ok ok here is a reason to why i think some guys are over looked.
Womens brain have one side which is quite large this is to feed their emotions, thought and feelings. What guys don't understand is that we need to cater for this part. Cause with a guy their same part is focused on sex. With that they want to have sex to feed that part of the brain. To get this they feed into womens emotions, thoughts, feelings. So when the guys leaves the women is left by herslef with a part missing to her. What women want is a guy who can stick around wait until marriage and be able to have great sex with then, cause in marriage sex is always better.
So my conclusion is that guys are trying to be nice but girls have been hurt so much they don't know how to trust guys. So they find it a hard time to find the right guy. Both guys and girls can be really picky aswell.
its ok 2 b a nice guy...being nice isnt the issue...its when the nice guy doenst have the bad boy attitude that he gets overlooked...women want to feel secured with the nice guy, as well as protected by the bad boy within...aka...real bad boy, but real good man....
"Anyway, some comments have been real cool, others mindless chatter when it comes to the topic due to whatever their thought process is at the time"... Hmm just because it's not what you want to hear.. Don't mean it's mindless chatter.."Oh, and just to let people who like to start conflict know, I've met some really *NICE* people on here....wonder if their lonely or desperate or using the term to describe ones self pity due to the fact that their *single* and/or unwanted.???".. And unless I took that the wrong way.. You don't seam like such a *NICE* guy really..
Maybe a bit of a spoiled brat..Sorry if I misread it at all...
"I've never forced or pushed for sex, or beaten a girl...but these things DON'T matter to women" - Ummmm and that's suppose to make you a good guy?? That's kinda a scary way of putting that honestly.. And when women say they want a man with a job.. All most are saying is.. They don't want to get hooked into supporting any one else.. Would you jump at dating a women who.. Couldn't afford to sport her self.. And was sponging off you the hole time I think not.... Cyn2877-- "The second reason is because normally the nice guys have someone that they are already interested in romantically. It's been my experience that the nice guys are not interested in me, but in my "prettier" friends or co-workers, regardless of whether there is any chance for the nice guy"... I agree with that Cyn.. I've known a few nice guys who only want a cirtin looking girl.. But then they whine and complain that.. No one wants them and how people judge them on there looks...
I can give two possible reasons for why the nice guys are overlooked. The first one, and this is pretty much true for "nice" ladies like myself, that you are so nice that you just seem to blend into the background. Your friends and coworkers are so comfortable around you, and come to rely upon you that you cease to be seen as a potential love interest. Plus, then everyone thinks that they couldn't set you up because they don't know anyone who is good enough for you (I've heard that numerous times!)
The second reason is because normally the nice guys have someone that they are already interested in romantically. It's been my experience that the nice guys are not interested in me, but in my "prettier" friends or co-workers, regardless of whether there is any chance for the nice guy.
Obviously this is not always true, but it is one womans' perspective on the topic. I think that people should be seen for who they are inside, not what they look like. However, there does have to be an element of attraction because if you don't have that then there is no point in continuing. I would bet that most every one of us on this website has been hurt, overlooked, used, or just ignored because we don't fit within the model of what the perfect mate looks like. I, for one, would just like to meet some great people, and hopefully meet someone who will finally notice me because I am a nice person and try to treat people with respect. If that sounds cheesy, I'm sorry, but that is how I feel.
Why are all the nice guys overlooked? Or gals for that matter...
Simple... because most people walk around with Rose colored glasses on and have this pre-set concieved notion of what a perfect match would/should be like for them. More often than not, that first date ends without a second meeting because we are often to shallow to look beyond those little 'faults' that we find in that person to see what lays beneath the outter mask.
If there is absolutely no chemistry at all, then by all means, a second date would be a waste of time, unless you are willing to be mutal friends with no expectations of one another. But if you actually enjoyed yourself and have no definate "No" feelings... then you owe it to yourself and the other person to try a second date to learn even more about that person.
Take Beauty and the Geek for example. I think it's an awsome show, cause under normal circumstances, none of those girls would have given those guys the time of day, let alone a second glance. They learn through time that there really are few differences between the two and that beneath the outer appearance there is much more substanence then what both sides realised.
Both males and females are guilty of 'overlooking' the nice ones. Try broadening your eyesight and include your inner-sight. You just might be surprised.
CurvyTigress, I like what you said about needing to click with someone. Chemistry is important for a relationship to last. If you don't have that mutual attraction and chemistry, then it's pretty likely that the relationship will be short-lived no matter how nice either person is.
