Guys need to git a spine, some guts, bravery... DATING Forward to friends

  • View author's info Author Posted on Apr 06, 2006 at 11:22 AM

    Why don't guys ask girls out? I would love it if a guy was brave enough to ask me out on a date. How come I always seem to have to be the brave one and ask? It seems like all the guys that like me never actually ask me out. That is why I have never had a boyfriend. I didn't have a date for any of the dances when I was in Jr high and high school (including both proms). I never been asked to go out, no Waite I have to amend that I was asked once by the guy that took my virginity but he didn't even show up for the date or call me afterward. It seems that the only real attention I git is sexual and in no way leading to a relationship or anything else that last very long. I don't know If it's something I do wrong because I don't have enough social experience with flirting and stuff or if it's just that guys are stupid wimps.
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  • View author's info Posted on Jan 17, 2007 at 01:18 PM

    Well I think I am decently attractive and I have yet to have a girl ask me out....should I post a thread and tell girls to grow a spine and go after what they want?

    I am shy, I am outgoing, talkative etc...but if I see a BBW in the store that I am attracted to I start the "what if she's got a boyfriend, what if she's not into me" etc..

    Public humiliation is one thing, rejection another on top of that, hit to the ego another

    I could be an act like my crap doesnt stink and approach a girl --- but I feel thats what players do and most women dont like that --- on the other hand I cant figure out why a BBW wouldnt approach me

    60% of America is larger than they are "supposed" to be and those odds increase my chances of finding a BBW yet not one has ever approached me in all my life

    The ones who I have built up enough guts to approach said they never thought I was into them etc...

    I make it clear that I like larger women. I get teased a bit by other guys and my good friends always used it as a "oh he wouldnt like her, shes not big enough for him" line at clubs and stuff but I became comfortable letting people know what I like

    There should be no reason why they dont approach me if they halfway know me....but I think it will be years before I ever get approached by a BBW in public thats a pure stranger

    And dont get me started on compliments --- do women ever compliment a guy who is a complete strager, reverse the tables for a second before blasting the guys, we are human too

    Your a beautiful girl and I would have trouble approaching you myself....and I have plenty of confidence but I am still human
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 14, 2007 at 11:57 AM

    It's a mix of a feeling of approachablity and confidence which can be a hard combination to work up for a guy.

    We at least in my experience either stratigize or JUST ask them out and strategy can sometimes be a double edged sword for us cause we second guess ourselves

    I don't know, it seems like to me that more guys are getting more balls up to ask out girls nowadays or at least seems that way to me
  • View author's info Posted on Jan 13, 2007 at 06:43 PM

    I think u should think about what type of vibes you put out there cause u are really pretty ( Out of most guys league or so they think) and like another guy said the prettier the woman the harder she is to ask out. Maybe a little sign that u are approachable would help( a smile)

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  • View author's info Posted on Dec 27, 2006 at 02:41 PM

    Tigress, This is from a perspective of someone who has lived a few years. Judging from your pictures, you are a very attractive young lady and to young guys, especially high school guys that can be very intimidating, so I can understand your lack of dates in high school. As you have gotten older, you have more than likely blossomed as a very independant person........and that too can be intimidating to some men...........however, ther are men that are going to see you as the gem that you are now or the gem that you are becoming and you will meet that special person and he will have no problem approaching just need to be patient...........I just wish I was younger

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  • View author's info Posted on Dec 26, 2006 at 08:11 PM

    If a person is looking for their perfect person they shouldn't be a certian size. People come in all shapes and sizes , not everyone is perfect. Not worry about people think. be yourself.
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 26, 2006 at 09:31 AM

    Hey! I have guts and a spine. Least last I checked. But when it comes to asking a woman out that's a horse of a different color!
    It seems weird but the more I'm attracted to a woman I have a harder time expressing that fact. And it seems to me that the reverse is true in most cases.
    The more successful people in the dating scene just don't seem to have that hang up. And I would also state that they seem to have less of a problem dumping someone.
    To me ;asking a woman on a date MEANS something; and I can't be shallow about the date or the outcome.
    So, I probably put more meaning on asking so I'm less likely too ask a woman out. Does that make sense?
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 18, 2006 at 01:51 AM

    Okay just felt the need to comment. I get asked out by men and at least twice in my life I have been the one doing the asking. Both of those times I was told that they had been waiting for the right time to ask and both were glad I had done the asking.One relationship lasted for 5 years the other 2 so does it really matter who asks first ? I feel that if your interested you should let it be known, don't wait for what is percieved to be the socially accepted norm of the time. Dance to your own drummer and just do what feels right , otherwise you might miss some great opportunities and fun.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 30, 2006 at 04:44 AM

    globalc write:
    Actually this sounds familiar. I guess I have little in the way of backbone myself =/ My first and only girlfriend and I went out because my friends ditched us one night and left us alone. I didn't have the courage to ask her out (although in retrospect she turned out to be crazy).

