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Why are all the nice guys overlooked?
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Posted on Mon, Feb 20, 2006 05:45

Musicnut;
My thoughts EXACTLY! My problem also is that after being on here a year, it seems that guys that have shown interest, and e-mailed me tend to just "vanish!" Why do they do this? Have all of them all of a sudden found their soulmate? Why show interest in a person just to disappear after a few e-mails? I find this very frustrating! I have yet to actually "meet" anyone from here, but, have gotten about 300 e-mails!
So guys, if you are not serious in seeking out a "soulmate" please don't play games! I'm not getting any younger here, and, would like to be in a "real" relationship with that special guy!



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Posted on Sat, Feb 18, 2006 09:17

Hay i would never over look someone as handsome as you...you are lovely...oh sorry is that to forward of me.

  


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Posted on Wed, Feb 15, 2006 12:57

Sharpe you are a genius ( at least I think so)!!! Good luck in your search, you a are good looking man and I have enjoyed your posts so far.

  


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Posted on Tue, Feb 14, 2006 21:36

Sometimes people are just commitment phobic's and they don't want (what you imagine to be)a nice guy. They might not want to have to trust someone again, if they have been hurt in the past. So they often go for the guys who aren't looking for heavy relationship or commitment. Something more casual liek a good friendship and some fun.

Being a really nice guy is about seeing things from other peoples perspectives and not just from your own.

You see yourself as being a nice guy and you probably expect everyone else to know it the instant that they meet you. The fact is that most people (and I'm not one of them) expect some of that 'getting to know you' time. Being friendly and nice can often scare people away as they think you're either totally desperate or trying to sell them something.

Sadly, very few people trust strangers and this is what you're up against. Remember you are a guy and can look after yourself, but a lady is far more vulnerable and far more wary.

If you're not so nice they will trust you a lot more as being not so nice makes you far more like the rest of society and people can relate to that. If you saw a guy stood outside your house at night you'd call the police, if you saw the same guy outside your house with a dog on a lead you'd relax -same sort of thing.

Besides a woman wants to be able to have a good healthy argument with a guy (from time to time) they don't want blokes to be too nice.

So don't be as in your face friendly, take your time to get to know people first and if you don't like something speak your mind don't make the mistake of not arguing back with a lady as it can light the fire of passion in you both. It takes two to Tango.

The trouble is man, that you're being far too nice and that's where you might be going wrong. Just be normal not nice.

Good luck
Chris (Sharpe)



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Posted on Mon, Feb 13, 2006 09:15

Theophrastus write:

You can deconstruct all of this stuff. For example, does ANYONE here honestly find themselves attracted to fat people? or are they merely trapped in a psychological quirk they picked up in childhood or have they managed to build belief-systems that enable them to be happy with what they're likely to get.

But the thing is that for all the deconstruction you do... people still fancy each other for whatever reasons they do. You have to deal with it either by coming to terms with it or by trying to change it.


I so rarely agree with you Theo, I just couldn't NOT respond. I do think that we tend to SAY we are attracted to who we think we can get. I don't think I'm necessarly 'attracted' to larger men visually, but everytime I have gone out with a man who is not large... I find out he's either a 'fetish' person or thinks large women are easy s@x... so I end up NOT being attracted to him at all. I find that I feel a comfort with larger men... which makes them more attractive to me. After all... the looks are temporary enjoyment... the personality it want ends up winning out.



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Posted on Sun, Feb 12, 2006 17:49

When it comes to politics, I tend to think that people adopt the beliefs that are in their best interest.

So if you're poor, you're likely to be left wing because you want the money that some people have to be redistributed to you.

If you're rich or have potential you're likely to want to pay low taxes because you can earn that money and want to keep it.


Similarly, in the case of sexual politics people yearn for systems that they think would be to their advantage.

For example, if your only selling point is that you're nice, you're going to want a set of rules to dating that place nice guys on top of the heap. If you're fat you're going to want a system that's all about "the real person" rather than outward appearances.

