Should you date someone who is unhappily married??? fun on the side

  • View author's info Posted on Aug 17, 2006 at 08:56 AM

    Lately, I have been talking to a man who is very unhappy in his marriage. We have been talking "as friends" for a while now and I'm finding my feelings are starting to grow more and more for him...biggest problem....he's still married. The qualities he possesses are all that I desire in a man and we seem to get along so awesome together, but I don't want to wait around to get heartbroken either...what should I do??? Any advice from ya'll???
  • 9Comments

  • View author's info Posted on Oct 01, 2011 at 07:25 AM

    This is a very complicated subject. You have the "religicos" who have a closed mind on the subject who are incapable of seeing the bigger picture, and you have others who are decent people but have the brains to question. I believe that marriage is a good institution, but fought with problems. Yes, a couple should stick together and raise properly the children that they bring into the world, but after that, so many couples just drift apart. While raising the children, they are often so busy that they do not see how ill suited they are for each other. Once the kids are out of the house, and they have a little more disposable income, things look different. They start thinking, "now what?" They look at each other, themselves and search for what they really want in life. Often times, probably more often than not, one will lose all interest in sex while the other continues or even has stronger desires and needs. In the older years, we need each other for emotional, financial, and health support. When the emotional is missing or sadly diminished, this can cause great stress on individuals. This will vary greatly within individuals, of course. Many who do have this problem love their spouse, but just long to be held, caressed, and to share intimacy. They DO NOT want a divorce and often a divorce is simply not possible due to health and financial reasons! The "religicos" do not understand this... they take a hard line. They would rather such an individual remain in a permanent state of frustration, which will breed bitterness and can affect one's health. However, a discreet affair, as long as it is, indeed, discreet, can be a major benefit to the marriages of the two involved with this affair. I do wish more people would understand this. This is not for everyone. Life is never what we expect, desire, and is often painful, but you can experience occasional joys, and this makes all the rest worth it. Having an affair is not a perfect fix, but it is better than living a life of bitterness and resentment towards your spouse and others. You CAN still care for and love your spouse and have an affair. As far as discussing this with the spouse... every case is different... sometimes that will work, other times it is not appropriate. Life is not black and white as most people view it to be.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 24, 2011 at 02:25 PM

    Every situation is different... It depends on what each party really wants...If you can accept things as they are... and can keep things in perspective... then it might work...but don't count on it morphing into something different.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 21, 2006 at 01:57 PM

    Cuddlebear, I would think that being in a unhappy marriage is the same as being alone. I think that if you really want out of your marriage, then you should get out of it before you try to find another woman. I take it that you are not looking for a relationship because any woman worth making a commitment to or who wants to be in a committed relationship would not be interested in a married man, regardless of how bad he says his marriage is.

    Also, how does your wife feel about your marriage? Is she unhappy, too? Does she have any idea that you are unhappy? Does she have any idea that you are looking elsewhere? If you don't know the answers to these questions, then I suggest that you and she have a little talk. That would be the honest and mature thing to do.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 20, 2006 at 02:32 AM

    I myself am in this situation. I am unhappily married and dont want to move on until i do find somebody else. See, i hate being alone and would like to find somebody else before i leave so i dont have to be alone. Make any sense? Dont hesitate to reply just dont be mean :) Your views are very welcome on the subject.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 26, 2006 at 09:57 PM

    It's a ticking hand grenade Misty. All it will do is blow up in your face. You being a gospel singer, you should realize he is breaking his wedding vow to God. It's even worse that is wife is pregnant. You seem like a sweet girl. I'm sure you can find a good man who is NOT married.


    "My advice to you, is to start drinking heavily" -- Bluto Blutarsky.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 24, 2006 at 07:59 PM

    Dear Very Pregnant Housewife:

    I COMPLETELY understand the reasoning behind your post...and, to put your mind at rest, at least regarding the situation I referred to, it didn't involve "chucky". The guy I was talking to was in a mutually "open" marriage for about 5 years and I recently got word that he is back together with his wife and trying to make it work. So, I'm very happy for him and his wife. All I can say about your situation, hun, is if you've got your doubts and you are well aware of his what ya have to do for your sake and the kids. I wish you the best as you look to make a VERY DIFFICULT decision.

  • View author's info Posted on Aug 23, 2006 at 07:57 PM

    hi...this is chuckymanson, aka big fat beau or whatever else he goes by wife
    of 11 years.
    apparently he is into these single things even with a wife and 2, nearly 3(due in oct.)beautiful daughters.
    well ladies i am pleading for your help from woman to woman, if anyone has had an encounter or shared sexual emails with him i'd greatly appreciate knowing.
    it will help me make up my mind on how to deal with this for me and my kids sakes.
    yours truly,
    very pregnant housewife
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 20, 2006 at 08:48 PM

    Thanks Ladies! I appreciate your advice and have decided that it's just not right. I've known in my heart that it's just not right and think I just needed some words from others to convince me not to proceed with what I was feeling. I told him I couldn't keep this up but would still welcome him on a friendship basis ONLY!! Well, haven't heard from him in a few days now. Guess I saved myself from some real heartache here huh? Thanks a bunch for your input! God bless!!!
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 18, 2006 at 12:54 AM

    If he's that unhappy in his marriage he should be sorting that out before he is looking to move on. That is, either move out or work it out. Could be that he's looking to you as his insurance policy so he has someone to run to - and there's nothing to say he won't do that again.

    It's a tricky situation, and there's every chance you'll end up hurt, and end up hurting his wife/family too.

    You are the only one who knows your values, morals and standards; you are the only one who can really decide what is right, but try and step outside the situation and ask yourself all the questions you'd be asking your best friend if she was in this dilemma.

    For example.... Are there kids involved? If he's chatting to you this way, how many others is he chatting to? Is he ever going to leave his wife or is he just looking for a bit on the side? Will you ever see him holidays or will he always have family commitments? Does he have a history of cheating? And so many more!

    Think long and hard before you jump into anything .... sounds to me it could be painful!