Heart of gold vs. Ken and Barbie Romance Forward to friends

  • View author's info Author Posted on Apr 11, 2005 at 10:15 PM

    Hi guys... the title reads like a bad movie. Actually it's a something we overlook sometimes. At times, are we superficial when it comes to looks? Do we look at a photo and say that he or she is hot not realizing that he or she could be the next Norman Bates? (I'll assume that you've watched Psycho) Do you consider yourself to be attractive or maybe not so attractive and have self-esteem issues? Do you consider yourself to have a heart of gold and always talk to different people no matter what they look like or do you take a different road and just ignore or worse yet, disrespect the people that write to you? (I've seen that even in this forum) I'll be honest with you. I'm not a looker. Even the photo is somewhat of a lie. I have to take different shots before I even get the "right" shot. I'll let you in on a litle secret. I'm very flawed. Somebody asked me once why I don't smile. It's very simple, really.I have a tumor (benign) in the back of my right ear which affected some of my facial nerves. All you would get is a half-smile from me if you're lucky (my teeth are all intact, thank you). As a result, you get instant low self-esteem. Now I make due with what I have. Personally, I think I'm a nice guy. There might be some people on this site who might not think so. There's a reason why I brought this topic up. Don't be so quick to judge. You never know if someone might be judging you. After all, you might not live up to someone's standards. I know... I've been through it. If you have any comments, you know the usual routine...
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  • View author's info Posted on Apr 14, 2005 at 07:15 PM

    OMG icewind... is that what the problem is with us .. lol we just think slower. glad you figured that out lol. truthfully though i do agree with all that you said. those special quirks and imperfections o fthe ones we love are the reason that we love them . and the reason they love us.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 14, 2005 at 02:56 PM

    As for what attracts my attention to others, I agree with BebbeMuffin and Auburn Rose, The imperfections or quirky differences will always catch my attention faster than some percieved perfection, beside perfection is boring and way to high maintainance.

    As for older men thinking before we speak, thats not really true we just think slower now LOL
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 14, 2005 at 02:46 PM

    Mirrors, they tend to only reflect back the image not what is important.

    Sometimes I forget that and start feeling bad that I am not what most women desire. that I am alone.

    I loose track of what is beyond the image. Those things that no matter how I look have attracted women to look beyond the image and see me.

    For the life of me I still most days have not been able to see what they see. I just have to trust.

    That simple bit of knowledge helps me to feel good about whats on the inside.

    The outside well thats up to me to make the changes if I think it's an issue, and it is my issue not anybody elses.

    So most days I walk around hating the package that this soul is in, I just have to remember the package isn't the important thing.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 14, 2005 at 07:59 AM

    AuburnRose, I totally agree with what you said....
    I tend to be attracted to the men who have something different. A crooked tooth that just makes their smile, extra dark eyes, or a weird laugh, a dimple in the wrong spot....
    I am attracted to the different quirky bits, all the other office girls never notice....
    Although to be honest im the odd one out in my work environment, I love the look of an older man, I seem to be drawn to the 40 to 55 yr age range. No real reason why, other than they seem to be wonderfully comfortable with themselves and know what comes out of their mouth.....
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 14, 2005 at 04:08 AM

    Well Marvel, if its any consolation, I think U are an attractive man, you seem intelligent and articulate and fun as well ... and yes too much emphasis is put on looks these days, I mean I spose there is always the something we are attracted to, a lot of people have a type, for eg, I prefer men with brown hair and eyes, however a dark blonde with green eyes now has my attention, but thats all surface stuff, I think that sort of thing changes with age anyway. When you start to mature , we seem to go for what stimulates us intellectually as well.
    I work with a guy who is nearly 50 and he seems to target young asian girls between 19 - 25 , i tell him he is shallow and so many times that special someone may have passed him by cause of his shallow nature, but there are some people you just cant tell ....
    As for my personal image, I think i am ok ... just another face in the crowd, and never have I been one of these women who get overtly jealous of someone who is gorgeous and thin ... I admire beauty rather then become jealous of it , I think I am a good person and like to think I am fun to be around... and thats the main thing ... I have dated all types, from the greek god looking to the average joe ... so looks arent of great importance .... but a guy who can make me laugh ... now THATS a bonus !!
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 13, 2005 at 07:53 AM

    hey silly i do agree with you. it is amazing when you find the one that makes your heart flutter, you find your ken/barbie. ppl cant help who they are and aren't attracted too. it just happens. the thing is ppl just need to keep there eyes and hearts open. you never know when that certain person is going to walk into your life. it happens when you least expect it.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 12, 2005 at 02:50 PM

    This is an excellent topic!!

