You know, I too at one time didn't want to be "out" in the real world due my weight, but as I grew older, I began to really like myself, and become comfortable in my own skin. I pulled away from that wall, and moved into the center of the room so to speak. I became more outgoing and friendlier to people, and started doing things that I had an interest in, (no matter if I did them by myself or not). Last week, I joined a dance class and learned the NY Hustle, and had the time of my life..and met some interesting people, men as well as women, doing the same thing, putting themselves out there, doing the things that they like and that make them happy. Experiencing new things, and making new friends. What I am trying to say is, don't be afraid get out there and do things that you want to do. There will be some small minded and ignorant people out there that will say hurtful things, but there are others out there that will think that you are cool as hell, and most time, the good outweights the bad. Enjoy every day to the fullest, because once the day is done, you can't get it back.
Its so easy to fall into the trap of staying in (well to hide) but you are only really hiding from yourself You are a beautiful young lady with a beautiful daughter don't let other people make you miss out on life you never know what or who is around the cornor and you should live every moment to the full. Saying that I've been there and it is difficult to get out of that feeling I hope all these wonderful peoples comments give you the encouragement you need, sorry I didn't mean to go on.
Excellent advice MaineMoose! Everyone deserves to be happy, we just have to fight for it.
I lived my life, well into my late 20's thinking that I was not worth the breath of a new day.... my family, moreso than the outside world made me feel that way. I stood up one day and told them to p*ss off! I was worth everything they thought I wasn't worth.
I use to be a wallflower.... heck, now I am the center of attention because I am comfortable with who I am. Intelligent, bright, funny and worth more than all the world's gold!
Risk is part of love. Don't let the "what if" stop you from pursuing happiness. You admit it's unlikely, but if "bad dad" shows up, your new beau would be able to take care of him; even if not sounds like this guy doesnt have any friends as "back up." Change Your Locks, notify the police, and remember even in the UK self defense is a viable option. Don't let the 'weight' issue or the ex be a circle of shame/misery and self-fulfilling prophecy. You have a right the be happy, fight for it!
shebearhugs, Thanks for the boost in confidence wish there were more people like you and less people out there who put me down. You're right about "daddy" he's only come round on a hand full of occassions but I have no way of contacting him to tell him to stop. A part of me is very worried if I meet someone knew. I don't know what "daddy" might do should he pop up when I have soemone else here. He has been known to get violent towards his colleagues and wife, I don't know what he would do if I had another fella who he happened to meet, and it's not fair to put someone else at risk. Any advice?
The next time "daddy" pops up tell him to talk to the hand as you are too busy being a responsible parent to have any time for him. If he compliments you again, say Thanks! If he says again he doesn't know why he left you, say "You should have thought of that when you were getting busy with your current wife." Say whatever it takes to get the message to him that you could care less what he thinks now since he chose not to continue his relationship with you and that he needn't bother to come around anymore. (I'm assuming he has made very little if any attempt to be involved in your daughter's life. I would never trust him EVER again.) As to how you feel about yourself, Honey.... you are a very pretty woman. So what if you gained some weight? You were grieving a loss and feeling abused and used. Big deal. Even thin people turn to food. It's better than shooting up with drugs to escape. (And, yes, some women do gain quite a bit of weight from pregnancy, some lose it all, some lose some of it, some never lose it. Why sweat it? You have a beautiful little daugher to love and cherish and she won't care what size you are.) Learn to recognize what a wonderful person you are, celebrate the beautiful daughter you have, be the most loving and supportive mother you can, and don't worry about your packaging so much. If you are unhappy with how you look and you want to do something about it, you'll figure it out, just remember not to be too hard on yourself. There are plenty of people in the world who would adore you just as you are because they are able to see through your skin into your soul.
