Can you be married and yet lonely? Message board

  • View author's info Posted on Oct 19, 2007 at 12:02 PM

    How many of you out there have a spouse and feel some of the deepest lonliness that you have ever felt? Am I the only one?
  • 23Comments

  • View author's info Posted on May 15, 2012 at 11:50 AM

    your1BBW, i am significantly older than you and went through much of what you were talking about for years.  I spent close to 30 years trying to change the situation at home.  My wife was simply not interested....wouldn't even talk about it.... said I was stupid to want sex WHEN I WAS ABOUT 50 !! I finally gave up and went outside my marriage.  I was very apprehensive about that at my wife's rejection of me made me feel that I was a lousy lover....and I suspected I would have lots of guilt.  What happened amazed me!  I felt no guilt as I KNEW I had done all possible to have us be a couple again, married, and lovers... and also I found that I must be a pretty good lover... from the reactions of a few ladies that I met...maybe even outstanding !... I finally met a divorcee who just wanted to "play" every once in a while.... We were not planning on falling in love but we did...but not a binding love... just love for each other.  The affair lasted four years.  It was marvelous.  My wife never knew... and I got along with my wife much, much better.  An affair can work, if you are really discreet and pick a good lover.  I recommend it.   Incidentally.. YOU ARE GORGEOUS !!!!!
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 26, 2011 at 07:16 AM

    I am so glad to have found this forum. So many in this world would judge us very harshly for our desires. I feel comforted to know that there are many of you out there that feel as I do. Yes, I am trapped in a marriage, must stay for many complex reasons, but I so miss being able to be intimate with a woman. I miss the cuddling, the caressing, talking... being able to confide in each other... and yes... being beautifully intimate with each other. Is there such a lady in N. GA who needs this also? I would love to meet her.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 24, 2011 at 03:23 AM

    I have been in two long term relationships. One Marriage the other a long term defacto. Had children in both relationships. I am a nice guy who didnt lie cheat or be demanding. I was fatihful, kind, supportive and compassionate. I showed patience and tolerance for my partner. For that I was punished with isolation lonliness and having my needs ignored. I felt like a dog chained to the clothes line unable to be with my partner and unable to escape. What chained me was because I am a good person. I have only known rejection, lonlines and isolation. Strangely I am not searching for a new gaoler (jailer), sorry life partner who doesnt want to be with me but doesnt know how to live on their own. I am more interested in a lonley lady who is or isnt in a relationship who might actually want my company and actually want to be with me and capable of saying so rather than to play, come here - go away for years and years. Judge me harshly if you want. I have played by relationship rules for years and watched as my life dripped away. Marriage? Long Term Relationship? I have not met a woman yet that is willing to work to make it happen. They want all the benefits but not do want the work.
    In Australia speaking like this used to be called, 'stirring the possum'. Consider your possum stirred and truthfully call me wrong if you dare. Only you and God will know if you are lieing to me or yourself when you post.
  • View author's info Posted on Aug 08, 2011 at 06:25 PM

    Is it possible that somewhere in N. GA... maybe not too far from Dahlonega, there is a lovely mature BBW who would just like a discreet, yet very comfortable affair with a lonely married man? I don't wish to harm any marriages...but living like just roommates is leaving out a huge portion of life. Affairs can happen.. and they can be beneficial. I wish some lady would read my profile..then reply to me in whatever way they can...
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 28, 2011 at 12:35 PM

    I think there are a lot of us. I am so lonley and feel so dowdy. I never had much affection off my husband, 27 years married this March. We are now seperating and although im sad feel pretty good about getting a life. These forums are so great, makes us understand that its not us......its them xx
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 31, 2010 at 06:30 PM

    No you are not the only one, I had often wonder if I was the only married woman who felt that way. The reason why I was at home alone and feeling lonely was because, my husband was keeping company with another woman.
  • View author's info Posted on Jul 21, 2010 at 09:10 PM

    he does that because he knows when he does leav e, no-one, and i mean no=one will want HIM !
    get him really drunk, i mean pass-out drunk, and when he hits the matress, put a sheet over him and then sew the sheet to the matress. then take a cast iron skillet and beat the ever lovin s**t rite outta him.
    and when i go to bed tonight, i will pray for you, cause no-one deserves to be treated like that, not even my ex-wife, i was half that problem, its not all her !! good luck to you and you family. (minus the jerk)
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 11, 2010 at 09:54 AM

