musicnut46 write: Do you think it possible to have the beginnings of falling in love with someone before you actually meet them face to face?
Everyone else is saying that it isn't, but I did have a different experience about 10 years ago.
I was talking to someone online and we both noticed that we were feeling chemistry towards each other. We exchanged pictures, phone calls, etc. Two months later, we met in person...
For four days in Dec, 1995... it was all about us, no one else existed, and I learned about the whole primal mating, souls merging thing.
Distance killed it, however... we always tried to get back together, but we weren't allowed to. :-( And then we totally lost track of each other. I knew before she left that it would be a very long time before I ever saw her again.
And the really bad part of it all... the pictures of she and I together were on a camera that I lost before I could get the film developed.
10 years later, and I haven't come across ANYTHING that even came close to what I felt back then.
I don't think relationships take THAT much work. They take some work and thought but if you're spending all your time thinking and worrying about where things are going then it's probably a sign that this person isn't right for you.
(Plus there are few things that annoy guys as much as those protracted and rudderless relationship discussions ;-)
What else can I say? Nothing I can think of. Theo and Islandgirl said it pretty clearly. Being someone online can become a culture shock when the reality part happens. Emailing, chatting, this online stuff, is just the beginnings of relationship formation. You can write all you want, give the other all the info in the world they desire, but when you 2 meet for the first time, that's the real test. That's when reality starts and many times, as we have all found, reality takes a toll on a relationship.
I still stand by my belief that, in reality, relationships take very hard work, time, sensitivity, senserity (sp?), and honesty (to name a few) to work. Getting to "reality" is just the first step.
And it's a daily thing. You just can't work at it here and there and expect a relationship to survive, especially the during the tough parts. And there are enough of those to test even the best of relationships.
Finally meeting someone you've been emailing with for a long time and then meeting them must be nerve-wracking. Personally, I've never gotten to that point. Been close, but no cigar, as they say... But I can imagine the anticipation, nerves, wonderment, excitement, expectations, etc, involved.
I can also understand how your "fantasy" can be burst when seemingly Mr./Ms. Almost Right, who writes those beautiful emails turns out to be a nightmare; at least on that first date.
Perhaps if you take into account the nerves, etc, and try again, things may be different. But who am I to give advice? I'm still waiting for my first meeting! Thought I had it, but, poof! Gone like a ghost all of a sudden...
I agree with Theo..
You start fantasizing about the person, before you meet them. Its really hard for someone to live up to your fantasies. I've heard it said that verbal only amounts to 10% of communication.
If you're talking about online stuff what you're talking about is infatuation and it's largely because your mind plays tricks on you.
Have you ever seen something out of the corner of your eye and been convinced that it was one thing only for you to look at it again and realise it was something else?
That's because if we don't have enough information to understand something our brain tends to fill in the gaps for us. I've noticed the same happens on the internet. We don't really know the people we talk about so we tend to fill in the gaps, inferring all kinds of things about them based on our personal experience. So it's easy to fall in love with someone you haven't met because what you're actually falling in love with is your desires and wishes projected onto an email or a chat handle or even a voice on the phone.
I say this not to be mean or to shoot down any romantic notions but it can be quite dangerous if only because when you do actually meet the person, their failures to match what you've projected onto them can result in you letting the real person slip away... simply ecause they're not the person you imagined was talking to you.
That's why I think it's important to remember that it's not real until you meet the person. THEN you can fall in love :-)