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Warning: Whining Ahead: What happens, why do men just disappear?
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Posted on Sun, Dec 11, 2005 15:56

kew, im so glad you found someone, unfortunately i seem to be the hopeless case that lingers, i thought i found another guy that cared, he came up to me the other night and said "sorry we both want different things". in other words he led me on again making me think there was something ,i found out he only wanted sex and thought id give it up . thats so aweful to feel this way. i feel i cant attract anything but a quick fling, i wish i knew whats wrong with me or what im doing wrong, help

  


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Posted on Thu, Dec 08, 2005 19:07

In fact just put that in my profile about ending a situation. I too just, and I mean just had that happen to me. I have been exchanging a few brief emails with a guy I meet here. We then moved to chatting and right in the middle of the conversation upon realizing I am a BBW, which I don't know how that was a surprise, he stops. Nothing more. Not a "oh I gotta run" and never chat again, but BAM! What's up with that? I've had dates where the guy never follows up, I've had dates where the guys never show up, but I have NEVER had a conversation where someone just quits. Not only is it rude, but it is so immature! I am currently corresponding with a gentleman, whom I plan to meet for coffee, that I told I didn't have the same feelings for. I am not leading him on, he knows the score. But we have managed to begin a friendship, whether or not that will continue only time will tell. I just need to vent with some folks who would understand!

  


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Posted on Wed, Nov 30, 2005 15:49

that is one thing i have noticed that men do more than women... i definitely have not known nearly as many women to pull the disappearing act as men do. The worst thing about it is they often ruin it for the rest. I think a lot of the disappearing acts has to do with them feeling more insecure about themselves, so (although easier said than done) try not to worry about these guys ladies, cause they probably have too many personal problems to focus on a real relationship anyway. Consider yourselves lucky you didn't get pulled into those haha... take care all and keep your heads up!

  


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Posted on Wed, Nov 30, 2005 14:34

sheesh.... thank you for your kind words sweetie. Unfortunately, I know all too well the pain your are feeling but I can also tell you from experience that it does get easier. I have been blessed to have found someone myself... and so will you! If you ever need someone to talk to Kew

  


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Posted on Wed, Nov 30, 2005 14:11

I agree...the same has happened to me after even 6 months of wonderful friendly getting to know you e-mails.....I am an adult....if the man changed his mind...why can he just not say it....rather than just do a disappearing act........Hang in there!



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Posted on Sun, Nov 06, 2005 22:30

kew, thank you so much, you made me feel much better, and yes its all in the name, and im not the only one hes done it to i now know .you are beautiful also and i know with a heart like yours, you will eventually have everything you need. ty again .im still hurt cause i fell in love with him , but ill be ok now i know others care ! your a doll ty

  


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Posted on Sun, Nov 06, 2005 07:21

sheesh..... I am so sorry you are hurting. The bottom line is.... if they can disappear so easily, then they truly did not love you. I know it hurts but I for one would rather know it sooner rather than later. Do NOT give this man anything else. He obviously does not give as much as he takes. Ladies.... heed her warning... you can see his name in her post... steer clear!

Wipe your tears... hold your head up and your chest out and get back out there! You are beautiful... and the RIGHT one will come along! Kew

  


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Posted on Sun, Nov 06, 2005 06:21

bubbleblower write:
HAH!! i have yet to find ONE that doesn't vanish! so far, in 50 years, they ALL vanish after a call or email or two.. all seems fine up to that point, so who knows? i now expect men to talk briefly and then vanish without a word.. so far, sadly enough i haven't been disappointed in THAT expectation..... the only thing i know for sure... it's THEIR problem and THEIR loss.... not mine


You know I don't even let it get that far anymore. If they do not have anything in common with my in writing I cut it off there. My issue is when they answer a personal ad, they never READ them. Yes I like to look at a picture too but I always read the ads to see if they are what I am seeking. So far zilch on this site. Move to Texas. I hear the men to women ratio is better.



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Posted on Sat, Nov 05, 2005 10:07

i know exactly what u are saying, i actually dated a guy and he disappeared once, i thought we made up, we met again and he promised he was sure its what he wanted,well hes "faded" for the second time without explaination. how can someone say they love you and then be gone? it makes no sense ,i havent done anything wrong, or have i? i dont like being left hanging ,it really hurts! only thing i can say is perhaps dreem means dream and xpress means its not going to last . the last statement refers to a name , well any how, guys , if youre not serious please let us women know ,its much better to know than not to ,otherwise we feel like were being used until a "better" woman comes along.

