musicnut46 write: Do you think it possible to have the beginnings of falling in love with someone before you actually meet them face to face?
Everyone else is saying that it isn't, but I did have a different experience about 10 years ago.
I was talking to someone online and we both noticed that we were feeling chemistry towards each other. We exchanged pictures, phone calls, etc. Two months later, we met in person...
For four days in Dec, 1995... it was all about us, no one else existed, and I learned about the whole primal mating, souls merging thing.
Distance killed it, however... we always tried to get back together, but we weren't allowed to. :-( And then we totally lost track of each other. I knew before she left that it would be a very long time before I ever saw her again.
And the really bad part of it all... the pictures of she and I together were on a camera that I lost before I could get the film developed.
10 years later, and I haven't come across ANYTHING that even came close to what I felt back then.
I agree too!!
Way back......when I was a mere 18 yr old....wow that was a loooooong time ago...I met my first husband. My parents having the wisdom most have knew he was NO GOOD but.... my heart told me differently so we had a relationship based mostly on secret phone calls. We did marry and it wasn't until months later I learned the harsh truth...... some people are just not honest at all..... not to say that anyone in particular is not but if they are not..... they will tell u whatever they want u to believe on the phone and on the net so please be careful and do meet in person before getting lost in those beautiful thoughts of love and romance........... no matter how tempting it may be....... best of luck.
Thanks for the nice welcome. The best thing about this place is seeing all the different experiences we've all had. It's almost like a neighborhood! Some comments really make me go, 'Hmmm'. Others make me laugh and giggle. A sense of humor is a requirement today! I love that people find humor even in things that can be sad - just kind of turning it around so that it doesn't sting so badly. (OK, I know I ended a sentence with a preposition, so sue me. I'm the QUEEN, dammit!) : )
govtgal write: Well, don't know what I really wanted to get across to you all, mostly just to say how helpful it is to see everyone's comments and views, and especially Theophrastus and Islandgirl... Have a good day, all.
Welcome! Post all you like... we look forward to getting to know you better through the forum. BUT... one rule here... we NEVER agree with Theo unless it's impossible to get past. LOL (Just kidding Theo!)
Hi, folks, this is my first time posting. Been watching with great interest, and have learned a lot. I was moved to write because I met someone that I'd been writing to for a year and a half before meeting this past July, and everything you all have said is quite true. Don't know where this is going to go, but seeing what everyone has to say has been very helpful to me. Being alone for 13 years and having learned that I settled for much too little in the past has made me skittish, untrusting, and somewhat unable to just plain enjoy meeting this man and spending what little time we have together... Well, don't know what I really wanted to get across to you all, mostly just to say how helpful it is to see everyone's comments and views, and especially Theophrastus and Islandgirl... Have a good day, all.
I agree with everyone. I think you fall in love with an imaginary person. They are only what you conceive them to be. You must be so careful with the internet. I've learned the hard way that some people just aren't as they seem. Anyway, I call it falling in love with a box. (Computer monitor.) LOL!!
I don't think relationships take THAT much work. They take some work and thought but if you're spending all your time thinking and worrying about where things are going then it's probably a sign that this person isn't right for you.
(Plus there are few things that annoy guys as much as those protracted and rudderless relationship discussions ;-)
What else can I say? Nothing I can think of. Theo and Islandgirl said it pretty clearly. Being someone online can become a culture shock when the reality part happens. Emailing, chatting, this online stuff, is just the beginnings of relationship formation. You can write all you want, give the other all the info in the world they desire, but when you 2 meet for the first time, that's the real test. That's when reality starts and many times, as we have all found, reality takes a toll on a relationship.
I still stand by my belief that, in reality, relationships take very hard work, time, sensitivity, senserity (sp?), and honesty (to name a few) to work. Getting to "reality" is just the first step.
And it's a daily thing. You just can't work at it here and there and expect a relationship to survive, especially the during the tough parts. And there are enough of those to test even the best of relationships.
Finally meeting someone you've been emailing with for a long time and then meeting them must be nerve-wracking. Personally, I've never gotten to that point. Been close, but no cigar, as they say... But I can imagine the anticipation, nerves, wonderment, excitement, expectations, etc, involved.
I can also understand how your "fantasy" can be burst when seemingly Mr./Ms. Almost Right, who writes those beautiful emails turns out to be a nightmare; at least on that first date.
Perhaps if you take into account the nerves, etc, and try again, things may be different. But who am I to give advice? I'm still waiting for my first meeting! Thought I had it, but, poof! Gone like a ghost all of a sudden...
I agree with the general consensus. Infatuation, a crush, the stirrings of interest...but actual love, no. Romantic or otherwise.
I think it's because love is a verb, and to me that means ACTION. Before I can totally invest my heart in anyone, I must be certain that they are who they say they are. They have to find out my strengths and weaknesses. That takes time, patience and trust.
Relationships, even dreadful ones take a lot of work. Spending time with a person, watching how they honor their committments to themselves and families, seeing how they deal with setbacks that life throws their way. Witnessing if they have the power and substance to make their dreams come true, much less mine.
It's far too easy to be compatible when there is no opportunity for conflict or need for compromise. Even in the first stages of real time courtship, people have their game faces on. No one is perfect and aren't we all looking for someone who loves us unconditionally? The online world leaves so much room for illusions and fantasies.
For instance, I inadvertantly hurt an online friend by being unwittingly insensitive. I will regret this for ages, yet, I learned a valuable lesson. At it's worst, online life can mean projecting our fantasies of the ideal best friend or perfect lover onto others without giving them the space and respect to be themselves. It's unfair to think that anyone can fill up our blank spaces or deficits. Even if we are basically good people, we might hurt others and be hurt in this process. But, the same happens in real time and love is still worth reaching out for and dreaming about.
It's so great that we have this opportunity to meet people we would otherwise never have access to. This is so thrilling to me. At the same time, I found out that I have so much in common with so many of you that it is inspiring and I don't feel alone in my quest anymore. This gives me more confidence in the real world and that is a blessing. I am so grateful to my new online pals and those who have given me feedback and insight into myself. I hope that I can return the favor. I will become a better person for this experience.
I agree with Theo..
You start fantasizing about the person, before you meet them. Its really hard for someone to live up to your fantasies. I've heard it said that verbal only amounts to 10% of communication.
That's why I'm constantly listing in my profile that I prefer someone remotely closely to me. Sure you can make a good mental connection with someone, but there are somethings that you'll be able to guage and notice about the person when you're meeting them in person that you will never be able to guage just chatting online or over the phone.
That's the most wisdom I've ever read from you Theo... thanks.
I guess I know it's not possible to fall in love, but I think you can get an attachment to the person that makes you want to connect with them emotionally. But yes, I do agree that it's easy to fall in love with the imagine we have developed of them, rather than the real person.
But I do believe you can fall in love after you meet. I think this is a good way to start the process if both are honest with each other.