Is having a racial preference racist? DATING Forward to friends

  • View author's info Posted on Oct 14, 2006 at 08:32 AM

    Rainnestorm write:
    Pink forget even trying to be PC. No matter what you are going to irritate someone. Please your self forget the rest.
    Soft people with different views and politics should be friends and talk. That is how ideas are shared and vision grows. just my opinion.

    I don't see how dating or not dating someone makes you a racist. Treating people badly, withholding basic rights and liberties, denying care, jobs, housing, education, etc. because of a race would be racist. Get a clue people why not focus on what was important.


    Everyone has certain triggers that turn you on/off and they may be ones that occur more in some races than others eg ginger hair, blue eyes or full lips. Attracton isn't a conscious thing and its reasonable to have a preferance, as long as you don't rule out other possibilities completely.

    I abhor racism of the type that rainnestorm described and I despise people with racists views, but on the other I don't date black men.

    This is why. Several years ago, I briefly had a boyfriend who was from Ghana. For 4 years after I broke up with him, he continued to call me, follow me and watch me from across the office. (Now I don't date colleagues either!)

    Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting that another black man is more likely to behave in the same way, but when one flirts with me I'm sub-consciously reminded of that ex bf and my triggers kick in. Objectively, I can recognise if the guy is good looking, has a great personality, etc but I feel no sexual attraction.

    I know this isn't rational, but when it comes to sexual attraction, thats the nature of the beast.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 04, 2006 at 04:12 PM

    This has been an interesting forum. I also think it's all about preference. I grew up in a city where the majority of the city was white when i first moved away I had a culture shock. Although I dont prefer to date out of my race I am not against it my brother married a white woman and i was her maid of honor. And if you were to talk to me on the phone you would swear I was white. My only nephew is bi-racial and I love him to death. People need to let the race thing go and love a person for who they are.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 31, 2006 at 03:15 PM

    I am actually American, yeah! I've lived in Glasgow for about or soon to be 3 years now. I do have one friend here though that is Scottish and part native american as well (and looks more like it than I do) which I found interesting.

    I've only ever been through Perth once on my way up to Inverness, and once near Loch Tay to check out the Crainnog (sp) which is pretty nifty. Should check it out sometime!
    The invite works both ways as well, if you're ever in Glasgow gimme a shout.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 30, 2006 at 05:22 AM

    LokiRook write:
    Dude I'm an inter-racial baby (white/native american) and I have no health issues other than being a cheeky bint!

    Hey Loki,

    Are you American living in this lovely country as well, or born here? I do sometimes miss other Americans to chat with! But if you're ever in my area and fancy a girls night out, give me a shout!
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 27, 2006 at 09:03 AM

    Me and my brother don't have problems... neither do all our Panamanian family that range from looking white to looking black. Gee I guess someone doesn't know what their talking about. Don't feel bad though everyone has a dumb moment.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 27, 2006 at 04:17 AM

    hi softersoftest....

    love your profile!!

    so what part of melb u from......
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 26, 2006 at 05:44 PM

    Dude I'm an inter-racial baby (white/native american) and I have no health issues other than being a cheeky bint!
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 26, 2006 at 04:28 PM

    ronjeanjr write:
    Racist = NO. It all **depends** on WHY. Having racial preference is smart if it's in relation to your [future] children because of all of the genetic problems with interracial babies, but if you are preferring a certain race for reasons OTHER THAN THIS then I'd say it is indeed racists because the reason above is the only logical reason to limit such a possibility and love is love and people are people - no matter the color, shape, or size !

    there are no genetic problems with interracial children.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 26, 2006 at 02:11 PM

    Okay, I've remained quiet on this topic up to this point......but GENETIC PROBLEMS W/INTERRACIAL BABIES??? And where is this information documented? I've never heard such a thing. I've heard of genetic problems with intra-family babies....but interracial?

    I have three, smart; funny; gorgeous and HEALTHY interracial kids who are my life. Okay talking back a genetic defect? LMAO

    Really...........what rubbish!
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 24, 2006 at 04:42 PM

    I agree with most every one on here that feels it is a preference thing and so it does not constitute racism. But also you can not group every one into that race as being the same way like color, attitude, speech, dress, music etc... I had a cousin R.I.P who was black that loved and performed heavy metal music so if a woman was to pass him by only because she thought black men only listens to rap or r&b she would've been missing out on a great guy that she may have had a lot in common with. This was all said just to point out that you shouldn't group people together and never pass up the opportunity to get to know everyone for their individualized selves.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 24, 2006 at 04:59 AM

    Genetic problems with Interacial babies....???? never heard of such a thing !! what about the Genetic problems that same race people can have when they have a baby ...??
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 16, 2006 at 11:30 AM

