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SOOO CONFUSED - NEED ADVICE -HELP!!
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Posted on Sat, Sep 18, 2010 22:14

Hello All, 

I am relatively new to this site and recently something happened and I don't know what to think about it or how to process it.  Here it is:  About a week ago I emailed a gentleman whose profile I found interesting and asked if he thought my profile was interesting.  He emailed me back and sent me his email and phone number (SO YOU WOULD THINK THAT HE ALSO SAW MY PROFILE [WITH MY PIC] AND THOUGHT THAT I WAS ACCEPTABLE). 

The first phone conversation that we had lasted nearly THREE hours!!!  We talked about everything from religion to politics to history.  It was like everything that I have told GOD that I wanted in a man, he fit it.  We have similar backgrounds, have similar morals, values, and principles.  I had never felt such a connection to anyone before (of course I didn't tell him that). 

Well, we talked a bit the next day and the day after that we sent text messages back and forth.  He sent me a recent pic of himself and I explained to him that I didn't take pictures because I was ugly and fat.  Now again, the one pic that I have recently taken is on my profile page.  I don't think I am extremely ugly, I guess just a bit or average.  I use self-deprecating humor as a defense mechanism, I guess. 

Well the next day he texted me and wrote that he didn't think we were a good match and it was nice talking to me.  I responded by saying that I was confused but I told him good luck and take care.  NOW I am really bugging out about what went wrong.  I wasn't being pushy or taking things too fast or anything.  I just don't know exactly what I did to turn him off. 

The ONLY thing that I can possibly come up with is after I said that I didn't take pictures is because I was fat and ugly, he went to my profile AND ACTUALLY REALLY LOOKED AT MY PIC, AGREED THAT I WAS FAT AND UGLY, AND DECIDED THAT I WAS NOT WHAT HE WAS LOOKING FOR.  This is the best that I can come up with but I am still confused because my pic was always on my profile and I assumed that he saw it prior to giving me his number and as far as being fat that site is called large friends for a reason, right!!! 

I will not ask him directly, but I was hoping that someone could offer me their opinion of my situation.  Whatever I did, I don't want to do it the next time I meet a guy (IF THERE IS A NEXT TIME).  Thanks for your opinions and advice.



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Posted on Thu, Nov 24, 2011 21:02

Hi, as a friend I would like to say that when you told the guy that you were fat and ugly he was turned off about it because most men find women with high self-esteem attractive. He may have also been just playing with your emotions for a kick. When you talk to him again act like your dateing someone to see his reponse and that will tell you all you need to know. If he acts agervated then it bothers him but if he doesn't pay any mind to it then he was just playing with your emotions. The best advice I could give is just pray about it and leave it in God's hands.



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Posted on Sun, Jul 31, 2011 12:11

Hi micki! your name is one of my favorite songs from the 80's "oh micki your so fine, your so fine you blow my mind, hey micki"
Just a little humor to get you laughing.
First - don't make yourself crazy about it. Read the book "he's just not that into you."
I have given up trying to re-invent me - what is it that "I" did...blah blah blah.
That does not matter. Be you! Be the you you would be on any given day. Be the you you would be if you had a cold, or if you read somethin funny and wanted to share it, or if you were annoyed in traffic - point I am trying to make is - it stopped working somewhere after the 4th hour of conversation. that happens.
I too would wring my hands and try to mold my face, body and personality to impress someone with whom I was interested. I am a people pleaser. At my age now, I am too tired. I am not doing that anymore. It is going to really mean a shift in your thinking. Who CARES if THEY don't like YOU. Move on to the one that is waiting to really appreciate you. when you two meet, you will forget about 'sexting' guy. OH, and btw, I find with technology, some of these guys are trying to get you in a comfortable state of mind to play their game and want 'pictures' sent to them via text message/email. You just never know where he was coming from - and don't spend your time wondering.
Much luck Micki!

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Posted on Tue, Feb 22, 2011 07:34

Hey Micki! I do think what may have turned him off was a preceived lack of confidence. You may have just been joking and used it as a defense mechanism. Instead of using it as a defense mechanism. Really go look in the mirror and look hard at yourself. Without makeup and clothing. Really look at yourself. Whatever you like about yourself make that what you focus and and build everything else around it. I have no idea what mirror you are looking into but I see a very pretty lady. You just have to see it. Just work on loving you and when you love you, you will attract other people to you. Be blessed hun!



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Posted on Fri, Jan 21, 2011 14:11

Hi Micki

The way I see it is that you didn't do anything wrong.
First of all in my opinion you are not ugly. And you saying
so only means you have a sense of humour in a nice way.
I am not sure what his issue was and I wonder if he even saw
your original photo or even saw your profile at all. And personally I would not just give out my phone number without
some further communication first with some further messaging .

Hope this helps

Wayne from Canada



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Posted on Thu, Nov 11, 2010 15:15

Hi,

I would not read too much into it. He probably had a relationship in the past where the woman was not confident and it may have been an issue for him. Although I think we all do it, sometimes guys get wigged out when we speak poorly of ourselves. Please don't read too much into it.



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