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A little Experiment...
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Posted on Sat, Oct 15, 2005 05:31

shallowness knows no gender barrier... not every man is shallow... but there are some... and not every woman is shallow.... but there are some. It is the society we live in.



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Posted on Fri, Jan 20, 2006 20:49

I for one run to Theo's post to see what he as to say. His posts are either humorous or at least thought provoking. I don't see the change in him that others have mentioned.

I especially like it when he challenges and stretches the original post and opens it up to a wider connecting topic that also needs addressed. Why some folks are offended by that does not make sense to me..... this is a discussion board. Anyhow thanks for sharing your thoughts theo. keep up the good work.



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Posted on Fri, Jan 20, 2006 03:58

Thank you for your kind words :-)



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Posted on Thu, Jan 19, 2006 20:20

MrGW write:
Theo, You are very surprising! I almost was ready to write-off most of your posts as being self-grandizing junk. Then you come out with such a perfect and very thoughtful post! Are3 you the same old Theo or are you the good half:)

i agree completely mrgw... i for one really appreciate this particular post.. i find all your writings interesting and amusing theo, (they make me smile and can be very thought provoking) but i have to say that this side of you is my favorite side!.....

  


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Posted on Thu, Jan 19, 2006 18:27

Theo, You are very surprising! I almost was ready to write-off most of your posts as being self-grandizing junk. Then you come out with such a perfect and very thoughtful post! Are3 you the same old Theo or are you the good half:)



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Posted on Thu, Jan 19, 2006 05:54

I think that from an evolutionary perspective we may be wired to seek out mates that could best meet our needs. This being the case, should men not seek out wide child bearing hips and large chests to produce mountains of milk for their offspring? When I hear this perspective I wonder at the other "instincts" human beings have that we overcome. I may want to bash someone over the head that just cut in line, but I refrain from doing so. I am mainly attracted to intelligence and someone with good grace. One can get used to any looks, including deformities, baldness and so on. The more I come to care for someone the less I see the outward self and the more I see the inward self.

As for smiling, it should only be done if it is genuine.



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Posted on Thu, Jan 19, 2006 03:17

Theophrastus write:
So my view is, that if that's what's really important, focus on what's really important.

The world shouldn't be this way... we shouldn't be this way.

Well said. It's unfortunate that things are the way they are. You have summed up a sad commentary of the double standard used by a great many people. Hopefully your words of wisdom will get many to thinking!



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Posted on Thu, Jan 19, 2006 02:47

When filling a profile out once on another site i genuinely messed up and in the children section i had ticked none - i received several messages and chatted with a few men. I realised my mistake a week or so later and rectified it immediately. I only ever heard from one of the men again and recieved no more new mail. It may have been a coincidence but i think men are put off by the child-factor. I would like to know why. My daughter has a father and while he and i are'nt together she does'nt need another.



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Posted on Thu, Jan 19, 2006 02:33

I've been trying to come to terms with what it is that really annoys me about human attraction and why it is that I'm particularly annoyed by the goings on within the plus-sze community and ultimately I think it's that I'm unable to shake the conviction that things aren't the way they should be and aren't the way we choose to see them.

I believe certain things about love. I think it really is about the person that's inside. I think that if you're in love with someone and they get their face torn off by crocodiles then you're a bad person if you don't continue to love them. I think that if a person puts on a load of weight or loses their hair or their teeth you shouldn't stop loving them.

It follows from this that it is what's inside that counts. This isn't even a weird notion... it's probably the first thing people will say if you ask them what's important in determining whether or not you fall in love with someone.

So my view is, that if that's what's really important, focus on what's really important. But clearly I'm alone in thinking then that people who rule others out because of their size are missing the point.

I think this is why the yahell thing annoyed me and why I'm disgusted by big people who refuse on principle to go out with other big people. The last one in particular bugs me because short of the deformed, if there's any group that SHOULD be all about what's inside and rejecting the ridiculous standards of physical beauty in our society then it should be us.

The world shouldn't be this way... we shouldn't be this way.

In the real world you'll never find two peaches that are identical in all respects apart from their juicyness, different peaches can be more or less sweet and have bigger or larger stones or have deeper and more textured flavours than each other. It's sad and depressing that people only talk about juice because there are so many other ways in which to enjoy a peach.



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Posted on Wed, Jan 18, 2006 04:27

All of this worries me - while i think its a valid 'experiment' and may while a few hours away, others have now said they do the same. Does'nt it worry anyone that the people we talk to may not look the way we think. For me i like to see pictures of people just to get an idea of how they look but that to me is important (i am attracted to men who wear glasses but would'nt kick a 20/20 visioned man out!)

But the same could be said of the guys who like big girls - thats what you like and are attracted to - why because we're big do we have to be attracted to bigger guys.

