Am I a fat, ugly bitch, or is my boyfriend retarded? Romance Forward to friends

  • View author's info Posted on Aug 17, 2008 at 05:18 PM

    Hello Bigsexy81!

    A lot of people have provided advise and guidence. I tend to agree with almost everyone here.

    You deserve better of this man in you're life, and, in my opinion, the negative attitude is only an attempt to control you.

    The question is, how long are you going to accept this behaviour (sorry guys, I'm Canadian - spelling). I've been in "controling" relationships, and they are not good for one's selfesteme. Continue the relationship if you wish, but know when to get out. Do not worry about being alone. You are still young, and there is someone out there if you only allow it.

    Do feel free to drop a line to let us know how things are going.
  • View author's info Posted on Jul 10, 2008 at 01:44 PM

    I am a white woman who was married to an African man.We often argued about money, the kids, his fidelity issues and where we were going to go on vacation. Never once did I make a racist slur, never once did he call me fat, slob or the likes. I had a good friend, a white woman also married to a black man, and every fight they had inadvertenly resorted to name calling and racial slurs. I would ask "what the hell did that have to do with your argument?" the answer was "nothing, I was trying to hurt them". That's what all put downs are designed to do, hurt and disrupt the balance of power. People who are equal, mature and loving, don't set out to hurt to solve their thier problems.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 13, 2005 at 03:32 PM

    You say this guy is big... sounds to me as if he is a pretty small guy trying to be big... Maybe you should post a picture of him on your profile so we can all make our own comments on him from face value as he obviously has no depth to him. I was seeing a man who told me he loved me...we were engaged 28 years ago, then when I got divorced, we got back together. Then we split up.. since that split I now find he mocks my size. He still says he loves me, yet he mocks my size... I think its his way of trying to console himself that he cannot have me. If you love this man, he needs to know he can't do this to you. Tell him... and walk away... if he comes running after you.. he loves you.. if not.. you are investing your time foolishly ... so take up one of these nice guys on here .. try a real man. xxxx
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 13, 2005 at 10:58 AM

    I think we all need to delete the word retard from this line. For one, it has been pointed out to me that people usually use this term in a derogatory fashion. The same way you wouldn't say this Cracker/Nigger/Jew/Spic/etc. blah, blah, blah, you shouldn't describe people as a retard. At one job I had, there was this co-worker who was screwing up everything he touched, which wasn't like him. We had always gotten along pretty good, drinking buddies and so forth, and I made the comment, "What are, retarded today?" Next thing I know, I'm being written up and reprimanded for calling him a retard. That word has been banished from my everyday vocabulary since then, even though that's what we called each other in high school. IT AIN'T PC. And on the other hand, even a retard has better manners than the Ahole boy friend and they know a pretty lady when they see one. Thank you for your support.
    Bartles & James.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 07, 2005 at 07:32 PM

    hi big sexy
    i was in a verbally abusive marriage. he was awesome up till we got married. then he would drink too much, and get verbally abusive. when he sobered up, he would always be soooo sory, and say all the right things, and i loved him so much. plus,i had made a commitment, so i wanted to do whatever was necessary to stick with it. the problem was, i started believing what he was saying to me. i watched myself turn from a vibrant, happy woman who really believed in herself to a person with low self-esteem, low energy, no motivation, and very, very sad. i gave him an ultimatum, that he would never, ever treat me like that again. well, the next time, it got physical. i ended up having to get a restraining order. i still gave him a year after he moved out to get his act together. he didn't do it, so i divorced him.

    i am sorry, but if you stay in a relationship like that, you will never know the answer to the questions you asked. you will start believing him. GET OUT NOW!! there are some awesome men out there who will really appreciate you. and you won't find out till you go thru the pain (it's just a little painful, and it doesn't last, inlike his abuse)

    chin up, girl!
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 07, 2005 at 09:59 AM

