I'm hoping I am not the simple one here,I havent had much trouble finding great people on here but.. it seems like dating and sex is all great to the guys,So they think we have a prefect thing going on.. They just dont seem to involve themselves with my children, do I need to tell them I expect more of them, Is it selfish of me to want him to pick up where some ones has left us... Or to not walk him through it all , as maybe he isn't a cruel heartless man, and just doesn't really know how.. please some help!!!
I can't speak from personal experience as I don't have kids, but there are a few things I've observed from other people.... obviously your kids will be your first priority but if you can strike a balance it can be great
1) Don't try and get the guy getting friendly with your kids too soon. Even once you are sure he is "safe" around them, it might be best to try and hold back until you know where things are going with your relationship. If things don't work out it can be very difficult for children to understand why this man is no longer around (this can vary depending on the age of the children)
2) Try not to force the issue; men and kids (and women come to that) like to work things out for themselves. For example, I babysit a friends kids .... to start with both were unsure of me and after saying hello tended to vanish to their rooms. Quite soon the girl started to tentatively chat to me, then vanish. Now she stays downstairs with me and we chat and watch tv and giggle. The lad is still shy of me but is coming out of his shell but I think if I followed him round and tried to force him to chat he'd just hide away.
3) Try to have some daytime "dates" including the children, especially to an adventure park or somewhere that guys seem to regress to being kids themselves ..... that should break down some barriers
4) Remember that children are not on every guys agenda - not that they don't like them but they may not have had much to do with them. Just give them time
5) Make sure you get time alone with your guy
I'm sure those with children will give you lots more ideas too ... good uck in finding that elusive "good guy"!