In essence, I went from believing everything that I was raised to believe, that a real woman wants a prince charming that will be there for the family, not cheat on them, not lie to them, go out of the way to preserve their feelings and happiness, be kind and courteous to them, and show them respect, to not knowing what to give.
I have gotten more attention by changing what I want out of a relationship than I did by wanting the things women tell me they want. I am actually joining this site as a last resort, hoping to find a woman that is like me and really does want to be happy with a boring person, knowing that love is the most important thing. But I will no longer enter a relationship just wanting that because some people feel that brings too much pressure, so I now accept women that only want sex. It was too much pressure on me to wait for marriage, not knowing how to please a woman, so I decided to lose my virginity so that I would have something to offer to the woman of my dreams on our wedding night. I may never have turned down a woman who wanted to date me, but they got very confused when I turned sex down, and that did make me lose a girlfriend or two.
If any woman out there wants to find their idea of a soul mate, I suggest you initiate the pursuit of a man who seems to have no personality and is boring, and stop being distracted by the men who pretend to be what you want just to get what they want. It goes against my grain to lie, and some people play so many mind games they think that because I am being truthful that is somehow a lie or playing games, but I will continue to look for a woman who actually wants to be happy with a man who does not spontaneously decide to cheat on them because their life is becoming boring. I am used to being boring, to me boring is good. I have lots of baggage from past relationships, but I do not force my next one into any kind of mold because of them. I believe I am a good person because I care about others.
I look at these posts and see that everyone who considers themselves nice merely lump themselves into that category without actually knowing what nice is.
I don't call myself a nice guy. I call myself boring because that is easily identifiable. In my whole life, I have only turned one female down when she showed interest in me, and that was for reasons other than her personality or looks, it was concerning my family and my age.
I have learned that most women do not actually know what they want, they only believe they want a certain type of person, at least until they've been exposed so much to what they think they want that they realize they are wrong.
I have been told by every female throughout school that I ever went out with that I was 'too nice' and I took that to mean that I was too boring.
Someone recently let me in on the fact that women do not actually want nice, they want a person they have reasons to fight with. They want to feel righteous when they get mad and attack. They want to 'have the right' to argue and hurt someone.
I am having to re-learn how to behave and perceive everything all over again.
I stopped going into every relationship hoping for a soul mate because it puts too much pressure on them when they find out that I really do go out of my way to make them happy, and do not try to abuse them or use them in any way.
I found that when I introduce myself as not wanting a relationship but instead want just friendship, women tend to try to get me into bed right away.
So I am learning that some women just want sex.
I have also found out that some women say they just want sex when they really want more, and lost a good friend that way.
I do not play mind games so this completely blind-sided me, and I wasn't equipped to repair the damage that she feels I did by not trying to be more. When I started saying I did not want more than friendship, I had to do so by not lying, so I had to learn to not want more. I do not want to play mind games or lie.
ok ok here is a reason to why i think some guys are over looked.
Womens brain have one side which is quite large this is to feed their emotions, thought and feelings. What guys don't understand is that we need to cater for this part. Cause with a guy their same part is focused on sex. With that they want to have sex to feed that part of the brain. To get this they feed into womens emotions, thoughts, feelings. So when the guys leaves the women is left by herslef with a part missing to her. What women want is a guy who can stick around wait until marriage and be able to have great sex with then, cause in marriage sex is always better.
So my conclusion is that guys are trying to be nice but girls have been hurt so much they don't know how to trust guys. So they find it a hard time to find the right guy. Both guys and girls can be really picky aswell.
its ok 2 b a nice guy...being nice isnt the issue...its when the nice guy doenst have the bad boy attitude that he gets overlooked...women want to feel secured with the nice guy, as well as protected by the bad boy within...aka...real bad boy, but real good man....
"Anyway, some comments have been real cool, others mindless chatter when it comes to the topic due to whatever their thought process is at the time"... Hmm just because it's not what you want to hear.. Don't mean it's mindless chatter.."Oh, and just to let people who like to start conflict know, I've met some really *NICE* people on here....wonder if their lonely or desperate or using the term to describe ones self pity due to the fact that their *single* and/or unwanted.???".. And unless I took that the wrong way.. You don't seam like such a *NICE* guy really..
Maybe a bit of a spoiled brat..Sorry if I misread it at all...
"I've never forced or pushed for sex, or beaten a girl...but these things DON'T matter to women" - Ummmm and that's suppose to make you a good guy?? That's kinda a scary way of putting that honestly.. And when women say they want a man with a job.. All most are saying is.. They don't want to get hooked into supporting any one else.. Would you jump at dating a women who.. Couldn't afford to sport her self.. And was sponging off you the hole time I think not.... Cyn2877-- "The second reason is because normally the nice guys have someone that they are already interested in romantically. It's been my experience that the nice guys are not interested in me, but in my "prettier" friends or co-workers, regardless of whether there is any chance for the nice guy"... I agree with that Cyn.. I've known a few nice guys who only want a cirtin looking girl.. But then they whine and complain that.. No one wants them and how people judge them on there looks...
what about all the great women like me who are constantly overlooked? I have never felt so rejected in my whole life and it is nothing short of ridiculous. What a waste of time and money this website is, in fact, all of these websites. Even men who contact you, lie or don't even show up. Not even a phone call to cancel. No respect and no taste period. Being smart, outgoing and good looking gets you nothing on these websties
I can give two possible reasons for why the nice guys are overlooked. The first one, and this is pretty much true for "nice" ladies like myself, that you are so nice that you just seem to blend into the background. Your friends and coworkers are so comfortable around you, and come to rely upon you that you cease to be seen as a potential love interest. Plus, then everyone thinks that they couldn't set you up because they don't know anyone who is good enough for you (I've heard that numerous times!)
