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Is having a racial preference racist?
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Posted on Mon, Feb 20, 2006 15:23

How many people are actually that enlightened?

Too many people are blindsided by the idea of beauty that is spoon fed to them via cable tv and glossy weekly publications. When was the last time you saw a BBW cast as anything other than the funny friend in a movie or on a TV show? Yea...I can't think of answer to that question either. We are led to believe that people who are larger are just not worthy of being loved.

Am I getting ranty?
Sorry, it happens!



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Posted on Mon, Feb 20, 2006 14:01

in my opinion, for what its worth, I think that you have to look at why they refuse to date a certain race to determine if its racist or not. There are many reasons why a person may not want to date someone of a particular race. Now if the person said "I will not date because they are " then obviously they are racist. For some people, myself included, have families that will disown you for dating outside your race. For some people it may just be a preference. Some people don't like red hair, some people like dark eyes, some people like people of Asian race. And as for fat people who won't date other fat people, maybe they just don't find fat attractive. Fat is an unusual preference, you have to admit. Just because you are fat does not mean you have to be attracted to fat. It's the same as a skinny man only wanting to date a fat woman, right?



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Posted on Mon, Feb 20, 2006 13:21

This is a really interesting topic.
My take= the following....
Racism is bred out of ignorance and is something that is learned. People aren't born to hate and discriminate.
Is it ignorant of people to avoid dating other people because of the color of their skin, or the size of their body?
I think it is, arguably so.



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Posted on Mon, Feb 20, 2006 11:48

I stated it as a preference, yes, and I think its better to *honestly* admit it rather than dishonestly trying to be politically correct and state otherwise. I've also stated that I don't rule out people because of weight, nor have I ever. I've ALSO said he body was an initial attraction, which I think everyone has and needs because, hello, we still have instincts that tell us what to select for.
I think you know very little about me. Me, or anyone you really tend to attack - and it is an attack, though you do it by nipping rather than having all out - and therefore you have very little to base your accusations of me being shallow other than the fact that you don't like that a fat chic is saying well, yeah, she likes thinner guys, USUALLY.
I would say I was shallow- based off of what I posted here - if and only if I had said "hell yeah I'll only date thin guys and to hell with anyone who's not", but I haven't nor will I ever say that. I think you need to get off your high horse cause, honey, you aren't better than the rest of us. You wouldn't be here if you were.



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Posted on Sun, Feb 19, 2006 11:56

oy, it doesnt mean just athletic. Rugby players are athletic and muscely, yes, but the best kind also have a nice padded layer. It also means someone taller and stronger [than myself] and bigger without being unhealthy. If i wanted runner lean and stringy, then i would have said athletic. wanna have more of a go at me, theo?



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Posted on Sun, Feb 19, 2006 02:24

No your compleatly right when you said" I wasn't having a go at anyone for their beliefs/preferences/choices".. You just called any one who woulden't date out.. Of there race a racest that's all.. I guess that's compleatly diffrent..And I'm sorry if I have probs with being called a racest.. I would have with any one who said that.. Not just you so plz don't take it personaly..

  


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Posted on Sat, Feb 18, 2006 04:36

Hey, I'm not the only person in this thread who has expressed their unease in this area. And I don't think the personal attack is warranted (regardless of if I was alone in my opinion or not). As I said, I was expressing my opinion about the question that was raised, I wasn't having a go at anyone for their beliefs/preferences/choices. You're right, PinkPenguins, everyone does have a right to their opinion without being criticised or attacked for it - even me. Also, you've attributed a lot to me that isn't mine at all.

That said, I think I have been guilty in my post of the problem sweetcaramel pointed out, of viewing people?s preferences as their outlook on everything, which was a mistake on my part. Again, it was about the ideas being discussed not about any particular person.

To try and clarify my position: You're right that everyone has the right to be choosy about who they end up with. As sweetcaramel (again) pointed out, this is a dating site and not a friendship match, and that's the context in which I made the remark about not getting to know someone who indicated that they only wanted to date white people. You are, of course, free to decide not to date someone on the basis of race (or blonde hair, or anything else for that matter). But I also have the right to decide not to date someone because their philosphy/politics/beliefs/values/outlook/view of the world are incompatible (not just different, incompatible) with mine. That's all I was saying.



