The Myth That BBW Have Low Self Esteem DATING Forward to friends

  • View author's info Author Posted on Aug 20, 2005 at 10:30 PM

    Every once in a while I go on a local chat server and visit the BBW rooms to ask the men there why they like BBW. More often than not, I'd be told that because they, themselves, had a low self esteem, they figured they could get a big girl, because she was more desperate and had lowered her standards as a result. I have to say.. if that's really why anybody seeks out BBW.. their odds are worse than they think. I don't know about other BBW, but my most common problem seems to be men wanting only this flesh, this body.. and forgetting my mind. Or not caring to even know it. Intelligence seems to be a detraction. Am I insane (okay, that may go without saying), or is this a common thread out there for any other ladies? I'll be interested to know.
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  • View author's info Posted on Oct 14, 2005 at 06:03 PM

    I've been reading your comments for a while now, and usually you have valid points to make. This time I have to disagree.

    Based on the current stats of early s*xual activity, teenage pregnancy and increasing rates of s*xually-transmitted diseases, I'd say that low self-esteem isn't just an issue with big women. I believe that a large percentage of the female population (western world) still believes they are not whole without a man, and will do whatever it takes to catch and keep one.

    As for me, I'm holding out for the best!
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 13, 2005 at 05:14 PM

    opheliasend write:
    Every once in a while I go on a local chat server and visit the BBW rooms to ask the men there why they like BBW. More often than not, I'd be told that because they, themselves, had a low self esteem, they figured they could get a big girl, because she was more desperate and had lowered her standards as a result. I have to say.. if that's really why anybody seeks out BBW.. their odds are worse than they think. I don't know about other BBW, but my most common problem seems to be men wanting only this flesh, this body.. and forgetting my mind. Or not caring to even know it. Intelligence seems to be a detraction. Am I insane (okay, that may go without saying), or is this a common thread out there for any other ladies? I'll be interested to know.

    I think the myth comes from the fact that in most societies the term fat has become a way of saying someone is both, large in size and unattractive. Many bbw's have come to believe this, either consciously or subconsciously.

    Thus, as a way of trying to shrug off that feeling of being unattracted alot of bbw seek to gain society's approval by trying to get an "average/thin/non-fat" guy. Of course often times these guys don't really want the bbw for whom they are, they just want to score easy. However, the bbw's in their quest for acceptance and to be able to feel like an "ordinary girl" often time fail to realize this, don't care, or lie to themselves to feel justify their actions. This in turn cause lots of guys to seek bbw's out because they know they are looking so hard to be accepted and will do anything, like "putting out", just to achieve those goals.

    Thus, you get the whole idea that all bbw have low-self esteem since some bbw need a man, usually an "ordinary", one to make them feel better about themselves.

    Just my 2 cents,
    Rodney aka bbanditx79
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 11, 2005 at 04:39 PM

    Let me just say that my self esteem is very high! Only I can lift me up and make me happy! No one else can do that for me. I walk with confidence, stride in the highest of heels and still feel sexy and beautiful. When I go out to a movie, dancing or etc I receive compliments from both men and women who tell me how beautiful my smile is, my eyes are and etc. I don't care or listen to what someone says or thinks about Big Beautiful Women.

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  • View author's info Posted on Oct 09, 2005 at 07:33 AM

    cheers, reighne-
    my lack of confidence is soley on my appearance and my ability to find a partner i am happy with. Im hugely (over?)aware of my own intelligence, abilities, and accomplishments, but i think im more aware of my pitfalls as a human being. My weight being one of them. For example, im a Zoology student, and we have quite a lot of hikes and hard physical work just to get to our locations for tests. We had an excursion recently like this, and i started the whole trip being very anxious about my ability to keep up and complete the trail. (on a side note, not only did i keep up i was practically leading on some occasions, so heck yeah!) but im very conscious of how much my weight limits me professionally, not just socially or romantically. I worry about being judged on my ability to suceed in such a feild solely based off of my weight. and when i fail, it makes me wonder and feels like a real kick to the tubby gut. It drags me down on that level.
    On the more romantic level, im being constantly told alli need is confidence, im a great attractive person, etc etc. but its like right, if im so great, you tell me why you woldnt fancy me. You tell me why your friend is one of those people who doesnt. you tell me why im only ever approached by the sleaze balls, and the ones i approach only ever want to be friends.
    its a cycle of questions that I, nor anyone else, seem to be able to answer.
    and thats just plain frustrating.
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 05, 2005 at 06:49 AM

    Sorry but I did not read all the replies -

    I don't think it is a matter of size even though for some that could have a lot to do with people. Even thin people have a low self esteem. I think it is just people in general.

    Now with the myth or original question of the thread being true or not. I don't know.

