I have been struggling with this issue for a while, and could use some help. I am a widow, and my children and I have made the decision to seriously look for a "father-figure" in our lives. Their need is as great as mine, and I have had no luck. Men dont want to accept a ready-made family. Is there any hope?
I think what jjiggl said is very true. I met someone online, absolutely gorgeous, fantastic man, great with my daughter, and she adored him. Unfortunatley, due to him being foreign, we couldn't manage to make the relationship work. They ARE out there, men do exist that are not bothered by the fact that you have a child. But I have learned my lesson...NEVER again will I introduce her to someone I am dating, until I am sure that it at least has the possibility of working out. Its been over a month now, and she asks about him all the time. (She is 4) and cannot understand why someone she cared about is no longer here. Yes, I am always upfront that I have a child, but in the future, I will be more cautious, it is not fair on her that people should come and go out of her life. The right guy for you will love your children and be there for both of you, might just take some extra time to find it! As one guy I was speaking to said, "At our age men tend to expect that who they are dating might have a child, most of us don't mind." But then you see all the profiles that express wishes for a potential partner to be childless!! lol
As a single parent, I learned quick and fast that it is difficult to find a man who will love you and your children. There are a few out there, but they are few and far between. Let it be known, that I feel that the same goes for women and children who are not their own. I have a 17 yr old son and from the time that he was 4 until the time that he was 16, I did not introduce him to the few men that I dated. I learned to keep my dating life apart from my "mommy" time. I felt that since it was my decision to be a mom, I should not risk the chance that my son be ill-treated by a man that I was involved with. I learned to be that way from a very short lived relationship that I had with a man who was actually jealous of the time that I gave to my son. I did not start dating regularly until he was 16 yrs old.
I also waited to date regularly, because I did not want my son to be confused should I happen to date more than one man at a time. I wanted him to be able to understand that dating was not the same as a relationship.
Just my two cents worth, but I am sure that you will find the answer that is right for you.
divamama write: ladies..be a mother and a father to your child..do not depend on a man who you fall in love with to love your child like you do....you know uncles,grandfathers and friends do the job better then some some so called fathers..
Justin, I'm sorry for what you've been through. As a mother who has just been through the custody battle from hell. I can't imagine ever leaving my children, but I've seen as many sorry women lately as I have sorry men. Keep your chin up. Single fathers raising their children are appealing to many women. :)
I am sorry about what happened to you but don't judge us all by your wife.I personally base my choices on personality.If I am comfortable with you then it's a go. Hang in there,single parent is hard but very rewarding. :)
Be cautious for the men who are all to eager to be that "father figure" to your precious babies.
I married a cop of all people thinking he would be a great father figure. It turned out to be a nightmare for both my children and I.
He "liked" my girls TOO MUCH!
Needless to say, he is no longer in the police department. (He got off easy much to my dismay)
It's not an easy position to be in... single parent with children. I'm sure the same rings true for Dad's who are raising their kids. We want the best for out kids and yet have our own needs to fulfill as well. For me, the bottom line is this... Until my kids are raised, I'd rather be alone then to put them through another experience like the one we just went through. So unless I am 200% sure that a potential mate is right for not only me, but for my teens, then I agree with the whole dating thing and keeping the kids out of the picture.
Wouldnt it be nice if everything were black and white and no grey area's between???
I don't think that this problem is just related to ready-made families. In my case the father of my beautiful now 3 year old pushed me for a year to get back together (we broke up before I knew I was having her) and I finally said yes. Eight months later and a year before our wedding date with almost everything paid for on my end, he walked out. The strange part is that he seems to think I'm not entitled to anyone else because she is in the picture. I think what scoot said is sooo right, but it's still a sad situation. I'm with you on the frustration, my new year's resolution is to stop looking..and yet, here I am?!
That is a very truthful saying, in most cases ( i tell you that as a man) things get harder as we grow older, and you (people) have children, in our (men) case I think we are afraid of commitment by nature, and we disguise that by calling ourselves "players" because we don't dare to cross the line. ( no offense to all my playas in da house ). I tried to cross that line not too long ago, but it did not work out... well that's life in the big city. Personally i prefer a woman with no children because i 'know' what is Numero Uno for her, and is not me(men), Children will ALWAYS come first for a mother.
I am not trying to say that because women have children they have no chance... that is wrong, the race might get a little hard, but you are still in it.
One of my best friends has 2 kids, and I like her alot, and she likes me alot too, but we have different plans... if you ask me... would I give her a shot (for real, not just a brief relationship) knowing that she has 2 kids?... the answer is YES... not because of her only, because her 2 kids love me alot and i love them too.. and yes, I agree with you that kids need a father figure, and women need love too. I notice every time I go to visit her, we seem like a family, and I enjoy it, and I can sense the need on those kids for a male to look up to and talk and watch Sponge Bob with.
As of me, I have also (in many cases) the need to care for someone, not just get my freak on. LOL