    I am in the same boat with so many of you here. My wife just lost all interest in our intimacy well over a dozen years ago. Before that she had cut back out intimacy to about three times a year! I was terribly frustrated for years. Yes, I masturbated, but it almost made the frustration worse. I tried for some twenty years or more to make us a couple again, lovers, friends, but she just wants to live in her own special little world and would not consider that anything was wrong with her or our marriage. She said I was silly to still want sex at my age... SIXTY! I considered my options and finally went outside my marriage. I was amazed! I found no sense of guilt, although I was very discreet. I found that apparently I am a very, very good lover, despite what my wife thinks. I found I got along much better with my wife. I was much happier. It is a shame that going outside one's marriage has such a bad reputation. I can understand not going outside marriage when you are still raising kids, but once they are gone... I see nothing wrong in it and lots of good in it. It is a shame that so many, particularly women, are soooo against this. Affairs do have a place, a good place, in our lives.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 24, 2010 at 01:44 PM

    I found this forum and just wanted to say hi. I am a bi-female currently in a same relationship. In answer to the lonley question...yes, I most certainly am. I was married to a man for 8 years , then divorced and met the person i am with and have been with her for almost 9. I have never been so lonely in my's nice to know there is a forum where i can see there are others lonely as well...
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 23, 2010 at 01:39 PM

    I know this feeling all too well. I am in a mentally abusive marriage, he has found another place but has not left yet. He's still trying to get his money up to leave he says. But even though he knows he's leaving, he still won't keep his mouth shut. I have two kids from a previous marriage and my father also lives here with us and I am his caregiver. He doesn't care what he says to me in front of anyone. It is a very lonely life. He knows what my financial situation will be once he leaves, and constantly tells me how I will fall flat on my face once he's gone and that he will enjoy seeing that. Not to mention every name in the book that you can think of including the fact that he thinks it will hurt me worse to first say the word FAT and then he has to spell it for me. I would much rather not have him here and be lonely for a good reason. I feel for everyone out there who is supposedly with someone and it is the loneliest time of their lives. Here's to all of us, male and female, finding that someone who is meant for us in one way or another.

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  • View author's info Posted on Mar 20, 2010 at 02:32 PM

    I have a few decades on you- but sage advice?   We make our own happiness- always- and the only things we can change are ourselves- no one else...marriage for the sake of the children?  Never- To remain in a dysfunctional relationship is destructive- both for you and the children- yes it is scarey- happiness is taking steps on a path less travelled- education- taking care of yourself- and finding out what is important to make you feel alive, feel your self worth- it isn't behind a title or a a man- it is taking strides- becoming independent if need be- be proud of who you are...Take care- believe in yor self- Sunshiney

  • View author's info Posted on Jan 20, 2010 at 06:13 PM

    I'm in the same boat. Read my profile. I need to fell that again. Let me know if I can be of help.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 16, 2008 at 12:36 PM

    ya they can iam one so if there is any married women from mich let me know here
    an ill get back to you
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 23, 2008 at 11:33 AM

    MidnightDesire, I'm sorry that your husband can no longer have sex. I'm confused, does this also mean that he cannot be intimate at all? Isn't he willing to help his wife with her needs in other ways (for example, does he have command of his fingers & mouth)? Can't he be there with you helping you masturbate?
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 22, 2008 at 02:34 PM

    Yes I know this well.
    I have a husband who cant have sex anymore due to his medical condition. I miss our times together when we were able to make love. We have not been intimate for about five years now, and I miss it. We do hug and cuddle and sleep together while we watch tv, but I miss the sex. People need sex like they need food, this is the way that I am. I have talked to his doctor when he was not with me, and his doc pretty much told me to masturbate or buy toys which I have done, but trust me they are not the same.
    So yes I am lonely but we do have a great life togther.
    I do have a bi male that I met on a website that we get together and play. Yes my husband knows about it and so does my doctor. I will always love my husband, that is a given. But when I need to have sex, I have it with my playmate.
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 15, 2008 at 09:54 AM

    All of you guys/gals are beautiful! Thank you.
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 05, 2008 at 10:06 PM

    No honey, you definitely are NOT ALONE. Geeze, probably 99 % of us have. You just have to be good to YOU, I am divorced seven years,all I know is for us to remember each other in prayers. And know that sometimes its a big cold world. I love that song... this little light of mine: Pray for me and my children and I will pray for you and everyone on here. Take care@@@ PS I am a big Elvis fan, here is Graceland in the winter.

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  • View author's info Posted on Nov 30, 2007 at 09:46 PM

    I am married and will stay that way. My wife is disabled (back and severe migraines). Yes there are times I am lonely especially when she is bedridden for weeks. But I made a commitment and will honor that. Of course I would love to meet somebody but they would have to realize my situation and be able to comprehend the pain I sometimes feel.
  • View author's info Posted on Nov 05, 2007 at 10:26 AM

    I was married for 20 years and they were some of the loneliest times of my life. I am single once again and yes, I am lonely now. But, I have found out that it's much easier to take the loneliness when you know you are alone than when you should have someone to lean on and they aren't there for you.