I have to say I agree with Paddy to some extent (only to some extent, lol). Dont ever give more than you can afford to give, monetarily, emotionally, physically. And have reasonable expectations in your giving. If you are giving so that you can recieve something, you are being co-dependant. You should give for the sake of giving, because there is a need, and not expect anything back. If i do something, its because I see a need. Not because I think it will help me........ I seem to be able to keep my life in balance that way.
Ok looks like I'm going against the flow of this conversation, but I slas believe in don't give if you can;t afford to lose what you give. This is not from any religious basis as I have none, but more from my attitude that I decide to be nice/give and to not expect anything back and In general I find that i recieve more than I give, its a whole circle flow of good, you may not recieve back from those who you give to, but if you are a giving/caring person you will find more such like people around you. I am not saying that those who have posted previously are not lovely people but just stating my observation of life. 5 yrs ago I decided to change and only to give unconditonally but also at the same time to allow my self the opportunity to once in a while to be malicious for malicious state. I don't claim this will work for everyone but my BP has dropped significantly since.
My dear, you know that you gave too much when you realize that you have less of you than when you started. Contemplate what purpose was meant by thee and reference to yours. Always know that your special and demand it!
I agree with Spicy. Recently I ended a 15 YR friendship with my bestfriend. Her & her bf had broke up so I was nice enough to introduce her to a few of my single guy friends, and we went on a couple double dates. The entire time she kept pulling me aside and said how she thought they liked me more and could see a connection. I explained to her that its because we KNOW each other, give it a chance, loosen up and have fun. What did she do, she insulted me the whole night in front of them, kept trying to make me feel like an a$$ in front of them. So When I asked her for an apology and told her I didn't want anything to do with her til her attitude changed, she gave me a guilt trip about her mother dying, her bf dumping her, her recently deceased sister never wanting her in her life, and I was just one more person who didn't want her around. That's NOT an apology, its a guilt trip, and she couldn't see how rude she was to me or that the things she said, hurt my feelings. HER date (my friend) told her "that was really rude" when she called me a "whore" (i didnt even notice, since she always jokes around and calls me names for no reason) and she said "I can do, she knows I'm kidding" then later on she did it again and he said something to her again about it. Sometimes you just have to let friends know what level of respect you deserve and if that means cutting them off as a friend, then so be it. But she was more than a friend, she was like a sister for many years. Not a holiday or birthday went by that I didnt get gifts for her, her bf, her father, and her bf's children. They were her family, which meant they were also a part of my family, they were at all my family bbq's, etc. It hurts, but in the long run, it hurt more when she'd treat me like crap after I'd give her the shirt off my back. :( I love her and miss her, but I had to love myself more and demand to be treated the way I treat others :) Best of luck to you all. -Christina
Hello, well that would blow everything we have ever been taught about: It is better to give than to receive. You should never be in a relationship with any one merely for what you can get out of it, all relationships friends, lovers, families, etc are give and take and some people are more capable of showing emotions and therefore "giving" more of themselves. TALK with your friend about how you feel before you dump them...or change your behaviors drastically. Just a thought. Peace
i think that if u feel that u are doing to much in ur friendship, then that means ur doing to much, i have never asked myself that question about any of my relationships... so if u ask ur self that question then i would think they woudl be using u, stacie
i think it is right to feel disappoinment if you give your all to your friends and you only receive luke warm efforts in return. I learned the hard way that some people are just more selfish than others, and to treat others how they treat you. Even if that means losing a friend because you are no longer the "give your shirt of your back" kinda person.