Cookie Consent by Cookie Consent by TermsFeed

*POOF* He Disappeared... Romance

  • View author's info Posted on Mar 14, 2005 at 02:05 PM

    How many of you have chatted with someone or gone out with them only to have them disappear off of the face of the earth? Gentlemen, can any of you provide clarity? I went out with a guy I met on this site for a month, platonically. One night, he decides he's ready to take it to the next level, one babystep at a time. Then he stood me up for 2 dates after and has yet to call me (it's been a month). We didn't sleep together, hell, we never even kissed! All we did was hold hands and watch Ray and fall asleep during the movie. I met his dad, we went everywhere...I just don't get it. Any input?
    Am I doing something wrong? This last one really broke my heart and now I don't trust anyone.
    Any help will help.
  • 24Comments

  • View author's info Posted on Oct 18, 2008 at 06:26 PM

    I can say why I've ditched someone on here. I was talking to her on the phone regularly, and we were really getting along well, and I was really psyched about meeting her and even thought it could go pretty far, but then she said something that just shook me, I guess she had been calling me a lot one day, which is fine, and then she reached me and I was on my way to work or something and she said why haven't you called me? And seemed disappointed, so I apologized and everything seemed cool, later I was about to hang up we were about to say goodbye for the conversation, and she said I'll call you later, no way, you call me instead. Like she made it sound like a test, like I have to call to gain back her respect or something, so I never talked to her again. She e-mailed me a few times after, and I ignored it. No specific reason, just a feeling about the way she was.

    Then this other girl I was on a date with at a bar told me that you have to be stupid to work at a bar, I have a real good job and all, but it's my first good job ever, previously I have a list of crappy cashiering and manual labor jobs that spans the grand number of 35, so after the date was over, I ditched her completely too.

    I don't know if there's any lesson or wisdom in this post, but you asked why guys ditch, these are the two that stand out the most.

    Members Only

  • View author's info Posted on Sep 06, 2008 at 08:06 PM

    I'm sure we all have similar experiences.

    In my case, on our second date, he set up the third date for the following Thursday. I texted him on Tuesday, no answer. Wednesday I had a class after work. Thursday after work, I texted him. Again, no answer. He did not show up for the date, and he did not call. I called on the next day and got his full voice-mail (so I could not leave a message). As our communication was through our cell phones, I knew my number registered that I called. I also tried texting or calling one more time - to no avail.

    Yes, I was hurt. I wondered what I had done wrong. After working through my feelings, I moved on with the our website.

    The funny thing is, about 2 weeks ago, he contacts me through this site again, and not only says that he misses me, but he does not understand why we stopped talking. Hello, I did try contacting him with out being stalker-like (I always only try three times, again, I don't want to be stalker-like, but I'm also no into playing games).

    After I explained what happened to him, I just explained that I was no longer interested.

    He thanked me and wished me luck on my search.

    My advise for anyone, if you do experience this type of behavour, be it male or female, do not let it get you down. Who knows, maybe Mr. Right is just around the corner.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 26, 2008 at 09:43 PM

    Been there, unfortunately. I am sorry it happens to other women as well.

    I actually met a man on eharmony. Dated two months. Yeah, we slept together at that point. Seemed like we were going in the right direction. Although we hadn't met eachother kiddos yet. But it was leading there, I thought. I felt all giggly when I was around him, he said he did too.

    Then talked to him one night, said he had some friends coming into town the next night and may not be able to talk to me for about two days. But said he will miss me.

    Never heard from him again. Left 3 voice mails and and an email. What is that about? Yeah that one hurt.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 20, 2005 at 11:52 PM

    Lonesome dove, you didnt have a juvie attack, you were well within your rights to try and contact him and get a little mad ... men are bad communicaters at the best of times but it seems it got u results ... hope u guys can keep it up
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 20, 2005 at 09:14 PM

    And just an update.......He called me last night. Everything's cool now even after my little juvenile tirade. But I think everyone can understand my anger and disgust at having it happen AGAIN!
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 19, 2005 at 03:00 PM

    Get this one. I met the greatest guy on here. He lived in Minnesota, quite a ways away from as I live in Indiana. He actually bought a plane ticket, flew here and we met. He stayed with me for 5 days. He told me how beautiful I was and the whole weekend was incredible. He told me he wished he'd met me 10 years ago. He told me he was definitely coming back in May and that he had the most fabulous time. I took him to the airport and I've talked to him only once and now he won't answer the phone. I've left voice mails and e-mails. Go figure. It happened again. I officially give up. Hell, he wasn't even man enough to tell me the truth. Are you all alike? I've yet to find a man that isn't like that.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 18, 2005 at 10:08 PM

    hey Ravenna ... I LOVE your outfit !!! Its way cool ...
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 18, 2005 at 09:28 PM

    I know what y'all are going through. The same thing has happened to me. He was special, though. I don't have any ill feelings toward him. Things got a little emotional a little fast and we both got a little scared.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 18, 2005 at 04:27 PM

    Well Margo, I have had, what I've been noticing seems to be the norm, that you meet someone after taking the time to get to know them. The date seems to go well and then you part ways and never hear from them again.

    I have decided that I can't worry or wonder about the motivation or actions of others or I may go crazy in the pursuit of wanting to know WHY folks can be so inconsiderate. It doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt or nag at me as a person, but I still treat others as I wish to be treated and move forward with my head held high.