I include myself in this :-) When I moan about fetishists and anti-fat fat people, I'm partly motivated by the fact that I'm fat so I'd like a system in place where thin guys don't have an advantage over me.

You can deconstruct all of this stuff. For example, does ANYONE here honestly find themselves attracted to fat people? or are they merely trapped in a psychological quirk they picked up in childhood or have they managed to build belief-systems that enable them to be happy with what they're likely to get.

But the thing is that for all the deconstruction you do... people still fancy each other for whatever reasons they do. You have to deal with it either by coming to terms with it or by trying to change it.



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Posted on Sat, Feb 11, 2006 10:48

my two cents is -i doubt anyone except a fool will say that he/she isn't nice....even though some say nice guys or girls are being overlooked doesn't it come down to attraction...i know i might get heat for this but the reality is when u meet someone for the first time or especially online ..u don't think what a nice guy, he/she is, it's either cute or attractive...it's during conversation and a couple of dates that the term nice comes into play....nice is a general term and it has different terminology for everyone ...for example a pious male looking for a nice girl may what that female to be practising (religion0...myself, although i'm "nice" i can't remember the last time i went to church....what i'm saying is it come downs to compatiblity, and it takes time...is it bitterness because the girl/guy that u show interest in, does not reciprocate the feelings, it means they are overlooking a nice guy/girl...what about the nice girl/guy you turned down cuz u were not attracted to them... on another note:why would you want to go out with someone who constantly chooses losers?...who we chose to have in our lives is a reflection of who we are as individuals?...all i'm saying is u will eventually find that person who is right for you, it takes time and a lot of rejection , but keep trying.



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Posted on Thu, Feb 09, 2006 22:09

I couldn't see that happening unless she was blind...Because every good woman only looks for a good man I know I am I wouldn't want someone to overlook me so why would I do that to someonelse?



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Posted on Fri, Jan 13, 2006 08:45

Physically violent, yep...you know me.

Anyway, like i said, one persons opinion is just that.

But since a few apparently know me, ill as most on this site that have a run in w/certain online personalities as i call them.....ill say whatever and i wish you well in any and every avenue of life you walk. Id love to be facetious here but you know, its not worth it. Have a good one people.



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Posted on Tue, Jan 10, 2006 02:56

What Drama?

I was just reflecting that it was interesting that the guy moaning about how women don't give nice guys a chance actually turns out to be physically violent.



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Posted on Mon, Jan 09, 2006 15:02

I just know that although my ex didnt appreciate the things I did for her that isnt going to change the way I treat a woman. You have to believe that true love will prevail. Even if it takes you many attempts to find it. Can't help it! I'm a hopeless romantic!

As far as finding your partner cheating, I would be upset with my partner more than who you find them with. There is no room for that in ANY relationship.

  


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Posted on Mon, Jan 09, 2006 12:56

Well, im assuming a life is provided being that marriage is a UNION. If shes cheating, then the things/ideas/views and opinions i have shared and PROVIDED shall be removed!

Nice job trying to start drama w/one persons opinion. Id love to sit and bash w/you as others have but dont have the time nor want, i could really care less. Opinions are just that....glad you seem to have many, how about we rejoin the original posting....thatd be nice! Any other comments about cheating w/in a relationship...feel free to start your own post w/regard to how you feel or what you think should be done to a cheating spouse or the person who they cheated with....Thats not what this post is about nor do i feel the need to further defend my opinion, if its marriage i wanted to discuss here, im thinking i would have done so. Anyway, now that the B^ll$#!t has been dealt with, PLEASE continue to post about the topic at hand....i would appreciate it.

And BTW, if you need drama, please feel free to start a Drama in the online world posting or better yet, do your thing elsewhere. Much appreciated!

Almost forgot, if you plan on quoting me, quote me correctly..if you plan on speaking on anything i write...get the proper context correct as well...i never said PROVIDE like the woman is a peon or a lesser person...i said PREPARE FOR US...meaning Ive done my part to make things as comfortable as i possibly can w/in the union...Anyway, thought I would put that in. 1950's, if i were born in that era then im sure I could quote what went on, we read and we think we know..unless you lived in those times how could you? Have a good day/evening people...

