How do you pick men who want a relationship and not just sex DATING

  • View author's info posted on Jul 09, 2007 14:44

    I share your frustration.

    It helps a lot to look at their profiles (it would help even more if they looked at our profiles, saw that we're not after the same thing, & moved on without contacting us -- but that rarely happens).

    Sometimes guys that are just after the nookie are honest enough to put it in their profiles. A lot of them aren't. I've found that many of the guys who are just after adult activities tend to have to same kind of profile...They say they're looking for a girl who is "open-minded" and likes to "have fun."

    I persoanlly feel that there's NOTHING wrong with just wanting the nookie. What IS wrong is when anyone lies about it!
  • View author's info posted on Jun 24, 2007 07:53

    An addendum to my previous comment about dealing with guys who seem to just want sex: I was referring to situations where the date did NOT stem from meeting online. Meeting someone online and then dating is really a whole 'nother situation altogether! Again, I speak from experience. If your online conversations got around to sexual matters and a lot of frank talk about desires and preferences, OF COURSE the guy is going to be laser-focused on nailing it. You chose to talk about that stuff with him, so he's going to expect to skip the formalities, as though you two have already been dating. It's nearly impossible to do "cybersex" with a guy online and then tell him that when you meet in person he should act like he doesn't know anything about you, when he actually knows WAY TOO MUCH about you! Can't un-ring that bell! I believe that men and women are vastly different in terms of their attitudes, emotional investment, and what they get out of sex in general. Although perspectives have definitely evolved with women regarding sex, seeking sex, and sexual satisfaction, I firmly believe that mens' perspectives have remained unchanged. They can enjoy and get much satisfaction from sex that has no connection to love or emotion. Again, I'm generalizing! And, just as it ever was, there are women they want to take home and introduce to mom and marry, and there are those that they wanna sleep with and give no consideration to going any further than that. Sure, there are men who go out and marry prostitutes, for example, but they are really, really rare. So to sum up: Women, you've gotta approach online meeting and communication with a man in much the same way you should in the world of the flesh. Don't spew out your life story and all your issues and traumas, don't talk about sex except in the most indirect way, and constantly think, before you type, about whether the stuff you say will get you respect, or just lust. Sound old-fashioned? It's not. It's timeless.
  • View author's info posted on Jun 23, 2007 10:38

    "It seems most of the men I have gone out with are ONLY interested in sex and not in getting to know me at all. I don't put the signals out there but it seems that is ALL I get. A man doesn't want to know ANYTHING about me and just puts on this "hey baby, why don't we go back to my place"...I'd just like to find a nice man that really wants to know who I am, will actually ask me questions about my life. Is that so impossible???"

    Someone said that since the guys who are asking us out are physically attracted to BBW, the sex part is going to be quickly out front. But, having once been a slender woman, I can say it's basically the same. When first dating a guy, he's going to be trying to "get some." Seems that's just how they're wired. Here's my 2 cents about men in general (YES I know that there are many exceptions): Guys don't typically respond well to a woman disclosing a lot about herself at first, which is why they're not asking all about your life, likes/dislikes, plans and dreams, and whatnot. Better to get them talking about themselves, as boring as that can be sometimes, and be a bit mysterious yourself. The signals the guy is getting from you are often ones that you have NO idea you're sending out! The non-verbal stuff that people pick up on from each other is VERY subtle. For example, if you're really friendly and bubbly + you laugh at certain "jokes" he makes + don't slap his face over other things he might say + reveal way too much about yourself too quickly, that's enough for a guy to get the idea that you might be "easy." Be friendly, yes, but be a bit mysterious + RESIST reacting TOO favorably to his attempts at humor or to impress you(seriously, don't laugh too much at his "schtick"); this will ingrigue him AND throw him off just enough that he won't feel quite comfortable enough to come on to you sexually. On the 1st date, he doesn't need to know THAT much about you! Intrigue him,DON'T PUT OUT, and he'll likely ask you out again. If not, HIS LOSS!
  • View author's info posted on Jun 14, 2007 01:05

