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Growing old Funny jokes and anecdotes

  • View author's info Posted on Mar 29, 2006 at 05:03 PM

    OLD" IS WHEN..... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"

    "OLD" IS WHEN..... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

    "OLD" IS WHEN..... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

    "OLD" IS WHEN..... Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

    "OLD" IS WHEN..... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

    "OLD" IS WHEN..... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

    "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.

    "OLD" IS WHEN..... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

    "OLD" IS WHEN..... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee. If you're under 50, this may be amusing. If you're over 50, this is probably reality
  • 5Comments

  • View author's info Posted on Sep 04, 2006 at 08:28 PM

    Chuckling... Thanks for sharing! love the laughs...and knowing what to look forward to.

    Happily 31 years young! :) But, looking happily to many years to come! :)
  • View author's info Posted on May 16, 2006 at 06:48 PM

    I just love every bit of these. I am 55 years young but i just laughed and l
    laughed. Thanks for the joy of the day.

  • View author's info Posted on Mar 30, 2006 at 10:37 AM

    I cannot see, I cannot pee
    I cannot chew, I cannot screw
    My memory shrinks, my hearing stinks
    No sense of smell, I look like hell
    My body's drooping, I got trouble pooping
    The golden years have come at last
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 30, 2006 at 10:35 AM

    Seniors are the nations leading carriers of aids:
    Hearing aids
    band aids
    walking aids
    medical aids
    government aids
    Most of all, monetary aid to their children!
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 30, 2006 at 09:08 AM


    1. Put on your glasses. Double check that your partner is actually in bed?with you.

    2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

    3. Set the mood with lighting.? Turn them ALL OFF!

    4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

    5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

    6. Keep extra polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

    7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

    8. Make all the noise you want.? The neighbours are deaf too.

    9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news.

    10. Don't even think about trying it twice.