Is having a racial preference racist? DATING Forward to friends

  • View author's info Posted on Feb 18, 2006 at 04:36 AM

    Hey, I'm not the only person in this thread who has expressed their unease in this area. And I don't think the personal attack is warranted (regardless of if I was alone in my opinion or not). As I said, I was expressing my opinion about the question that was raised, I wasn't having a go at anyone for their beliefs/preferences/choices. You're right, PinkPenguins, everyone does have a right to their opinion without being criticised or attacked for it - even me. Also, you've attributed a lot to me that isn't mine at all.

    That said, I think I have been guilty in my post of the problem sweetcaramel pointed out, of viewing people?s preferences as their outlook on everything, which was a mistake on my part. Again, it was about the ideas being discussed not about any particular person.

    To try and clarify my position: You're right that everyone has the right to be choosy about who they end up with. As sweetcaramel (again) pointed out, this is a dating site and not a friendship match, and that's the context in which I made the remark about not getting to know someone who indicated that they only wanted to date white people. You are, of course, free to decide not to date someone on the basis of race (or blonde hair, or anything else for that matter). But I also have the right to decide not to date someone because their philosphy/politics/beliefs/values/outlook/view of the world are incompatible (not just different, incompatible) with mine. That's all I was saying.
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 17, 2006 at 11:08 PM

    Thank you sweetcaramel
    for actually having a open mind.. And not just saying you do.. Wish more people had open minds.. And respected other peoples personal choices..
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 17, 2006 at 08:45 PM

    i think that we need to realise that this is a dating site and not a friendship match...therefore you can be selective as you want to be since this is the person you hope to spend the rest of your life with ...maybe i'm wrong but i'm getting the impression that when people state what there preference are in dating (and it is a preference) it's being viewed as their outlook on everything... i have some caucasian, black and asian female friends who date within their race only, it does not make them racists, it's funny i never thought about it until this topic...we went out together last night and the discussion we had were women issues, that affect all women...however i guess we all grew up together, we kinda of gotten past the race issue...why do we always feel the need to be condescending of other people's a bbw who prefers slim guys...why is that a problem?...yes it limits her pool but that's her issue.. how does it affect you? and what makes it wrong?..cuz you can't agree with it? I have an asian friend who likes only big guys(and i'm not talking about muscular), she's 5 feet 4 not more than 100lbs,should she be reprimanded by slim guys?...are we serious? maybe i'm reading too much into this, think i've gone off topic...what was it again?
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 17, 2006 at 08:22 PM

    Pink forget even trying to be PC. No matter what you are going to irritate someone. Please your self forget the rest.
    Soft people with different views and politics should be friends and talk. That is how ideas are shared and vision grows. just my opinion.

    I don't see how dating or not dating someone makes you a racist. Treating people badly, withholding basic rights and liberties, denying care, jobs, housing, education, etc. because of a race would be racist. Get a clue people why not focus on what was important.
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 17, 2006 at 12:41 AM

    I'm sick of people saying it makes them so uncomfortable..Let's all be politically correct now.. So we don't make any one else uncomfey or act unworldly.. With our simply completely selfish want to.. Be with some one we are attracted too.. Yes let us all be like sheep.. And go with the politically correct flo BAHHHHHH BAHHHHHHH.. Oh god what ever.. I have a right to say I am or am not attracted to a certain kind of people.. I don't care much for blond guys too.. Jezz guess that makes me a hypocrite too lmao.. Common people live and let live respect each other.. And be kind too all kind of people.. Every one has there right too there opinions!! And they also have the right to pick who they end up with as a partner in life.. With out being ostracized for it.. Hmm I wonder if you would be as uncomfey.. If a black person said they don't date white girls.. Na maybe that would be just be there personal choise..But god help you are a raciest if.. You say the same thing..
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 17, 2006 at 12:00 AM

    It's also a term that's almost completely meaningless, but it makes you seem less shallow than if you're honest and just say "athletic". Hence the popularity.
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 16, 2006 at 05:15 PM

    LokiRook write:
    .....with a rugby player build .....

    This is off topic, but I just have to say it. I'm sure glad I'm not in the UK seems most of the girls on here from there are looking for that guy with a "rugby player build". Interesting indeed ... poor UK fellows don't stand a chance if they have to live to those expectations ...
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 16, 2006 at 04:37 PM

    As I said, that is my prejudice. I didn't mean to cause you any offense, and it wasn't a personal attack on any member of this site. I'm sorry that it came accross that way.