    It sometimes seems that the things that attracted you to them in the first place are the real them, but usually it's the other way around.
    I didn't even know my husband until we were married for a couple of years.
    That sweetness that's holding you, is only a small side of your boyfriend. He couldn't hold his dark side in any longer, and it's coming out in terrible ways. Not all men have that dark side to them, but when you see it in a boyfriend or husband, it can only get worse from there.
    I have too many friends who have stayed in abusive relationships, and guess what I've found out? Every one of them regretted staying. I know it's hard, I was married for 8 years, but when the but when someone is abusing you, you are the only one who can decide to stop it.
    Sadly, it doesn't matter what his size is. I don't even think it's your weight. It sounds like he just wants to hurt you.
    When my husband first left, I did a lot of crying and I was very sad at first, but it really does get better. I would never go back to a man like that again.
    Slowly your self esteem will get higher and higher the more you're away from him. But only you can make that decision.
    What also really helps a lot is a support system. It looks like you have some people here who are willing to talk. I'm more than willing to talk, so give me a wink. I'm not a member, so I guess that's all I can get. If you have anyone at home who you could talk to who is supportive, that helps too.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 06, 2005 at 08:16 PM

    Hey I was in the same relationship when I was younger and at some point I also thought is it true? The advice I can give u is you should be with someone who loves you for who u r. No one deserves to be degraded and called names especiallt the names that he calls u. You are a beauteful person and someone who u love and loves u should tell u that every day. I say leave him I know it will be hard the abusive relationship are the hardest to get out of but you need to because if you don't some day u will regret it and trust me someone who will make u feel like u are the most beauteful person on earth will come along before u know it
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 06, 2005 at 08:12 PM

    kick the boy to the curb and find someone who does not degrade you. i don't think even jerry would want him for one of his special kids...
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 06, 2005 at 07:49 AM

    Well, most everyone has expressed any opinion I have would ever want to on this subject. The only think I will add is that I, and I'm sure a few others on this board have been there. It's easy to make the decision to move on, but it's hard to get through. I know I kept thinking "but he loves me so much......if I just *insert some kind of action here done to please, or make him happy* things will change". And then once I did leave, even though I knew it was the right thing, I was depressed and missed him because still loved him. If you find yourself there, know that that is ok, and that there are people who love you that are wanting to help...that are seeing small changes in you, your friends and family. Let them help you through this. And if you ever need to talk, just drop me a line. I am a full membe, so if you aren't, just wink at me, and I will email you.

    To theclairvoyant......
    if you are still living with this woman, and waiting for her to take action on a divorce, please consult a lawyer. I live in Canada as well, and there are only a few circumstances that allow a divorce without first being legally separated for a year.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 06, 2005 at 12:16 AM

    Hey bigsexy:
    Its me the clairvoyant. What I can say to you is. There are all sorts of people in this world. And I know what you thinking of your guy. How can person who is also a big guy be this way have two sides. Well for one a lot of men who have issues have issue due to influance. Some of those infulances are caused by friends, meida, and other types circumstancess. It is not an excuse but it is the most terriable and regetable truth. I know you want the best for your relationship. But the truth is there can't be a best resloution. When one person see you in a way that is hurt full. My other point is you are young and There are more people out there that will have your same ideas and need or even wants. This guy who is in your life once had thouse qualities but due to some crazzy and regetful reason he has changed. What you can do.Is you need to muster the courage to leave and start something different for yourself. I know that the thought of leaveing is disapointing, but remember this. In this world there are people who are born with fault. Those faults are normally gained by what infulancess their lives and can destroy what "love ones" are in thire life. So you must understand that people will fail you. But with that in mind you gain knowledge for the next person that comes your way. Remember what I said. Make some standards I am not saying make standards that are imposiable to reach by those who have made some notion that they like you. But to test their intent. You are a loving person by nature. You have more preciptions to others, and those around you. You are willing to do anything for a person cos you want them to be happy. These things are good but can expose your self to unwanted hurt. And the person that you are with knows this. But by understanding this you can defeat the unwanted hurt by Changeing some things about your self. Im not saying change your good personalties. What I am saying is be more argresive. But with class. Show that...
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 04, 2005 at 09:19 PM