The second reason is because normally the nice guys have someone that they are already interested in romantically. It's been my experience that the nice guys are not interested in me, but in my "prettier" friends or co-workers, regardless of whether there is any chance for the nice guy.
Obviously this is not always true, but it is one womans' perspective on the topic. I think that people should be seen for who they are inside, not what they look like. However, there does have to be an element of attraction because if you don't have that then there is no point in continuing. I would bet that most every one of us on this website has been hurt, overlooked, used, or just ignored because we don't fit within the model of what the perfect mate looks like. I, for one, would just like to meet some great people, and hopefully meet someone who will finally notice me because I am a nice person and try to treat people with respect. If that sounds cheesy, I'm sorry, but that is how I feel.
Why are all the nice guys overlooked? Or gals for that matter...
Simple... because most people walk around with Rose colored glasses on and have this pre-set concieved notion of what a perfect match would/should be like for them. More often than not, that first date ends without a second meeting because we are often to shallow to look beyond those little 'faults' that we find in that person to see what lays beneath the outter mask.
If there is absolutely no chemistry at all, then by all means, a second date would be a waste of time, unless you are willing to be mutal friends with no expectations of one another. But if you actually enjoyed yourself and have no definate "No" feelings... then you owe it to yourself and the other person to try a second date to learn even more about that person.
Take Beauty and the Geek for example. I think it's an awsome show, cause under normal circumstances, none of those girls would have given those guys the time of day, let alone a second glance. They learn through time that there really are few differences between the two and that beneath the outer appearance there is much more substanence then what both sides realised.
Both males and females are guilty of 'overlooking' the nice ones. Try broadening your eyesight and include your inner-sight. You just might be surprised.
ronjeanjr, whats the matter with you? really. why cant you git a job? It doesn't matter to most girls how much money you make so long as your willing to try to earn enough to keep from starving. Really they say job and money to avoid lazy bums. physical looks are only an added plus... If I wake up in the morning and don't feel like running screaming from the room then you look good enough for me...and that is the way most of my friends see it.
It's not always that oh, that guys nice I want a bad boy thing. I genuinely want a nice guy but sometimes nice guys have other traits that git in the way. Like a some guys In have meet that I know like me. He might be nice but shy and boring, and we might have nothing in common or he might be attracted to me and I'm not attracted to him. It's not his personality it's just a genuine lack of chemistry. I actually am attracted to nice, guy next door, all American type of guy. It's just that it has to be all... Physical attraction, Personality, and how well we click together. If one thing is missing then all you have is something less than a romance and more of a friendship or temporary lover.
CurvyTigress, I like what you said about needing to click with someone. Chemistry is important for a relationship to last. If you don't have that mutual attraction and chemistry, then it's pretty likely that the relationship will be short-lived no matter how nice either person is.
It's not that women aren't attracted to the nice guys. In fact, I think many of us want a nice guy who treats us great and all. You have to consider a couple things, though...the term "nice guy" is used a lot on profiles, and as I have found out before, it's not always true. When I see a profile that has that term in it, I am more likely to pass it over because of the experience I have had with men who call themselves "nice guys." I don't move real fast into relationships as it is (12 years between my marriage and the first date since...and that one turned out to have a few too many "girlfriends"), so for me to believe your a nice guy, it has to be proven. To top it off, I'm one of those weird ones who likes the bad boy "look" on a man, but it's pretty rare to find that look on a man who genuinely is a very nice and respectful guy.
allsofttouches ....Myra Hindly and Ian Brady were child murderers here in the UK in the 1960s.
It was, according to the papers..some kind of fatal attraction to each other.
I can kinda see where the post was coming from...Anyone can appear " Nice" until you get to know them
It's a strange word -nice, and just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, everybody has a different conception of what is nice.
Myra Hindley obviously saw something "nice" in Ian Brady-although most people can't imagine what!
That aside though you seem to have attracted quite a few lady admirers from up your neck of the woods so some good has come from your post!
Good luck Mr allupinem, I hope at least one of the ladies who have expressed interest in you find you more than nice when they get to know you better.
I have winked at a few men on here. I have met one guy and we see each other as often as we can. I hope this relationship builds into something great.So, I hope and wish you all the luck in the world on finding your Mr. Right. I think I have for sure.
Hearing a guy say he's a nice guy, is like a car salesman, or politician calling himself honest, don't tell me you're nice, let me see that for myself, all too often I've chatted with a *nice guy* to find out he's a complete ass.
I *am* attracted to nice guys, I'm also very attracted to someone intelligent,
romantic, compassionate, and yes, someone who stands for something, believes in something enough they'll stand up for it, even if it's against me. I'm attracted to someone who knows what he wants, and is willing to go and get it.
I don't want to be something someone settled for because they thought they could *get* me, I'd rather have someone choose to be with me. and I want to be with someone who inspires me to be the best that I can be.
the term *nice guy* is opinion at best,
actions speak louder than words..