Home > Plus size Forums > DATING > How do you pick men who want a relationship and not just sex Previous topic Next topic
Jump to:
How do you pick men who want a relationship and not just sex
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Sat, Aug 18, 2007 22:24

KarenR2000 I'm sorry to hear you getting played like that. This is one of the reasons that it makes it so hard for a nice guy to meet a good woman. The woman let a couple of bad apples into there life and when they get hurt these hugh walls go up. I know I'm a good man but to be honest I'm not the type of man that is tough enough to brake down those walls. Maybe I'm to soft and maybe thats why I'm still alone myself. I tried once to break down those wall and ended up married once all the walls where gone she was free and them desided to start cheating.



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Thu, Aug 16, 2007 18:57

i love to take time and get to know a woman first..there's more to a relationship then sex



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Sun, Jul 22, 2007 18:22

Wow it is sooo good to know I'm not the only one! I've been tempted to give up dating and just start charging by the hour ! Lol
I have NO idea how to pick a guy who wants to actually have a relationship, obviously. I think that for ever 1,000 guys there is 1 who desires a relationship where talking is involved. I'm still working through the 999 others ... Lol :) :) :)



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Sat, Jul 14, 2007 16:53

There is a common belief amoung women that when a guy dosent call after having sex that they were "just used" by a preditory lethorio. Well, I don't think this is correct. I believe men are looking for the same thing you are, a happy stable relationship. Today there are plent of "casual encounter" sites and even on this site there are a number of women looking for Mr. Right Now so that no one needs to lie and cheet to get laid. Girls, what is happening is you are being rejected not used. It may not have anything to do with sex but he has decided for what ever reason that seeing you again is a dead end street. AND THAT IS A GOOD THING!!! Dating is a numbers game and unfortunatly we all are dissapointed when we go out on a date and it doesn't go anywhere, when we should be glad. For any of us, only one person in ten is even a possable mate, so to find a winner we must go through nine rejects. The faster we can determine the rejects the sooner we will get to the winners. Every time you meet someone new you should have your list of deal killers in mind and as quickly as possable go down that list. You should NOT postpone the hard questions,the dangerous issues, because then you not only waste time, but the longer you see someone the more you have invested in that relationship. This greater investment makes it more difficult when you finally discover the deal killer.

Sex is the number two reason relationsips fail (money being number one). The only way to know if you two are compatable in bed is to get into bed together. How is it to your advantage to put this off? Ladies be honest, of those men you had sex with and who never called again how many were the perfect lover that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with? Some of them (perhaps most of them)were no doubt not "keepers" , so why would you want them to call? Isn't it a good thing you got them out of your system so you were free to find another perhaps better fish



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Tue, Jul 10, 2007 23:36

Hey Junebug!

You are sooo not the only woman with that problem. It is a rare find when a guy REALLY wants a relationship and is willing to invest appropriate dedication/respect to it. I'm a year out of a long term relationship and I am ASTOUNDED at the number of DOGS I've met. Some are obvious Mr. Wrongs and then others play all charming and say all the right things only to snag what they want then run. I was just out with a guy that I had so much in common with, we seemed to have such a mental connection, he pushed for sex in a charming way, I didn't give it to him (thank goodness) and I have never heard back from him. I am shocked at how well he played me. The BOTTOM LINE proceed with caution, keep your heart safe, do not let immediate attraction and seemingly common goals lure you into a fake sense of comfort...stand your ground...be charming and DON'T put out, let them know up front that you are not here for that and maybe...with time, a real gentleman worthy of your attention and time will come along. Hang in there sister!



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Mon, Jul 09, 2007 14:44

I share your frustration.

It helps a lot to look at their profiles (it would help even more if they looked at our profiles, saw that we're not after the same thing, & moved on without contacting us -- but that rarely happens).

Sometimes guys that are just after the nookie are honest enough to put it in their profiles. A lot of them aren't. I've found that many of the guys who are just after adult activities tend to have to same kind of profile...They say they're looking for a girl who is "open-minded" and likes to "have fun."

I persoanlly feel that there's NOTHING wrong with just wanting the nookie. What IS wrong is when anyone lies about it!



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Sun, Jul 08, 2007 22:32

I applaud you and what you had to say ...you nailed it...the only thing I differ on is you put "all" men in the same boat and that is just not true.
All men are not alike no more than all women are alike.
These are a type of people, no gender difference...they are out to get what "They" want
End



Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Sun, Jun 24, 2007 07:53

An addendum to my previous comment about dealing with guys who seem to just want sex: I was referring to situations where the date did NOT stem from meeting online. Meeting someone online and then dating is really a whole 'nother situation altogether! Again, I speak from experience. If your online conversations got around to sexual matters and a lot of frank talk about desires and preferences, OF COURSE the guy is going to be laser-focused on nailing it. You chose to talk about that stuff with him, so he's going to expect to skip the formalities, as though you two have already been dating. It's nearly impossible to do "cybersex" with a guy online and then tell him that when you meet in person he should act like he doesn't know anything about you, when he actually knows WAY TOO MUCH about you! Can't un-ring that bell! I believe that men and women are vastly different in terms of their attitudes, emotional investment, and what they get out of sex in general. Although perspectives have definitely evolved with women regarding sex, seeking sex, and sexual satisfaction, I firmly believe that mens' perspectives have remained unchanged. They can enjoy and get much satisfaction from sex that has no connection to love or emotion. Again, I'm generalizing! And, just as it ever was, there are women they want to take home and introduce to mom and marry, and there are those that they wanna sleep with and give no consideration to going any further than that. Sure, there are men who go out and marry prostitutes, for example, but they are really, really rare. So to sum up: Women, you've gotta approach online meeting and communication with a man in much the same way you should in the world of the flesh. Don't spew out your life story and all your issues and traumas, don't talk about sex except in the most indirect way, and constantly think, before you type, about whether the stuff you say will get you respect, or just lust. Sound old-fashioned? It's not. It's timeless.



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Sat, Jun 23, 2007 10:38

"It seems most of the men I have gone out with are ONLY interested in sex and not in getting to know me at all. I don't put the signals out there but it seems that is ALL I get. A man doesn't want to know ANYTHING about me and just puts on this "hey baby, why don't we go back to my place"...I'd just like to find a nice man that really wants to know who I am, will actually ask me questions about my life. Is that so impossible???"

Someone said that since the guys who are asking us out are physically attracted to BBW, the sex part is going to be quickly out front. But, having once been a slender woman, I can say it's basically the same. When first dating a guy, he's going to be trying to "get some." Seems that's just how they're wired. Here's my 2 cents about men in general (YES I know that there are many exceptions): Guys don't typically respond well to a woman disclosing a lot about herself at first, which is why they're not asking all about your life, likes/dislikes, plans and dreams, and whatnot. Better to get them talking about themselves, as boring as that can be sometimes, and be a bit mysterious yourself. The signals the guy is getting from you are often ones that you have NO idea you're sending out! The non-verbal stuff that people pick up on from each other is VERY subtle. For example, if you're really friendly and bubbly + you laugh at certain "jokes" he makes + don't slap his face over other things he might say + reveal way too much about yourself too quickly, that's enough for a guy to get the idea that you might be "easy." Be friendly, yes, but be a bit mysterious + RESIST reacting TOO favorably to his attempts at humor or to impress you(seriously, don't laugh too much at his "schtick"); this will ingrigue him AND throw him off just enough that he won't feel quite comfortable enough to come on to you sexually. On the 1st date, he doesn't need to know THAT much about you! Intrigue him,DON'T PUT OUT, and he'll likely ask you out again. If not, HIS LOSS!



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Thu, Jun 14, 2007 01:05

Yeah, I too have been approached like that only after I have thought, "Hey this guy seems kinda nice. . .. .". Then his next conversation is what's tha bra size . Oops I'm not trying to get personal or sexual, but I'm really attracted. .. .



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Tue, Mar 27, 2007 18:10

Maybe it's WHERE you are going to meet these men.



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Wed, Mar 21, 2007 11:06

Divinemsjunebug write:
It seems most of the men I have gone out with are ONLY interested in sex and not in getting to know me at all. I don't put the signals out there but it seems that is ALL I get. A man doesn't want to know ANYTHING about me and just puts on this "hey baby, why don't we go back to my place" - it makes me want to give up on dating completely. Now, I am definately NOT a prude. I'd just like to find a nice man that really wants to know who I am, will actually ask me questions about my life. Is that so impossible??? Anyway, I'd really like to know if anyone who does meet someone on-line if it's just the luck of the draw or if there is a trick to picking the right guy. Do other women have this problem or do other women think it's a problem. Maybe I'm living in a dream world that there are some men out there that really want to get to know women...

Re:





Sad and frustrateing isent it?? I think it happends because many guys think that bbws are a easy score sexualy. Mainly because in there eyes were all eather desprate or have horribly low self esteem. And sadly many times that is actualy the case so they pray on women like that. My advise kick the trash like that to the curb were it belongs. And don't let it get you down just look at it this way. For every slimey himbo out there theres a nice decent guy some weres wateing to be found..



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Wed, Mar 21, 2007 10:44

P.S. Don't ever been afraid to pull some one in line because at the end of the day you should never be afraid to ask for what you want and if a sex crazed pervert is not what you want kick his sorry butt to the curb.

Re:




I will say this....many many men on this site are physically attracted to BBWs....its why they are here. They know sexually they want a BBW period.

Women of all shapes and sizes get hounded online and here will be no different I am sorry to say.

The good news is the amount of negative responses should be almost zero here, I say almost because its not perfect

But even if you get to know someone and you spend X amount of time talking about your favorite colors and the one time at band camp...your sexual personality is a large part of your overall persona.

How is anyone going to know who you are sexually without getting sexual?

I am not defending the one track mind guys or saying their behavior is okay but taking a step back and looking at things from a male perspective I think many men know to be happy with a woman you not only have to mesh at home but in the bedroom as well....if either is not what they are looking for would you want them to stick around?

When sex in a marriage is good its a non issue, most people dont even think twice about it....when its bad its a large issue....

