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Is it harder to find love when you are BHM than BBW? I think so, what do you think?
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Posted on Tue, Aug 30, 2005 09:57

Just a suggestion... get a picture that isn't sitting in the shadows of a truck. One that flatters you a little more. You have a great smile and the women need to see your face... not your truck.

Just my 2 cents worth.

On the side of which is harder... I haven't been a BHM... obviously, but I think at MY age, being a BBW would be harder. Most women my age have been raised to wait for the man to ask you out, introduce themselves, etc... and we tend to not put ourselves out there. I can't imagine a large man not feeling comfortable asking a large woman out. I personally like large men... not that I wouldn't go out with smaller men. I guess we all tend to wait on someone else to contact us. Personally I struggle with that... rejection mode always in gear.



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Posted on Mon, Jan 23, 2006 05:18

Yes... but you don't want to know what the acts of worship are *shudder* I'll never look at a bowl of rice pudding in the same way again.



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Posted on Mon, Jan 23, 2006 04:51

That's why so many sites go in for this "for BBWs and the men that worship them" garbage.

You mean I can get worshipped somewhere? Alright!

*thinking I'm much cooler now*



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Posted on Mon, Jan 23, 2006 03:27

Yeah but the reason it "lends itself more to plus-sized women" is because there's a bigger online market for people looking for big women than there is for people looking for big men.

That's why so many sites go in for this "for BBWs and the men that worship them" garbage.



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Posted on Sun, Jan 22, 2006 17:03

Theo,

I just wanted to point out that I think one of the reasons you haven't found men on here say right out that they don't like big women is because this is a plus-sized dating site. Although it's for both men and women, I think it lends itself more to plus-sized women.

If you go to a regular dating site that's not size-specific, you'll find gazillions of guys who aren't into big women and will say so on their profiles (not always in a nice way).



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Posted on Sun, Jan 22, 2006 04:14

Oh okay... I know the book.

What point was he trying to make in his analysis of dating sites?



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Posted on Sat, Jan 21, 2006 05:25

The book is called Freakonomics. It wasn't a book about dating per say. It's a book in which the author (Stephen Levitt) explores a variety of subjects, collects data and draws conclusions from that data. In one of the chapters he mentioned dating sites, one of them being this one. That is how I became aware of this site.



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Posted on Sat, Jan 21, 2006 03:29

what studies? who is studying the winking activities of plus-sized dating websites?



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Posted on Fri, Jan 20, 2006 14:50

Not that I agree totally but some studies on dating sites have shown that BBW get less hits, winks, whatever you want to call them than BHM. Another interesting conclusion from the study I read about was that the mans height was important to women (tall men whether large or thin received more hits than short men). Again not my opinion just the data that resulted in a recent study from a book (not about dating) I read.



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Posted on Thu, Jan 19, 2006 17:35

Theophrastus write:
I think it might well be the case that the majority of big people would rather be with skinny people.



really? i have been attracted to both.



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Posted on Thu, Jan 19, 2006 15:39

'That's absolute nonsense. Of course looks matter. It's patronising to suggest otherwise. 'Theo you are absolutely correct....................Let's face it guys yes looks do matter BUT what I find attractive is not what others may necessarily find attractive - that is what it all boils down to- and yes a great personality helps. I believe each of us is drawn to a particular size/shape/colour/personality etc. What's wrong with that? I love bigger men. However, at the moment am going out with a smaller man and it is his personality (as well as his looks) that I am drawn to. Each of us needs to be open to new possibilities for who knows we may have passed up the opportunity of a lifetime.



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Posted on Thu, Jan 19, 2006 02:08

Confidence comes into it but only in so far as your whole personality does. I think Kaffien is on the ball when he says that ultimately if you're big and you have a bad set of social skills then it's pretty obvious that you're going to find it hard-going.

If you can't appeal to people using your looks then you've got to use what's inside namely personality, intelligence and sense of humour and if you're the kind of person who can't carry a conversation with a stranger then you're screwed.


However, while I can't speak for the world outisde these forums, it is interesting that on these boards there are loads of big women who rule big guys out in principle and regardless of their personality (I can think of 2 who have regularly posted here from the UK off the top of my head) but I've never seen the contrary on here. I've never seen a big guy come on here and talk about how he just didn't like big women.

If you combine this fact with the fact that there is a whole sub-culture devoted to thin guys who are turned on by big women or women with big hooters and that there's no equivalent subculture composed of women, it's easy to see that there are more options open to big women than big men... on the internet at least.

Now lots of members of these subcultures only want sex so some women tend not to count them as possibilities and in the real world it's a complete crap shoot as to whether or not someone you like will be accepting of your size. But there are certain undeniable facts about the online big people community and those facts do arguably make things easier for big women than for men in principle at least.



