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Why are all the nice guys overlooked?
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Posted on Sun, Oct 16, 2005 18:14

Whew wee, son...with a smile like that I couldn't overlook you. I do believe it would stop me in my tracks... and I'd be forced to pull the Joey (from Friends) "How you doin'?" LOL

KB



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Posted on Sun, Oct 16, 2005 11:53

its almost funny in a way... everyone here is looking for the same thing and can't find it...

email some of the people on this site! chat! meet! make some friends

the answers may be right in front of your face...



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Posted on Thu, Oct 13, 2005 06:26

I also think that maybe women see us as "too nice".

I'm kinda quiet in real life in a 1 on 1 situation but if people saw me in my natural environment in a club or pub spinning my tunes and talking gibberish into the microphone they'd see my "wilder" side then.



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Posted on Tue, Oct 11, 2005 07:22

ok, allupinem, thats a cute title, i feel the same way,at times.i tend to get overlooked as well for the more slimer body,and and vain person. but i can say that you appear to be a nice intelligent black man. so keep the faith there is someone out there especially for you. i just join this site so i am not an active member but you can im me any time. keep an eye out for taylorwoma, from AR. i have pics i can send to me. hope to chat with you. PS YOU HAVE THE CUTIES SMILE.

  


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Posted on Sun, Sep 11, 2005 18:40


musicnut46 write:
Maybe it's an age thing, but I think as we get older, the 'nice' guys become more important. When you're young, I think you tend to want more excitement in your life. As I get older, I realize that those traits are temporary and that what I really want is a nice man... drama free, considerate, stable, romantic, devoted, etc.

It's sad that the truly nice men get ignored so much... just like the nice women.

Personally, I celebrate the nice men... they seem to be a rare thing in my area.



I totally agree that it seems to be an age thing. I'm not saying that there are not younger girls whom truely want a nice guy, but they tend to have been already burnt fairly bad by the "bad boys" and want the nice guys only to never have to be burnt so bad again.

However, in general most girls tend to start valuing nice guys as they get older and begin to want a more stable, meaningful relationship rather than just some "bad boy" whom they can gossip and talk about what wild and crazy things he did or had you doing with your girlfriends.

Just my 2 cents,
Rodney aka bbanditx79



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Posted on Fri, Sep 09, 2005 16:11


jailene write:
lol, "boring" is AWESOME. If boring is coming home, cooking dinner, doing homework with my babies, watching a silly movie cuz it makes them happy, playing with my dogs, football on sundays, watching the rain come down, then count me as BORING. Because, those are the things I treasure, those are the things I look forward to, those are the things that will matter when I'm old. You can keep your bars, you can keep the wild parties, give me an empty beach and my family anyday.

Kudos to the men who know what it means to be "boring". Steady, reliable, warm, and there for you.


WOW.. exactly what I was thinking!! I second what she wrote!!

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Posted on Thu, Sep 08, 2005 07:11

lol, "boring" is AWESOME. If boring is coming home, cooking dinner, doing homework with my babies, watching a silly movie cuz it makes them happy, playing with my dogs, football on sundays, watching the rain come down, then count me as BORING. Because, those are the things I treasure, those are the things I look forward to, those are the things that will matter when I'm old. You can keep your bars, you can keep the wild parties, give me an empty beach and my family anyday.

Kudos to the men who know what it means to be "boring". Steady, reliable, warm, and there for you.



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Posted on Thu, Sep 08, 2005 06:20

Hey Allupinem, Have a NICE day!! Just kidding, I like what you wrote, both times, and personally, I have had too many not nice people in my life. If nice means boring then bring it on. Nice is the quality I am looking for in a partner and I think I may have found it. Good luck in your search.
Trix



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Posted on Mon, Sep 05, 2005 13:37

I don't think you're overlooked, it's just hard to find a nice guy these days. Most guys claim to be "nice" but they tend to prove themselves wrong. So when a nice guy does come along it's kinda like it's too good to be true. Because like one girl said it goes both ways. I'm one of the nice girls that guys say isn't out there but seems like guys aren't interested. Soo I'm still trying to find some answers. Here's how I see it. If the right guy does come along, he will want to be with me a respect me without expecting anything in return if you know what i mean... Anyway i could go on for hours about this subject.



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Posted on Fri, Sep 02, 2005 10:38

Mr. Biggles, I think you hit the nail right on the head. I admit I have horrible taste in men, my life's experiences prove it. What I WANT is someone who will treat me nice, listen to me at 2 am when i have a nightmare, let me snuggle, blah blah blah. who i end up going out with is the overbearing, macho jerk who doesnt seem to get the meaning of the word responsible. Is that his fault? NO!! Its mine. And maybe, like you, i need to take a long hard look at my choices in men. I dont have a problem finding dates, honestly (i have no idea why that is, but its the way it goes), i guess i just turn down the ones I should be saying yes to. Thanks for your thoughts..... sometimes everybody needs a wake up call.



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Posted on Wed, Aug 31, 2005 10:30

What I would like to know is how come all the really nice and sweet guys only go for the b*t#hy Sl*ty girls who end up breaking their hearts and making it impossible for them to trust the rest of us!?!

  


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Posted on Wed, Aug 31, 2005 09:24

Now, what on Earth makes you think that Theo?

I wouldn't say bad, just a little disappointing maybe.

  


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Posted on Wed, Aug 31, 2005 08:07

Maybe it's an age thing, but I think as we get older, the 'nice' guys become more important. When you're young, I think you tend to want more excitement in your life. As I get older, I realize that those traits are temporary and that what I really want is a nice man... drama free, considerate, stable, romantic, devoted, etc.

It's sad that the truly nice men get ignored so much... just like the nice women.

