I've told a good friend of mine i fancied him, but in such a way as not to be perceived as a threat... I told him that, as my friend, it felt wrong to not tell him i had feelings for him, but that him knowing didnt change anything. because, if i liked him before he knew and it was fine, then it could be the same afterwards. if that makes sense... anyway, it didnt change the fact that he was my friend and that i would continue to encourage him and help him in any and everyway. and he was cool with it. he told me he had had an idea that i might fancy him, and was glad i could be honest and open with him. and you know what, we're still good friends and i love him very much as that good friend. it was nice to have that, and in no way threatening to either of us.
I think the issue with your lady friend however, is that she did it in such a way as to say 'if you do anything that can be perceived as a turn on, im gonna jump on that". it makes you cautious. I would tell her that it made you uncomfortable, the way she decided to let you know, and that you enjoyed the friendship and the comfort associated with that friendship, but that comfort has been shot because you dont want to hurt her or lead her on?
i dunno.. think im talking rubbish now..
I'm in a similar situation. I have a friend who I have fun chatting with from time to time nothing serious. She's asked me out twice in the last two weeks. I went out o lunch with her this past week but I brought a friend so she wouldn't look at it as a date. Two days later she brought me a crystal shark and tells me to add it to my collection. Now I'm hoping it was a belated Christmas present but she didn't say. I've not called or seen her since. I like her as a friend but romantically she's not for me. I hate to lose her friendship but I've decided to stay away from her until she gets the message.
Lovehandled - this is a tough one; as she has it in her head that there maybe more (or wishes it to be). As previously stated, you may have to explain to her that your feelings do not equate anything further than a friend.