    As for myself - I am just more attracted to BBW. But that's just me.
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 04, 2005 at 09:39 AM

    Hello Everyone my response is directed at MRGW. I am her at LF simply because I would prefer dating someone who "PREFERS" a LARGE WOMAN> I am young, intelligent, stress free, not to mention beautiful so, the idea is I want someone who want me for who I am....Self esteem is ones frame of mind and fortunately not all Large Women have low self esteem.
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 03, 2005 at 12:14 PM

    Btw LokiRook, I personally think you're gorgeous lady so I can't quite fathom your statement of low self-esteem. You're lovely, have a good head on your shoulders, and a good deal of wit

  • View author's info Posted on Oct 03, 2005 at 12:12 PM

    My two cents:

    A man either likes me or doesn't like me, however, his opinion, is just that-an opinion. Does his opinion really affect my life? Only if I let it so really no.

    There have been times I've thought about keeping a few boy toys around (my id running wild) but my superego thinks about it and goes... that's not nice and would be hurtful. I don't dig the idea of hurting anyone because I know how it feels to be hurt, so overall, the golden rule applies, treat others as you would have them treat you.

    Women can be just as sleazy and ugly as men can, but its not a gender thing - its a person thing. I'm looking for a "mensch", a real man - and I try to be the best woman I can be to support that. That doesn't mean I let him walk all over me or worse blameshift. No one can take anything from you unless you give them that right. If I were to (hypothetically) have a one-night stand with someone and we're both consenting adults, it would be irresponsible of me to lay blame at his feet if I were expecting something from it outside of what was understood/mutually agreed upon and if nothing was mutually understood or agreed upon (this being the start of a relationship or merely a one time free-for-all pleasurable encounter), you had no business getting into bed with him.

    Online... well you get good guys, you get sleazy guys, you get those looking for an easy lay. I don't have to read all of their emails, respond to any of them, or even really let it affect my life. If they send something nasty evil to me because I'm upfront and say sorry not interested, its called harrassment and insecurity on their part, but I don't have to let it bother me or disturb me in anyway. They haven't violated me or made me lose respect for myself. There are some - (and ya know who you are) who I look forward to hearing from and to meeting in person. Those are the ones I focus on. They're the ones who make this website work. :)

    No offense, fellow sisters, but listening to some of the posts, I wonder how many do the picking and choosing instead of letting others pick and choose for them. I know what I want. I go for what I want, because I'll only live once and that can all change quickly. If I find a man attractive, darn straight I tell him so rather than waiting (which I personally think really bites), but along with that I am prepared for him to not reciprocate those feelings and move on. I have a lot to give and if someone doesn't want it why bother trying to force them to want it? I mean, really, what idiot wouldn't want to have fun, find interesting conversations and adventures, be pampered and loved up on and encouraged? If he's that stupid, do *I* want him? If so... err... why?

    So my take? if some turkey were dumb enough to drown because they haven't the sense to stop looking up at the sky, do I really want that same turkey(man) in my life? Just some thoughts.

  • View author's info Posted on Oct 03, 2005 at 10:02 AM

    Wow...i don't think i've ever had low self-esteem....and to be honest i didn't think people thought that about BBW...hmmm occasionally when something i like doesn't fit right,i get a tad bit upset...but really i thought all women go through that...hmmmmm interesting....this is what happends when you're

    I'm someone who always thought highly of myself...and i'm extremely picky by nature.

    This is all news to me...
  • View author's info Posted on Oct 01, 2005 at 03:17 PM

    Not sure you know what your talking about, but you can talk to me.

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  • View author's info Posted on Sep 15, 2005 at 03:41 AM

    Hey Mr GW.

    I understand what you are talking about, but society frowns heavily on those who don't ACT in the way that is considered the norm. It's okay for men to enjoy sins of the flesh but if a woman does she's a bad girl!

    Another member mentioned a valid point that most people * kids are more honest than adults * view fat people as dumb. If any of the members are not up-to-date on some of the peaks and pit-falls of being overweight, than I suggest they pop the term 'hoggers' into their browser.

    On the spin side there are groups and forums like this that try to promote size acceptance, or just being respectful of differences. We all have some bias based on life experience. I think it's wrong to say ALL MEN are dogs, because that is an unfair generalization, but if you asked a room of 100 BBW's most would probably agree.

    If you asked 100 average men if they thought BBW's are lonely and desparate I would dare say most would also agree with that....WHY YOU ASK? It's pretty simple. It's societal stigma's that have labeled different genders and groups of individuals.

    I figure if you have a fetish, so what, if you enjoy sins of the flesh, so what, so long as you are true to yourself that is all that should matter, but ironically we all, myself included, can be very quick to label another in spite of ourselves.

