Unfortunately there are some marriages in which the spouse has lost interest in physical passions, for whatever reason. Maybe the physical attraction has been lost. Selfishly that spouse thinks that your natural drive should be dead too. I think that intimate friendships are then a healthy alternative if both "friends" understand the bounderies and respect the need for discretion. Would love to hear input from others.
MrGW.... we don't have to assume anything. If you only wanted a friend, you DO NOT need that friend to be cuddly or like to kiss.... so get off your high horse and stop getting your panties ruffled. We are only going by what YOU put in YOUR profile. FIX your profile if you don't want us commenting on YOUR choice of words. YOUR words are quite clear to all of us. You must think we are stupid or something. Well, buddy you are so wrong! If you only want friends, say so. YOUR choice.
ALL human inter-relation is based on assumptions. You assume that people speak your language, you assume that they feel similarly to stuff as you, they assume they're not flesh-eating cannibals.
You're moaning about being judged on a personals site? If you don't like it, go live in a cave somewhere.
If these women think you're looking for some and you're not then the correct response is "Thank you, I'll make my profile clearer" not to shriek "If you ASSUME you make an AS'S out of U and ME" and do that weird thing with your neck that people do on Ricky Lake.
Well, it's started becoming infectous; what right do you women have to ASSUME what my intentions are? Do I specifically assert ANYTHING? Are your lives that empty and lonely that you need to assume and read into everything?
MrGW write: Thanks for the advice Dee. It's just that I've always hated when people ASSUME things. I just wish that everyone would extend the consideration and respect that they, themselves, enjoy.
We do not have to assume anything when it is written in black and white....
I quote from YOUR profile...
"I do hope you are cuddly and enjoy kissing..............."
That is quite clear it seems. Why would anyone just looking for a friend or a penpal need the woman to be cuddly and enjoy kissing?
I quote from YOUR profile...
"I am looking for ..., Friends and more,..."
Now that is also clear. We all know what that phrase means. If you are not looking for something on the side, then why put these things in YOUR profile?
So don't get upset with us when we are just going by YOUR profile. No assumptions necessary. Please tell me if I am wrong here. I am not saying you don't have the right to look for whatever you want... but we have the right to not want to be apart of the cheating.
MrGW write: Jackthelass, Thanks (I suppose) for pointing-out that part of my profile. I've just corrected it so that it now indicates that I am NOT seeking friends/intimate encounter. Of course people reading it now may just think that I am NOT seeking friends; I do certainly hope that does not become the case though. Maybe I'll join some of the people here on the high road from now on
Why not put on there that you are looking for a pen pal? When I see that, I always assume they are looking for a friendship.
Jackthelass, Thanks (I suppose) for pointing-out that part of my profile. I've just corrected it so that it now indicates that I am NOT seeking friends/intimate encounter. Of course people reading it now may just think that I am NOT seeking friends; I do certainly hope that does not become the case though. Maybe I'll join some of the people here on the high road from now on
If they have permission from their wives than it's not cheating, it's an open relationship.
Not that I'd want one... in my experience I simply wouldn't have the time or energy to run two relationships at once. If you don't love the one you're with, be with the one you love to paraphrase the song.
Well peeps, I'm not divorced. I'm widowed. The intimacy wasn't the greatest in the marriage and I didn't go out looking for it elsewhere. And is there a yes or no box to check on the profile page in regards to Battery Operated Buddies? LOL!! I don't think most women state in their profile that they use such things. Kinda personal don't you think? I really don't think that's the point of this site.
For God's sake, at least ask permission to cheat. Even though, in my opinion, it is WRONG!!!
MrGW write: I just spent some time re-reading these posts in this subject. I do have some questions now. Who has descided that EVERY man who uses this site is (as was so eloquently put) "looking for some"?
I'm not in the 'morality police' MrGW, and I enjoy your posts and your opinions.
