The fine line between strong interest and cyberstalking? Just Chat Forward to friends

  • View author's info Author Posted on May 16, 2006 at 05:14 AM

    I have to admit I'm human and feel flattered when someone I like shows strong attention. I know I'm not the only one.

    However there is obviously the line that someone showing interest can cross over to the scary side. It could be subtle like regular "I miss you" e-mails or wanting to spend every waking moment on line with you, or something more obvious like 27 e-mails in the first 15 minutes after you've been home from work wanting to know why they haven't heard from you yet. Or maybe they're sending you "together forever" cards after a single chat....

    What do you consider crossing the line in this matter??
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  • View author's info Posted on Jun 06, 2006 at 11:01 AM

    I want to know what happened to getting to know someone slowly. It seems its always hi, how are you, then straight to, age, sex, location. what size are you. what bra size.. ect... need more pictures. and so on. I don't know i would like just once to have a nice normal conversation befor getting so personal. For me, its by-bye when the chat becomes more sexual. then its not me you want to get to know just if i would appeal to you.
  • View author's info Posted on May 27, 2006 at 02:50 PM

    hummm... reasonable behavior - an email or ecard asking whats up after a week or so even if they know your buisy (just means they miss you and want to remind you that their there waiting)I have actually done that. Saying they like, are intrueged, infatuated, or want to meat you cause they think you might be the one after haveing emailed back and fourth for quite a while. Getting really flirty. Dozen emails back and fourth if you are both online and dont have IM but are having a ongoing conversation through email. Has happened everyonce and a while.

    Unreasonable- Doing everything to the extream... Love you after one glance or email or check out profile. Sending a dozen messages when your not really in a converstation with them and sending more of them even when you dont respond. Any of the stuff you mentioned would be red flags.
  • View author's info Posted on May 19, 2006 at 04:27 PM

    Wow!! Those are some scary stories. Never really had a stalker. Well, yes I did once. In e-mail. Met him in a chat room. All he really did was keep e-mailing me after I told him to stop. I blocked him and he continued. Kept on till I finally had to delete my screen name and make a new one. It was kinda freaky.
  • View author's info Posted on May 19, 2006 at 04:50 AM

    JerseySapphire write:
    All sorts of RED flags go up when someone tells me they Love me after the first 10 minutes of chatting. What the heck is up with that

    The "love you" winks freak me out too!
    Yes, I believe in love at first site--but in real life-- not from a profile picture!!
  • View author's info Posted on May 18, 2006 at 12:23 PM

    I had this same problem...but not with dating...with my birth father! (I was adopted.) Met him a few years ago, and it was a scary experience. I flew to Germany to meet him...he wouldn't let me call home without listening in, wouldn't let me sign on without me giving him my password, and when I got home, would phone and email constantly! If I hadn't emailed him back within 30 minutes, he'd phone, demanding to know why I was ignoring him. HELLO!!! So, needless to say, I had to drop him out of my life (especially after he threatened any children I ever had!) Best to get rid of them!
  • View author's info Posted on May 17, 2006 at 11:12 AM

    All sorts of RED flags go up when someone tells me they Love me after the first 10 minutes of chatting. What the heck is up with that
  • View author's info Posted on May 16, 2006 at 05:23 PM

    I've always used my gut feeling as a guide, but after a couple recent casual chats gone haywire, it's got me thinking what the heck is up??!! Yes it's great that these fella's aren't afraid of commitment, but guys don't start naming future children after one chat or ask a girl to call your momma to discuss china patterns. Take baby steps!! LOL!
  • View author's info Posted on May 16, 2006 at 03:28 PM

    The line has got to be............When You feel uncomfortable with the amount of attention/emails/messages.
    We almost all find it flattering when others find us attractive and want to spend time getting to know us....The problem comes when it becomes unwelcoming, or un nerving, or just plain scary!!
    We all have different " tolerance" levels, I guess.
    I would find some of the stuff you mentioned in your post plain scary, and would be running for the hills!
  • View author's info Posted on May 16, 2006 at 09:53 AM

    that type of stuff you mentioned in the last part of your post jc bordering Psychotic !! lol either that or really really REALLY bad self esteem issues ....
  • View author's info Posted on May 16, 2006 at 09:28 AM

    anything you've just listed is well over any subtle line and clearly in a scary red zone of crazy. Even if its three hours after work and theyre wondering why they havent heard from you is a bit strange. Or asking exactly how many guys were in your company or throwing tantrums/getting grumpy if you go out without letting them know you wont be online (god forbid you have a real life on the side). I think thats OTT even if you know them in person because hell, its still your personal space and time.
  • View author's info Posted on May 16, 2006 at 05:57 AM

    It is a very fine line. I once had a first date with a gentleman who the next day:
    -Left a mushy card taped to my door
    -knew I wasn't going to be at home, but left me 3 voicemails anyway
    -showed up where I was for a quick visit
    -it had been a very early day for me, so I had a nap when I got 2 more voicemails in that one hour period
    -had a bath when I got up, left me 2 more voicemails

    I don't however consider him a stalker, because when I answered on his next call, and told him I was very uncomfortable with his behavior, and that I didn't feel a connection nearly as strong as what he apparently did, he backed off immediately, apologized and left me alone. I think he was more lonely than anything really, and I felt bad for him.

    So after that long story, what it boils down to is tha my answer is that the line is crossed when the behavior continues after being confronted and told to stop.
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