    You guys have all given me a lot to think about. He's my first serious b/f, and we've been together two years. I just don't understand how someone who can be so loving can also be so mean. I would never say those things to someone I loved. I care for him and want things to work out, but I'm scared they won't. Thanks everybody! P.S. He's big just like me.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 04, 2005 at 11:19 AM

    Sweety, you are beautiful. I was married to a man who was embarrassed to take me out. He never said anything, but when I gained weight, he stopped wanting to go anywhere with me. Things like that go way over my head, especially since he didn't say a word about me weight. He was mean, but I didn't realize that it was my weight until after my divorce and he found himself a young tiny skinny woman.
    If I can get divorced just because of the way my husband acted, when he didn't say a thing, you can certainly dump a man who is blatantly prejudiced against your weight.
    I feel 1000 times better now, and I'm still alone. You'll feel better too.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 04, 2005 at 10:37 AM

    drop the &#$@ bag !
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 03, 2005 at 09:34 PM

    You're too young and too attractive to have to put up with that crap. Tell him you don't EVER want to be talked to like that again, or he's gone. That's if he isn't already. Most PEOPLE who treat others like that only do it to try and bring you down to the level they are feeling themselves. I have a feeling that maybe he's caught some other guys giving you the eye or maybe some of his friends have told him how pretty you are and he's feeling insecure, so he has to crap on you. WIPE IT OFF, and open your eyes and see if there are some young dudes starting to give you a second and third glance. It might be time for you to trade up.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 03, 2005 at 05:59 PM

    Life is too short to spend it with someone who doesn't love and appreciate you for who you are. YOU have to believe that you are not what he says. Be confident in who you are and don't let ANYONE bring your self-esteem down.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 03, 2005 at 11:18 AM

    I'm a guy, so speaking from a guys point of view, you dont realize how many men are attracted to BBW. I recently met a terrific gal online at largefriends who's husband is'nt giving her the attention she needs, it's been months and she finaly said enough is enough and decided to strike out on her own. he obviously has issues with her weight,which only shows how shallow and insecure he is about himself.i've been in a relationship with a beautiful woman for eightyears who has put on weight and i love her just as much now as i ever did maybe even more, see real men are secure enough to be with a BBW, even proud, i know i am. so give him an option and give someone else a chance to treat you like the special woman we all know you are. Go for it girl!
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 03, 2005 at 12:04 AM

    now for a change of beat. Im in a situation that disturbs me. i ahve been with a person for along time. and they are how should we say takeing time about matters that any normal person would have done years ago. I live with this person and share many different roles, and the thing most troubling is this person is letting time slip away at a action she knows very well she needs to do. That action is divorce. so much for standards lol. opions any one
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 02, 2005 at 11:53 PM

    oh by the way your not a fat ugly bitch. for one your a human not a dog. for seconds your not ugly i find you very very much a goddess. and thirdly if your fat your guy must be blind. point is gather around those pepole who are here and they will guide you if you dont find anyone will give me a call ill fly with yeah. (pop Quiz students) what moive does that come from. the fly part. any how take care and may the god's of heavymetal protect you in all your ways. yea Im a metal head lol.
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 02, 2005 at 11:43 PM


    Iam not going to tell you the same thing every once else is saying cos you know what to do. and I am not going to say that you need to find a man that is going to treat you good cos I know that what you want you dont need me to tell you that. And I am not going to tell you that I am the one for your either cos thats a retarted statement. But what Iam going to say is. You need to sit back and think Iam in a abouse situation. Come to terms with that first. Then Make the decsion to get out. after that ask your self how did you allow this to happen. then make standards not need wants or whishies. stardards that make sense and are of logic sense. test those standards and improve them. as corney this may sound create a test for the next person. this test should be of knowledge of some portions of the bible or what ever relgion or not but make some moral test. that will prove his moral. then knowledge of basic human rights in this world. then test on what ever else you think. by doing this. It will give you standards, and teaches you what you are about and that knowledge no one can take from you. If you want to talk you know where to find me...
  • View author's info Posted on Mar 02, 2005 at 03:49 PM

    You are not ugly!! NO one is ugly. I'm not a person to call him names either. Just consider the person who called you names and move on to those of us who love you.
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