Friends with benefits after a romantic relationship Message board Forward to friends

  • View author's info Author Posted on Dec 13, 2005 at 03:51 PM

    Just out of curiousity, I was wondering if anyone has encountered this. I'm in a bit of a pickle with my significant other at the present time. After 8 months of having a wonderful romantic relationship, he now has decided he wants to have only a friends with benefits type of relationship. Now that I'm very much emotionaly attached, will I be able to do this? I think not. Has anyone else ever encountered such a situation? And any advice would be greatly appreciate as well.
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  • View author's info Posted on Dec 21, 2005 at 02:29 PM

    Thank you for all the positive responses. I think I'm going to take everyone's advice. I do owe it to myself to be happy. As far as I know, there isn't anyone else but he never ceases to amaze me. He lurks about on alot of BBW dating sites and talks to many many women. He seems to bring out the very worst in me. You'd think that would give me a clue, huh? LOL!!!
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 20, 2005 at 01:04 PM

    I'm going through the same thing at the moment, only there's also a 3rd person involved. It's quite a mess, and there are a lot of emotions going around, so I agree with everyone else. Hopefully both of us will find the courage to get rid of all the bad things. Best of luck to you.
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 18, 2005 at 08:20 PM

    Lonesome Dove, I do agree with most of the responces you've gotten. Like I've said to others; count your blessings that discovered his "level of commitment and caring" before you got even more involved. It shames me to think that another man could possibly be so callous as to ask you to "be friends with benefits". You should have asked him what sort of benifit are you going to get. Forget the jerk
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 17, 2005 at 09:11 PM

    Yeah Lonesome it will be hard to do the "friends with benefits" thing if you have been in a relationship ... cause being female its harder for us to let go of that emotion I think ...

    I do have a couple of friends with benefits, but thats all they have ever been is friends, we have never had that relationhip thing ... and thats the hardest thing, is letting go of that emotion ... like some on here, been there, done that.... not fun in the end .. good luck hun !!
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 17, 2005 at 01:54 PM

    Lonesome... you owe it to yourself to be Happy!
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 16, 2005 at 02:37 PM

    Thank you so much for the advice everyone.....I know all this of course. Just prolonging the inevitable I suppose. I know what I need to do. Just tough to do you know? I have made plans to meet someone else that I've talked to for over a year. We should've met sooner but due to circumstances beyond our control it just didn't happen. But we've kept in contact. Maybe I owe it to myself to go on.
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 14, 2005 at 02:32 PM

    Lonesome.... I think you are a very smart woman and I am pretty sure you know the answer to your question. I look at it this way....if it was me... why would I want to meet his "needs" (sex_ually) if he was not willing to meet mine (committed relationship). Only you can answer that for you.... but I too would tell him it is all or nothing... his choice. Who knows... maybe he will realize that you are just what he wants and needs. Maybe not. But I think you are only putting off the end. Good luck my dear. And I must say... this is HIS loss!
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 13, 2005 at 07:18 PM

    I agree Promises. I've also been there, done that and bought the t-shirt.

    Unfortunately like vacations, relationships come with baggage... whether we want it or not. Although the trip may be over, the memories are still there, and it's going to make any "benefits" all the more painful.

    My advice Dove? Kick him to the curb... it will hurt for a bit, but you'll be better in the long run. And if you're going through a dry spell, try some of the recommendations in the "lusting for a man" posts on the romance forum. There's lots of good recommendations and laughs in the threads there!

    P.S... no more travel analogies---I promise!
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 13, 2005 at 05:06 PM

    I've been there. Basically, if you're still emotionally attached to the guy, you're just postponing the agony. My advice? Rip off the bandage and let him go. It hurts in the short term, but not as much as hanging on when your feelings aren't returned. You deserve the real thing, not playing house.
  • View author's info Posted on Dec 13, 2005 at 04:03 PM

    Hi Dove, I have to be honest and say, I have only learnt of this...friends with benefits since joining this site...We dont have these in the UK...But I have started looking at my male friends with new eyes!!!
    The way I see it is...You have been in a relationship with this guy, and now he wants out, but still wants to see you for the rumpy pumpy?
    I would think either...
    A)...The s*x is so good, he cant bear to go without it, he just dont want/need the hassle of a relationship at the moment?
    B) He wants out, and just wants the fringe benefits, and its his way of lettin ya down gently?
    Dove..You know the guy...I am sure you are intelligent enough to work it out...I know you feel a lot for him, but would you seriously be happy being used for a bit of the other, and then have him say night night?
    Did that make any sense at all???
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