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Posted on Fri, Feb 17, 2006 23:08

Thank you sweetcaramel
for actually having a open mind.. And not just saying you do.. Wish more people had open minds.. And respected other peoples personal choices..

  


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Posted on Fri, Feb 17, 2006 20:22

Pink forget even trying to be PC. No matter what you are going to irritate someone. Please your self forget the rest.
Soft people with different views and politics should be friends and talk. That is how ideas are shared and vision grows. just my opinion.

I don't see how dating or not dating someone makes you a racist. Treating people badly, withholding basic rights and liberties, denying care, jobs, housing, education, etc. because of a race would be racist. Get a clue people why not focus on what was important.



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Posted on Fri, Feb 17, 2006 00:41

I'm sick of people saying it makes them so uncomfortable..Let's all be politically correct now.. So we don't make any one else uncomfey or act unworldly.. With our simply completely selfish want to.. Be with some one we are attracted too.. Yes let us all be like sheep.. And go with the politically correct flo BAHHHHHH BAHHHHHHH.. Oh god what ever.. I have a right to say I am or am not attracted to a certain kind of people.. I don't care much for blond guys too.. Jezz guess that makes me a hypocrite too lmao.. Common people live and let live respect each other.. And be kind too all kind of people.. Every one has there right too there opinions!! And they also have the right to pick who they end up with as a partner in life.. With out being ostracized for it.. Hmm I wonder if you would be as uncomfey.. If a black person said they don't date white girls.. Na maybe that would be just be there personal choise..But god help you are a raciest if.. You say the same thing..

  


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Posted on Fri, Feb 17, 2006 00:00

It's also a term that's almost completely meaningless, but it makes you seem less shallow than if you're honest and just say "athletic". Hence the popularity.



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Posted on Thu, Feb 16, 2006 16:37

As I said, that is my prejudice. I didn't mean to cause you any offense, and it wasn't a personal attack on any member of this site. I'm sorry that it came accross that way.

I just wanted to add my voice to what I think is an interesting and - given the state of the world - very important topic.

My reason for not wanting to get to know someone who only selects white/Caucasian on their preferences is that it indicates a completely incompatible politics and worldview - something which I think it is important to share.

I'm not saying people shouldn't have preferences, and be upfront about them. After all, that's kind of what this whole site is about, right - a preference for a certain physical type? And I'm not saying anyone should date anyone they're not attracted to simply because it's pc. Attraction is vital to a relationship - without it you might have the best friendship in the world, but it's don't mean a thing. I just think that ruling out a whole section of people based soley on their race, well, it warrants some thinking about.



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Posted on Wed, Feb 15, 2006 20:14

Thanks softersoftest
But I'm not a raciest.. I almost marred a black guy once..And most of my friends are of other races.. So maybe your the one who needs to open your mind.. And not persecute people for there personal choices.. It's a bit much to say the people that.. Don't date out of there race are raciest..Would you date a extremely disabled man?? How about in a wheel chair.. I bet you would think twice.. Not that your basis against them just wouldn't be your 1st choice..Well I had my son with a man who cant walk.. Because of a severe illness..And his godfather who is a great friend of mine is pourtorican..I don't discriminate about people in general.. I like all kinds of people.. You shouldn't categories people.. Or put them down because of who.. They are and aren't physically attracted too.. I don't like to hurt or lead people on.. That's why I list my preferences in my profile.. If you think that makes me a raciest.. And you wouldn't want to get to know me.. Then it's your loss not mine.. And you are the one with the closed mind not me..



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Posted on Wed, Feb 15, 2006 17:38

I think it's an excellent question and you've made some excellent points.

I do think that refusing to date somebody because of their race is racist, and it makes me uncomfortable to the point where, if somebody has ticked only white/Caucasian on their preferences, I won't get to know them. (That's my prejudice right there.)

As far as preferences go, I still think that to discount somebody because of their race is racist. I'm not attracted to all the white guys I see, nor all the black, Asian, Latino, etc. That immediate stop-me-in-my-tracks-on-the-street attraction to someone I've never met before has much more to do with personal style, attitude, how they carry themselves, etc, than with race.

