well, my 50th birthday was a few days ago. i tried so hard to see all the positive things i have at this point in my life... i own a house ( in the SF bay area, no less!), i am financially ok, i travel extensively and scuba dive, i have some great friends..... but all i can focus on is what i DON'T have... you know the one... i'm 50 and alone. i've ALWAYS been alone. i'm 50 and i've never been anyone's girlfriend/partner/mate.... never... if you start from 15 as the age you become interested in dating/relationships.. that's 35 years. is that a record? anyone know anyone besides me who's been alone their WHOLE life??? never in my life has a man other than my father or brother said "i love you" to me. no man has ever taken me seriously for anything but s#e#x. i have no hope or expectation that that will ever change. what's wrong with me? why can't anyone tell me? i just don't know what to do anymore.. why can't i just be content to be without love? i've spent 20 months on 3 fat people dating sites like this one thinking that maybe if i went specifically to men who like fat women things might be different. but there's no difference here.. i still don't qualify for anyone's real interest.... you know what i've learned in my fifty years? there is NOT someone for everyone... "just stop looking and love will find you" is a huge lie. it amazes me how all these posts talk about your "ex" or past partner, or dating so casually... as if you all think you have an inherent right to love and relationships.. my life isnt that way. i feel like i'm on the outside looking in,, and i can't understand why everyone else gets to play this "dating game" but i don't. is there some invisible thing women have that attracts men to them as possible mate that i don't have? i just don't get it.. i'm so tired of being alone... i'm like a 15 year-old thinking " oh well, next year i'll have a date for the ____________ (fill in any event). in my whole life, i've never had a date/es*cort for any family gathering, or any function or party. i'm the one who always arrives (and leaves) single. my invitations don't even say "and date " any more. i spent the whole last week of my birthday off work home alone and crying. dont' misunderstand... i had a party/picnic... which all my friends and their mates attended... i was alone, of course. i had a wonderful weekend away with 6 close girlfriends.... but all of this is overshadowed by how single i am.... forever... not to mention that my mom died a few months ago , so this is the 1st birthday of my life that i got no happy birthday call from her... happy birthday to me
My heart cries for you and I hear, and understand your pain. I'm soon to be 49, I've had 2 LTRs but when you look back on them, it was really only s@x. I was never really respected (one cheated repeatedly) and the other ignored me until he wanted "some". And I was so willing to let myself be used like like because I felt so alone too. I never had a date in school, was teased mercilessly instead, and mostly ignored as an adult. But you know, it took losing my mother, who was my best friend and confidant, for me to realize that I was worth something more than what I felt I had been. I didn't come to that feeling overnight, but it did happen. Your Mom's gone 1 year; mine 4 years this Christmas. You have to grieve for her first and for however long that takes. You never forget, but it does get easier. Men, on the other hand, are a challenge. Many of us on here wonder daily what happened to the good ones. I've said it before, I'm going to keep looking and not settle. I may be 90 by the time I find him, but I'll find him! Have a wonderful day!
Bubbleblower, my heart goes out to you. Although I am only 35, 2 weeks ago was the first time I had ever had a first date. Other than that I was only used for se*x. My parents divorced after 34 years of marriage and my mother was devastated and thought she would be alone the rest of her life too. Well at 55 she met a wonderful that she had known for years but his wife had recently died of cancer. They have now been married for 4 years and going strong. Whenever I got down about being alone, I reminded myself that if my mother could find someone, so could I. I do believe that half of the battle is putting out a positive attitude. If you go into situations with a negative attitude, those that you meet will feel it and no one will be attracted to that. I know its hard but try to keep reinforcing the positives in your life and putting good energy out there and you will find it. I truly believe that. Good luck, Trixie