    Just my ten cents worth.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 14, 2005 at 08:33 AM

    I dont think you need confidence to have standards. If im not attracted to someone on any level im not going to date them. I 'settled' for my ex, who was the epitome of everyone i told myself i shouldnt date. some traits were somewhat superficial (like i wasnt even remotely attracted to him) some intellectual (he wasnt nearly as smart. Im a science major, he was a journalism major, and yet i was editing and correcting his horrible articles) and some were really hardcore (he was a drug user *thumbsdown*).
    well yeah, i took what was available. and you know what? I HATED IT. i spent two years with him. most of that time i was abroad but it was near torture to be around him sometimes.
    so you know what? forget settling and taking whats available because i was miserable. why subject myself to that when i have enough stress and issues in my life? i have enough problems with myself without also becoming a whiney stressed out chic with a loser bf who strives to isolate me from my nearest and dearest.
    that isnt being picky its being *smart*
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 11, 2005 at 04:17 PM

    I think everyone here has made amazing comments/revelations.

    I have noticed that with some men on here, they claim they want an honest and open woman who likes herself the way she is. I have winked at them, tried talked to them and tried to get to know them to only find they are looking for someone they can boss around (NOT ALL MEN ON HERE BUT THERE ARE A FEW). I have also found when I try to be HONEST with SOME men on here and tell them tactfully and as kind as possible that I am not interested in them "that way" but I would love to be friends, that is when the guy's "true colors" come out. Just the other day I told someone I just wanted to get to know them and be friends, I was called a fat C**T and a b****. Funny how these men claim to be sweet and caring and can turn on a dime.

    Because of the way I handled myself in these situations (and even wrote in my profile that I am a straight-shooter) I was told by a handful of men that I have TOO much confidence for a BBW and that I am too picky and should just be happy that SOME guy is paying attention to me. Ummm does anyone else see a problem with that?

    Yes I know I am picky, but I also know that I used to have such low self esteem, I was used, taken advantage of and became a hermit because of this.

    Now, approaching my 29th birthday (September 20th), I can say for the first time in my life, I LOVE who I am and what I have made of myself. I want someone who has the level (or close to it) of self esteem I do. I have been with men who have lower self esteem, and that only causes heart ache because they think that you are off shagging someone else all the time.

    Love yourself for who you are and the rest of the world will notice!
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 09, 2005 at 06:16 PM

    Men I've encountered always assume that I'm desperate and dumb. Neither of which is true (I hope!). I've met so many people that assume that because I'm fat, I'm desperate for affection (those same people that think fat people do nothing but sit around and eat junk food). I was spending some time with a guy a few months ago and one night he became quite intoxicated and tried to "put the moves on me". When I denied, he yelled "You'd be lucky to..." well... you know and called me lots of names. He assumed that I would do anything he wanted just because he was an attractive man and I was a stupid, desperate fat girl. I poured my drink all over him... tehehe.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 08, 2005 at 04:30 PM

    It's really funny that you brought that up!! I got so tired of doctors telling me that I was overweight. One day I went to the doctor and they asked me if I had any health conditions... I said "Yes, apparently I'm obese". That shut them up real quick. It was rather funny.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 08, 2005 at 11:25 AM

    I couldn't agree more! I'm insulted when people treat me like I'm stupid just because I'm large.

    I've been treated that way from professionals... like Doctors... I hate the "did you know you need to lose weight?" What do they think? That I got stupid and lost my eyesight as I gain weight through my life???
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 08, 2005 at 08:57 AM

    I think that a lot of men expect BBW's to have low self esteem. But that being said... since when did self esteem begin effecting a woman's intelligence?
    My take on it is that there are more than enough men out there who think that women are nothing more than an ornament.
    I'm intelligent and I'm not affraid to admit it. I've e-mailed back and forth with various men and everytime that I say that I'm majoring in molecular biotechnology, the conversation is lost.
    I guess perhaps they (men) assume that smart women aren't premiscuous? Promiscuity is linked to one's self concept, not intelligence. So in otherwords, the men that I've talked to just want to get laid. If that's what I wanted I would to the local meat market, oh I mean bar. Is there anyone out there who agrees?
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 07, 2005 at 09:54 PM

    Freysh.. I'm sorry to hear it, but I do understand. I've actually cancelled my paid membership, here, and when the prepaid month runs out, expect to completely drop free of it. Pretty much dealing with the same problems as you, and that's with three years of attempted dating. I had actually quit dating altogether four and 1/2 months ago. Not sure what inspired me to try again, but with school starting.. I can't put my time, nor my heart, into this anymore. I've enjoyed the forums on here. Luck to you, dear lady.
  • View author's info Posted on Sep 07, 2005 at 02:27 PM

    Low self esteem comes in all shapes and sizes... it is not exclusive to BBWs nor does it not apply to BBWs. Self esteem can be stripped from you n your life and it's very hard to recover.

    The woman Theo was talking about obviously does have low self esteem, but not all of we BBWs who have lower self esteem are easy.
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