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Time and time again..
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Posted on Wed, Oct 19, 2005 12:47

Im very very frustrated. I met a gentleman off of here (and if he reads this I don't care right about now) We had chatted about 4 weeks via the net/phone, got along wonderfully. Finally met last saturday and things couldn't have gone better, the conversation was awesome, we continually laughed, he went in for the kiss, (a good loooong one!) and when I left asked when again I was moving there (he lives 1 hr from here in the city I'd planned on moving for months and oddly enough lives close to where I'll be moving) I stated Nov 1.

We depart...I emailed him sunday to say I had a great time and called him Monday to wish him a Happy Thanksgiving. The first time I heard from him was thursday...to which I got an email that says he thinks he lost my number to either call him or email him my number and that he's really looking forward to seeing me again. Fine.. I email him my number..and friday figure I'd call just to say hello. I got his voicemail (which is normal) and didnt hear from him on the weekend..again..emailed him monday it's now wed and nothing.

He works for a large company and is busy, but Im done making excuses for him. If he was interested he'd take the time to contact me somehow I beleive.

I did check and he has logged into this site..so Im gathering he's not interested, but still can't figure out how the date could go so well and why he'd say he can't wait to see me again. No... I will not call or write him again.. I'm EXTREMELY frustrated tho. Friends are stating "he's a player", well ok but in MY experience players usually try to get intimate with you..he didnt..he was totally respectful.

It's funny... a brother of mine dated the FIRST girl he's ever dated a yr ago... they got engaged in dec, found out jan she was preg, married in march and a baby in aug of this year. My other brother.. again... first girl he's ever dated and they are CONSTANTLY together.

I'm starting to think I'm a failure as a woman that a guy I'm interested in can't even take the time to email me or call me (or has just been playing me) and I've put in MANY years of dating...and what? Time and time again... THIS happens.

Ok...just venting... but honestly.. I'm sick of the dating game.. Im just sick of the games. I honestly am developing major trust issues with men ... no one seems to be true to their word... why???
Im very very frustrated. I met a gentleman off of here (and if he reads this I don't care right about now) We had chatted about 4 weeks via the net/phone, got along wonderfully. Finally met last saturday and things couldn't have gone better, the conversation was awesome, we continually laughed, he went in for the kiss, (a good loooong one!) and when I left asked when again I was moving there (he lives 1 hr from here in the city I'd planned on moving for months and oddly enough lives close to where I'll be moving) I stated Nov 1.

We depart...I emailed him sunday to say I had a great time and called him Monday to wish him a Happy Thanksgiving. The first time I heard from him was thursday...to which I got an email that says he thinks he lost my number to either call him or email him my number and that he's really looking forward to seeing me again. Fine.. I email him my number..and friday figure I'd call just to say hello. I got his voicemail (which is normal) and didnt hear from him on the weekend..again..emailed him monday it's now wed and nothing.

He works for a large company and is busy, but Im done making excuses for him. If he was interested he'd take the time to contact me somehow I beleive.

I did check and he has logged into this site..so Im gathering he's not interested, but still can't figure out how the date could go so well and why he'd say he can't wait to see me again. No... I will not call or write him again.. I'm EXTREMELY frustrated tho. Friends are stating "he's a player", well ok but in MY experience players usually try to get intimate with you..he didnt..he was totally respectful.

It's funny... a brother of mine dated the FIRST girl he's ever dated a yr ago... they got engaged in dec, found out jan she was preg, married in march and a baby in aug of this year. My other brother.. again... first girl he's ever dated and they are CONSTANTLY together.

I'm starting to think I'm a failure as a woman that a guy I'm interested in can't even take the time to email me or call me (or has just been playing me) and I've put in MANY years of dating...and what? Time and time again... THIS happens.

Ok...just venting... but honestly.. I'm sick of the dating game.. Im just sick of the games. I honestly am developing major trust issues with men ... no one seems to be true to their word... why???



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Posted on Mon, Oct 24, 2005 03:36

Yep ... find your tattooed rocker ;) like I said in the other post ... maybe Mr Money bags has some skin art he is hiding and is a musician too !!
Yep ... find your tattooed rocker ;) like I said in the other post ... maybe Mr Money bags has some skin art he is hiding and is a musician too !!

  


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Posted on Fri, Oct 21, 2005 01:13

Rockchick..it's sad that the advice she gave me is true tho! LOL If you stop and think about it! And trust me I think her advice will work just fine for me! I guess this means I can now seek out my "sexy tattooed rocker" boy now eh? haha

As they say...you live you learn!
Rockchick..it's sad that the advice she gave me is true tho! LOL If you stop and think about it! And trust me I think her advice will work just fine for me! I guess this means I can now seek out my "sexy tattooed rocker" boy now eh? haha

As they say...you live you learn!



