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Posted on Apr 22, 2015 at 02:59 PM

Would be interested in hearing from the ladies about what I can say or do to engage you in casual / informal conversation about your own encounters of "teachable moments" in the dating world. I recently invited a woman out and we had dinner at a buffet style eatery, and then went dancing. I noticed my date did not seem to be in the moment, but rather sullen and aloof. I asked if she was okay and she told me she thought it was very insensitive of me to invite her to eat at a buffet restaurant. I was totally surprised... I did not see that coming. I apologized to her saying I meant nor intended any harm. My teachable moment occurred shortly afterward, I thought next time I'll let her pick the restaurant, however, I fear I may have turned her off completely as she no longer return my calls. I know I must do a better job of channeling my inner "Al Greene" because I am tired of being alone.


Rushingspy
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Posted on Apr 11, 2016 at 09:25 PM

I would guess that your date thought you took her to a buffet because she was fat, rather than because you liked the place, the location, the whatever.  I think it WAS an over-reaction on her part, based on your description of the situation.  But, as Qadesh said, we have all been brainwashed to view ourselves through the "I'm too fat" lens.  What you say and what we think that means may be very far apart.  However, I wasn't there for all of the conversation so this is only a guess on my part.  Next time I suggest you  say something like, "I like X  restaurant but am open to other options; where might you like to go?"  This will work for a first, second, or whatever date.  Good luck!  And yeah -- lose the sunglasses, at least for profile pictures and indoor dates.  She wants to look you in the eye, not see herself reflected back at her.  



Zelia 14, Still Hoping
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Posted on May 03, 2015 at 09:16 PM

I don't know why your dates was so sensitive.  Next time ask your date for preferences are there allergies or intolerances . I personally can not stand buffets because the food is usually subpar. I love happy hour for a first date. I want to talk more than drink or eat anyway. Good luck keep dating.


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Posted on May 02, 2015 at 11:10 AM

There are some "unknowns" in the equation in my opinion.  Such as was this the first date? Did she elaborate on why she thought it was insensitive to invite her to a buffet?  Perhaps she can't get out of her head of how she thinks about herself, "brainwashed" (as we all are to certain degrees). It appears that she equates an all you can eat type of thing to being an insult to a woman of size. Perhaps it is, it's all dependent on that individual. 

 

Times are tough for the majority of people most note worthy- financially. So was it a budget plan for you?  Did you "make up" for the perceived insult, and have something else planned?  Was there an afterplan?  Did the date end after the meal? Did you wear your sunglasses during the meal?

 

However your redeeming quality is that you are aware that there are teachable moments....yet we all hopefully do.....

Qadesh


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