    Then there are the times I've had potential dates since then. Girls asking me out. Which doesn't go well, because they must have been messing with me because one moved to California, one was getting high at some guy's apartment when I was supposed to pick her up, and the last one is again dating her abusive, cheating ex.

    I need a spine, or else this crap will keep happening to me -.-;


    Be brave... like I said before bravery is just trying to get over something, its the effort. If you do ask some girls that are nice decent women out eventually you will find the rite one for you. It means courting rejection and learning how to handle different situations but eventually something will happen. It might be good it might be bad but at lease you can say when its all over that you tried and that you did everything you could. That is truly living life, when you can say you put all the effort you could into what you think are the important aspects of your life. So if finding love is one of those aspects then go out... meet women, flirt, make friendships, talk, date, even have a little romantic fling... what ever it is you have to do to find the One for you. Life is to short to wonder what if... instead say I did what I could and lived life to the fullest while doing it so not finding it might be sad but I tryed and had fun trying or finding it was just the bonus I was hopeing for. Hey the journey is just as important as the end and you can have a lot of fun an memories just from the journey.
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 21, 2006 at 12:25 PM

    ClaretGeoff write:
    As venivici puts it - guys are shy, end of story. Fear of rejection is seen as an assault on male bravado. I can go out with my mates at the weekend and they can basically try and 'pull' (as we in the UK put it) anything, without bothering them.
    I feel that a lot of larger guys see a hot BBW (such as you tigress & loki), and see the number of 'normal' sized guys who are interested, and think that they have no chance.
    Anyhow, tigress & loki, don't despair, because someone if always around the corner x

    thanks ClaretGeoff for the compliment(your good looking yourself)... hummm, "here guys,guys, guys, where are you?" don't know where those 'Normal' sized guys intrested in me went of to... must be hiding with the big guys cause I don't see a line at my door. LOL
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 21, 2006 at 12:20 PM

    This has been a lot more interesting than I thought it would be, I thought it would be a good way to blow some steam and get this off my chest but it has turned into an insightful topic. Guys (and girls to) it doesn't matter how big, ugly, or shy you are... Their are plenty of people like me looking for someone brave enough to ask. Shyness is a burden to over come, it only holds you back in life and all I'm asking is for you to try... that's what being brave is all about, just trying to overcome. Looks don't matter if you make it obvious you take care of yourself and you like yourself the way you are... people with low self esteam tend to bring others down, being a downer in life is going to make you a very lonely person cause people who love themselves wont put themselves in a position to be sucked into that downward spiral with you so they will avoid you in order to keep their positivity and happiness. Also just because a person is good looking doesn't mean they have a boyfriend/girlfriend, I know plenty of good looking people that don't have a relationship with anyone cause no one pays any attention to them after the first or second glance cause they think that person is to good looking to be single.The point is that You sometimes have to fallow your instinct and cort rejection in order to git the girl (or guy). Don't see rejection as a reflection of yourself, it's not.
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 20, 2006 at 06:08 AM

    I don't know about other guys, but many years of humiliating rejection when I was younger pretty much wrecked my self esteem for asking anyone out.. I was a big kid.. and unpopular.. so I had many public knockbacks of the "I woulnd't even spit on someone like you" variety..

    I literally battle with myself while standing there on a dance floor trying to get myself to ask the "girl standing on the side of the dancefloor all alone obviously wanting a dance" for a dance.. my logical side telling me to stop being stupid and ask her to dance.. while my long seated neurosis side comes up with reasons not to..

    Childhood issues like this are VERY hard to overcome.. and I think that other than the "popular" kids.... many others went through this kind of treatement, especially if you were bigger.

    I often just wish I could have the power to know what the other women is thinking... just for a minute.... just so I could know if she was vaguely interested, or totally disgusted.. just to give me a little glimmer of confidance to go the next step..
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 06, 2006 at 03:07 PM

    I must say this is a very interesting thread. I consider myself from the old skool the only way you were going to get a date is ASK. I find it hard to believe that so many men are afraid of the word NO. When i was younger I remember my Uncle telling me that Woman out number Men 7 to 1, now that was in the late 80's and early 90's. I'm sure that the ratio has changed.

