has favorites and stuff but i know im getting to the point where i'ma have to curse her out and i dont want to disrepect my grandmom but she's gonna hear it tho i had to hear it for a long time but I STILL LOVE HER. IT'S just my mom doesnt want me to say anything but i'm tired of hearing her mouth lol 4real i'm but aight people i'm ghossttt.........
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 04, 2005 at 10:11 PM

    I myself have a ten year old boy. I think curiosity about his body and others is totally natural. Now as far as the nudie mag goes, I think it really depends on the mag. Some are quite tasteful, whereas others are just plain nasty.
    My son and one of his friends found one at a playground not too long ago, and it was DEFINATELY not tasteful. I am grateful he felt comfortable enough to tell me about it.
    ANYWAY, I guess what I'm trying to say is, it really all depends on the situation, and just how much you feel comfortable with. Being the only parent of a young boy who is starting to experience some changes, I am doing my best to be open minded and not scar him emotionally or psychologically. Being a female, its so completely foreign what he is feeling and going through.
    I really don't think there is a right or wrong answer. It all just depends on your own personal views.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 04, 2005 at 05:01 PM

    Am I the only one who thinks it's wrong for young boys to look at adult magazines? What is wrong with this picture? Did all guys look at adult magazines at a young age?
    I have an 8 year old boy, don't think I want him getting all jiggy with a magazine. I feel there's something wrong with a society that accepts this as normal. That maybe even encourages it.
    I'm not saying what you should do, I'm just wondering why everyone else has a different veiw on this than I do.
    Please tell me if you all think I'm way off, but that's how I feel.
    I don't think the human body is anything to be embarrassed about. I do think every woman's body should be thought of as beautiful, and appreciated.
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 29, 2005 at 08:27 AM

    If you haven't read it already try reading My Story by Dave Pelzer. You will soon realise that it's healthy and normal for a happy child to be a bit wild, be a little crazy, be a little cheeky, the time they have a problem is when they are sitting there quiet, rocking back and to, never going out to play, withdrawn. Never mistake a happy normal child for a misfit just because they're outgoing or doing things that normal boys do like being naughty. Just be glad that your child is happy enough and confident enough to try it on. You have to be firm but fair but always with lots of love in your heart.