  


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Posted on Sun, Jan 08, 2006 14:10

So after a hundred + posts we finally get an answer.

Apparently "nice" guys don't get a chance because they solve their problems using fists and lawyers.

EDIT: Besides which, what's all this about you providing a life for someone? It's like the 1950's in here...



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Posted on Sun, Jan 08, 2006 10:51

Theo,

It's the way of the world, didn't you know?

  


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Posted on Thu, Dec 29, 2005 19:39

Sweetie,

I am looking for a genuinely nice guy. If you find ANY over 40, with a job and his own place to stay-PLEASE let a sista know!!!

You hang in there...You're not going to feel unappreciated for long, love!!

As for me...I'm holding on!!!

  
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Posted on Wed, Dec 28, 2005 15:36

Hey sweetie... I haven't heard from you in a while. Your wife was a fool if she didn't appreciate those gestures. She obviously had more serious issues. Most women would love that kind of stuff.... at least I know I do. Don't be such a stranger sweetie!

Kew

  


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Posted on Tue, Dec 27, 2005 19:43

kewannap write:
MrGW write:
I'd sure appreciate some advice which might help me to be more of a Gentleman.


My advice would be to treat your wife as if she was a prize possession. Don't just tell her you love her, but show her with the little things. Bring her a flower just because you were thinking about her. Have a nice hot bubble bath with candles ready when she comes home from work. I tell my married male friends all the time that fore_play takes place outside of the bedroom as well. It's the tender touches.... the unexpected notes.... the glances of desire.... that gets our attention and captures our hearts. It least it is for me. MrGW you seem to be a very caring man so I am sure your wife is appreciate of whatever you do for her.

Kew,
I did those very things with my wife. She never appreciated any of it. I sent her flowers "just because". I gave her a vermont teddybear for our anniversary. I wasnt around when it was delivered. When I got home, she never mentioned that it arrived. As a matter of fact she threw it in the closet. One year I got a newspaper for an anniversary gift, another year a lottery ticket. I guess some women just dont respond to romance.

  


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Posted on Mon, Dec 26, 2005 20:08

Thankyou Silken and Tropicannuck for your input. I just think that it would be really nice if you women were to begin relating your own experiances and what made the men seem desireable as friends. That kind of stuff would make much more plesant reading than reading, too often it seems, about the ignorant jerks. I would simply enjoy seeing more positive postings. I'm certain that women as wonderful as yourselves must be able to relate what it is that makes a man seem attractive to you...



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Posted on Mon, Dec 26, 2005 15:33

MrGW write:
I'd sure appreciate some advice which might help me to be more of a Gentleman.


My advice would be to treat your wife as if she was a prize possession. Don't just tell her you love her, but show her with the little things. Bring her a flower just because you were thinking about her. Have a nice hot bubble bath with candles ready when she comes home from work. I tell my married male friends all the time that fore_play takes place outside of the bedroom as well. It's the tender touches.... the unexpected notes.... the glances of desire.... that gets our attention and captures our hearts. It least it is for me. MrGW you seem to be a very caring man so I am sure your wife is appreciate of whatever you do for her.



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Posted on Fri, Dec 23, 2005 09:05

MrGW write:
How come all you women seem to only talk about the Losers who you've met? I, for one, would love to hear about some of the good Husbands, Dates, partners, and etc... You women seem quite ready to share the bad stuff; how about some of the good stuff? I'd sure appreciate some advice which might help me to be more of a Gentleman.

well mrgw
i am a very lucky lady who has not long started seeing the most wonderfull man that i have ever been with and even though i am a very large lady he makes me feel more special than anyone else ever has,, because of my size i did not think he would be interested in me in this way as he is a friend of my ex hubbys but i got the supprise of my life when i found out he was and as for nice guys he is one of these to i think the nice guys are the best ones ,, and mrgw just be yourself that is what attracted me to my b/f