In my defence (because you are rather feisty) i have dated both small and large men with and without glasses and here i am single. The moral of the story is 'it takes two'. We can't always have what we want.

This all made sense in my head if not anywhere else!!



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Posted on Tue, Jan 17, 2006 02:12

The person I am on these forums is very different to the person I am in an email, on the phone or chatting online. I'm very "left brain" on here ;-)

I have had a reasonable response in terms of numbers but it hasn't really yielded anyone who I would go out with is all. But your advice is accepted with spirit in which it was given so thank you :-)



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Posted on Mon, Jan 16, 2006 12:33

Hi Theo,
Sorry I didn't see your other photos, I just took a look now. OK, you have a couple grins there, which are good-- and I don't know why you haven't had a better response-- except for maybe you are a little bit feisty...

The fact that people are more drawn to a smile is NOT superficial-- it is purely human nature. If you study psychology you will find that people feel more accepted when someone is smiling at them--regardless of fat content.

  


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Posted on Mon, Jan 16, 2006 04:27

Designgirl - Three points :

1) I do actually smile in half of the photos on my profile.

2) For a while I did have a smiling picture and noticed no improvement in my wink hitrate.

3) I wouldn't go out with someone who wouldn't talk to me because I'm not smiling. That's not only superficial, it also displays a complete lack of imagination. It's up there with people who think that one packet of biscuits will taste better because its got what looks like a hand-written label on it.

I didn't post the thread in a "poor me" effort to garner sympathy. It was simply that I found it interesting and I thought I'd share it given that this is a plus-size community.



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Posted on Sun, Jan 15, 2006 16:11

Theophrastus write:
As I was boredyesterday afternoon, I decided to try a little experiment. I've had my profile on at the place for a while and haven't received a single ice-breaker, let alone an email.

So I filled out a second profile, identical to the first but with a picture of a thin guy I found when I googled.

I log on this morning? 10 icebreakers for the phantom skinny version of me.

...and they say women aren't shallow.


wow, that is very interesting. I guess we women can be shallow, but i like to think i give everyone the same chance.



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Posted on Sun, Jan 15, 2006 11:23

Has anyone here thought that maybe if Theo was smiling in his photo that he might get a few more winks? I work in magazines and people tend to be more attracted to a smiling face rather than a serious one. So, Theo, I challenge you to do two profiles, one with the photo you have, and the other with a better/different photo of you smiling. See what kind of reaction you get then.



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Posted on Sun, Jan 15, 2006 08:03

I just broke it off with a bombshell. She was a b*%$@! People might of thought I was lucky when we were in public but Lord they couldn't imagine the rocks I had to dodge in private. Looks might get my attention, but they won't keep it.

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Posted on Tue, Nov 01, 2005 18:47

Rockchickbbw write:
Hey Aijin ... is your other profile "cablegirl" ...??
Hey Aijin ... is your other profile "cablegirl" ...??


D'oh! Nope. *L* Good try though.



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Posted on Tue, Nov 01, 2005 17:15

Hey Aijin ... is your other profile "cablegirl" ...??
Hey Aijin ... is your other profile "cablegirl" ...??



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Posted on Sun, Oct 30, 2005 22:23

Theophrastus write:
Thought provoking though, nonetheless.

Last week I was rolling my eyes at that Roch woman who clearly wanted nothing more out of life than to be humped by a muscular black guy but in a way there's a degree of self-awareness and honesty there that's kind of laudable.

Compare this to the girls who sent the phantom skinny Theo an icebreaker who had these lists of things they liked that made no real mention of physical appearances beyond the usual discreet "my match must be : athletic, slim".

I drift in and out of believing attitudes to big people differ on the basis of gender. But from talking to other people on these boards, I get the impression that big women frequently don't do too badly on mainstream dating sites, and I have been noticing lots of BBWs only looking for athletic or skinny guys. It's the kind of question you could solve with a copy of Excel and access to the membership database but without hard stats it's difficult to talk sensibly at it.

Someone should do the same with a female profile actually, so we can compare and contrast.

Did this really come as a shocker to you? I would hope not, you seem very intelligent. *laughing* We should compare notes sometime. I've already created a shadow profile. If anyone can find it, kudos to you!!! You're brilliant!!

  


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Posted on Sat, Oct 29, 2005 19:14

RagDoll - I should have KNOWN you would be causing some kind of rift raft on here. :)

What part of the world large did he falter with? You should have told him if he lost some pounds from his ego, he'd be cute too. We'll have to meet on Kew's Korner for my colorful thoughts! :)

Cute pic of you for sure. What an idiot.
RagDoll - I should have KNOWN you would be causing some kind of rift raft on here. :)

What part of the world large did he falter with? You should have told him if he lost some pounds from his ego, he'd be cute too. We'll have to meet on Kew's Korner for my colorful thoughts! :)

Cute pic of you for sure. What an idiot.

  


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