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HELP - NEED ADVICE - SOOO CONFUSED
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Posted on Sat, Sep 18, 2010 22:15

Hello All, 

I am relatively new to this site and recently something happened and I don't know what to think about it or how to process it.  Here it is:  About a week ago I emailed a gentleman whose profile I found interesting and asked if he thought my profile was interesting.  He emailed me back and sent me his email and phone number (SO YOU WOULD THINK THAT HE ALSO SAW MY PROFILE [WITH MY PIC] AND THOUGHT THAT I WAS ACCEPTABLE). 

The first phone conversation that we had lasted nearly THREE hours!!!  We talked about everything from religion to politics to history.  It was like everything that I have told GOD that I wanted in a man, he fit it.  We have similar backgrounds, have similar morals, values, and principles.  I had never felt such a connection to anyone before (of course I didn't tell him that). 

Well, we talked a bit the next day and the day after that we sent text messages back and forth.  He sent me a recent pic of himself and I explained to him that I didn't take pictures because I was ugly and fat.  Now again, the one pic that I have recently taken is on my profile page.  I don't think I am extremely ugly, I guess just a bit or average.  I use self-deprecating humor as a defense mechanism, I guess. 

Well the next day he texted me and wrote that he didn't think we were a good match and it was nice talking to me.  I responded by saying that I was confused but I told him good luck and take care.  NOW I am really bugging out about what went wrong.  I wasn't being pushy or taking things too fast or anything.  I just don't know exactly what I did to turn him off. 

The ONLY thing that I can possibly come up with is after I said that I didn't take pictures is because I was fat and ugly, he went to my profile AND ACTUALLY REALLY LOOKED AT MY PIC, AGREED THAT I WAS FAT AND UGLY, AND DECIDED THAT I WAS NOT WHAT HE WAS LOOKING FOR.  This is the best that I can come up with but I am still confused because my pic was always on my profile and I assumed that he saw it prior to giving me his number and as far as being fat that site is called large friends for a reason, right!!! 

I will not ask him directly, but I was hoping that someone could offer me their opinion of my situation.  Whatever I did, I don't want to do it the next time I meet a guy (IF THERE IS A NEXT TIME).  Thanks for your opinions and advice.



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Posted on Fri, Feb 03, 2012 01:24

No one has seemed to mention the red flag waving around. If this person was interested enough in talking to you as much as he did, then he probably had hopes on it becoming more. When your reply to not having a picture was: “I don’t have one because I’m ugly and fat”. What do you think that says to him? It says that you have extreme insecurities and lack confidence. A person without confidence loses their appeal. Look at it this way, would you want to date someone who you know you would always have to reassure? Most importantly, would you want to date someone who doesn’t even love themself? Hun, how do you think you’ll be able to love another when you can’t even love yourself? The bigger issue here is that perhaps you need to take a moment to start reevaluating your self-esteem. Start changing your mindset, you’ve told yourself you were ugly and fat for so long that you now have it ingrained in you. Remember life and death is in the power of the tongue, therefore speak life. It will open your mind and in turn open your eyes…



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Posted on Wed, Jan 26, 2011 20:49

Hi Micki,

I agree with NerdyGuy, you are NOT ugly.
And I agree with JoiedeVivre - whatever the problem is, it's not yours, it's his.
(And what a baby! He can't even suck it up and tell you what happened? Generic "it won't work" and away he runs... lame.)

Don't lose faith and open your eyes to your beauty - and keep 'em open!!

Catherine



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