Breaking up may be hard to do, but what about the gifts? DATING Forward to friends

  • View author's info Author Posted on May 15, 2006 at 07:12 PM

    I recently was visiting with someone regularly via chat. He was a nice guy, and someone I trusted enough to give my PO box to when he requested it to send cards. However it soon became apparent he was much more serious than I, and I ended the online relationship.

    I did return the photos and gifts he sent while we were visiting, but I just received another gift -- a very large gourmet goodie basket. I can't tell if the item was ordered before or after I ended the relationship.

    If I had been around when the package was delivered, I would have refused it, but I wasn't. It's not something I can return to the vendor to get him his money back, and it's not something I can ship to him without considerable expense.

    I'm trying to be totally honest with this guy, and don't want to give him any hopes of something that isn't there. I haven't e-mailed him or called him since it was ended, and then this arrives several weeks later out of the blue.

    So what do I do? Do I keep it and feel guilty or shell out the cash to mail the gift back to him and say thanks but no thanks?
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  • View author's info Posted on May 19, 2006 at 04:56 PM

    Send it back!! However, never having ever even gotten a gift I really don't know that I'm one to give advice. My ex got me a necklace once. A very nice diamond one. It needed a longer chain so he ordered one. That was 10 months ago. Never got the damn thing. LOL!! I found out in the meantime though that the necklace was bought for his previous love interest. He never gave it to her either. LOL!!
  • View author's info Posted on May 17, 2006 at 05:00 AM

    I too feel sorry for him, but it's also not as if this was something more serious like what you had Freya.

    (At least from my end) It was a couple casual IM chats with a nice stranger several states away, who I never even spoke with on the phone or met IRL. The depth of the conversation really didn't proceed much past what happened at work that day or plans for the weekend. We maybe chatted 10 or less times total, and none of them were any deeper than small talk you would make with a stranger on an airplane.

    Then out of the blue something snapped from nice guy to scary. He starts sending "I miss you" cards and gifts if I missed a single night chatting and he's sending a good 2-3 dozen e-mails a day.

    He sends me proof he's already got plans (without discussing with me!) to quit his job and move across country to be with me. He also started sending me the names he picked out for our kids, and asked me to call his mom (keeping in mind I haven't even talked to him on the phone yet!) to discuss wedding dresses and china patterns.

    Obviously this freaked me out! Right then and there I was extremely clear that we were feeling different things and since I didn't want to mislead him in any sense, it was best we stopped chatting. I even specifically said please do not contact me or send me anything else.

    This guy was nice, and truthfully I think he's more lonely that stalker. I don't wish him anything bad, and just don't want to mislead him in anyway, including by keeping the gift.

    Thank you for the feedback ladies. =0)
  • View author's info Posted on May 16, 2006 at 02:37 AM

    Keep it and feel no guilt.....I would change my P.O box though so he can not have any contact with you nolonger. And make it known one more time and don't be all nicey nicey about it. Tell him your not interested and to bugger off...and your dog LOL is enjoying the gift basket. Do NOT feel guilty one bit. BB Jeanie
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