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Friends with benefits
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Posted on Sun, Jan 01, 2006 21:06

I have just about had it with men who claim to want a full out relationship, but who really only want to contact you when they want sex. Fellas - you don't want a relationship, you want a call girl. Be honest with yourself and then with us. If anyone would like to read my profile and tell me where I'm going wrong and attracting the wrong men - I will listen.

  


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Posted on Mon, Jan 30, 2006 17:04

I have mixed feelings about being or having friends with benefits. often, it can make things strained so youre left with either just the 'benefits', or someone gets jealous and possessive and madness ensues.
I'm kind of in a testing phase of one such relationship (not like it was planned, it happened, i live abroad, he doesnt, neither of us are in the place for something serious anyway) and it seems to be just fine. but then again, we have a really easy friendship so its cool, thus far. i thinik the problem arises when you think too much about something, or you want more and use that as an excuse. dont be shy, lay your cards out. whatever. But dont do it if you think there might be issues later on.
Dunno, not saying im perfect and it works out, cause i know it doesnt always, but i dont see much wrong with it either. Though, dont seek it from strangers.. that kind of goes back to the just-the-benefits-giving-it-away-for-free stuff thats just no good.



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Posted on Wed, Jan 18, 2006 15:09

Theophrastus write:
I hold an alternative to both views which is that relationships ultimately run their course and they will have the length that they will have, regardless of the wishes of the people in it imply because over time you change as a person.

Looking for nothing but grade A love is silly because how can you tell whether you'll still love someone 20 years down the road? It's silly because you might well be depriving yourself of good times with good people because of the hope of some great relationship you might never have.

Alternatively, looking for nothing but some kind of generic compatibility is equally silly because you're setting your sights too low and might well be being unhappy with someone when someone better does appear.

I think fatalism's the only sane way to approach relationships. You should enter them knowing that one day they'll fall apart but that it's broadly impossible to know exactly when that is.



WOW....not very often you hear deep thoughts like that on these sites! **Getting out my crayolas and coloring myself IMPRESSED!!**
And spoken by a younger feller too!
Well said!
~Shelley~



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Posted on Wed, Jan 18, 2006 15:07

zbig14u write:
Myself (rapidly approaching 36) thinks you just might have something there Theo. The problem with the fatalistic approach is, why would anyone get married? I'm constantly listening to both men and women in my age group going at their ex's throat for child support and the bigger piece of the divorce pie. With the fatalistic approach not for love or forever why would I subject my finances and future children to such a horrific fate?




By not getting married (if the opportunity is there) you may miss out on a lot too...don't not get married because you are afraid it won't work out...live everyday to the fullest, respect one another, and move forward full force! Sometimes, worrying about what "may" happen makes you miss out on a LOT! Don't sweat the small stuff.
:-)
~Shelley~

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Posted on Tue, Jan 17, 2006 08:20

If only women wanted me for my body and not my mind......LOL



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Posted on Tue, Jan 17, 2006 07:31

Myself (rapidly approaching 36) thinks you just might have something there Theo. The problem with the fatalistic approach is, why would anyone get married? I'm constantly listening to both men and women in my age group going at their ex's throat for child support and the bigger piece of the divorce pie. With the fatalistic approach not for love or forever why would I subject my finances and future children to such a horrific fate?



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Posted on Mon, Jan 16, 2006 15:03

Cathii write:
Bubs when I 1st came here I had no idea what the abbreviations were either..

ISO... In Search Of

LTR... Long Term Relationship


Cheers


THANK YOU CATHII....I needed someone to translate for me....I will try harder now with the ISO's and the LTR's

  


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Posted on Mon, Jan 16, 2006 04:13

I hold an alternative to both views which is that relationships ultimately run their course and they will have the length that they will have, regardless of the wishes of the people in it imply because over time you change as a person.

Looking for nothing but grade A love is silly because how can you tell whether you'll still love someone 20 years down the road? It's silly because you might well be depriving yourself of good times with good people because of the hope of some great relationship you might never have.

Alternatively, looking for nothing but sex or some kind of generic compatibility is equally silly because you're setting your sights too low and might well be being unhappy with someone when someone better does appear.

I think fatalism's the only sane way to approach relationships. You should enter them knowing that one day they'll fall apart but that it's broadly impossible to know exactly when that is.



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Posted on Mon, Jan 16, 2006 01:50

junebug2006 write:
You know the problem that I have found is it seems like most of the women are looking for a long term relationship and all the men are looking something more casual. It is hard to have faith that "the one" will ever show up. I have been at this off and on, here and at other sites for 4 years and have yet to even come close to the one. It is starting to make Mr Right Now look pretty good.


It's an interesting comment, and I think that one of the differences between those who are perennially looking for "the one true love" and those who are a little more reasonable/flexable, generally depends on age and experience..

I believed that I had to have the "One true Love" ever since I was a teenager.. and believed that I had to be married, and have a woman in my life to be complete..

Now that I've been down the unhappily married/divorced emotionally scarred track, I wish I had the knowledge and experience I have now.

I don't feel as if I need that anymore.. Good friends and family are more important. If you can have friends with benefits, and be emotionally mature and careful enough to cope with the problems associated with it (one sided chemical bonding (A-la oxytocin), unrequited "love" etc).. then it's a win-win all round..

I would prefer to stick to choosing a long term partner based on far better criteria and terms than short term chemical highs (aka "Love" and "Romance"). Been there.. Got burned.

I admit, it sure doesn't sound very romantic, but either does divorce.



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Posted on Wed, Jan 11, 2006 23:33

noapologies write:
I have just about had it with men who claim to want a full out relationship, but who really only want to contact you when they want sex. Fellas - you don't want a relationship, you want a call girl. Be honest with yourself and then with us. If anyone would like to read my profile and tell me where I'm going wrong and attracting the wrong men - I will listen.


Friends with benifiets... wow you have medical AND dental sweeeet. Yeah, I myself am just lookn to meet some friends. Not here for the true love aspect. And to anyone who wonders ... it's out there but most often you over look it or just don't realise it till its too late. (they get a bf or gf as it might be)



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Posted on Wed, Jan 04, 2006 00:40

I think it's these sites are the best way to weed out the rotten buggers. At least you can - to some extent- block those who are not your type.



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Posted on Tue, Jan 03, 2006 13:38

hi noapologies...
The only thing I can see wrong with your profile is all the abbreviations!!
That could well be that I just dont understand them ??
I dont know what ISO or LTR mean, and if I can say, when men look at the sort of person you want to meet...are you maybe excluding some fellas that might just be wonderful?
Just my thoughts....



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