This is a very complicated subject. You have the "religicos" who have a closed mind on the subject who are incapable of seeing the bigger picture, and you have others who are decent people but have the brains to question. I believe that marriage is a good institution, but fought with problems. Yes, a couple should stick together and raise properly the children that they bring into the world, but after that, so many couples just drift apart. While raising the children, they are often so busy that they do not see how ill suited they are for each other. Once the kids are out of the house, and they have a little more disposable income, things look different. They start thinking, "now what?" They look at each other, themselves and search for what they really want in life. Often times, probably more often than not, one will lose all interest in sex while the other continues or even has stronger desires and needs. In the older years, we need each other for emotional, financial, and health support. When the emotional is missing or sadly diminished, this can cause great stress on individuals. This will vary greatly within individuals, of course. Many who do have this problem love their spouse, but just long to be held, caressed, and to share intimacy. They DO NOT want a divorce and often a divorce is simply not possible due to health and financial reasons! The "religicos" do not understand this... they take a hard line. They would rather such an individual remain in a permanent state of frustration, which will breed bitterness and can affect one's health. However, a discreet affair, as long as it is, indeed, discreet, can be a major benefit to the marriages of the two involved with this affair. I do wish more people would understand this. This is not for everyone. Life is never what we expect, desire, and is often painful, but you can experience occasional joys, and this makes all the rest worth it. Having an affair is not a perfect fix, but it is better than living a life of bitterness and resentment towards your spouse and others. You CAN still care for and love your spouse and have an affair. As far as discussing this with the spouse... every case is different... sometimes that will work, other times it is not appropriate. Life is not black and white as most people view it to be.
Every situation is different... It depends on what each party really wants...If you can accept things as they are... and can keep things in perspective... then it might work...but don't count on it morphing into something different.
Cuddlebear, I would think that being in a unhappy marriage is the same as being alone. I think that if you really want out of your marriage, then you should get out of it before you try to find another woman. I take it that you are not looking for a relationship because any woman worth making a commitment to or who wants to be in a committed relationship would not be interested in a married man, regardless of how bad he says his marriage is.
Also, how does your wife feel about your marriage? Is she unhappy, too? Does she have any idea that you are unhappy? Does she have any idea that you are looking elsewhere? If you don't know the answers to these questions, then I suggest that you and she have a little talk. That would be the honest and mature thing to do.
I myself am in this situation. I am unhappily married and dont want to move on until i do find somebody else. See, i hate being alone and would like to find somebody else before i leave so i dont have to be alone. Make any sense? Dont hesitate to reply just dont be mean :) Your views are very welcome on the subject.
hi...this is chuckymanson, aka big fat beau or whatever else he goes by wife
of 11 years.
apparently he is into these single things even with a wife and 2, nearly 3(due in oct.)beautiful daughters.
well ladies i am pleading for your help from woman to woman, if anyone has had an encounter or shared sexual emails with him i'd greatly appreciate knowing.
it will help me make up my mind on how to deal with this for me and my kids sakes.
very pregnant housewife