    I just wanted to add my voice to what I think is an interesting and - given the state of the world - very important topic.

    My reason for not wanting to get to know someone who only selects white/Caucasian on their preferences is that it indicates a completely incompatible politics and worldview - something which I think it is important to share.

    I'm not saying people shouldn't have preferences, and be upfront about them. After all, that's kind of what this whole site is about, right - a preference for a certain physical type? And I'm not saying anyone should date anyone they're not attracted to simply because it's pc. Attraction is vital to a relationship - without it you might have the best friendship in the world, but it's don't mean a thing. I just think that ruling out a whole section of people based soley on their race, well, it warrants some thinking about.
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 15, 2006 at 08:14 PM

    Thanks softersoftest
    But I'm not a raciest.. I almost marred a black guy once..And most of my friends are of other races.. So maybe your the one who needs to open your mind.. And not persecute people for there personal choices.. It's a bit much to say the people that.. Don't date out of there race are raciest..Would you date a extremely disabled man?? How about in a wheel chair.. I bet you would think twice.. Not that your basis against them just wouldn't be your 1st choice..Well I had my son with a man who cant walk.. Because of a severe illness..And his godfather who is a great friend of mine is pourtorican..I don't discriminate about people in general.. I like all kinds of people.. You shouldn't categories people.. Or put them down because of who.. They are and aren't physically attracted too.. I don't like to hurt or lead people on.. That's why I list my preferences in my profile.. If you think that makes me a raciest.. And you wouldn't want to get to know me.. Then it's your loss not mine.. And you are the one with the closed mind not me..
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 15, 2006 at 05:38 PM

    I think it's an excellent question and you've made some excellent points.

    I do think that refusing to date somebody because of their race is racist, and it makes me uncomfortable to the point where, if somebody has ticked only white/Caucasian on their preferences, I won't get to know them. (That's my prejudice right there.)

    As far as preferences go, I still think that to discount somebody because of their race is racist. I'm not attracted to all the white guys I see, nor all the black, Asian, Latino, etc. That immediate stop-me-in-my-tracks-on-the-street attraction to someone I've never met before has much more to do with personal style, attitude, how they carry themselves, etc, than with race.

    Size-wise, I'm really attracted to tall, lanky, super-skinny guys (no idea why, I've tried to figure it out, it's certainly not the mainstream ideal for the male body). But that hasn't stopped me dating guys who are bigger or musclier. It's a preference rather than a dictate.
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 15, 2006 at 04:38 PM

    musicnut46 write:

    I live in a small midwestern town. Dating outside your race or religion is still not 100% accepted.

    I've dated guys of other races and other builds. Color doesn't really matter, nor does size. Attraction for me follows the person and the personality. As far as religion, if you have the ethics and spirit, the rest is negotiable.

    That being said, I'm also in a small town like Music. Minorities are definitely in the extreme minority and mixed race couples just really aren't seen here.

    While I by no means would exclude someone of another race for that reason, I do consider if someone I'm interested would be comfortable in my world, just as I would consider if I would be comfortable in theirs.
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 14, 2006 at 03:08 PM

    It's your money so date who you want to that's all.whoever doesn't like your preferencs, too bad.
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 14, 2006 at 09:01 AM

    Ok, well, we'll use me as an example. If i was gonna stop and look at someone, just someone anyone on the street because i was attracted, that attraction is most likely aimed at a guy who is either in an athletic state of fitness, or muscular with a bit of padding, but not heavy like am. But thats initial attraction, and im not going to say that Id only ever date someone built like that - kind of like your blue eyes and blonde hair: nice, most attracted to but not required. Because, as i guess is the point of the thread, it is a preference, not a rule. i think im rambling again... but, to agree with everyone, i would say preferences are one thing but they are flexible and arent restrictive. It become racist or disciminatory if someone were to say hands down, 'no way' because of something negative.
    I see the point of restricting your options to say, religion for example because of strong beliefs that are a part of your life and you want share. I know a lot of people here have mentioned they would only date other christians, whereas im the other way around, i want someone a little lax in beliefs and spiritual but not limited to one doctrine and the like. I dont think dating an orthodox catholic would really work out for me.
    However, to say you wont date someone Jewish because theyre dirty or not good enough is not cool and THAT is when that 'preference' becomes an issue.
    i think anyway...
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 14, 2006 at 03:08 AM