    You sound like a smart lady!! Perhaps he got cold feet, maybe not, but I say just chalk it up to experience and move on with the business of living. I'm sure there are many other deserving gentlemen who'd love nothing more than to spend time with you and the rest of us nice women out here.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 18, 2005 at 01:27 PM

    I definately know what you mean! While I have never deliberately just ignored someone, I'm sure maybe one or two have fallen thru the cracks and for that I'm sorry. I at least try to let people know "hey, I've found someone else" or "Hey, it just doesn't feel right!" I was seeing a "guy". We clicked right away. Discussions of moving in, marriage, children's names, etc were held and started by HIM! Then all of a sudden he needs more alone time and can only see me once a week. After several months of fun, sex, and intimate conversations he stops answering his phone and stops calling all together! I even sent him an e-mail saying hey, it's fine if things aren't working for you, can I just have my key back, but did not get a return e-mail. I was left in dating purgatory! I will just assume he's dead on the side of the road somewhere! Could you imagine all of our jerks together dead on the side of the road? At least we could drive by and say "Hey! So that's where he/she went! Ah!"
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 18, 2005 at 07:27 AM

    I am so disheartened that these vanishing acts are so widespread. I'm glad I'm not the only one because for a while, it happened so much I thought, "What the hell am I doing wrong?!?" Even my mom was blaming me - easy for her to do since she only had a third party perspective and didn't know all of the info, just the greatest common factor - me. Well, anyway, I highly recommend the book "He's just not that into you" for any woman to read. It helped me immensely. SteveNads, unfortunately there is no handbook for me to recommend on how to decipher womenspeak because there isn't enough paper in the world...or printing ink. However, you have us and we can help you. ;)
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 17, 2005 at 08:14 PM

    I know sort of what you are talking about. I had one lady say she was interested and we sent messages back and forth and were getting along pretty good. Even talked to each other on the phone. She said she was looking for male friends who weren't gay. We finally agreed to meet one night for drinks and a face to face. The night we met, I was very pleased to see a very pretty blonde woman who made me smile from the get go. We went in to have a drink and she says she doesn't have as much time as planned and within 15 minutes, she's finishing her drink while I still have most of my beer. I walked her to her car and haven't heard back from her. I noticed her profile is no longer on this site so she might have changed her mind or who knows what. Guess women are just as rude as men. Go figure.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 17, 2005 at 03:42 PM

    It's really hard on these dating services am also on yahoo before i found a site for bbw. I met quite a few guys and it seemed like after we met and they saw me they were not interested no matter how good i think the date went and i never hear back from them but i have always been honest about my apperence and I don't lie i am full figured. Not huge but big and beautiful and don't worry it's his loss!!!!!
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 16, 2005 at 11:52 PM


    Next time you do a search, just go into his profile and add him to your ignore list so you don't have to be bothered with that reminder!
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 16, 2005 at 02:09 PM

    Happens all the time.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 16, 2005 at 07:22 AM

    I'm sure once a certain person, on this site, who seems to respond on every subject talked about,will have some kind of DEEP, PROFOUND, explanation, for this but, the truth is, it's unfortunate that these things happen, and, it's happened a lot, includng to me, and, not just once. It doesn't matter what your profile says, and, how detailed it is, as to what you want, and, are looking for. It doesn't matter how you look, and, what THEY say THEY are looking for. We take our chances, when we put ourselves out there, and, hope for the best. For some reason, I foolishly thought that this site, because it's specific to BBW/BHM, etc., that it would be different, but, it's not. The same thing happens on this site, as on every other site that I have been on. It takes all kinds, and, all kinds, are on all sites. It's just unfortunate the insincere ones can't be weeded out, and, only the serious, considerate, sincere, SINGLE (not married looking for something on the side), men apply. I am sure some guys are experiencing similar situations, as well, but, only speaking from a woman's point of view.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 16, 2005 at 06:28 AM

    Y'all are the coolest bunch of people EVER! THANK YOU!!! Thank you for your input, forsight, suggestions, everything! I have read "He's Just Not That Into You" and I did learn so much from much so that every other guy that has vanished on me never affected me in the least. The only one that hurt was this last one. I totally left the ball in his court and changing the dynamic of the friendship was his idea which was what puzzled me. Well, I'm just gonna take it for what it is...not meant to be. The really crappy thing is when I do a search, his is the first profile that pops up. How's that for irony??? Cheers and thanks again you guys!
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 15, 2005 at 11:06 PM

    I am finding I am not even getting a chance to see anyone face to face. I just chatted with a man by email this past weekend. I thought it had gone well. We live not far from each other and he is even moving to my area in a couple of months. Sounded so promising. Now nothing for the last few days. I have sent him an email just to see if he responds, but I am not expecting much. It seems if they start out really excited, it all fizzles just as fast.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 15, 2005 at 10:11 PM

    I don't mean to speak for most people, but from reading these posts, you are not alone. It's happened to me before. I don't know your circumstances, but I have experienced where I have ran into them later, and they really couldn't give a reason exactly.

    From used to having good male friends, they tell me stories, and that is where I get my insight. Sometimes it was because the girl was too nice and didn't want to hurt their feelings, not a challenge, or too much of a challenge (as in they were intimidated but would never say the word). Even though he did hurt you by blowing you off, he doesn't have to see the pain he caused.

    Every man is different, but take it as a positive. You don't want to find out farther down the road that he wasn't right for you. I don't have the answers, but keep positive. I guess the best advice I can give is don't make future relationships pay for past relationship mistakes. Good luck and I hope this helped.