    Come on guys, I'm not saying become arrogant A**holes, but have confidence in yourself and enjoy every opportunity that comes your way. You only live once. So live life to the fullest. Smile and say hello to every beautiful woman you come across, be a gentleman, I guarantee the benefits are great.

    Just my 2 Cents
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 06, 2006 at 11:42 AM

    shy_will write:
    Well I
    m a stupid wimp, lol. Fear of rejection. Especially if you look like me your, confidence gets sapped. Tigress I would never approach a woman with your looks, your beautiful. Most guys find that intimidating.

    Intimidating? I was so grateful to the one guy that asked me out, so glad that someone out their appreciated me and wanted me that I was putty in his hands. I gave him my virginity. If more decent guys would be brave those "hot girls" wouldn't be giving it out to stuppid jerks. Just remember when you see a girl like me... a little kindness, a little respect, a lot of flirting, and some belife in yourself can make you a girls dream guy. So go out ask some one out. You might be supprised, she might say yes.
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 05, 2006 at 05:34 PM

    Well I
    m a stupid wimp, lol. Fear of rejection. Especially if you look like me your, confidence gets sapped. Tigress I would never approach a woman with your looks, your beautiful. Most guys find that intimidating.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 27, 2006 at 04:20 PM

    I don't get asked out walking around in my everyday life eithr. I just don't.

    I don't care really, because I just invite myself along with friends, or hang out with friends, and when an available single chap comes along that's new to my group, or new to my coffee shop, and we are introduced in any casual manner, or we are hanging out next to the napkin and straw table,...I just sidle up next to him, start a conversation, and if we click, I tell him to call me.

    He doesn'thave to "ask me out", and I don't have to ask him out.

    If he calls, great, if he doesn't, great.

    If he calls, and we talk, and find that we have things in common, I suggest that we "do" one of those things together. If he says yes, great, if he says no, great.

    Guys are shy. Bottom line.

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  • View author's info Posted on Apr 27, 2006 at 10:53 AM

    sirburied1 write:
    Well done gave the reasons why you don't get asked out....none having anything to do with men being gutless or spineless wimps!

    Still doesn't account for why I don't git asked out ever... In my whole life I have been asked on a date once, even with all the things I listed I still should have been able to git a few more guys than that to ask me out...After all, their are women that are mean, ugly, and have horrible personality's and they still git dates, even living in a boring place like where I live. It just doesn't make sense. If I wanted sex I could easily find a guy to do it with but dating? forget about it. That's why I'm on sites like this, I figure wider variety of men = more likely to find one brave enough to ask me out and that has the quality's I want in a man. Also I like sites like this cause I get to talk to all sorts of people as friends/e-mail pals. Anyway this subject just bugged me for a long time and I just never was able to find people to talk to about it. Most people are shocked to find out how little experience I have with men and that I have never had a boyfriend so they don't know how to respond... I guess it's like being told a tall tail, it sounds possible in some weird way but it really is imposable... in some circumstances it's not only possible it's reality.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 26, 2006 at 09:58 AM

    Well done gave the reasons why you don't get asked out....none having anything to do with men being gutless or spineless wimps!
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 26, 2006 at 08:46 AM

    Oh, now I'm blushing and it's all your fault Greenbarry.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 25, 2006 at 03:24 PM

    well hello Tigress!! i am a shy person and i think everyone is that way to an extent. i dont get asked out too much either but i sure do ask plenty. so, i get turned down more times than you can count on your fingers and toes. i am not a bad looking person and would consider myself average. if we are ever able to talk i would ask you right out. i would say, "Tigres, lets go out some time. i want to show you how a lady is to be treated and adored. i think your awesomely pretty and a man is a fool not to take a chance with you."
    now, i would say more but i wanted you to at least smile as to what i said. i've seen many woman and you are who i write. i very much do like what i see in the picture. lock, stock and barrel! i think we can make a date.. all up to you! then i think i could make another and keep on.. there are people out there who care.. i am one. my name is greenbarry33 and i would love to get a reply from you.. (even if it is stfu) remember, the sky is only the beginning.. space is the limit!!
    well i have to go back and finish Ymail.. have a good day/night.
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