    Sometimes you just have a preference. doesn't mean that all the men or women you like have to be a certain race. I live in a small town with very few Hispanic and blacks and I'm picky, I have grown up in other states and was constantly around black and Hispanic people, as I look around at the very few guys around here I realize I expect to much from guys of those races and none of the ones around here measure up to my standards. I also realized that I have gotten use to seeing white guys as attractive because that was the only type I was around during puberty. It's not so much a I don't want a guy of that race but rather a the chances of finding one I like that's of this race in comparison to the chances of finding one I like that's of this other race are slim to none type of thing. Liking a certain color doesn't mean you dislike another,it just means you want it more.I don't like when people give in to other peoples prejudice though,I know some people that liked someone of another color but wouldn't date them because of the whole I don't want my kid to go through putting up with racist line, well I think mix babies are most often the most beautiful. Just cause some racist people say hurtful things doesn't mean you should lie down and let them have their way... they say it to make you give up and do things the way they want it... don't let them shape your life to their standards.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 04, 2006 at 07:59 AM

    I don't think race is the instinctual part. What is instictual is the attraction. Reproductive wise, our bodies are tuned to pick someone -usually - that is genetically different than ourselves. There are several tests done that show if you DNA type people, they will prefer even the smell of someone that is farther away from them genetically than someone who is close (I don't mean family, where you might like the smell because its familiar).
    Visually, I don't know what the cues are. But instincts and genetics DO play a part.
    This comes from a Zoology major and years of genetics and biology.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 03, 2006 at 09:08 PM

    Well, I feel like this. its just what you called it a preference...Theres a difference between having a preference and just not dating some one because of the color of skin...I'm a big girl and I prefer to date a thiner man then myself does that make me racist?
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 03, 2006 at 01:28 PM

    On the racist point, you have a valid concern and I imagine others think/wonder the same. In my opinion, there is a very large difference between having a preference for a particular physicality or religious belief and someone that excludes that option strictly because of a prejudice. I personally find myself attracted to mostly white men. I can't say that I have never found a black or asian or brown man attractive because I have. My general preference ends up being caucasion so that's what I search for and list as a preference. If i were to meet a man and fell in love and he happened to be of another race, so be it. I certainly don't think I am racist because of a preference in what attracts me. It's like finding a particular fabric pattern really attractive. You might not see it the same way I do and opt to choose another.

    As for Jew vs. Christian, if a person is very devout in either of their faiths, they may believe it is important to have a partner that shares a mutual devotion to their beliefs. Personal choice unless it is based on ignorance or hate..

    Unfortunatly, there are lots of people out there making judgements on others. That's why I am signed up on a site that caters to larger singles. Being a plus sized woman, I face these prejudices everyday. However, I am fully aware that like, skin color, body type, religious practices, etc. we are all looking for that puzzle piece that fits nicely with our own.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 03, 2006 at 12:22 AM

    Firstly, attraction is based on learned information. This from a psychology major. Secondly, we are all a little racist whether we want to admit to it or not because of the way in which we grew up in our cultures. Unless someone grew up in a beautiful melting pot utopia, (although I don't think one exists), their preferences are based on what they have learned. It is not genetic, it is not instinctual. That is not even how instinct works. People should really look it up. My parents don't care if I date a white guy or someone from any other race as long as we're happy and he's not abusive. Point blank. There are whites, native americans, hispanics, in my family. I come from a huge multi-cultural family, therefore, I can date a white man and what others say doesn't bother me. As long as my family is cool. I like my men and friends to meet my parents. Religion is another issue. I would have a hard time dating an atheist, muslim, or jehovah's witness, mormon, or jew because I am Roman Catholic and they would have to convert to marry me.

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  • View author's info Posted on Mar 02, 2006 at 01:24 AM

    reallyitslikethis write:
    When was the last time you saw a BBW cast as anything other than the funny friend in a movie or on a TV show?

    Great question! It's kinda what I'm doing my thesis on. My list starts with Shallow Hal, Baghdad Caf?, Real Women Have Curves, Sweetie, Shrek, Happiness . . . If anyone has any other suggestions, I'd love to hear them. Although It's kind of off topic for this thread. I might start a new one...
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 01, 2006 at 03:12 PM

    Even though I have never really dated outside my race, if I found myself attracted to a man of another race, I would NOT let his skin color deter me from dating him. I base my decision on who to date on whether or not I am attracted to them as a person... not on their skin color.
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 28, 2006 at 03:01 PM

    I guess it is the question of the ages. Right up there with the chicken and egg debate. But really, those who refuse to date outside of their religion or race know exactly why they choose not to do so. They may not want to admit the reason, but they know how they feel and they entitled to their feelings and opinions.

    Whether the reason is due to racism or preference, choosing to date outside of one's race is very difficult. And I honestly think that one of the biggest reasons why people don't date outside of their race has to do with the difficulties that they will encounter from those in society who frown upon such unions.

    Just like being called rude names, being snickered at, being stared and the like because one is large, that is the same treatment that one may encounter if they dated outside their race. And not just from strangers, but from family, too. Not only that, one runs the risk of being thought of as a traitor to their race, ashamed of one's own race and other untrue and illogical thoughts. Let's not forget the family ties that have been severed just because someone fell in love with a person that was not of the same race.

    While these are but a few of the unpleasant situations that interracial couples may endure, they are enough to keep people within the "acceptable" social boundaries of dating "thier own kind".

    Once again, just my two pennies worth.
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 28, 2006 at 12:50 PM

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