Mr. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," he said, "we have a problem. My wife keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing, not to mention disrespectful. What should I do?"
"I've noticed this and have an idea if you're up to the task" said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mrs.Jones is sleeping and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give her a good poke in the leg." In church the following Sunday, Mrs. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding at Mr. Jones. "Jesus!" Mrs. Jones cried out as her husband jabbed her in the leg with the sharp object "Yes! You are correct Mrs. Jones." came the minister's quick reply. Soon Mrs. Jones nodded off again. And again the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" He asked the congregation, motioning toward Mr.Jones. "My God!" howled Mrs. Jones as she was stuck again with the pin. "Right again!" bellowed the minister, a slight grin on his face.
Before long, Mrs. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few hand gestures that Mr. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet his wife with the hatpin again. The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam before she bore him his 99th son?"
As Mr. Jones enthusiastically poked his wife's thigh with the hatpin piercing her skin she screamed,
"You stick that freaking thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your a**!"
AMEN!" replied all the women in the congregation as they rose to clap..
A man sleeps peacefully in the church,suddenly a great ball of fire arises and smoke and thunder add to the horrific view:Satan has come to get him, since he slept all throughout the service, and he was the only one that didn't leave when it ended,
Awake -mortal!!!Satan commands the poor fellow.
Awake -to a fate worst than you ever dreamed" Awake""Awake""hey, come on - get up!!!
so the man gets up and says:what do you want,stupid?
Satan says disappointed...-you are not afraid....
Afraid? says the man Afraid of you?
Go to hell!I've been married to your sister twenty years!