I've been fighting with my weight since I was 15. I'm 48 now. At 16 I wore a size 16, had custom-made bikini (because my cup size was so big), and no one expressed any interest in me. Perhaps, I was too much woman for them. Perhaps, that is the case for you. My weight has continued to go up over the years with failed diet after failed diet. And, I've become more and more reclusive. Finally at 34, when I had decided that I was too big and unattractive and basically gave up on looking for love, a wonderful man came into my life and we were married until he passed away suddenly 6 years ago. I am recovering from the grief and am so grateful to have found these websites that match people whose hearts and minds are super-sized enough to see the beauty of the soul within. DON'T SELL YOURSELF SHORT and DON'T GUILT YOURSELF OVER YOUR WEIGHT. If you lose, great. If you gain, great. If you stay the same, great. You must love yourself first, and you know in your heart-of-hearts that the real you is what's inside. Don't let that spirit die by keeping it in the dark. Get out there and celebrate who you are. You have a right to be here no matter size and you have a right to the freedoms and happiness that the rest of the world often takes for granted. It has taken me a long time to realize that people that pass judgement on other people based on their outward appearance, have nothing of value inside them, are basically miserable with themselves, and are not worth wasting my my time and energy on. Get out there and fight for your right to BE YOU!
the way I see it is this, I can spend the rest of life beating myself up, being self-conscious, insecure about my looks and generally creating a pit of misery to live in daily. Or I can learn to be happy, enjoy my life and be grateful for what I do have.
that is not to say that I spring out of bed every morning singing at the top of my lungs "life is beautiful". But I do get out of bed every morning being grateful that I have one more day enjoying life and continue with my work in progress that is me.
I refuse to make myself miserable becuase of what my outside form looks like. I'm not George Clooney or Bradd Pitt by any stretch of the imagination. I am a middle age, fat balding guy, thats one facet of me and but that isn't the whole picture, that not even 10 percent of it.
I read both Littleminx and Jackit's
profiles. You both sound like nice, generous, caring people. Why do want to make yourself miserible becuase of what a bunch of shallow, juvenile cretins think a person should look like? AS for littleminx and the issue your dealing with the Ex. You have a beautiful daughter out of the deal and the s.p.e.r.m donor got a wife that he apparently doesn't even love.. you made out on that deal...
Oh dang it, here I went rambling on again blah, blah, blah yada, yada. boring everybody to death again, sorry about that.
I'm so ashamed of the way I am now. I've had a baby that's what my friends tell me and it's the best excuse but there's no excuse really.
I've basicly had a bad relationship and turned to food. I was pregnant when he left me as he was also with another woman whom he then married when I was 4 months pregnant. I felt really used.
I now have a gorgeous daughter who will soon be 1, who's father pops up now and again. He says to me, to screw up my head, that he loves me and I'm much sexier than his wife he doesn't know why he left me. I hate it I wish he would leave me alone!
I'm starting to head on the right tracks again now and am doing something about my weight as I'm not happy with it. There are times when I think what's the point but there is every point if I'm upset when I look in the mirror!
Jackit, My weight has gone from one extreme to the other. I've never been comfortable with my body but its something I've finally learned to accept and be thankful for. There is a wonderful book called "Understanding" that I read when I'm feeling insecure. The book is awesome. I really recommend it, it helps you to accept yourself, find strengths you have, and accept different factors in your life that are contributing to negative feelings. If you want more info on the book, let me know.
You must love yourself no matter what size you are. I think that when your size starts affecting your mood and what you do then you need to start making changes
within yourself and to your body. Talk to someone about how you are feeling. Life is to short to spend it hiding inside of your home.
I used to feel this way. And i still remember how it feels. But i got sick 4yrs ago and have lost over 150lbs!!!!!! Woohoo, lol. But now i do have more confidence and if i hear people laugh or make comments i seem to be strong enough to honestly kinda not hear it if that amkes sense. I no longer walk in the door when i get home and hide for hours. And yes even though i have lost alot of weight im still border line for bbw and ssbbw.
I never diet, it seems its time for the weight to naturally come off. But i love being a big woman and i hope it stops soon, lol.
By no means an i suggesting you diet to feel comfortable to go out and be in society, just saying how it was for me.
Hopefully u have a good network of friends who will help u through this and support you xx