Hey FIF - - I just caught this thread. I wanted to add my 2-cents. I think your feelings are normal - - anyone who has broke from a long term relationship, especially w/kids involved, would feel the same. I couldn't stand the thought of my ex being w/the woman he was with when we broke up. I did not want him, but that did bother me. It's been two years and he's cheated on her, too, several times - - HA! On one hand, I think it's funny as hell that you're cheating on the one you destroyed your family for! But I will gladly accept any other woman - who is good to my kids, of course - but I don't want him back with that one. Can you explain that crap? And no, it's not that I still have "feelings" for him - - well, I do - - CONTEMPT. If he wasn't my kids' dad, I'd have absolutely nothing to do with him. But I love my kids more than my life, so I am civil to the man. Why do we have to be such emotional creatures? I have this "friend" who says he knows he's "indifferent" - - his kids complain to him about that. Well, I don't want a man that's indifferent - - I want a man that's "endearing". Is it just the ladies that feel these emotional binds? Fellas - - let us hear from you on this one!
FIF, girl - - keep on looking ahead and not back. The ex is an ex for a reason. After spending almost two decades with my ex - - I would not go back. Yes, I do get lonely some times and even think I miss him, but I think that it's the "intimacy" that I miss , but true intimacy, and I know I'll find that again with someone who deserves it and can return it.
I can't say anything that the others haven't already told you, hon, but it Will get better. I guess it's easy for me to be done with people who make me feel bad, I just don't take my heart out of the fridge any more. But really, I leave you with some wise words my dad passed on to me. It's just mind over matter, you don't mind what they do because they don't matter. NEVER GIVE ANYBODY THE POWER OVER YOU TO CONTROL YOUR MOODS, EMOTIONS, OR ANYTHING. The only person who can make you happy, well for you it's two people, are you and your daughter. Be the shining example for her and show her how an adult treats people and handles life. And it should be obvious, but in case it isn't, all of us here have got your back, girlfriend.
Maybe it isn't jealousy you are feeling but more of a case of "if only". "If only" he would have tried to be a better man. "If only" he would have tried to love me. "If only" he would have wanted to be a good father and husband. "If only" I had never met him. I think that when a woman is single and has a child, she wishes that she could give her child that fantasy of a mom and dad at home, the white picket fence and all the other stuff that goes with the so called "traditional" family. I know that I wished for that when my son was born. I also felt guilty because I did not give him that. I also felt guilty because I could not show my son what a healthy loving relationship should be between a man and a woman. And I faulted his dad for that, even though I knew deep in my heart that he and I would never marry and as far as his dad is concerned, would never even talk to one another.
You cannot help the way you feel, but that does not mean that you will feel this way forever. Let time heal you. Tell yourself that you forgive this man for not being who you and your daughter need. Tell yourself this over and over again until you believe it. It may help you let go of the hurt and replace it with pity for him because he is not man enough to be responsible; pity that he is missing out on the joys of being active in your daughter's life; and pity that he is going to wake up one day and feel sadness at missing out on her love and admiration. Also, by forgiving him, your heart will be open to accept true love from a man who is worthy of you.
It's because we all live the "fantasy" of having him come back and it will be the way it was. It won't and you know that, but the little girl inside wants everything to go "my" way. Just one thing, be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.