TariEsseMor write: Sela - OMG, that broke my heart reading that. I have also gone through name calling like that - sticks and stones can break ones bones, but name calling destroys ones soul and self-esteem.
It's bad when it comes from a man but trying having it said to you from your family. The day I graduated from College with an AAS in Multimedia Specialty, AAS in General Studies, and a Certificate in Multimedia - Instead of telling me that he loved me and that he was proud of me, my dad told me that I was so fat that I was going to die of a heart attack (2 weeks later, he had a minor heart attack).
I have lived like that. I have heard that bullstuff all my life. I was in kindergarden and my family used to call me fat. Then again around 5th grade my dad told me I was getting fat. Then puberty.. oh my gosh! Then highschool, you're fat. Then since school, I have heard not ever a kind word from my parents, its always I'm not good enough and I'm too fat!
I looked back at pictures and you know what? I wasnt near fat in kindergarden, nor in 5th grade or highschool. I dont know why they would say that to me, but they always did.
I've been a big girl all my life. Constantly teased from middle school on up in to my last years of high school. With time, I've come to appreciate all those years of taunting. It's made me who and what I am today!
I also share in the same confusion the ladies here have. I don't know what I would classify as, bbw or the ssbw?! It's so hard to determine. Although I think I lean towards the smaller bbw in size. For an Asian woman, I'd be considered a ssbw. >.< So, confusing.
But either way, I know who I am and where I'm going in life. So, it's not that overwhelming! I'll sweat the small stuff later. I just wanna live and have fun!
I have struggled with my weight ever since I can remember. I also had to watch my daughter being teased in school because of her weight. Thank goodness, she and I were able to talk about it and discuss the feelings that come along with being "different" from what society considers the norm. Not only has she grown into a beautiful 22 yr old woman, she can sing like an angel and has no problem at all getting in front of a crowd and showing off her talent. She doesn't care what people think and that has motivated me to become comfortable in my own skin. Sometimes, if we listen closely, we learn from our children. Every one of you ladies on this site are gorgeous wonderful powerful women and I salute you. You have all contributed to society in some way, shape or form and you should be proud of it. I know that when my beautiful cherub faced overweight daughter sings her heart out, I beam from the inside out and everyone knows that she's special. And thats not just her mom talking, thats what the clapping and whooping crowds think also. They don't see her weight, they see her. Hugs to all.
I know how you feel. I am a big "phat" woman, (cool) with a gregarious, outgoing yet contemplative personality. And I prefer a taller bigger man too.
Be patient, dress it up, get out of the house to various events, learn to smile & laugh, love yourself, respect yourself, and then, you will start to notice that men are taking a 2nd look, and someone is soon going to come along who wants not only to love you, but to be loved by you.
A couple of points...I enjoyed the thoughtful discussion of this thread. I personally am slightly uncomfortable withe terms BBW and SSBBW etc. I prefer a more individual ddefinition. I like the terms large, voluptuous, sensually rounded and so on. Being a red blooded male, of course I love to look and I will be delighted by curves, what ever is accentuated by either the clothing that women wear...or not. What attracts me is a complex mixture of intelligence and physicallity and a spark of spirit.
That is the man woman ddance. Having said that there is no explaing precisely the visceral attraction I have to voluptuous sensual women. Perhaps the jeans/pants which snugly enhance big thighs and buttovks...the creamy billowing of flesh which is revealed/ alluringly concealed...beauty comes in many forms but is ultimately enhanced with a beautiful smile...
Finally, it saddens me to find that so many women are emotionally abused by thouthless immatire men. Many should go and do the homework necessary to become decent human beings...free of the search for that ultimate piece of eye/arm candy.