    Yeah, I too have been approached like that only after I have thought, "Hey this guy seems kinda nice. . .. .". Then his next conversation is what's tha bra size . Oops I'm not trying to get personal or sexual, but I'm really attracted. .. .
  • View author's info posted on Mar 27, 2007 18:10

    Maybe it's WHERE you are going to meet these men.
  • View author's info posted on Mar 21, 2007 11:06

    Divinemsjunebug write:
    It seems most of the men I have gone out with are ONLY interested in sex and not in getting to know me at all. I don't put the signals out there but it seems that is ALL I get. A man doesn't want to know ANYTHING about me and just puts on this "hey baby, why don't we go back to my place" - it makes me want to give up on dating completely. Now, I am definately NOT a prude. I'd just like to find a nice man that really wants to know who I am, will actually ask me questions about my life. Is that so impossible??? Anyway, I'd really like to know if anyone who does meet someone on-line if it's just the luck of the draw or if there is a trick to picking the right guy. Do other women have this problem or do other women think it's a problem. Maybe I'm living in a dream world that there are some men out there that really want to get to know women...


    Sad and frustrateing isent it?? I think it happends because many guys think that bbws are a easy score sexualy. Mainly because in there eyes were all eather desprate or have horribly low self esteem. And sadly many times that is actualy the case so they pray on women like that. My advise kick the trash like that to the curb were it belongs. And don't let it get you down just look at it this way. For every slimey himbo out there theres a nice decent guy some weres wateing to be found..
  • View author's info posted on Mar 21, 2007 10:44

    P.S. Don't ever been afraid to pull some one in line because at the end of the day you should never be afraid to ask for what you want and if a sex crazed pervert is not what you want kick his sorry butt to the curb.


    I will say this....many many men on this site are physically attracted to BBWs....its why they are here. They know sexually they want a BBW period.

    Women of all shapes and sizes get hounded online and here will be no different I am sorry to say.

    The good news is the amount of negative responses should be almost zero here, I say almost because its not perfect

    But even if you get to know someone and you spend X amount of time talking about your favorite colors and the one time at band camp...your sexual personality is a large part of your overall persona.

    How is anyone going to know who you are sexually without getting sexual?

    I am not defending the one track mind guys or saying their behavior is okay but taking a step back and looking at things from a male perspective I think many men know to be happy with a woman you not only have to mesh at home but in the bedroom as well....if either is not what they are looking for would you want them to stick around?

    When sex in a marriage is good its a non issue, most people dont even think twice about it....when its bad its a large issue....

    We are among the few beings on earth which have sex for pleasure ....dont turn it into a chore or some god awful punishment

    Sex does not equal love, sex does not equal commitment...

    People can fall in love without sex and people fall in love well after having sex with someone.....but calling someone a sex crazed pervert for being attracted to you is pretty silly.

    "Can you believe he had the nerve to want to have sex with me! He must have thought I was physically attracted to him or something...I dont know how he could think that....I just like his mind"

    Think about it
  • View author's info posted on Feb 19, 2007 06:29

    Well it sounds like there are a lot of other women out there that are feeling the same thing. It just gets so frustrating sometimes. I think I've found a really nice man and before I know it the conversation goes right to, so what's your favorite sexual position? Where did that come from when I just asked you to tell me more about your life? hee hee. oh well.

    But you are right, if we don't take chances we will never find the right one. Like I said, I am all for a fun relationship in which sex is a big part. BUT I just want a little substance. I want a man to call me and say, hey I was just thinking about you and wanted to see how you are doing today instead of What are you wearing. lol.

    I've had to stop and say to some men, hey don't you want to know ANYTHING about me???? And usually it's like, well, yeah, I'd like to know if you swallow or not...sorry that was a little crude. hee hee. But anyway, I guess we just got to keep kissing those toads and one day we will actually find that one (I am forever the optimist).