We are among the few beings on earth which have sex for pleasure ....dont turn it into a chore or some god awful punishment

Sex does not equal love, sex does not equal commitment...

People can fall in love without sex and people fall in love well after having sex with someone.....but calling someone a sex crazed pervert for being attracted to you is pretty silly.

"Can you believe he had the nerve to want to have sex with me! He must have thought I was physically attracted to him or something...I dont know how he could think that....I just like his mind"

Think about it



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Mon, Feb 19, 2007 06:29

Well it sounds like there are a lot of other women out there that are feeling the same thing. It just gets so frustrating sometimes. I think I've found a really nice man and before I know it the conversation goes right to, so what's your favorite sexual position? Where did that come from when I just asked you to tell me more about your life? hee hee. oh well.

But you are right, if we don't take chances we will never find the right one. Like I said, I am all for a fun relationship in which sex is a big part. BUT I just want a little substance. I want a man to call me and say, hey I was just thinking about you and wanted to see how you are doing today instead of What are you wearing. lol.

I've had to stop and say to some men, hey don't you want to know ANYTHING about me???? And usually it's like, well, yeah, I'd like to know if you swallow or not...sorry that was a little crude. hee hee. But anyway, I guess we just got to keep kissing those toads and one day we will actually find that one (I am forever the optimist).

I will probably fall over and faint if I am with a man that actually says, so tell me all about your life...sigh.



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Sat, Feb 17, 2007 21:49

hi im new to this site and have been reading with intrest this topic..
Me personaly feel males are tarred with the same brush as the perverts that are about we all have emotions?needs male and female the one and only reason im here is to hopefully find/meet a lady which through time might led to a long relationship we all like to flirt etc that does not mean that sex is all im after thats my bit thanks hpoe it made abit of sence



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Thu, Jan 25, 2007 15:07

a man can only do what you allow if u see the conversation isnt going the way u want tell him u arent interested ive been known to break a man down verbally for disrespecting me

Available only
to logged in members


Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Thu, Jan 18, 2007 03:09

IN RESPONSE TO YOU ENCHANTING...

Yes that's fair enough indeed !!!

Honsety is alway's the best policy !!!

Hence you have to be able to spot bullshit a mile away ,...which is not alway's easy to do I know !!!

...As some women too are very,very, very,good actresess ,..and have s*cked me in time and time again , and chewed me up spat me back out ,shoved my heart through a meat grinder ,tossed me aside with-out a second thought ,...of how that can effect some-one !!!

The emotional & mental effects of that kind of behavoir towards that person , can be very damaging to say the least!!!

As a result I now am very , very ,very , quik to absolutely verbally crucify and destroy women who display such qualities ,...in which I do take great pleasure in doing yes indeed !!!

As it is deserved , like wise you no doubt will do to such men ,...of which is absolutely justified !!!

But yes agreed ,...how do you spot them ???

O.K. well ,...if a guy is truelly genuine he will wait and respect the time that you need too feel at ease with him ,...I have spent over 6 to 9 month's , sometimes a couple of years even ,... trying to get into some womens pant's yes ,...but it has been 4 all the rite reasons !!!

...And did it pay off ???
Most of the time it has been worth it yes !!!

Lay down your terms hard ,and if the guy does not wish to repect your terms & put the work in 4 the rite reasons...

Then you can tell him to take a run and jump , as he is clearly a waster !!!

But does this still make the shit bag's any easier to spot ???

If they are interested in your views ,feeling's and thought's about certain thing's ,...and want to know about you...
why & how you are , who you have become ,where your going in life ,what you want out of life ect ...

Then I'd say it would be fair to give him the benifit of the doubt!!!

But hey what do I know ???,this is just my perspective!!!

I would happilly like to chat with you about this over a beer though if you fancy it ENCHANTING LOL !!!



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share
Available only
to logged in members
Posted on Wed, Jan 17, 2007 17:18

enchantingmala write:
Oh Hunny I soooooooooo feel your pain. I am so sick of those guys that just want one thing and one thing only that I have started to just ignore or eliminate them from my life as soon as they even remotely sound like they just want sex. At the end of the day I know that I am worth so much more then that and even if it takes my entire life I want the real deal.

P.S. Don't ever been afraid to pull some one in line because at the end of the day you should never be afraid to ask for what you want and if a sex crazed pervert is not what you want kick his sorry butt to the curb.



Re: I would H8 to think that ,...you would eliminate me straight away after me winking at you ,...thinking that maybe all I am after is sex ???

Some men want romance to you know,...some women seem to 4 get that some men wish to be wined & dined ,..have flowers bought for us too , be taken out 4 the evening ,to pub ,or dinner , or a film ,or a concert ,see a band , theatre ,ect

Companion ship & Comradery,...Comical Banter is far more valuable to me,..and out of that one would hope that a decent solid relationship can be formed !!!

Some men too hunger 4 affection , to be held in the night 4 the rite reasons !!!

Bottom line is make it very,very,very,clear that you have absolutely no time 4 games !!!

...And that there are consiquinces 4 there actions !!!



Reply / add comments      Quote      Report abuse   Bookmark and Share