Hi, ive been reading this thread and its brilliant. Great to know that us bbw
s in whatever shape and form are becoming more confident and wont take any negative attitudes anymore. I can empathise with so many of you as to the comments and jibes ive had in the past but thankfully ive been blessed with a sarcastic tongue in my head lol Oh and Jim..loved your post, wish more men were like you over here in the UK :-)..though im sure the UK bbw
s will be doing their best to "re-educate" the poor darlings ;-) lol love n hugs to all xxxx
Sinnamon27, I experienced discrimination because of my disability too. By some teachers -who should know better- and others who didn't believe I was really disabled because mine is not a physical disability. It's a learning disability called Diversified Handicap. I'm 35 years old and I don't really know exactly what it is. An expert in school when I was diagnosed (he was a nice guy) told me that my 'Motor Skills are slow' and something about my attention span and having to work harder than others to learn, but that I can learn anything, depending on how badly I want to. I've been called by teachers, both retarded and borderline retarded. I guess they couldn't make up their minds lol. My highschool teacher made my mother furious when she told her how sorry she feels for her, because she's going to have to take care of me for my entire life or put me in a home. My mother really blew up at her lol. I was told that I would not be able to drive because of my attention span. I got my license when I was 18, have my own car, only been in 1 accident (I hit a deer than ran across the road) and have only had 3 speeding tickets. I'm 35 now, had my license since 18, I think that's not doing too bad. My mother was also told that I could never live by myself because I wouldn't know how to pay bills etc. At 18 I got my own place and I've always paid my bills. In fact I think the reason I don't bounce many checks is because I'm always thinking about what they said, so I'm careful to write down in my checkbook every time I write a check or take any money out of the ATM. Despite this, today I still have people suggesting to my parents what should happen to me when they are gone. Mom warned me that when they die, that I'm going to have visitors, a couple ladies told her that they would help me move into the Baptist Home here in Kenmare. An old folks home. Maybe they don't really believe that I'm taking care of myself?
LoveJoann write: Most women do not chose to be overweight, they just are for a variety of reasons. The ones that you've known, who are kind, loving, uninhibited, and are funny, they are not that way because of the numbers on their scale. They are that way because they except themselve, they know they are special because of who they are inside. They have confidence, maybe not all the time, but most of the time, and love themselves because they see their worth. I do think that a lot or most plus size gals treat others well is because they know how it feels to be treated badly.
Joann, I agree with several points you've made. In my 37 years, I think I've experienced discrimination in just about every form possible: race, gender, sexual orientation, disability, weight - you name it, I'm sure I can think of a experience. :) It's kind of ironic that if you break the categories down even further, there are varying degrees of acceptance, even within the group itself. For example, I've felt excluded in some situations for being Black, but amongst a group of other black people, I've been snubbed and teased for being too dark or not dark enough, for wearing a weave or for having naturally short hair, for dating and having friends of other races and for talking like a "white girl". I guess my point is, I do think a large part of my openness and acceptance of others is because I do know how it feels to be treated badly, and to constantly be on the outside looking in. There never seems to be a safe haven or happy medium. Someone is always going to have a problem with something. But as long as you love who you are inside, it doesn't matter what you look like, that self-love will always shine through and attract the right people for you.
I didn't quote your entire message, but I agree with you completely e_gur120! But thin women are not the only ones considered eye-candy, welcome to the 21st-century. Plus size gals are too! I've had men tell at these sites, that I come to because I thought I'd have a better chance of finding a guy who would except me at this size, tell me that I am not big enough for them! But I've also had guys who've made me blush by telling me that they think I'm very beautiful. I still don't see it, but I'm not arguing lol But I worry when a guy tells me that he 'prefers' BBW. Does that mean that he'll dump me if/when I lose weight? Do I have to stay at this size or gain more weight in order to keep him? What about my heart, the way I treat others, my sense of humor, my brain? Shouldn't they be more important than my dress and bra size?
e_gurl20 write: you know....I don't really like the categorizing of women as BBW...SSBBW...
I think people are way to concerned with the dress size and not concerned enough with the real person...
i don't know where these terms BBW, BHM, FA...and all the others came from...but I really wish someone would send them back ASAP!
Mark, I think you're a great guy. So I hope you don't take offense to this. But BBW isn't a state of mind or attitude. Women are called BBW even my people who are not admirers are overweight, or feel overweight for those of you who think that 200 or slightly over 200 isn't fat. Most women do not chose to be overweight, they just are for a variety of reasons. The ones that you've known, who are kind, loving, uninhibited, and are funny, they are not that way because of the numbers on their scale. They are that way because they except themselve, they know they are special because of who they are inside. They have confidence, maybe not all the time, but most of the time, and love themselves because they see their worth. I do think that a lot or most plus size gals treat others well is because they know how it feels to be treated badly. I think that you've probably met so many 'thin' women who treat men or their man badly and so lumped them all or most of them into the same barrel.
