I can't remember where I read this at, but I do know that I saved it. Now that I have joined a site dedicated to the BBW, BHM's, and Admirers. I thought this an appropriate topic and one that I've thought about since I read this article.
I'll post it just beneath this text, then finish up with my own thoughts on it.
Ladies & Gents feel free to join in.
SEX AND THE FAT GIRL
So, what?s so different about having sex as a fat girl, or with a fat girl? Well, it makes life interesting, number one.
Close your eyes for a minute, (no, not while you?re reading, after) imagine a candle lit room, a gossamer draped bed, with the smell of jasmine in the air.
A bottle of champagne chills on the bed side table, in a silver bucket of ice. Alongside this cool treat is a bottle of super silk lotion, and a small bottle of chocolate body paint.
The air is tense with passion, and you can barely make out the forms behind the silk of the gossamer. They are entwined, in a heated embrace, their love and passion evident even behind this veil.
The man is tall, dark and handsome, his body tan and graceful as he gently runs his hands through the woman?s long dark hair. Passion, intense, and unending engulf them, as they lay urgently back against the soft pillows to make love.
Now, I want you to focus on the woman. See her hands cupped around his neck as she pulls him to her. She is dressed in a long, flowing black lace gown, open at the neck with a deep neckline.
Can you see it?
Ok. Now, I want you to imagine that you are that woman.
Does the image change? Why?
Is it because you think you are undeserving of such passion and sexual response?
Women often times associate being sexy with being thin, we find it hard to imagine a sensual, strong, sexually powerful woman who is plus sized. Why? Do fat women not like sex? (Hey, hold up, believe me, I qualify as fat, and I love sex, so, that is NOT the answer)
So, what is it? Is it that we think no one will want us, because our bodies are not as firm and lean as a model? Is it the fat on our thighs that make us afraid to be sensual? Is it the double chin that keeps the mischievous bad girl twinkle from our eyes? Do we have to be thin to be sexy?
Sexuality is in the mind, before all other places. (Calm down, it?s documented, and not a crazy fat lady?s idea)
The problem, in my opinion, is that women often times believe that they have to look perfect, flawless, and fifteen if anyone is to find them sexy. Why do we have this far fetched crazy idea? Who knows. Probably the size 2 playboy centerfolds who have been air brushed, or the models in swimsuits who have no fat anywhere on their entire body. Or, how about the lingerie models that look as if a good slice of pizza is no where in their future? Maybe? Just a guess. However, a good guess, I think.
For many years our culture has associated being sexy with being thin. Fat women are portrayed as frumpy, grumpy, and, yes, even lumpy. We are not represented as healthy, sensual, intelligent women, with a playful sense of sexual fun. Never. This has done wonders for our lack of self esteem, and expectations. At times, I believe the fact that heavy women are taught that they are not sexy, keeps them from their full potential as sensual humans.
They can not be sexy, because they are not allowed to, they can not have fun and play the games, because, they are taught, they?re not even on the team.
Fair? no. Common, oh, yeah.
So, what is a fat / heavy / chubby / pudgy / fluffy girl to do? Accept society?s view of us, even in our own bedrooms? Allow the media to tell us how to act with our partners in our most intimate moments?
After reading this I thought on it how I too felt myself lacking in ever aquiring a man as described. At my age SEX is the peak and the topic and something that cant be escaped: What with the 21st Century, and hormones.
It's the thought that you do feel inadiquate of a man (or woman) in such a way. And for me at my young age to say that, when my friends are gossiping about their 'hot' guy while I just go to work, come home, and repeat process.
I hate even going out in public for my low-selfesteem, could I ever imagine a painted scene like that ever happening to me? Maybe after some lipo-or plastic surgery just maaaaaaaaaybe.
Here is where I believe that society, the media, and even we as ourselves are cruel. I can get ready to go for a concert, take maybe an hour getting my hair ready and look in the mirror and I just sink in my stomach because at that conert: Skinny/flawless girls, Hot guys, all socializing with anyone but me.
Am I the only one that feels this way ever so often or even most of the time? Is there anyway to even muster up the courage to look in the mirror and for once like what I see, and smile about that passionate night that maybe someday I just might have?
Being the fat girl, my entire life, I have some experience in this matter. I easily imagine myself in that picture. I think due mainly, to my first love who also taught me sex. he never, referred to my size. Period. Not in a good way, not in a bad way. It was a non issue. I grew up with plenty of self confidence, but society, and the way I was treated slowly eroded it. I have never had a boyfriend who wasn't first my friend. Guys would sometimes walk away mid-conversation. While those same guys would listen endlessly to the skinny girls hour long description of the difficulty they had picking just the right outfit for tonite. Or you meet men at a club, who come up to you all smiles, (you're the approachable one) and ask "do ya think your girlfriend would dance, date, likes, etc. me? Or act like you owe them something, because they did you the favor of ttrying to grope you. Thought you'd be so grateful for the attention, niceties like asking you for a date or even bothering to remember your name, aren't necessary. Over the years my self-confidence with strangers has dwindled to nothing. Such a shame, too, because I really dig men, you know? But have learned a strong distrust. God made me big, and he made me strong, so I don't need a man. But he didn't make no cure for lonesome. As for sex, every man I've invited to my bed, has always come back for more. But I don't really feel at ease until I've been with them sexually several times. So how can you really judge in that department after one go round?
i have always been larger than all my friends and over the years have grown bigger.
When i was young i also felt uncomfortable with ME, but once i accepted that i would never ever in my life be SLIM, i found i relaxed more and enjoyed life including good sex, infact better sex, no breathing in and holding my chin up so the double chin didnt show lol, lights out, i guess we all been there at some point.
I am ME and i now make the most of being a bbw, and wow , how many men love big women really, millions is the answer.
