Hey Run, I am a former half of a swinging(partner swapping) couple. First of all, if you were not comfortable with it, and allowed it to happen anyways, it would have caused just as much or more pain, just in other ways. You would always have the memories of seeing her with the other man. Swinging is something that can be done only when both partners are comfortable with it. There is a possibility that she wouldnt have cheated on you right away with multiple guys if you had agreed to it, but as time went on she either would not have been satisfied with just the one other man or she would have wanted to do it multiple times. If you weren't comfortable with it, then neither of these options would have worked for you.
Any way you look at it, she was wrong for cheating on you and you had every reason to leave her.

WOW this is something I can comment on. Why? Because I tried this ....I know I know I'm bad..but a girls gotta try...and of course he had HIS fantasys as well...always me with another chick....but I always tried to get him to believe mine was funner.LOL..I wanted it with my ex..me and another guy ...we talk and talk..it was always a fantasy for me. We even went as far as my ex chatting on line with the other male. When it came down to it my ex said no. Did I sleep with the other guy? HELL NO!!!!! I even made it so the other guy could not contact me again because he wanted to still sleep with me. If I did sleep with him I would have been very selfish and I LOVED my ex and would NEVER hurt him in that way. You said your wife slept with a couple of men.....I would leave like you did AND get her to pay YOU alimony for her bad behavior. I'm a GREAT woman and I never went there and your wife shouldn't have and I'm sorry she did that to you. KNOW that there are women out there that do have control over their actions. BB Jeanie

That a tough question. I've always had the fantasy of being with another woman while my SO watches then maybe joined in.
I'm not sure how it would effect me afterwords though.
I guess thats why its called a fantasy.

Run, I agree with everyone else. If one of the partners doesn't feel comfortable with the fantasy then both of them shouldn't do it. I think your a nice guy and she just let things go to far. Don't feel bad about the failed marriage because the fault was her own. It's not fair of her to treat you that way. She was obviously having a selfish moment.

In agreement with all the posters ... fulfilling a fantasy has to ensure that it's not infringing on both parties beliefs or values ... some fantasies are to remain just that and others if both parties are willing go for it...i believe ur ex wife was testing u, probably trying to find a reason to validate her affairs....we all wish that we can fulfill the needs of a love one but we hope if we can't that it's received with respect and understanding....u did nothing wrong, the relationship was orignally bulit on monogamy, she broke the contract...end of story

I think you did the right thing. After all she did lie to you. I'm not sure about the fantasy thing. If I was game, then I'd be okay with it. If it was something that I was just downright against then absolutely not. If I'm not satisfying him then maybe he needs to go elsewhere.

To answer the question about would I fulfill my partner's fantasy to the fullest...If I am in a bonafide relationship with someone my expectation is that they would have my/our best interest at heart. I would never ask something of someone I loved that made them feel less or put our relationship in jeopardy for any reason. Sacrifices & compromises always have to be made when two people share their lives, but no one should ever ask and no one should ever be expected to lose themselves completely in the process. Just my two cents.

However, if I'm game then it's on!

Run , she obviously wasnt content with just ONE man, and I am sorry she did that to you ... I personally dont think I could go through with s3x with my guy and another girl ... I am too territorial !! lol ... However for those who CAN handle it ... more power to them, as long as BOTH parties are willing ... you seemed sceptical in the beggining with the whole concept when she put it to you, and I am pretty SURE that if you had of gone through with it, it may have changed the relationship ... she still wants to lead a single life so it seems, so you were right to leave, especially if her fantasies didnt gel with yours and she didnt respect your feelings ....

i don't think that not fulfilling her
fantasy had anything to do with it...
don't look back... the marriage was severely fractured... once that trust is gone it is almost impossible to completely ever get it back...

I think it is great that you tried to fulfill her fantasy...but you were obviously uncomfortable enough not to go through with it...in my opinion that should have been respected by her...that is part of the wedding vows

Obviously i don't know the whole story...but if she cheated on you with more than one guy, i don't think that youparticipating in this fantasy would have had any difference in the outome

So...don't blame yourself and as far as i can see...you did the right thing