    I have been "fluffy" my entire life and have gone through a huge range of emotions due to this, so I feel as though I am an expert at times.

    When I was younger (high school, college) I always felt as though I was losing out on so much socially. I never dated until I got into my 20's and even then my self esteem was so low that I chose a horrible spouse who mistreated me, etc. I am now divorced, and have been for nearly 10 years and I am in total love with myself, and why not, I have a lot to offer.

    I'm not sure when the change occurred but life is much better now. That's not to say that I don't find flaws and faults with myself, but I forgive myself. I also know that I deserve to be happy, as we all do, and I am trying to do whatever I can to achieve that happiness.

    As for the Barbie/Ken thing ...I would like to think that I don't place that much emphasis on looks but I admit that I am attracted to a certain type of guy -- one that makes me feel good about myself and likes me for me.

    It's funny how a kind heart makes a man handsome.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 12, 2005 at 12:58 PM

    OK Marvel - this is a gooood one today!

    Regarding emails: I always reply. Even if it's a "We're looking for different things but thanks for the note." Unfortunately, I've had a few creeps who have gotten, well, animated with me for my "rejection" of them. What bugs me about that is if I reply with a 'rejection' it's oft because I read something in their profile that is way off for me and too much of a hurdle to get over (i.e. a Bush lovin, gun totin' republican, someone looking just for physical activity, someone who is married looking for fun on the side, someone who has a fetish for large women...). And more oft than not, it means that the person has not read my profile - or if they have, they didn't either absorb it or care about my words, which is a turnoff. Very rarely will I reject someone based on looks alone.

    Regarding my own body image: It's been an interesting road, but I am much more accepting of my body that I was say, 4 years ago. I definitely feel sexy and have embraced my curves. Sure, I was cursing myself when I went to a baseball game last night and the seat was more snug than I would have liked it to be (LOL) but all in all, I'm pretty comfy in my skin. I was a college athlete so my curves have been an adult experience - something that I have grown into (hahaha). My biggest measure is how I feel - and how my body works. If I can still jog, play volleyball and remain active, than I'm feeling good.

    This isn't to say that I don't feel some shame at being overweight. Society rewards thinness - in salary, in comfort, in the media - it's all around us. Overweight people are made to feel nearly disabled; ignored, paid less and overlooked. I am certain that if I were thinner I would be making more money in my chosen career (advertising).

    But we all have to remember that this is a choice for us. There is no secret to losing weight: eat less and excercise more - no pills, shakes, cabbage, rice and ba...
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 12, 2005 at 09:31 AM

    Hey Marvel
    I just wanted to say that I read your profile and thought it was great. Very honest and open about what you want. These are exactly the qualities I look for in a person and it's a shame yer so far away. If you're interested in an chat buddy, my user name is at the warm place! Good luck to you :)
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 12, 2005 at 06:04 AM

    Wow, I respect you right from the get go "norman"...Just putting it all out there. Just beautiful...
    I have not replied to mails, I hope they think im out of town, or the mail got lost, dont want them to feel bad I guess If I write back and say a polite no thanks...Even that hurts at times....

    Hmmm self image is a hard one, some days I lie to myself, most days actually.
    I think I feel better reading about women who seem happy about the body they are in...But id never be happy in this one really, If I cant look at myself nakid, how on earth can I do that with another ????
    Laziness, lack of respect for myself and health got me here, I like my brain, my inner beauty, but id never say I am happy with being unhealthy, tis not me....

    this topic is a little full on, but there you have it, ive spilt the beans...
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