Very nice artical and thank you ever so much for having what it Takes too post that and say what you did about YOURSELF in such a pubic forum. MY DEEPEST OF COMPLIMENT too you and your compassionate Heart
Personally I think you are a very Beautiful lady. It is those exact boundries that KILL us all in our quests for happiness. For example here as a whole,
Why do we all still date a NUMBER I?E AGE of a person???
Who is it that we need to make happy in the first place. Our "Peers" or "Ourselves???"
Why is it we have all opened our minds to the realm of dating on the "WORLD WIDE WEB" yet we say 100 miles within my area or forget it???
(Has dating within 100 miles of your area been working in the first place???)
Why do we go about in life so NON accepting of what others think or say including ourselves each and everyday???
( WpgSyryn This question is for you )
To all bbw's in this world, there is something that you need to understand! You are the best thing that God made after his creation of this world. There is nothing better in this world to hold on to and to make love to than a BBW. There is a feel there that you can not find anywhere else,you can try and find it but you will not. I will always love a BBW and my heart and soul will always belong to one.
I see the media sterotypes parading across my screen, whether it be my moniter or television, and I just have to laugh. I've been the fat girl my entire life, but that doesn't change the way I feel about myself. I have tons of self confindance and am as sexy as they come. I've also never had a problem getting a date. And even if the relationship doesn't work out, they all keep crawiling back. Why? Because I'm soooo good ;)
The only thing that changed while reading is that I was naked....no need for lingerie. As a SSBBW, I believe that I am sexy and I like sex. Please don't take that as being conceit or narcisstic, I have self confidence and although society will probably never change its view of us big women, I don't let it worry me.
It boggles the mind how we are judged because we have extra curves and what not. What I did find interesting is that men from other countries are loving the big girl in fact they are frustrated because there aren't hardly any big beautiful women in their country makes a girl want to pack her bags and move ahahhahah! I believe there are more men in America that truly like a meaty beauty but because of the peer pressure and our rotten society assuming big is ugly they are undercover dating stick women instead. Who would want them anyhow can't even be a real man about your desires. I say don't give up girls we are loved more than u know it is a matter of putting yourself out there and being real which I know most of us are......:-)
I hear you, but I live from a different perspective, we do have a choice in the way we perceive ourselves.
Our attitudes, belief systems, level of self-love and self-worth set the stage for what follows, and for what results. Being angry, anxious, frustrated, bitter, or unhappy affects your ability to think clearly, live fully and love life! What's more, we radiate that which we feel and think intensely, and we attract or manifest accordingly, which are just two of the many reasons to choose to be more aware of our thought and action.
As its stated in the article,
"Sexuality is in the mind, before all other places". My profile clearly projects, "My confidence in myself and my ability to please the men I have been with override the vision our society projects sexy and sensual to be".
I have my personal reasons for not having my pic on line, but would be happy to share it with you, I am way heavier than I would like to be at this moment, yet, today is all I have, so love what you got! I'm healthy, happy and sexually attractive.
LADIES, there are awesome hot men out there that can appreciate you as you are today, I hope that Y O U can find the good in who you are today and MAKE IT WORK for you!
well beautiful ladies know matter what a big woman is good to love in my own filling I"m the type of man who miss loving big women know matter who they are I will show you soooooo much love you will alway allow me to love you so holler back at a brother and I will tell you more about me
I can say I am married to a terrific guy who accepts me for who I am. He loves me from head to toe. I think if you feel good about yourself it projects outward. I don't care what other people think about me. I love myself.
As an adult "voluptuous" woman I have been told that I better be great in bed because I may not get any for a long time. Why? I am sure there are skinny girls who don't do it well.
Being thin/fat should have nothing to do with how you feel in the bedroom, but in today's society that is all we hear. Like being thin is a measure of your worth as a human being. I have been told by a few and the men just can't keep up. I guess all the extra curves are too much to handle.
I for one am proud of every inch of my body. I earned it all, none of it came to me for free. Yes, I would love to lose weight but not to be skinny. I want to lose weight for my health, and because I want life insurance for my kids, and most companies won't give it to me because of my weight.
I read once that fat chicks are some of the best lovers that men can find because they are so intent on pleasure for their partner and themselves. The way I see it is that being big just gives you more places to please!
I love making love with the right man, and will continue that desire probably till I die. Finding that right man has been an uphill battle because the majority of men want the skinny chick! In my opinion, they just don't know what they are missing.
I'd rather have a large woman who believed she was beautiful sexy than a thin woman who didn't. It's like the movie Shallow Hal. The larger women were beautiful on the inside and the gorgeous women were ugly on the inside.
HI! I just signed up as a member tonight, and this is my first post in the forum.
Boy! Did I ever need to read this thread! I'm 300+ pounds, and have just met someone who is 11 years younger and 150 pounds lighter than me. We've gone out as friends for a few months now, but I melt everytime he looks at me. And he treats me like a normal woman.
Now, I know most of you will object to my use of the term *normal*. But I feel abnormal. It's been 15 years since I've been intimate with someone, and the last guy I was with was emotionally abusive. I gained over 100 pounds since he left with my money and my best friend in 1991. I'm struggling trying to get my self esteem back. And although I've been interested in several guys over the years, this new guys is the only one to seemingly reciprocate the feelings.
Now, I'm faced with a bit of a dilemma. I'm terrified of reaching out to him and to be intimate with him. I'm afraid of rejection. But of all the guys I've met, he seems to be very accepting of me, even though I'm fat. The way he looks at me and smiles ... well, I've never experienced that before.
How do I take the next step and trust him when I haven't been able to feel good about me. Where do I go from here? I'm afraid to lose him as a friend, but I'm aching to have him hold me in his arms.