  


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Posted on Thu, Nov 03, 2005 05:40

HAH!! i have yet to find ONE that doesn't vanish! so far, in 50 years, they ALL vanish after a call or email or two.. all seems fine up to that point, so who knows? i now expect men to talk briefly and then vanish without a word.. so far, sadly enough i haven't been disappointed in THAT expectation..... the only thing i know for sure... it's THEIR problem and THEIR loss.... not mine



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Posted on Sat, Oct 22, 2005 22:02

Ahhhhh yes ..... please do not think u are alone...... I honestly believe it is the kinda thing where they (guys and girls) are happy chatting with us but then someone else comes onboard... someone new maybe.... and they are off in pursuit of that person and the one left behind is forgotten...... so we move on too because they were not the one for us and it is better to know now...... so please do not give up... I am not giving up either...... because I know if I have not met him yet.. then I will..... and if I have met him then hopefully I will know soon....... best of luck to all.........smiles, me
Ahhhhh yes ..... please do not think u are alone...... I honestly believe it is the kinda thing where they (guys and girls) are happy chatting with us but then someone else comes onboard... someone new maybe.... and they are off in pursuit of that person and the one left behind is forgotten...... so we move on too because they were not the one for us and it is better to know now...... so please do not give up... I am not giving up either...... because I know if I have not met him yet.. then I will..... and if I have met him then hopefully I will know soon....... best of luck to all.........smiles, me



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Posted on Wed, Oct 19, 2005 23:27

OK ladies - please realize "us" guys do not have the market cornered on disappearing - there's women on this site as well as others that do the same thing.

As for the reasons - it's jsut like in society - there are all kinds of people. Some have no problem with calling it quits and then there are those that just do not know how to deal with it.

Before the internet it was where the phone calls would stop - messages were not returned etc. Before all that - there were the old story lines like - "well honey, I decided to join the merchant marine or the foriegn legion, or some such group and then - poof they were gone.

I would have to think that in the majority of the cases it is not a personal thing and you need to find a way to realize that and how you can work through it....besides as you have pointed out the importance of being able to communicate and obviously these people have issues with communicating - so they were not the right person for you - there loss and someday someone elses gain.

I know - that doesn't do you a lot of good now when you are feeling blue - but perhaps you may find some thoughts/ideas in case it happens again.
OK ladies - please realize "us" guys do not have the market cornered on disappearing - there's women on this site as well as others that do the same thing.

As for the reasons - it's jsut like in society - there are all kinds of people. Some have no problem with calling it quits and then there are those that just do not know how to deal with it.

Before the internet it was where the phone calls would stop - messages were not returned etc. Before all that - there were the old story lines like - "well honey, I decided to join the merchant marine or the foriegn legion, or some such group and then - poof they were gone.

I would have to think that in the majority of the cases it is not a personal thing and you need to find a way to realize that and how you can work through it....besides as you have pointed out the importance of being able to communicate and obviously these people have issues with communicating - so they were not the right person for you - there loss and someday someone elses gain.

I know - that doesn't do you a lot of good now when you are feeling blue - but perhaps you may find some thoughts/ideas in case it happens again.

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Posted on Mon, Oct 10, 2005 22:42


edinshamokinpa17872 write:
Just hang in there ,there are a few guys out there still........lol



Well, that's good to hear!



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Posted on Sun, Oct 09, 2005 10:45

Just hang in there ,there are a few guys out there still........lol

  


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Posted on Sun, Oct 09, 2005 03:21

about closure, it actually works both ways and i know how it feels to have some one just fade away. just have to say next and go on there are game players on both sides. good luck on your next search for mr right.



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Posted on Mon, Oct 03, 2005 16:31

Thanks guys for the words of wisdom. I try to hard to be positive about this experience, but now and then it's tough to do so.

I need another mantra: It's not me...it's them! :-)

Thanks again and I hope you all have a wonderful rest of your day!

  


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Posted on Mon, Oct 03, 2005 11:56

I feel for you. I too had a bad experience with the very first one on this site that I responded to. He lived in my area, called me after we were writing for two weeks, set a plan in motion to meet at a local eatery and he never and I repeat never showed. He has not called or even emailed, looking back on the experience it made me look for certain things and also made me seem that I was not needy or desperate for the persons attention, you need to move on and don't take the defeatest attitude have self confidence and don't ever email someone when they stop cooresponding with you for a number of days, this will save you heartache and grief. I bounced back the next day and am positive that I will find a soul mate you have to go through the muck before you find the plush land filled with wonderful dreams and an even more wonderful future, don't settle, you are not a desperate women and you have to let these men know that don't email them right after they do you let them wait and do not I repeat do not put everything out there do not discuss past relationships and what hurts you some of these guys will prey on that one. Play it smart and you will achieve the goal, that is what I am doing and I may have several guys not respond to me but I would rather know now then getting my feelings tangled later it stings but you'll get over it. So don't fret dear your day is coming.

  


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Posted on Mon, Oct 03, 2005 07:31


Theophrastus write:

So sometimes just allowing the discussion to fade is the best way of handling things.



Not for a woman... we tend to need the closure. Again, just one of many differences between men and women.

michaela.... we have all been there sweetie. Don't give up. When you find the right one, he won't leave you hanging.



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Posted on Mon, Oct 03, 2005 04:19

It is a tough call though.

You might want to try and work out what it is that's frightening the guys off and hold-off on talking about it for a while.

Otherwiseif you're emailing someone and you realise that not only do you not think things'll work romantically but you also realise that actually... you don't feel like having them as a friend, there's only so much you can do.

You can't just keep talking to the other person for ever.

Shooting someone down in flames with a "sorry... not interested" after you've exchanged a few emails is a bit brutal.

So sometimes just allowing the discussion to fade is the best way of handling things.



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