I've told a good friend of mine i fancied him, but in such a way as not to be perceived as a threat... I told him that, as my friend, it felt wrong to not tell him i had feelings for him, but that him knowing didnt change anything. because, if i liked him before he knew and it was fine, then it could be the same afterwards. if that makes sense... anyway, it didnt change the fact that he was my friend and that i would continue to encourage him and help him in any and everyway. and he was cool with it. he told me he had had an idea that i might fancy him, and was glad i could be honest and open with him. and you know what, we're still good friends and i love him very much as that good friend. it was nice to have that, and in no way threatening to either of us.
I think the issue with your lady friend however, is that she did it in such a way as to say 'if you do anything that can be perceived as a turn on, im gonna jump on that". it makes you cautious. I would tell her that it made you uncomfortable, the way she decided to let you know, and that you enjoyed the friendship and the comfort associated with that friendship, but that comfort has been shot because you dont want to hurt her or lead her on?
i dunno.. think im talking rubbish now..
Zbig I have bought gifts for male friends where they have thought it was an "act of wanting to court them" and man it drove me crazy !!! lol why cant u blokes just see that some of us are just NICE like that ..?? :P
Well lovehandled there is some good advice here .... I think u are the kinda bloke she obviously doesnt have at this time and thats whats attractive to her foremost ... I have done the "slept with a friend" thing and its turned out for the worse, she is craving from you what she hasnt got in her current relationship, and that could be confusing her feelings. Just be there for her as a friend and dont cross that line especially if you cant give her the same back ... good luck !!
I'm in a similar situation. I have a friend who I have fun chatting with from time to time nothing serious. She's asked me out twice in the last two weeks. I went out o lunch with her this past week but I brought a friend so she wouldn't look at it as a date. Two days later she brought me a crystal shark and tells me to add it to my collection. Now I'm hoping it was a belated Christmas present but she didn't say. I've not called or seen her since. I like her as a friend but romantically she's not for me. I hate to lose her friendship but I've decided to stay away from her until she gets the message.
lovehandled... you do have yourself in a pickle! However, if I were HER, I would want you to be honest with me and tell me that you do not have the same feelings for me. Yes, it would hurt and be embarrassing, but I firmly believe that honesty is always the best policy. Just tell her what you have told us. Tell her you do not want to lose her friendship, but this has now put you in a strange position of having to watch what you say. Be honest and upfront and talk about it. Just my opinion.... Kew
This is just an opinion from a man (please don't laugh too hard) but is it possible that she is subconciously attempting to end it with this other guy but she's afraid of him? And she feels safe with you? You may, indeed, not be all of that attractive to her but you do represent a reason, an impetus for her to end the "relationship" with the other guy. Another possible conclusion might be that she is simply a woman who cannot make-up her own mind; I've known people (both men and women) who cannot function unless they are involved with someone. Apparently this other guy makes her feel as though she has a purpose and is important; those things are only parts of a Loving relationship. Again, maybe she's attempting to have the rest with you. I would be a bit careful until you've had a good and serious talk with her.
Lovehandled - this is a tough one; as she has it in her head that there maybe more (or wishes it to be). As previously stated, you may have to explain to her that your feelings do not equate anything further than a friend.
Well, you kinda said it yourself - she is seeing someone. That said, be sure she understands that breaking up with this guy won't guarantee a date with you. You could tell her that although you enjoy her friendship, you just don't have the feelings about her that would lead to a dating relationship.
And you are correct in that you will have to guard what you say. From this point on, anything "naughty" or "flirtatious" will be taken as encouragement, and then when you continue to tell her no, she'll probably say that you're a tease and a jerk.