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Posted on Thu, Oct 20, 2005 22:24

Youre friend gave you some VERY good advice there .... another one of my new outlooks in life is "nothing is forever" , if you go into something, no matter what it is, relationship, friendship, work even, always keep in mind it can end at any time, and that way it can sometimes make that blow a little easier to handle .... but like Kew was saying ... whats good for one isnt always good for another .... you will come out on top out of this last trial anways Sin ...
Youre friend gave you some VERY good advice there .... another one of my new outlooks in life is "nothing is forever" , if you go into something, no matter what it is, relationship, friendship, work even, always keep in mind it can end at any time, and that way it can sometimes make that blow a little easier to handle .... but like Kew was saying ... whats good for one isnt always good for another .... you will come out on top out of this last trial anways Sin ...

  


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Posted on Thu, Oct 20, 2005 12:35

You know men and women are so totally different in their thinking on things like this.... who are we kidding ... on EVERYTHING!!!!!!

It is a tough call to make and one that each person has to decide for themselves. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt because you never know what could have happened. Sometimes there is a legitimate reason for the lack of communication and sometimes it is just an excuse. Sometimes you just need to move on and when or if they do finally contact you, be understanding and at least listen to their explanation. I look at it this way... I would rather be willing to listen than to just write them off because who knows... they might be THE ONE! But to each their own in this situation! Good luck Sinfully... I really mean that.... either way, you will be ok!
You know men and women are so totally different in their thinking on things like this.... who are we kidding ... on EVERYTHING!!!!!!

It is a tough call to make and one that each person has to decide for themselves. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt because you never know what could have happened. Sometimes there is a legitimate reason for the lack of communication and sometimes it is just an excuse. Sometimes you just need to move on and when or if they do finally contact you, be understanding and at least listen to their explanation. I look at it this way... I would rather be willing to listen than to just write them off because who knows... they might be THE ONE! But to each their own in this situation! Good luck Sinfully... I really mean that.... either way, you will be ok!



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Posted on Thu, Oct 20, 2005 11:56

Rockchick... thanks... and you know Im soooo alongside you with the realist attitude rather than the dreamer. I *did* email him directly from the site lastnight (probably against my better judgement) LOL and told him I gave him the benefit of the doubt but eventually that runs out and that's where I am. And I stated I wouldnt be contacting him via phone or email again unless he contacts me because I dont want to waste my time. Short, to the point, and I feel better for doing it..so whatever.

But see it's interesting..my female friends that I've talked to on the issue have said "He'ss not interested or a player" etc... my male friends all but like 1 or 2 have stated "give him some space"... so I'm left thinking a few things:

1. Are we as women THAT cynical that we jump too conclusions to fast?
2. Are men REALLY just not thinking about stuff like this?
3. Do men do it ALL the time subconsciously that they don't even realize they are doing it.
4. Are men really that much into games?

Seriously.. it's been an eye opener getting input from both sexes. I was speaking to a gf of mine..and although this may sound sad...this is what she said and man do I beleive it:

" Don't expect anything. If you expect nothing, and he doesn't call you are not dissapointed. If you expect nothing and he does call, at least you are surprised".

She said "maybe Im so jaded from the dating scene this is my way of protecting myself" and I agreed..and like her method...the problem is it just throws you deeper into a spiral of untrust.

Anywho.... yeah LOL Moving on...
Rockchick... thanks... and you know Im soooo alongside you with the realist attitude rather than the dreamer. I *did* email him directly from the site lastnight (probably against my better judgement) LOL and told him I gave him the benefit of the doubt but eventually that runs out and that's where I am. And I stated I wouldnt be contacting him via phone or email again unless he contacts me because I dont want to waste my time. Short, to the point, and I feel better for doing it..so whatever.

But see it's interesting..my female friends that I've talked to on the issue have said "He'ss not interested or a player" etc... my male friends all but like 1 or 2 have stated "give him some space"... so I'm left thinking a few things:

1. Are we as women THAT cynical that we jump too conclusions to fast?
2. Are men REALLY just not thinking about stuff like this?
3. Do men do it ALL the time subconsciously that they don't even realize they are doing it.
4. Are men really that much into games?

Seriously.. it's been an eye opener getting input from both sexes. I was speaking to a gf of mine..and although this may sound sad...this is what she said and man do I beleive it:

" Don't expect anything. If you expect nothing, and he doesn't call you are not dissapointed. If you expect nothing and he does call, at least you are surprised".

