I've been reading your comments for a while now, and usually you have valid points to make. This time I have to disagree.
Based on the current stats of early s*xual activity, teenage pregnancy and increasing rates of s*xually-transmitted diseases, I'd say that low self-esteem isn't just an issue with big women. I believe that a large percentage of the female population (western world) still believes they are not whole without a man, and will do whatever it takes to catch and keep one.
my lack of confidence is soley on my appearance and my ability to find a partner i am happy with. Im hugely (over?)aware of my own intelligence, abilities, and accomplishments, but i think im more aware of my pitfalls as a human being. My weight being one of them. For example, im a Zoology student, and we have quite a lot of hikes and hard physical work just to get to our locations for tests. We had an excursion recently like this, and i started the whole trip being very anxious about my ability to keep up and complete the trail. (on a side note, not only did i keep up i was practically leading on some occasions, so heck yeah!) but im very conscious of how much my weight limits me professionally, not just socially or romantically. I worry about being judged on my ability to suceed in such a feild solely based off of my weight. and when i fail, it makes me wonder and feels like a real kick to the tubby gut. It drags me down on that level.
On the more romantic level, im being constantly told alli need is confidence, im a great attractive person, etc etc. but its like right, if im so great, you tell me why you woldnt fancy me. You tell me why your friend is one of those people who doesnt. you tell me why im only ever approached by the sleaze balls, and the ones i approach only ever want to be friends.
its a cycle of questions that I, nor anyone else, seem to be able to answer.
and thats just plain frustrating.
Hello Everyone my response is directed at MRGW. I am her at LF simply because I would prefer dating someone who "PREFERS" a LARGE WOMAN> I am young, intelligent, stress free, not to mention beautiful so, the idea is I want someone who want me for who I am....Self esteem is ones frame of mind and fortunately not all Large Women have low self esteem.
Wow...i don't think i've ever had low self-esteem....and to be honest i didn't think people thought that about BBW...hmmm occasionally when something i like doesn't fit right,i get a tad bit upset...but really i thought all women go through that...hmmmmm interesting....this is what happends when you're spoilt...lol
I'm someone who always thought highly of myself...and i'm extremely picky by nature.
I understand what you are talking about, but society frowns heavily on those who don't ACT in the way that is considered the norm. It's okay for men to enjoy sins of the flesh but if a woman does she's a bad girl!
Another member mentioned a valid point that most people * kids are more honest than adults * view fat people as dumb. If any of the members are not up-to-date on some of the peaks and pit-falls of being overweight, than I suggest they pop the term 'hoggers' into their browser.
On the spin side there are groups and forums like this that try to promote size acceptance, or just being respectful of differences. We all have some bias based on life experience. I think it's wrong to say ALL MEN are dogs, because that is an unfair generalization, but if you asked a room of 100 BBW's most would probably agree.
If you asked 100 average men if they thought BBW's are lonely and desparate I would dare say most would also agree with that....WHY YOU ASK? It's pretty simple. It's societal stigma's that have labeled different genders and groups of individuals.
I figure if you have a fetish, so what, if you enjoy sins of the flesh, so what, so long as you are true to yourself that is all that should matter, but ironically we all, myself included, can be very quick to label another in spite of ourselves.
I dont think you need confidence to have standards. If im not attracted to someone on any level im not going to date them. I 'settled' for my ex, who was the epitome of everyone i told myself i shouldnt date. some traits were somewhat superficial (like i wasnt even remotely attracted to him) some intellectual (he wasnt nearly as smart. Im a science major, he was a journalism major, and yet i was editing and correcting his horrible articles) and some were really hardcore (he was a drug user *thumbsdown*).
well yeah, i took what was available. and you know what? I HATED IT. i spent two years with him. most of that time i was abroad but it was near torture to be around him sometimes.
so you know what? forget settling and taking whats available because i was miserable. why subject myself to that when i have enough stress and issues in my life? i have enough problems with myself without also becoming a whiney stressed out chic with a loser bf who strives to isolate me from my nearest and dearest.
that isnt being picky its being *smart*
Men I've encountered always assume that I'm desperate and dumb. Neither of which is true (I hope!). I've met so many people that assume that because I'm fat, I'm desperate for affection (those same people that think fat people do nothing but sit around and eat junk food). I was spending some time with a guy a few months ago and one night he became quite intoxicated and tried to "put the moves on me". When I denied, he yelled "You'd be lucky to..." well... you know and called me lots of names. He assumed that I would do anything he wanted just because he was an attractive man and I was a stupid, desperate fat girl. I poured my drink all over him... tehehe.
Mr. GW.....reading through different subjects on the forums, and seeing many of your comments...I am quite confused by your CONFUSION and your meandering around different subjects and never getting to the point? Whassup with you?
Are you attempting some in some strange and unsuccessful way to sound profound...or are you just not quite sure what you want to say...and just comment to keep someone, anyone paying attention to you? As I said, I read through many of the topics here and I get the strange feeling sometimes you are just arguing a point...JUST TO ARGUE! Moonlightlass
for a long time I had lowwwww self esteem, but then I started thinking, 'hey I think i look DANG good!!' and yes, sometimes i'd like to be thinner, just because I know that if certain areas of my body looked more like I'd like for them to, I'd be even happier with my body but I'm not going to just sit around and pout all day because my body isn't exactly what I'd like for it to be. I love having curves, and I do sometimes find it harder to get dates, but for the most part I know that when the right person comes along, I'll be ready for it to happen. Just my personal share :-D
I consider myself to have good self-esteem. I have had men make comments to me like, "you sure think men might want you, which is weird since you are just a short, average looking fat woman who is a teacher and who has not been married and has no children." "You are everything all men do not want." This from men who supposedly liked bbw, although most men who like bbw that I have met seem to want ones who are tall, divorced, with long red hair, who have huge rears and who cannot pay their bills or take care of their children.
I think the low self-esteem perception is there because it is real. Fat somehow is associated with dumb. Ask a little kid what he thinks of a fat kid and besides saying fat, he will say dumb. This is very common in society in general. Obviously, this is untrue, but hearing judgement based on one's size your whole life takes a toll on self esteem.
Oh honey no i know exactly what you mean. Its made me so cynical that when anyone expresses any interest in me i automatically assume its because theyre assuming im a quick and easy lay. More often then not i *meet* people who just grab my bum and act like im supposed to be flattered they took the time to *care*. Yeah, my esteem is kind of low , but i love my mind and my intelligence and the first loser who expresses interest isnt *not* going to automatically have a chance just because im not happy with my appearance. im proud to still have standards and refuse to settle.
wow, yeah sorry for the rant but thats been building up for a while and you really hit the nail with this topic. its infuriating!