    I will probably fall over and faint if I am with a man that actually says, so tell me all about your life...sigh.
  • View author's info posted on Feb 17, 2007 21:49

    hi im new to this site and have been reading with intrest this topic..
    Me personaly feel males are tarred with the same brush as the perverts that are about we all have emotions?needs male and female the one and only reason im here is to hopefully find/meet a lady which through time might led to a long relationship we all like to flirt etc that does not mean that sex is all im after thats my bit thanks hpoe it made abit of sence
  • View author's info posted on Jan 25, 2007 15:07

    a man can only do what you allow if u see the conversation isnt going the way u want tell him u arent interested ive been known to break a man down verbally for disrespecting me

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  • View author's info posted on Jan 18, 2007 03:09


    Yes that's fair enough indeed !!!

    Honsety is alway's the best policy !!!

    Hence you have to be able to spot bullshit a mile away ,...which is not alway's easy to do I know !!!

    ...As some women too are very,very, very,good actresess ,..and have s*cked me in time and time again , and chewed me up spat me back out ,shoved my heart through a meat grinder ,tossed me aside with-out a second thought ,...of how that can effect some-one !!!

    The emotional & mental effects of that kind of behavoir towards that person , can be very damaging to say the least!!!

    As a result I now am very , very ,very , quik to absolutely verbally crucify and destroy women who display such qualities , which I do take great pleasure in doing yes indeed !!!

    As it is deserved , like wise you no doubt will do to such men ,...of which is absolutely justified !!!

    But yes agreed , do you spot them ???

    O.K. well ,...if a guy is truelly genuine he will wait and respect the time that you need too feel at ease with him ,...I have spent over 6 to 9 month's , sometimes a couple of years even ,... trying to get into some womens pant's yes ,...but it has been 4 all the rite reasons !!!

    ...And did it pay off ???
    Most of the time it has been worth it yes !!!

    Lay down your terms hard ,and if the guy does not wish to repect your terms & put the work in 4 the rite reasons...

    Then you can tell him to take a run and jump , as he is clearly a waster !!!

    But does this still make the shit bag's any easier to spot ???

    If they are interested in your views ,feeling's and thought's about certain thing's ,...and want to know about you...
    why & how you are , who you have become ,where your going in life ,what you want out of life ect ...

    Then I'd say it would be fair to give him the benifit of the doubt!!!

    But hey what do I know ???,this is just my perspective!!!

    I would happilly like to chat with you about this over a beer though if you fancy it ENCHANTING LOL !!!
  • View author's info posted on Jan 17, 2007 17:18

    enchantingmala write:
    Oh Hunny I soooooooooo feel your pain. I am so sick of those guys that just want one thing and one thing only that I have started to just ignore or eliminate them from my life as soon as they even remotely sound like they just want sex. At the end of the day I know that I am worth so much more then that and even if it takes my entire life I want the real deal.

    P.S. Don't ever been afraid to pull some one in line because at the end of the day you should never be afraid to ask for what you want and if a sex crazed pervert is not what you want kick his sorry butt to the curb.

    Re: I would H8 to think that , would eliminate me straight away after me winking at you ,...thinking that maybe all I am after is sex ???

    Some men want romance to you know,...some women seem to 4 get that some men wish to be wined & dined ,..have flowers bought for us too , be taken out 4 the evening ,to pub ,or dinner , or a film ,or a concert ,see a band , theatre ,ect

    Companion ship & Comradery,...Comical Banter is far more valuable to me,..and out of that one would hope that a decent solid relationship can be formed !!!

    Some men too hunger 4 affection , to be held in the night 4 the rite reasons !!!

    Bottom line is make it very,very,very,clear that you have absolutely no time 4 games !!!

    ...And that there are consiquinces 4 there actions !!!
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