Size-wise, I'm really attracted to tall, lanky, super-skinny guys (no idea why, I've tried to figure it out, it's certainly not the mainstream ideal for the male body). But that hasn't stopped me dating guys who are bigger or musclier. It's a preference rather than a dictate.



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Posted on Wed, Feb 15, 2006 16:38

musicnut46 write:

I live in a small midwestern town. Dating outside your race or religion is still not 100% accepted.


I've dated guys of other races and other builds. Color doesn't really matter, nor does size. Attraction for me follows the person and the personality. As far as religion, if you have the ethics and spirit, the rest is negotiable.

That being said, I'm also in a small town like Music. Minorities are definitely in the extreme minority and mixed race couples just really aren't seen here.

While I by no means would exclude someone of another race for that reason, I do consider if someone I'm interested would be comfortable in my world, just as I would consider if I would be comfortable in theirs.



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Posted on Tue, Feb 14, 2006 09:01

Ok, well, we'll use me as an example. If i was gonna stop and look at someone, just someone anyone on the street because i was attracted, that attraction is most likely aimed at a guy who is either in an athletic state of fitness, or muscular with a bit of padding, but not heavy like am. But thats initial attraction, and im not going to say that Id only ever date someone built like that - kind of like your blue eyes and blonde hair: nice, most attracted to but not required. Because, as i guess is the point of the thread, it is a preference, not a rule. i think im rambling again... but, to agree with everyone, i would say preferences are one thing but they are flexible and arent restrictive. It become racist or disciminatory if someone were to say hands down, 'no way' because of something negative.
I see the point of restricting your options to say, religion for example because of strong beliefs that are a part of your life and you want share. I know a lot of people here have mentioned they would only date other christians, whereas im the other way around, i want someone a little lax in beliefs and spiritual but not limited to one doctrine and the like. I dont think dating an orthodox catholic would really work out for me.
However, to say you wont date someone Jewish because theyre dirty or not good enough is not cool and THAT is when that 'preference' becomes an issue.
i think anyway...



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Posted on Tue, Feb 14, 2006 03:08

Otherwise you find yourself eating McDonald's, listening to Jessica Simpson and watching van Helsing and thinking they're all great. ... Oh Darn Theo you just described every Friday night..I've ever spent at home LoL.. Naa but seriously.. I think it's a personal preference not racism.. Unless they make a point to say ONLY this or that in there profile.. I have dated both in and out of my race.. And in the end I find I prefer white guys.. no offense to any other race thou.. And listing what you prefer in your profile.. Can help to avoid any hurt feelings or misunderstandings.. You shouldn't feel bad for who you are attracted too..

  


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Posted on Mon, Feb 13, 2006 09:42

ok, theo, I can see what youre saying - sort of. If a heavier person says point blank 'no, I wont date someone who is heavy too' then its annoying. But saying "well hey, I *prefer* thinner people" isnt wrong. I prefer black hair blue eyes with a rugby player build and a genuine smile, but im not only gonna date men like that (oh, Jake Gyllenhall, one day you'll get a bit beefier and be the man for me!). So, as long as thinner is a *preference* and not a mandate, is that acceptable to you?



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Posted on Mon, Feb 13, 2006 00:21

I still dont get your whole 'if youre fat you have to date fat people" ideas either though, Theo. That's like saying thin people can only date thin people, blondes to blondes, race to race. You like what you like what you like.
I've dated people heavier than me, been attracted to others larger than myself, but in the end, I still prefer guys on the more muscle-bulky side (not muscle man types, *shudder*) rather than porky or super skinny.
There's again a genetic reason behind it, but I'm more and more convinced I'm a topic killer so I won't go into it.



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Posted on Sat, Feb 11, 2006 04:45

I dunno, i guess it depends.. I mean, I know in practice that i visually prefer white guys over black, and native american over spanish, have no attraction to the middle eastern guys in my area etc etc, but i wont point blank refuse to date someone because of this preference. (my first boyfriend was black/hispanic) I dont think acknowledging this preference makes me racist in any way... Maybe its just easier to say 'no' on the looking for page? Then again, i dont think its much different than saying i wont date someone with kids, or pets, or who is thin/fat/has brown eyes/insert random quality here. You're just stating what youre looking for without the fear of being PC?
Its kind of a touchy subject, isnt it?



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