    Otherwise you find yourself eating McDonald's, listening to Jessica Simpson and watching van Helsing and thinking they're all great. ... Oh Darn Theo you just described every Friday night..I've ever spent at home LoL.. Naa but seriously.. I think it's a personal preference not racism.. Unless they make a point to say ONLY this or that in there profile.. I have dated both in and out of my race.. And in the end I find I prefer white guys.. no offense to any other race thou.. And listing what you prefer in your profile.. Can help to avoid any hurt feelings or misunderstandings.. You shouldn't feel bad for who you are attracted too..
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 13, 2006 at 09:42 AM

    ok, theo, I can see what youre saying - sort of. If a heavier person says point blank 'no, I wont date someone who is heavy too' then its annoying. But saying "well hey, I *prefer* thinner people" isnt wrong. I prefer black hair blue eyes with a rugby player build and a genuine smile, but im not only gonna date men like that (oh, Jake Gyllenhall, one day you'll get a bit beefier and be the man for me!). So, as long as thinner is a *preference* and not a mandate, is that acceptable to you?
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 13, 2006 at 09:21 AM

    Theophrastus write:
    Well for starters it's nothing "like" saying that.

    In the one case it'd be saying that people should be able to date people like them and in the second case it's saying that people should ONLY date people like them. It's two completely different states of affairs.

    The thing is that in all matters other than dating "preferences" are things that can and generally should be subject to being modified and educated. You can develop better and more complex tastes.

    I see no reason why "preferences" in potential partners should be any different. Fat people who don't date other fat people are like people who only eat McDonalds... they have utterly unsophisticated tastes, dictated by society. I think that racial preferences fall under the same banner.

    Makes me nervous when I start agreeing with you Theo...

    I live in a small midwestern town. Dating outside your race or religion is still not 100% accepted. I have dated men of other races and found that I don't necessarily have a preference, but I have found that the thing that comes between us most is religious differences.

    I had a man recently accuse me of being racist because I didn't accept his invitation to go out... he was a black man. I tried to explain to him that it had nothing to do with his race, but his religious difference. I have turned down dated with Cauc. men with religious differences... I was accused of being 'holier than thou' but not racist. I'm not holier than thou... I just have learned that ANYTHING you believe strongly in can become a wedge between you if you have opposite views... whether it be politics, religion, moralities, or just life in general.
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 13, 2006 at 12:21 AM

    I still dont get your whole 'if youre fat you have to date fat people" ideas either though, Theo. That's like saying thin people can only date thin people, blondes to blondes, race to race. You like what you like what you like.
    I've dated people heavier than me, been attracted to others larger than myself, but in the end, I still prefer guys on the more muscle-bulky side (not muscle man types, *shudder*) rather than porky or super skinny.
    There's again a genetic reason behind it, but I'm more and more convinced I'm a topic killer so I won't go into it.
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 12, 2006 at 10:41 AM

    No, I don't believe that it is racist to say you are attracted to a "look"... we are talking about race here but it could also be hair color, body build, accent... you can't help who you are attracted to. I believe it becomes racist when you refuse to have anything to do with someone, personally or socially, or put them down just because of their skin color. I think there is a big difference beween the two. I personally have never really dated outside my race.... but it doesn't mean I wouldn't. Just means that I haven't experienced that yet. I would never rule anyone out just because they don't fit my so-called preference model.... I get to know the person first.... you either click with them or you don't.... at least that's how I view it.
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 12, 2006 at 12:14 AM

    I dont think its racist ... an interesting view point though ... I am not attracted to asian men , but I have asian friends, ... I love latinos over blonde haired blue eyeds .. so its more a preferance I think ...
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 11, 2006 at 11:02 AM

    i don't think it's racist...i've dated outside of my race but my best friend of 14 years is russian and he's not into black girls (his family calls me his lil sis) ...we all have our preferences but the line comes when u state u don't like to be around certain groups or u do not want to be assoicated with them (insert whatever stereotypical or prejudice remark)... then it becomes a problem....
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