But it says clearly in your profile that you are married, with children, and you are seeking an intimate encounter. You mention cuddling and kissing, and that you require someone who is 'clean' (unnecessary for email & chat, I imagine).
I'm a little confused when you seem indignant when it's assumed that you are 'looking for some'.
I just spent some time re-reading these posts in this subject. I do have some questions now. Who has descided that EVERY man who uses this site is (as was so eloquently put) "looking for some"? And, who are the members of the "white morality" squad? Why do a lot of people assume things? Could it be THEIR consience speaking to them? What color hat do you wear when in the "moral police"? Is a mirror part of the uniform?
As a woman who had the same thing happen to me in my marriage.... and yes, my ex lost interest in intimate relations. He would rather watch T.V. And don't think I didn't try to lure him into bed either.
BUT..... I didn't go out and get it elsewhere. Yes, it was frustrating, but I didn't cheat. And when I came to the conclusion that the marriage couldn't be saved I GOT A DIVORCE!
Getting it on the side is never good for anyone. It's a betrayal to your spouse, and the other person deserves more than to be used in that way.
Wow...I go away for a month or so and come back and whammo! It looks like all hell has broken loose on the forums. I like this guy! Are you a psychiatrist or perhaps clinicial worker of sorts?
First and foremost I'd like to say I agree with some of your points. When the fire begins to dwindle, it's important to seek kindling. Although fidelity is in the best interest. Perhaps that is why most people seek out the fantasy that is the cyber chat room. The human mind is an incredible tool and if used correctly can create massive stimulus in various forms. So while fidelity and trust is important so is an active and healthy sexual lifestyle. I'm not saying if you are unhappy run out and find the next woman and man you want to get with. I'm saying be honest with your partner about your intentions. Go online express those fantasies and desires through the internet once again developing an honest and open relationship with individuals. Roleplaying is Key. But you've got to make sure the individual (as well as sifnificant other) on the other end of the cable or phone line is aware of your intent. People you do it anyways, don't hide it. It only makes things worse. I could go for days on this subject.
By the way, I am divorced, but not due to the lack of intimacy. My ex had a heavy hand and is unable to maintain financial records for that matter gainful employment.
Anyways, just my common sense at work again. Sometimes morals are held on too high a pedestal and expectations are too high to meet. Honesty mixed with a little integrity and a dash of laughter my friend...
I totally am sorry Dee for jumping in where I didn't know the total situation. You may take me aside and slap some sense into me. By the way kewnap, we stayed at Disney World in Florida and LOVED it. I even met Mickey, Donald, Doc, Grumpy, and everyone else. the kids just loved it!
MrGW... I hope you had a wonderful vacation... I'm jealous!
I didn't say that ALL married men on here are looking for the extra on the side.... this guy was.... I said if you are married and here just for friendships and chatting, I personally have no problem with that. I just have a problem with married men who come on sites like this trying to get us women to help them cheat on their wives. Unless you have ever been the one that was cheated on, then you will not understand why this bothers most of us women. You seem to be here for friendships... as much as I can tell.
MrGW write: I'm back and kinda surprised to find such a consternation over such a subject. First of all, WHO is it that has determined that a Married man who uses this site is ONLY looking for "somthing on the side" (french fries?). I've been away on vacation and, while gone, all of the "holy rollers" and other "upities" have come out of the woodwork. Is it anybodys business, other than the two parties to a friendship, whether or not you're Married, Single, Black, White, Spanish, rich, poor or whatever?There are enough bigots in the world allready. Has anyone ever heard the saying "let he who is without sin cast the first stone"? There sure seem to be a LOT of people who are totally without "sin"
Well, I would grudgingly agree with you, except you seem to have failed to read the first post. "Something on the side" was exactly what he was asking for opinions on. Like I said in my reply a few pages back, I am far too selfish to be invoved with a married man other than platonically.
If he didn't want to hear people's opinions on that, than he should not have asked for them.