Personally, I celebrate the nice men... they seem to be a rare thing in my area.



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Posted on Wed, Aug 31, 2005 03:40


NorthernGordon write:
I've got a new one. Why do bad BBWs crap on nice BHMs?

And it happens......

As for what's been said, well I'll just stay nice and dull. You gals go and find your exciting men who cheat on you and beat you up and disrespect you.


Ouch!

I know a few BBWs that have been crapped on by men, so it goes both ways.

That said, I had an interesting experience a few years back when I had a chance to go to a high school reunion.

There was a girl that I really liked in high school and had asked out several times. We were very good friends and she kept telling me that I was too valuable as a friend (sound familiar to anyone?). All the while she kept dating the worse guys at our school because they drove great cars, had tatoos, and were general badasses.

When we graduated, she was pregnant and was about to get married to one of those guys. I went off to college and we lost touch with each other.

Fifteen years later, she has four children by three different husbands. All of her husbands were physically and mentally abusive. One is even in prison. And her "current boyfriend" at the time was a total *sshole at the reunion (even though he didn't go to our school). She kept going out with those kind of guys and I didn't understand it.

We talked that night and she regretted not having gone out with me. And I'm certain that had she taken a chance on me, her life (and mine) would have been different.

Of course, I've heard of similar stories from women about their high school and college crushes.

The biggest problem we all seem to have is that we're locked into this cycle. We talk about who we'd really like to be with, but that person is so unfamiliar to us that we don't actually take the chance on them when they do come around.

As much as I grouse about being turned down by various women I have asked out, you don't hear me talking about the women who have asked me out and I've politely said no. Why did I say no? Why didn't I take a chance? I'd like to believe that I don't know the answer to that question, but the reality is probably more like I don't want to ADMIT to the answer because I don't like it.



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Posted on Wed, Aug 31, 2005 02:05

Hi everyone!

Just thought that I'd quickly thrown in my thoughts...

I describe myself as "nice" - I like to think that this is not a euphemism for "dull" or "as interesting as watching paint dry" - I use the word "nice", because I like to think that I am a guy who is pleasant, warm and respectful toward women.

Whilst I think that I am all of the above, I certainly have a spontaneous, impulsive streak that prevents me from being boring.

In answer to the main topic of the thread, though - they do tend to be overlooked. Sadly, I am still of the impression that nice guys finish last - unless there is a woman out there who can help me disprove this theory...

  


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Posted on Tue, Aug 30, 2005 12:15

I've got a new one. Why do bad BBWs crap on nice BHMs?

And it happens......

As for what's been said, well I'll just stay nice and dull. You gals go and find your exciting men who cheat on you and beat you up and disrespect you.



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Posted on Tue, Aug 30, 2005 12:08

I love the "bad boy" look, but prefer my guy to be a sweetheart. Too bad I can't seem to find him.



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Posted on Mon, Aug 29, 2005 09:14

Hi everybody. This thread (like many others) made for great reading (wanted to use the word 'nice' but thought better of it). If I may, I'd like to add my comment.

I believe the word 'nice' is over used (and I don't just mean when describing ourselves. It's over use in many areas diminishes its meaning). True, a person may be nice, and there's nothing wrong with that, but as stated on other posts, there are other words as alternatives. Saying that, we're free to describe ourselves as we wish.

I'm digressing... are nice guys overlooked? Are nice ladies overlooked too? There seem to be many great people posting in the forums regularly, and I really enjoy the reads, and feel I know many of you, and I like it. But if any of us are 'overlooked' it can knock our confidence, but I don't feel it's because we're 'nice' however disheartening it may be. I guess if someone overlooks us, it's because we're just not their type. It can be frustrating, though, when one hears about a man or woman treating a partner badly, and the partner stays with them, and 'nice' people think, "Hey! I wouldn't treat him/her like that! Why's he/she with them?"

BUT, it's not just 'nice'. I guess stating the obvious gets some people down. I mean, I'm normal (I think!!) and enjoy a hug as much as the mnext person, but to put in an ad (not necessarily here, I've just seen them elsewhere) that a person is 'lonely, likes cuddles and hugs, looking for same' MAY be true, but I know that it can put some people off.

Thanks for reading if you've made it this far. You're very nice people.

And by the way, I've intended no disrespect or offence to anyone here, so hope none was taken. You're a great bunch!



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Posted on Mon, Aug 29, 2005 04:27

Nice BHMs get overlooked as do BBWs too .... its plain and simple and it happens.

and off the subject... Aphrodite, I often scratch my head when I read your posts and how u put yourself down... you are SO pretty and i would LOVE to be as f_at as u, believe u me :P ,you seem to have a great sense of humour and are intelligent and witty ... so stop with this ugly frog stuff ... U look good just the way u are .

  


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Posted on Fri, Aug 26, 2005 11:28

I must say this post seems to have generated into a let's bash nice guys post. It seems that even on this site what a nice guy truely means is lost.

In everday society women typically take nice guys as some guy whom will let people walk all over him and whom lives a boring life, well that's not what being a nice guy is all about. To me being a nice guy means I can respect a women and treat her the way I'd like to be treated all of the time ... or at least most of it. Being a nice guy does NOT mean letting people walk over me, take advantage of me, or living a dull boring life, which is typically the way nice guys are portrayed.

So for all of you women out there who see nice guys as something bad then too bad, you'll surely miss out on meeting a decent nice guy whom isn't a doormat, has an interesting life, and can conversate, just becuase you believe in the "nice guy" stereotype that isn't true.

Also if you don't like nice guys why is it that when you go after so-called bad boys you always want them to still be a bad boy, but treat you like a nice guy would ... hahahaha.

Just my 2 cents,