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IN NEED OF ADVICE
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Posted on Thu, Aug 04, 2005 15:22

I'll second "take if from Rockchick", she just... well nailed it. From what you worte you haven't "screwed" anything up, you've just giving to takers, part of life/learning... all that. Good thing is that you still give of yourself, and when you finally give to someone who takes as well as gives back you'll be one happy puppy.



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Posted on Wed, Aug 03, 2005 19:55

Hi Sweetie. I think the big thing is just to be happy with yourself and comfortable BEING yourself. You should not have to feel like you should try or be something you are not. Its all just going to end up badly if you do that, and IF by some fluke it does work out, you will have to pretend for the rest of your life...not good.

I think you just need to try and relax, and let happen whats going to happen, and above all remember love takes time, be patient.

Hang in there...If you ever need someone to talk to I have more than enough shoulder for you and a willing ear. Not sure how you can contact me though as Im not a member, but I am a chataholic so am around if you look in the right places....



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Posted on Mon, Aug 01, 2005 00:27

Hey Brownsugar

Glad I could help ... :) and I hope you are doing OK ... like I was saying before, you need to look into yourself and have the main focus on you, I have just slpit from my current boyfriend, and he has self issues as well, I could only do so much, and well didnt seem like it was enough, we split over the weekend, and we are still friends, I could recognise things werent going well a little while ago, and we have now eneded it, but instead of taking the hurt and pain of the ending of a relationship, we are looking at it as a new beggining for something or someone new.... but we both need time now to heal from eachother .... there are PLENTY of possible mates out there for everyone, there is not only one .... and you have a LOT going for you from the posts I have seen and how your personality comes out .... and when you are ready, whatch out guys !!!

  


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Posted on Mon, Jul 25, 2005 14:37

take it from rockchickbbw and just believ in yourself and be your self the guys are just as confused i know i was just overwhelmed but as grew older and realized were all just human and if thats not enough for the ppl your datin thats there fault not yours there the ones who have to deal with it not you
do what makes you comfortable and happy not what makes them happy youl be much better off
take care of you first
love will come to you much easier than you think
as always jeanot



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Posted on Sat, Jul 23, 2005 10:16

brownsugar .... I am sorry you are in this frame of mind at the moment, and I can understand your torment, I think most people have been through a similar situation where you like or "love" someone so much it hurts ... BUT its harder when you put yourself in a situation where you GIVE GIVE GIVE, they TAKE TAKE TAKE .... and in the end you are the one financially ruined, emotionally ruined, mentally ruined .... I have been there and done that ....

Women, and especially when we are younger, tend to be very emotional when we are in love to the point where we cant control our emotions .... so what feels "right" to us, scares the Sh*t out of the guy you are going after, guys dont have a very good concept of love and romance when they are young, they are all about fun and hanging with the guys and fooling around.... (not all but most) girls on the other hand are wanting to LOVE them and have the ROMANCE and the emotion to go with it all .... and obviously the combination sometimes collides .... I am not saying this is the case with EVERYONE tho ....

I have been in a similar situation as you twice now, I havent resorted to self hurting, but its been bad enough, sweetie there is nothing worse then putting yourself where you arent wanted, now I am not saying this guy DOESNT want you, but I can give you an example of what I went through with a guy who lived in another state ... I bought him gifts all the time, called him all the time, we cammed and he told me he loved me and blah blah blah .... however, he NEVER reciprocated with phone calls... or gifts or whatever... he ALWAYS had an excuse why he didnt call or whatever else he BSed about ... anyways the fact of the matter was he wasnt into me even tho he made it seem other wise.... and it hurt .... and sometimes still does when I think about it ....

You have to try not to be so "available" and what I mean by that is, dont always jump to his command, he will think he has power over you, dont wait for his call ... go about your business and start enjoying life again and IF you are both meant to be then he will start to realise that you are worth the time of day he isnt giving you at the moment ... I was divorced at your age sweetie ... and here I am at 36 and in a new relationship again ... its a rocky road, at times.... but NO MAN is worth hurting yourself over ... you have to look into your own self to see why u are doing that... you are a young beautiful woman, you need to start having a relationship with yourself before you can have a successful one with someone else.... and all those "stoopid" things you think you say and do when you are trying to date someone.... maybe they arent so stoopid after all ...maybe the blokes you attract or go after are the stoopid ones and dont see what they have in front of them .... chin up, relax , dont ruch into things and enjoy your youth hun ....

  


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Posted on Fri, Jul 22, 2005 11:49

brownsugar~
please think positivly or else u might mess it up before anytyhing happens. and i dont understand why u would do something that u dont feel comfortable doing, i can understand wanting to please ur man/partner but, u need to think about urself once in awhile. u need to love urself before u can love others! with that being said i wish u luck in finding out that u can please someone without doing things u dont like. and i wish u the best of luck with ur fellow. i hope u understand that im not being rude but trying to be helpfull.!



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Posted on Thu, Jul 21, 2005 21:38

I think that a woman as beautiful as you are should just be herself. If you believe in yourself. You will never do the wrong thing.
Also always remember that you are human and you will make mistakes. It how you deal with the mistakes that makes you a better person.



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Posted on Thu, Jul 21, 2005 20:14

Just my opinion but ...... I am dealing with the same kind of thing so I think u do have to just take it slowly..... relax......as hard as it is to do that.. let him know u like him but don't push at all or he may think u are trying to catch him when u only want to spend time with him and get to know him better.

I think a lot has to do with the relationships he has had in the past..... one guy I met was almost destroyed by the ending of his last relationship and that certainly has a major effect on any relationship he may have in the future.

So ... just be yourself because u want him to like who u are so he has to get to know "u" and u need to be calm and relaxed for him to see the real u.........best of luck.



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Posted on Wed, Jul 20, 2005 17:44

Well, one thing I have learned, in the past year, is that you have to love yourself to truely know yourself. Then self-confidence will follow. When you know your inner self then you will know when you found the one and know he deserves you. Believe that you are worthy of a good, honest relationship.



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