My younger sister Diane is a thin woman, and she is everything that you said BBW's are. And I don't believe she's as rare as most guys think. I personally am friends with a lot of thin women offline that are everything you said BBW's are. The attitude you love, we got not from our pounds, but our hearts.
hyphen write: Trying to define BBW by shape or size seems pointless to me. Or, at least, off point. To me, being BBW is more about a state of mind, a lifestyle, an attitude and heart. The BBW I've known and adored are far more loving, giving, uninhibited, smart and fall-down-funny. I don't think I'm stereotyping here - it's just been my experience. The downside of this is, of course, many BBW's have had their hearts broken, good intentions betrayed so many times just because of the attributes I've mentioned. I would rather be happy, fulfilled with a BBW than walking around with a so-called trophy on my arm because that's no trophy at all.
This is a very touchy subject for me. I didn't know that there were 2 classes for overweight women before I got online. At my heaviest I was 275 pounds and I felt horrible physically because of my low blood sugar, and mentally/emotionally because of the way I was treated, the names I was called. By the time I discovered the internet, I lost a lot of weight, usually weighing around 220 pounds. Sometimes a little over, sometimes a little under. Now I weigh 202 pounds -I weighed myself yesterday- and because my scale now usually says I'm under 250 pounds, I've had people tell me that I am not a true BBW! But offline I was still getting treated very badly. I was so hurt the first time I went to BBW sites on the happy smiley face site, because most of the people there. And I got this from men and women, who would tell me I'm not overweight, insinuating that I don't belong there. I was being rejected because I wasn't fat enough! And it hurt more than the teasing I got offline because I thought I had found a place where I would be accepted regardless of my weight! I'm sorry if you think some of us are not fat enough for the wonderful title BBW (which I don't really like that much), I prefer BBP -Big Beautiful Person or BP, BW Beautiful Person, Beautiful Woman.
satsuma783 write: I'm curious to see what people in general or what men consider to be a BBW. I mean is a BBW someone who has what you would call the baby fat rolls and a huge chest, or someone who has the extra padding all over. I'm just curious because I see woman who call themselves BBW but all they have are HUGE chests and alil roll here and there. Then there are BBW's like me,who I would really consider a BBW, we have the extra padding all over and not just lil baby fat rolls. So let's hear what ppl are thinking about this?
Trying to define BBW by shape or size seems pointless to me. Or, at least, off point. To me, being BBW is more about a state of mind, a lifestyle, an attitude and heart. The BBW I've known and adored are far more loving, giving, uninhibited, smart and fall-down-funny. I don't think I'm stereotyping here - it's just been my experience. The downside of this is, of course, many BBW's have had their hearts broken, good intentions betrayed so many times just because of the attributes I've mentioned. I would rather be happy, fulfilled with a BBW than walking around with a so-called trophy on my arm because that's no trophy at all.
I remember the term "BBW" being coined because of a fashion magazine with the same name in the late 70's also. I actually met the woman who started the magazine at a fashion show at Macy's in Manhattan, New York where her magazine was presenting a fashion show with large sized models because Macy's had finally added a department called, "Macy Woman", where I could find clothing to fit me. I asked her what she and the modeling agencies who had just started having large-size model divisions were looking for in a model. She told me they were looking for women who were 5'9" and up who were "perfect size 16's". They didn't consider size 12's and now 10's to be BBW's until a few years later, which personally disgusts me. She explained that a model who was "the perfect size 16" didn't need to have any alterations done to a sleeve of a blouse or jacket and didn't need trousers shortened which is why they also needed the height. Also, that the clothing hung nicely on a size 16. At that time, I WAS a size 16, but I was too short. I had even called up some modeling agencies in the City and they basically told me the same thing as she did. They also weren't interested in forming a "petite large size division" at that time even though they knew that most women in the United States are 5'4" and under and most women are size 16, 14 and 12. We live in a crazy world where so many women think that they must be a size 0, 1/2, 3/4 or a 5/6 to be worthy in our society's eyes. When will it end?
Speaking from when the term BBW came out it was meant for women 250 lbs and over, they even had cruises in NY espically for meeting us, they stopped but we still have clubs.
But has with everything they started getting hit with descrimination suits against them.
Now you have BBW clubs with women that are size 10 and guess what these are the women that the men are looking at.
I believe that thick is women that are buxom and hippie,but do not have the padding we have to comfort.. LOL
If a man wants a certain thing than I guess they are going to have to start stating lbs and no extra padding.. =)
Just my 1/2 cents.. Oh and BTW I am still looking, have a lot of love but no one wants to be treated like a king by a Queen size Queen.