It's not that women aren't attracted to the nice guys. In fact, I think many of us want a nice guy who treats us great and all. You have to consider a couple things, though...the term "nice guy" is used a lot on profiles, and as I have found out before, it's not always true. When I see a profile that has that term in it, I am more likely to pass it over because of the experience I have had with men who call themselves "nice guys." I don't move real fast into relationships as it is (12 years between my marriage and the first date since...and that one turned out to have a few too many "girlfriends"), so for me to believe your a nice guy, it has to be proven. To top it off, I'm one of those weird ones who likes the bad boy "look" on a man, but it's pretty rare to find that look on a man who genuinely is a very nice and respectful guy.
allsofttouches ....Myra Hindly and Ian Brady were child murderers here in the UK in the 1960s.
It was, according to the papers..some kind of fatal attraction to each other.
I can kinda see where the post was coming from...Anyone can appear " Nice" until you get to know them
It's a strange word -nice, and just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, everybody has a different conception of what is nice.
Myra Hindley obviously saw something "nice" in Ian Brady-although most people can't imagine what!
That aside though you seem to have attracted quite a few lady admirers from up your neck of the woods so some good has come from your post!
Good luck Mr allupinem, I hope at least one of the ladies who have expressed interest in you find you more than nice when they get to know you better.
I have winked at a few men on here. I have met one guy and we see each other as often as we can. I hope this relationship builds into something great.So, I hope and wish you all the luck in the world on finding your Mr. Right. I think I have for sure.
Hearing a guy say he's a nice guy, is like a car salesman, or politician calling himself honest, don't tell me you're nice, let me see that for myself, all too often I've chatted with a *nice guy* to find out he's a complete ass.
I *am* attracted to nice guys, I'm also very attracted to someone intelligent,
romantic, compassionate, and yes, someone who stands for something, believes in something enough they'll stand up for it, even if it's against me. I'm attracted to someone who knows what he wants, and is willing to go and get it.
I don't want to be something someone settled for because they thought they could *get* me, I'd rather have someone choose to be with me. and I want to be with someone who inspires me to be the best that I can be.
the term *nice guy* is opinion at best,
actions speak louder than words..
My thoughts EXACTLY! My problem also is that after being on here a year, it seems that guys that have shown interest, and e-mailed me tend to just "vanish!" Why do they do this? Have all of them all of a sudden found their soulmate? Why show interest in a person just to disappear after a few e-mails? I find this very frustrating! I have yet to actually "meet" anyone from here, but, have gotten about 300 e-mails!
So guys, if you are not serious in seeking out a "soulmate" please don't play games! I'm not getting any younger here, and, would like to be in a "real" relationship with that special guy!
Sometimes people are just commitment phobic's and they don't want (what you imagine to be)a nice guy. They might not want to have to trust someone again, if they have been hurt in the past. So they often go for the guys who aren't looking for heavy relationship or commitment. Something more casual liek a good friendship and some fun.
Being a really nice guy is about seeing things from other peoples perspectives and not just from your own.
You see yourself as being a nice guy and you probably expect everyone else to know it the instant that they meet you. The fact is that most people (and I'm not one of them) expect some of that 'getting to know you' time. Being friendly and nice can often scare people away as they think you're either totally desperate or trying to sell them something.
Sadly, very few people trust strangers and this is what you're up against. Remember you are a guy and can look after yourself, but a lady is far more vulnerable and far more wary.
If you're not so nice they will trust you a lot more as being not so nice makes you far more like the rest of society and people can relate to that. If you saw a guy stood outside your house at night you'd call the police, if you saw the same guy outside your house with a dog on a lead you'd relax -same sort of thing.
Besides a woman wants to be able to have a good healthy argument with a guy (from time to time) they don't want blokes to be too nice.
So don't be as in your face friendly, take your time to get to know people first and if you don't like something speak your mind don't make the mistake of not arguing back with a lady as it can light the fire of passion in you both. It takes two to Tango.
The trouble is man, that you're being far too nice and that's where you might be going wrong. Just be normal not nice.
When it comes to politics, I tend to think that people adopt the beliefs that are in their best interest.
So if you're poor, you're likely to be left wing because you want the money that some people have to be redistributed to you.
If you're rich or have potential you're likely to want to pay low taxes because you can earn that money and want to keep it.
Similarly, in the case of sexual politics people yearn for systems that they think would be to their advantage.
For example, if your only selling point is that you're nice, you're going to want a set of rules to dating that place nice guys on top of the heap. If you're fat you're going to want a system that's all about "the real person" rather than outward appearances.
I include myself in this :-) When I moan about fetishists and anti-fat fat people, I'm partly motivated by the fact that I'm fat so I'd like a system in place where thin guys don't have an advantage over me.
You can deconstruct all of this stuff. For example, does ANYONE here honestly find themselves attracted to fat people? or are they merely trapped in a psychological quirk they picked up in childhood or have they managed to build belief-systems that enable them to be happy with what they're likely to get.
But the thing is that for all the deconstruction you do... people still fancy each other for whatever reasons they do. You have to deal with it either by coming to terms with it or by trying to change it.