She said "maybe Im so jaded from the dating scene this is my way of protecting myself" and I agreed..and like her method...the problem is it just throws you deeper into a spiral of untrust.

Anywho.... yeah LOL Moving on...



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Posted on Thu, Oct 20, 2005 11:24

Sin,
I agree with the other ladies on this one...I have been through it a few times also.. they act like they want something with you so badly and then never take the time to contact you back.
Personally, I give someone a certain amount of time and if I don't hear from them.. they are forgotten. I know that's hard when you are really into someone, but like Theo said..it's only the start of finding out who each of you are and whether you want to go any further into a relationship. Count your blessings that you found out early how uninterested he is..rather then when you gave up your heart totally and then discovered he wasn't into you.

Great gal like you doesnt need to put up with any man who doesnt know his own mind and can't be respectful enough to at least tell you he's not interested.

Not knowing is the hard part, isn't it?
Think some people just like playing games with others minds or just plain inconsiderate!!
Sin,
I agree with the other ladies on this one...I have been through it a few times also.. they act like they want something with you so badly and then never take the time to contact you back.
Personally, I give someone a certain amount of time and if I don't hear from them.. they are forgotten. I know that's hard when you are really into someone, but like Theo said..it's only the start of finding out who each of you are and whether you want to go any further into a relationship. Count your blessings that you found out early how uninterested he is..rather then when you gave up your heart totally and then discovered he wasn't into you.

Great gal like you doesnt need to put up with any man who doesnt know his own mind and can't be respectful enough to at least tell you he's not interested.

Not knowing is the hard part, isn't it?
Think some people just like playing games with others minds or just plain inconsiderate!!



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Posted on Thu, Oct 20, 2005 05:11

Sorry to put a damper on this, BUT maybe he is just a scared little boy who once has something great set in front of them, doesnt know how to handle it other then to RUN and a lot of guys unfortunately do that, they come across as being stable of mind and wanting to commit etc just to flee once the initial meeting happens .... if he was really into you then he would have contacted you by now... I have spoken to MANY a male friend about the ins and outs as to why they act the way they do ... and they have all said that if they are into a gal, they persue it ....

Personally Sin I think he would be crazy to pass you up ... but what you say about giving up on making excuses is a good thing... the "busy" thing is such a comon one.... No one is too "busy" to let someone they are ok or things are fine .... there are home phone numbers ... mobile numbers ... emails , text messages, ALL that kind of stuff to make some sort of communication, I mean damn, you can even call or text from the loo if you have too !! , maybe I am being cynical, but too many excuses are made for both men and women alike when we ourselves like someone ... sorry for sounding narky if I have, but I am very quickly becoming a realist as aposed to the dreamer I used to be ....
Sorry to put a damper on this, BUT maybe he is just a scared little boy who once has something great set in front of them, doesnt know how to handle it other then to RUN and a lot of guys unfortunately do that, they come across as being stable of mind and wanting to commit etc just to flee once the initial meeting happens .... if he was really into you then he would have contacted you by now... I have spoken to MANY a male friend about the ins and outs as to why they act the way they do ... and they have all said that if they are into a gal, they persue it ....

Personally Sin I think he would be crazy to pass you up ... but what you say about giving up on making excuses is a good thing... the "busy" thing is such a comon one.... No one is too "busy" to let someone they are ok or things are fine .... there are home phone numbers ... mobile numbers ... emails , text messages, ALL that kind of stuff to make some sort of communication, I mean damn, you can even call or text from the loo if you have too !! , maybe I am being cynical, but too many excuses are made for both men and women alike when we ourselves like someone ... sorry for sounding narky if I have, but I am very quickly becoming a realist as aposed to the dreamer I used to be ....

  


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Posted on Wed, Oct 19, 2005 18:32

Thanks alot guys.And theo to clear one tiinnnny thing up... I didn't mention that I like a relationship where we are constantly together.. god I'd hate that LOL I was just stating that my brother...go figure...first girl he's dated and they are constantly together and I can't even seem to get someone to return my phone call.

I want to email..but again... I *think* Ive tried enough...
Thanks alot guys.And theo to clear one tiinnnny thing up... I didn't mention that I like a relationship where we are constantly together.. god I'd hate that LOL I was just stating that my brother...go figure...first girl he's dated and they are constantly together and I can't even seem to get someone to return my phone call.

I want to email..but again... I *think* Ive tried enough...



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Posted on Wed, Oct 19, 2005 17:39

I'd give him some space. If he's really interested in you then he'll contact you, he's got your number. If he's not interested then chalk it up to experience and move on.

I get the impression you might have spooked him by coming on too strong. The date was just the first step, you date not because you're in love but in order to find out whether you like somebody.

