When I was 18 I tried dating a guy who was 36. He was very nice and we are still good friends. The only problem I truly had was that we had very little to talk about. People of different ages think about different things. He wasn't interested in what happened at the club with my friends the night before and I wasn't interested in whether the stock market had gone down. But if you are interested in the same things, then I guess not even that would be a problem. So good luck no matter what his age is.
Hi Kissingtheday and others.
I think It's OK and of course vice-versa. I don't like people saying
- Oh but isn't he too old for her? They add this mumbling behind the back because they wouldn't say it straight.
Even worse for a older woman with a younger guy (I'm of course not talking about a couple of yrs difference in either gender cases)
-How can she do this they might 'percolate' to their perennial peers. I got a feeling' that women make a bigger issue about this than men. But I'm shooting from the hip here so I don't know. ;O)
Anyway as I have relatives in MN and been there twice in them 'Swedish' surroundings and stayed for about six weeks each time I met a lot of people. My 'cousins' wife's sister was about 28 and was living with a man in his mid 60's. No one cared about it as I understood.
There were also some other gals in late 20,s-early 30's hanging out with guys in their 60's and I found it cool. MN was a cool place to be at, anyway.
My former girlfriend met a 30 year older man although I believed he was 10 yrs younger. He moves so quickly and sharp mind to. She had a hard time in the beginning because
- What will people think. That was a problem for her.
- I don't care and you know it, I said.
She really loves him and I haven't heard anything negative. So go for it you girls/dames and ladies.
I'm a greenhorn here so no photo amiable yet and I'm no PC-wizard or even close but it will appear. At last but not least -you are smokin' hot from what I've seen Kissingtheday. And your profile look very fine and interesting. So you work social, well me to. But my height might be a no-no as I'm only 178 cm above surface of earth. :-) Take care all you ladies or I might jump into your lives./Orlando
You are correct!! WHen you become a mother a new world of logic opens up!! you start to see things more vividly!! there is no reason a man 20 years older goes looking for a young girl, unless it is to manipulate her mind with his wisdom of the ages. older women as us know this well!!
Whatever you do is your perrogative and I'm not one to judge. I remember when I said that I would only date someone who was around my age but I've come to realize that some of the older men look just as sexy, fit, spontaneous are just as affectionate and can hold an intellectual conversation. So, I would just say to go with your gut instinct first. If it feels right to you then go for it!
Being married to someone 14 years older then I for 21 years gave me a great deal of insight as to what I DON'T want! I was a very naive 25 and divorced and very vunerable to love...and although there were some happy moments..most of the 21 yrs I was unhappy. His health was bad and for the last 10 yrs of marriage he was terminally ill, so leaving him was not an option.
My advice.. for what it's worth...IF you are going to get involved with an older person.. take into consideration their health and the fact that you may wind up taking care of them. It's not always the case, I know...just adding a new spin on things.
On the flip side...since being widowed the past 3 years..I have dated a wide range of men.. from 28 yrs old to 59 yrs old.. age never played into it...rather how we connected or just enjoyed each others company. If I was not deeply in love and living with someone right now, I have to say that I prob would not date anyone younger then 35..I find that younger then that tend to want different things then I do..spiritually, emotionally and physically.
However..I dont condone or condemn anyone else for their choices..I don't wear the judges robe well.
Oh man the LAST thing I wanted to do at 18 was get involved with a guy with baggage of all kinds.... and to tell you the truth, its the last thing I want to do at 36 as well !! there are so many aspects to this story that can be spoken about, a lot have been covered ... so I wont add my $123.56 worth ... interesting reading though
"I'm talking to a 37 year old guy and I'm 18. Is 19 years too much of an age difference. Is a age a big deal? How much of an age difference is too much?"
Never did Em ask for anyone's opinion on dating anything other than a man who is 19 years her senior. But thanks for all the input anyway.
Indeed, that was her question.
However, asking that, and not mentioning said man is married is akin to asking "what do you think of my 40 pound weight loss?" and neglecting to mention the reason behind it is you ate nothing but rice, water, and multivitamins for 60 days. It makes a difference in the answers.
I saw that too Freysh.... and I agree. In my opinion... the age thing is not nearly as concerning as the fact that he is married. I, for one, would rather put my energy and love into a man who can offer me something in return.... and this man obviously can't since he is taken and doesn't intend on becoming free.
Pickmeup7 write: I can see that everyone has their own thoughts on this topic. I can see each view for what it is, but if you could please explain something to me. There is a 19 year age difference- YES! BUT...If I was 30 and he was 49 not many would say $hit about it. BUt the minute it is a "teenager" and an older guy, people turn their heads and stare.
Just wanted to answer that question for you. It's because at 30, you have much more life experience and wisdom than you did at 20.
I remember how worldly and wise I felt at that age (which wasn't really that long ago). And why shouldn't I have felt like that? At that point I was in university, I had lived in another country for a year away from my family as part of an exchange, and all my life up until that point, my teachers and such had told me how mature I was.
Did it stop me from marrying an emotionally abusive alcoholic? Nope, it didn't. And though only 8 short years have passed since I was 20, I have learned alot about myself, and being strong, etc.