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Posted on Wed, Jan 18, 2006 07:24

Does anyone agree that it's something to do with confidence..........its general assumed that men make the first move and if you're a BHM maybe you may not have the confidence to make the first move or when you make a move you seem akward and are unable to make conversation. Rejection is'nt fun but if you see something you want go for it. I agree that some originality or sense of humour attracts me but a lovely smile and genuine intentions makes all the difference.



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Posted on Sun, Jan 15, 2006 20:20

sweetsforyou write:
Personally, I would take "any" man that deserved to be loved, and, can return the feeling! The packaging doesn't matter! Always remember: "Looks change, a personality usually doesn't!"
Hugs,
Sweetsforyou (Mary)

Hahahaha, very nice Mary. You are indeed a rare breed. Now if we can just get more people to realize what you said.



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Posted on Fri, Jan 13, 2006 08:13

well from what u can see of u not bad really and the fact u can joke is a good plus lol no pun but to me size dont matter i know we all heard that one a time or two lol but it really dont unless it is his brain size ok as for u dear it might be age or distance for some of us

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Posted on Fri, Jan 13, 2006 05:14

Personally, I would take "any" man that deserved to be loved, and, can return the feeling! The packaging doesn't matter! Always remember: "Looks change, a personality usually doesn't!"
Hugs,
Sweetsforyou (Mary)



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Posted on Thu, Jan 12, 2006 12:25

Kwtrucker write:
Its seems that I can't get a response for my profile. Is it because its harder to get noticed when you are BHM versus BBW? This may just be a stereotype or something, but I think that BBW are not interested in BHM, but BHM are interested in them. I am thinking this bcuz when I look at their profiles, they don't seem to want men that are their size, only ones that are smaller. Am I being totally off base here, or is this correct?


Possibly right on... possibley offbase.

Finding love / a woman hasnt been hard for me I've been big ever since errr 2000ish. I have been skinny like 150 lbs. I didn't much like it. I was healthier which is good. But i would never wish to return to that. im 280 at 6'0 losing weight would be great but no more than like 40 lbs.

IRL I've no problem finding women .... of all shapes and sizes. I'm currently dating a girl who is like 120 lbs but she loves the fact that im alot bigger than her. I've also dated girls around like 230 lbs ish who were 5'2 - 5'11.

However if you are overweight and have a poor personality as well.... finding a lady becomes difficult.

Now online here, I've been a memeber for about 2 weeks maybe less but i have only recieved like 3 winks. So maybe there IS merrit to your comment. Since they can't see your personality very well they base it on a picture or the lack there of. SO you must be very creative with your description. Women tend to read them!

Also your looking for lady age range is 23-29 You may not prefer 30+ but your missing out on a huuuuuuge range of the ladies here.



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Posted on Thu, Jan 12, 2006 09:40

I know that there are double standards for some. But being a woman of size myself, I personally, dont care if my dream man is thin or a BHM. But there are women of size that want smaller men.
But then like I said before some of us BBW's dont care what the outside package is like. I hope that I find the man of my dreams - I hope that he has a little meat on his bones but if not thats ok too, I would love him just the same.. CUTE DOG too!! ;)



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Posted on Sun, Oct 30, 2005 12:24

I think it's the other way around. I know alot of women that like big men along with myself. You're just not looking hard enough. I think it's harder for large women like myself to find love because alot of me say they like big women but only in the bedroom and not in public. Society has made it to where large women are shunned becuase they don't look like super models. I've found it extreamly hard to find love because there aren't many men that want a real relationship, all they care about is SEX and it's frustrating. But keep looking, the right girl is out there and she will love you for you! Take care
: )
I think it's the other way around. I know alot of women that like big men along with myself. You're just not looking hard enough. I think it's harder for large women like myself to find love because alot of me say they like big women but only in the bedroom and not in public. Society has made it to where large women are shunned becuase they don't look like super models. I've found it extreamly hard to find love because there aren't many men that want a real relationship, all they care about is SEX and it's frustrating. But keep looking, the right girl is out there and she will love you for you! Take care
: )



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Posted on Sun, Oct 30, 2005 06:46

That's absolute nonsense. Of course looks matter. It's patronising to suggest otherwise.

The vast overwhelming majority of humanity is utterly shallow and relentlessly stupid. How else can you explain that the high-street near me has 1 book shop and like 50 shoe shops?
That's absolute nonsense. Of course looks matter. It's patronising to suggest otherwise.

The vast overwhelming majority of humanity is utterly shallow and relentlessly stupid. How else can you explain that the high-street near me has 1 book shop and like 50 shoe shops?



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