Even if he isn't busy, it's quite possible that he's thinking things over. You mentionned that you liked the idea of a relationship where the couple are constantly together... frankly, that's not what I'd want and it's not what any of the girls I've been out with would have wanted either.

So stop the phone calls, stop the emails, stop stalking him and bear in mind that this isn't a relationship yet. You're just getting to know each other.

As Trixie says, men think differently to women and frankly a lot of women think differently to you SD so it's not as if this guy is acting weirdly. he's just acting in a way different to the way you would act. that's not wrong, it's just different.

Give him time... if he doesn't contact you there's plenty more fish in the sea.
I'd give him some space. If he's really interested in you then he'll contact you, he's got your number. If he's not interested then chalk it up to experience and move on.

I get the impression you might have spooked him by coming on too strong. The date was just the first step, you date not because you're in love but in order to find out whether you like somebody.

Even if he isn't busy, it's quite possible that he's thinking things over. You mentionned that you liked the idea of a relationship where the couple are constantly together... frankly, that's not what I'd want and it's not what any of the girls I've been out with would have wanted either.

So stop the phone calls, stop the emails, stop stalking him and bear in mind that this isn't a relationship yet. You're just getting to know each other.

As Trixie says, men think differently to women and frankly a lot of women think differently to you SD so it's not as if this guy is acting weirdly. he's just acting in a way different to the way you would act. that's not wrong, it's just different.

Give him time... if he doesn't contact you there's plenty more fish in the sea.



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Posted on Wed, Oct 19, 2005 16:10

Hey Sin, unfortunately this is a common problem with dating. You are far from alone and please do not blame or beat yourself up. Guys truly do not think like women. Plus, men will never want to hurt you in person so if they are not interested they will not tell you, they will try and let you figure it out the hard way. Even if you ask them out right it seems they will not give you an honest answer, that is my experience. For some strange reason many of them seem to think its easier to just avoid it than honestly state their feelings. But on the other hand, he may be busy and he may not have received your email or a hundred other things. Personally, I would not email him again, as you said you don't want to appear like a stalker, you have made your feelings perfectly clear and if he eventually returns your call and email thats great. But don't put yourself out there to feel hurt or rejected any more. You have done all that you can. Just let it go and realize that unfortunately it is out of your hands at this point. As you said the next move is his to make. I know I haven't given you any great answers but just know that you are not alone, these situations seem very common. So keep your chin up Sin, you are a beautiful intelligent woman and any man would be lucky to get you.
Hey Sin, unfortunately this is a common problem with dating. You are far from alone and please do not blame or beat yourself up. Guys truly do not think like women. Plus, men will never want to hurt you in person so if they are not interested they will not tell you, they will try and let you figure it out the hard way. Even if you ask them out right it seems they will not give you an honest answer, that is my experience. For some strange reason many of them seem to think its easier to just avoid it than honestly state their feelings. But on the other hand, he may be busy and he may not have received your email or a hundred other things. Personally, I would not email him again, as you said you don't want to appear like a stalker, you have made your feelings perfectly clear and if he eventually returns your call and email thats great. But don't put yourself out there to feel hurt or rejected any more. You have done all that you can. Just let it go and realize that unfortunately it is out of your hands at this point. As you said the next move is his to make. I know I haven't given you any great answers but just know that you are not alone, these situations seem very common. So keep your chin up Sin, you are a beautiful intelligent woman and any man would be lucky to get you.



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Posted on Wed, Oct 19, 2005 15:15

lol thanks kew. That's the exact way I feel about it. We havent exchanged actual email addys and Ive heard that mailing through this site sometimes emails arent recieved...so Im left thinking "maybe he hasn't recieved my email?" But I figure as long as I word it correctly, let him know I had a good time, and I would be interested in getting to know eachother better...I can understand if he's busy..but basically there's no reason for me to continue to try to connect if he's just "not feeling it". Blah LOL I hate the dating game I really do.! I will definately let you know should I decide to email him.. if I do it will probably be tonight, that way its done and off my mind!
lol thanks kew. That's the exact way I feel about it. We havent exchanged actual email addys and Ive heard that mailing through this site sometimes emails arent recieved...so Im left thinking "maybe he hasn't recieved my email?" But I figure as long as I word it correctly, let him know I had a good time, and I would be interested in getting to know eachother better...I can understand if he's busy..but basically there's no reason for me to continue to try to connect if he's just "not feeling it". Blah LOL I hate the dating game I really do.! I will definately let you know should I decide to email him.. if I do it will probably be tonight, that way its done and off my mind!



