Rejection DATING

  • View author's info Posted on Aug 04, 2005 at 10:00 PM

    How do you handle rejection?

    There is this lady at work that I have been getting close to. She and I were going through our divorces at the same time. We'd meet at lunch and talk about it. It was very helpful.

    After a couple months, I decided to ask her out. She was polite, but told me that she enjoyed out talks but she didn't want to date anyone at work.

    That's perfectly understandable, but it still hit me in the gut. And to make matters worse, she's been avoiding me lately. Making excuses not to eat together and such.

    I had a talk with her finally today to explain to her that I'd still like to be friends. So hopefully, that will work out.

    But I'm a pretty shy person to begin with and I'm really gun-shy at the moment about asking other people out... more so than usual after this.

    How do you handle it?
  • 9Comments

  • View author's info Posted on Aug 26, 2005 at 09:04 PM

    I'm wondering (I know, I've got my rose-colored glasses on) if maybe she is having a difficult time with her Divorce and is simply a woman who needs a friend right now. Maybe you frightened her by asserting yourself at the wrong time. Was she even, possibly, having the same thoughts and became afraid of risking her heart again so soon?
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 23, 2005 at 08:23 AM

    Mr. B rejection is very hard and I think you took it very well. I am sure it was very hard to work with her as well. It makes for an uncomfortable situation all around. I know from experience.

    I dated a man I worked with for a short while. I hated that everyone seem to know or want to know everything that was going on. That is not the reason I broke up with him but after our break up for awhile it was really bad. EVERYONE wanted to know. I decided then I would "Try" and avoid situations like that again at work. BUT just this past year I let someone in. We talked for a good while, he seemed really nice. But I was still hesitant about the situation. JUST as I was begining to like him and willing to go out I found out he had been talking with another woman I work with. She just happened to be married so they were trying to keep it hush hush. He told me though "I didn't think I had a chance with her" What really made the matter worse was she knew he was talking with me.

    Needless to say after all this it is going to take someone really special before I consider dating any from work again.

    So as you see, I felt the rejection but I also felt the humiliation. After a long talk with a friend and some time with God I was able to forgive them both. But as for trust goes, well that is something that will have to be earned all over again. Sometimes it is hard to see what the other side is or has gone through but just keep an open mind and be willing to listen when the time comes. It is the best advice I can give you if this type of situation happens again. One never knows the what the other person has experienced.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 21, 2005 at 06:09 PM

    JJIGGL...that is such good advice! I'm going to try that and see if I can work myself out of this "shyness" that I have too. Thanks!
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 17, 2005 at 03:38 PM

    Mrbiggles, you handled the situation perfectly. Bravo for you!! You seem to be able to read people and you seem to be able to express yourself very well. I hope that she accepts your extension of friendship.

    Many times we think that people aren't interested in us because we don't think we have anything to offer anyone. But really, what do we have to offer anyone, but a chance to make a connection with them. A chance to be an acquaintance or even become a friend. I consider myself to be quite shy and despite being shy, I still have a need to meet people and interact with them. In order to do so, I make a conscious act to speak to at least 3 strangers a day. Even if it is just to say "hello". Sometimes I get a conversation and sometimes I don't even get a nod, but I have met some nice people this way. Alot of times when I get a response, I also get a smile out of the person and that makes me feel good too. It may seem like a small thing, but it helps me to not feel that I am insignificant and that I am invisible. And it might have made someone feel that way too.

    Just my two cents worth.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 17, 2005 at 07:18 AM

    Hey I've been dumped so many times I'm thinking of legally changing my name to "Toxic Waste".

    I cry my eyes out for a day or two, have a drink or ten, then eventually you get back into your routine that you had before you were dating, and realise that there's a whole world of great women out there and you WILL find someone one day.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 14, 2005 at 10:09 AM

    The way I look at rejection is, it's the rejecter's loss, not mine. I too had a thing for a co-worker once and we actually went out on a date in the fall of 2001. My attempts of getting a second date with her didn't work out. About a month later she told me she was pregnant. NO, it wasn?t from me, because we didn't go that far. Apparently someone else was chasing her at the same time I was. I lost that race, but I look at it positively because I was not ready to have kids at that time. I'd say that fate was working against me here, for a good reason.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 07, 2005 at 09:22 AM

    MrB. I just looked at your profile! You are a fine man and one day you will find a woman worthy of your love! Please continue to be yourself and I feel certain you will find love. God bless you in your search!
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 05, 2005 at 03:25 AM


    I have a lot of "self" confidence. I'm definitely an "I can do anything" type of person.

    However, I just find it difficult talking to complete strangers. I've never been able to meet anyone in "typical" social situations such as bars, grocery stores, churches, etc.

    My "successful" relationships have all come from someone getting to know me first... I guess I just don't make a good initial impression on women.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 05, 2005 at 02:21 AM

    You keep your head up and jump right back in there. I think some women are attracted to the "shy guy", but probably more women are attracted to the confident guy. You can be an Adonnis and a real jerk - - but if you let your personality come thru, that's what catches this eye, anyway. And it may be a good thing that the coworker thing didn't quite work out. Seems like with the whole "both going thru the divorce" thing together, you may have been each other's "rebound" relationship, which is usually never a good thing. I just did the divorce thing, my friend; after 17 years. I know it's tough, but I promise, the sun rises again and you will find your happiness. I have found mine within myself. Good luck!