I'm not saying you are guaranteed to make as huge a mistake as I did. I'm not saying a 20 year old and 39 year old relationship can never work. But because of situations like mine; and I am sure every one on these boards has a story about themselves or a loved one, and how much more of Life they lived in the years between 20 and 30, than in the years betwen 10 and 20; the concern is there when someone just hitting adulthood involves themselves with someone much older.
Unless the courts have some reason to deny you custody, etc., you will NOT lose your son by splitting up with their mother. The business, maybe, but rebuilding can be done. Trust me, if you are in a so-called "loveless" relationship, your child knows, and it will affect them. No matter how quiet you try and keep the arguments, no matter how much you try to put on the brave front, staying together "for the kids" doesn't help them. If you don't believe me, do a little research on your own. Most child pschologists believe more damage is done to children when their parents stay together rather than divorce.
On that note, best of luck to you both. I truly do hope that no ones comes out of this hurt.
I'm not that much older than you - so hopefully you'll hear me out and not dismiss me as someone treating you as they would a daughter... Frankly, I'm not at a point where I would be anywhere near ready to have an 18-year old daughter. But, I am of an age where I've seen some of the world and am comfortable with who I am in all of my naivete. :)
Girlie, I understand how you feel about him, but you gotta keep in mind that a. you deserve a man who makes you feel cherished... a man who cherishes YOU is not also currently cherishing some other woman. The guy is married. With kids. I'm not pronouncing judgment cause frankly I don't know him and hey who knows it may be a lot of fun to have a fling with a married man (if you're not looking for a commitment) but you also gotta keep in mind... if his wife doesn't know about you... that makes you a homewrecker. A married man is not available. It's like going to the store to buy one particular cute flirty red dress and it already being sold out - to another woman. Even if it made you look absolutely fabulous...You wouldn't go and take hers would you? Why would you think her husband is less important? He makes you feel good. Huzzah! Feeling good is great, but you've got to think about how that affects his kids. Even if everything works out for you and this guy, you get married and sparks fly... his kids will always know you as the woman who stole their dad from their mom. It's not pretty and no good can come from it. And who is to say that 20 years from now he won't attempt to trade you in for an even younger model if he is already doing this to his family?
If you want to get involved with him - more power to you. I would just make sure he's divorced. Not separated, not having marital issues - but flat out divorced. You can't buy the dress unless someone else has returned it to the store. Meanwhile, it is sold out.
It's not my place to tell you all of this. You probably won't like it. But I'm just calling it like it is cause you seem like a nice girl and you deserve better. Have a little fun if you want, but don't invest your heart in a relationship that isn't going to go anywhere until the papers are signed.
Well, Em...You certainly sould like you have thought it all through, and as you said..He treats you well, and you have accepted the baggage and emotional issues that go with it.
At the end of the day, we all want to be with someone who loves us, or we wouldnt be here? You are an adult and intelligent enough to make your own choices.
If he makes you happy, then I wish you all the luck on the world, I think you are gonna need it.
I dont think age is the problem here. Normally i say age isnt an issue as long as the age wasnt known beforehand. like, i feel weird if im approached by one of my fathers colleagues - men who KNOW im my fathers child and still in uni. thats weird. blahblahblah moving on.
The problem i see here, is that ive seen friends in this situation -age aside. It gets ugly.
Tad, you said something about being open. Does this mean your wife is also dating? does she know about emily? Have you agreed to stay married only for the sake of tax relief and your kids? are you agreed there is no longer a spark, or love between you? is there a No anywhere in that equation?
I think age is only a small issue in the matter that youre a little young to have seen the results from an outside perspective. Im the same age (apx) but ive seen it. I would recommend stepping back, laying out the options, and in the end, probably pack it all up, put yourself aside for a second and weigh it all out. this is a heavy person site, not a heavy baggage one (well... in theory..)
And em, honey, you brought this all up, you asked for the opinions. dont knock it now that you got what you wanted.
Em.... no one here is judging you in any way. However, we are a little older and little wiser and we see the hurt this is down the road for you. This is not about age really. This is about a MARRIED man who has NO INTENTIONS OF DIVORCING HIS WIFE. Where do you think this could go? You do not have to take anyone's advice. But if Tad was honest with himself.... I believe deep down he knows what everyone is saying. If a married man or woman wants a relationship with someone other than their spouse, they should get a divorce and move on. Cheating on marriage vows is wrong in the eyes of God PERIOD. And for the life of me, I don't understand why women would want to be involved with someone they know will not divorce their spouse for them.... which will end in you getting hurt. I would be willing to bet that his wife doesn't think anything is wrong in this marriage. I've been there sweetie.... but like I tell my own kids.... you can either save yourself the pain with the benefit of advice from someone who's been there... or you can do your own thing and endure the heartache that is sure to come. I wish you luck, because I think you will need it if you choose to stay in this so called relationship. Just my opinion.
boy, is this ever getting interesting...kinda like a soap opera. And I thought he was just an older man looking for a younger woman...but now we find out he's MARRIED...(insert dramatic soap opera music here).
All I can say is good luck. And I really truly hope no one gets hurt. But to be quite honest, I can't say that's not going to happen, given the variables involved here.