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Posted on Wed, Oct 19, 2005 15:05

I understand exactly where you are coming from. I personally would send the email like you said. But that is something that only you can decide what is best. I always look at it this way.... I would want to be given the benefit of the doubt if the situation was reversed. This way he knows you are interested but yet not being pushy at all. And it also lets him know that his lack of communication is not acceptible! lol I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. But hey.... if not... you are a beautiful woman and it is HIS loss! Have a great day!
I understand exactly where you are coming from. I personally would send the email like you said. But that is something that only you can decide what is best. I always look at it this way.... I would want to be given the benefit of the doubt if the situation was reversed. This way he knows you are interested but yet not being pushy at all. And it also lets him know that his lack of communication is not acceptible! lol I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. But hey.... if not... you are a beautiful woman and it is HIS loss! Have a great day!



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Posted on Wed, Oct 19, 2005 14:55

Thanks kew.. perhaps he will..but I'm not holding my breathe LOL and I've gone through all the excuses "perhaps he's busy with work, perhaps he's scared it went well, he could be seeing other women and just doesnt have time (which would be fine), maybe he's interested but waiting until I move to be that involved" yada..yada..lol but the thing is..and as a woman I KNOW you'll agree...

1. You don't want to stalk someone
2. You don't want to "read things wrong" and if he isn't interested continue to bother him.
3. You don't want to feel like you have to chase someone down just to talk to them
4. Most importantly you definately dont want to waste your time making excuses.

Who knows.. it's just really frustrating because even now I feel he's on the up...but I also feel like he needs to make the next move.

I felt like sending an email stating "if you are busy..that's fine... but if you arent interested, all you have to do is let me know because I dont want to bother you" kind of thing... I just dont know if I should or not.
Thanks kew.. perhaps he will..but I'm not holding my breathe LOL and I've gone through all the excuses "perhaps he's busy with work, perhaps he's scared it went well, he could be seeing other women and just doesnt have time (which would be fine), maybe he's interested but waiting until I move to be that involved" yada..yada..lol but the thing is..and as a woman I KNOW you'll agree...

1. You don't want to stalk someone
2. You don't want to "read things wrong" and if he isn't interested continue to bother him.
3. You don't want to feel like you have to chase someone down just to talk to them
4. Most importantly you definately dont want to waste your time making excuses.

Who knows.. it's just really frustrating because even now I feel he's on the up...but I also feel like he needs to make the next move.

I felt like sending an email stating "if you are busy..that's fine... but if you arent interested, all you have to do is let me know because I dont want to bother you" kind of thing... I just dont know if I should or not.



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Posted on Wed, Oct 19, 2005 14:03

Sinfully... I am so sorry. You know there might just be a good explanation. He might be busy. He might be scared. Sometimes men freak out when things go too good. But you know what you have to do for you! Yes, I totally agree that men (or women) need to remember that it only takes 2 minutes to send an email that says hey I'm busy, don't give up on me yet. And I don't know why they don't. I truly wish this did not happen. You seemed so happy. And I will keep my fingers crossed that he will see this and realize what a jerk he was and get his bu_tt over to see you! Hang in there sweetie! This too shall pass!
Sinfully... I am so sorry. You know there might just be a good explanation. He might be busy. He might be scared. Sometimes men freak out when things go too good. But you know what you have to do for you! Yes, I totally agree that men (or women) need to remember that it only takes 2 minutes to send an email that says hey I'm busy, don't give up on me yet. And I don't know why they don't. I truly wish this did not happen. You seemed so happy. And I will keep my fingers crossed that he will see this and realize what a jerk he was and get his bu_tt over to see you! Hang in there sweetie! This too shall pass!



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Posted on Wed, Oct 19, 2005 13:36

We in the forums have discussed this many times. I do not understand the rudeness of not answering, maybe men are afraid we will get all "emotional" on them and they just can not handle it. How do men "rule" the world. Maybe thats why there are so many wars, nobody calls back. LOL

You should read the book, "He's Just not that Into You." Funny and insightful look at men.

Personally if they don't call or respond in a timely fashion (especially if they said they would), they are deleted, whiped off the face of the earth, I have some ice cream, and then I move on figuring it was good I escaped from that one....
We in the forums have discussed this many times. I do not understand the rudeness of not answering, maybe men are afraid we will get all "emotional" on them and they just can not handle it. How do men "rule" the world. Maybe thats why there are so many wars, nobody calls back. LOL

You should read the book, "He's Just not that Into You." Funny and insightful look at men.

Personally if they don't call or respond in a timely fashion (especially if they said they would), they are deleted, whiped off the face of the earth, I have some ice cream, and then I move on figuring it was good I escaped from that one....

  


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