I cannot believe that I have not met anyone!!! I am pretty, intelligent, funny, sincere, independent, have a good job, many interests and I still cannot meet anyone. What in hell are you men looking for. I really think you would be adding an asset to your life.
I would love to hear from some honest men out there. This seems to be asking the impossible.
Everyone: thank you for your advice.
I feel a little less hopeless but tis still a perilous jounry to liking my self.
Ill just have to work at it harder
Hey Mr niceguy and Linky,
yes you both are too young to to give up , you are actually just starting out even though your friends have been dating awhile. I think most young people date too young nowadays, they date befroe they know themselves and where they are going in their lives. I was also extemely shy when I was growing up and until I was in my early 20's. My friends that knew me then and know me now say I am definately not the same person. I didn't have my first date until I was 19, and first real boyfriend when I was 20. What PROMISES has said is good advise about pretending to have confidence or faking it. That is actually what I did to become a more self assured person. I practiced it so much I didnt need to fake it any more. Now everyone thinks I am a outgoing people person, with a lot of self esteem. I had to give it to myself and earn it for myself. Stay positive and just believe in your self and change what you dont like about your self or learn to like the things you cant change. And thats how you find people that like you. Smile and be nice and learn to talk a bout anything and every thing its called small talk. And thats how I have gotten dates. Dress attractively ( guys too) smile, laugh and be conversant. At any time anywhere. I have met guys at the park, pool, grovery store , library, resturants, mall, hardware store, hobbie shop, and even the license bureau. And usually I was not out with friends. So get to it people get out and meet new dating prospects. any other advice or need a coach LOL just email me.
Linkyblank write: well, tis probably a bit late to add anything to this string, but I dont think theres any hope for me. Im only nineteen and everyone says im too young to give up hope anyway, but the three relationships ive had have always ended terribly and its all equated to my weight. I try and try no matter where i go, and i dont think about how much i weight or what i look like, but then something comes up about how im not the right look, and im reminded of how ugly society and the media have led me to believe i am. I try to exert confidence cause thats what people want...but then something happens and its all down the drain. ugh...its so hard to fond someone who actualy likes me for who i am, though i have so much to offer.
Yes, you ARE too young to give up! You've come to a good place to build some self esteem... just let your light shine here and let people get to know you. Stay positive and someday... from somewhere... there will be someone who will love you just as you are!!!
I'm right there with ya Christin. My best friend (who happens to be a guy) says guys look at me and see a independent woman who can take care of herself, and it scares them. Don't know if it's true, but I'm giving up my independance just to have a guy in my life ( and my bed). I've worked to hard to get what I've got.
Linky,
Believe me, I know how you feel. I know it's hard when what you see in the media doesn't reflect what you see in the mirror.
Try to keep in mind that your life will not change for the better until YOU decide to change it. If you want people to have positive reactions to you, then project a positive attitude. This does not mean being a push-over -- it means treat people as you want to be treated.
You have many good things to offer the world, but no one will ever know if you don't let your light shine.
well, tis probably a bit late to add anything to this string, but I dont think theres any hope for me. Im only nineteen and everyone says im too young to give up hope anyway, but the three relationships ive had have always ended terribly and its all equated to my weight.
I try and try no matter where i go, and i dont think about how much i weight or what i look like, but then something comes up about how im not the right look, and im reminded of how ugly society and the media have led me to believe i am. I try to exert confidence cause thats what people want...but then something happens
and its all down the drain.
ugh...its so hard to fond someone who actualy likes me for who i am, though i have so much to offer.
ok thanks for the advice everyone... it just makes me feel sad when all my roommates have someone and i'm all alone
i dont know really how to act on something... like if i say hi to someone at the store, that seems odd, do i just talk to them for a bit or something then and see if they want to chat online or something?
i just feel clueless and confused a lot of the time
MrNiceGuy,
If it helps, I (like lots of people on this site) have been through the same things you're going through right now.
Let me give you the same advice someone gave me years ago, which I chose to ignore for many years, until I figured out it was true -- If you don't feel it, Fake it!
This means if you don't feel handsome (beautiful), keep yourself clean and well-dressed, keep a smile on your face and act like you're Brad Pitt (or Angelina Jolie)!
Trust me this works, and you'll be stunned how many people start smiling back and letting you know that you're hot stuff!
If it's any consolation, were you 20 more years older I'd hunt you down (I'm way too old for you)! You seem like a nice enough young man with a lot of sincerity and guts to put yourself out there like you have been. But, really, you are only 20. Give yourself time. The next time you're at the grocery store, book store, etc. and you see someone you think you'd like to know, go over and just say hello, smile, and see what happens. If you don't get the feeling they're interested; if nothing clicks, try it again, and again, etc. Sooner or later, you're bound to come across someone. My 23 y.o. niece just got married to a guy she met at a drive-up fast food window (no, he's not working there now, it was just a second job for extra bucks!). You meet people in the oddest of places sometimes.
yeah like heres the thing:
in high school i was shy, didn't have good people skills so i didnt date
in college all my roommates have girlfriends and go home or to visit them, thus leaving me in a situation where we can't go out to the club or something and they have no interest in meeting people anyway
further even if we did go to the club its doubtful i find anyone there... i'm not really looking to meet some drunk girl for some ill advised 1 night fling... i have morals...
so yeah... oh i guess me being fat hurts attempts to date too
but anyway there you go.. 20.. no dates... it isn't fun
That's actually an interesting question. I wonder how many big people do manage to fail to date until really late.
I went through a 4 year dry patch in my early 20's and as someone who is now single I'm hoping that that doesn't happen again.
I'm not discouraged yet but I am aware that while my attitude and social skills have vastly improved, I'm still vastly better at making friends than aquiring lovers. *shrug*
I often doubt if someone "right" will ever come along... or really if anyone at all will..
It just isn't fun being 20 and having never dated. I feel left out and like i've been cheated out of part of my life.
And of course all my friends are in long term relationships, and keep telling me someone will come along, easy for them to say, thye have been dating since halfway thru high school, i'm nearly done with college and still haven't. being the 3rd/5th/7th wheel just really isn't fun.
I don't get it... all the people in this thread are looking for about the same thing... send out some winks or emails or something people
as for me... i walk a lonely road, the only one that i have ever known, dont know where it goes
I think I have actually resigned myself to the fact that I am going to be alone for the rest of my life. When I split with the ex five years ago, everybody told me I would be single for three years, tops. Right, I have not even had anyone ask me for a date. So the realization has set in and do you know what?? I am Ok with that, 90% of the time. Now if only the pesky 10% would get in line.
Everytime I think I'm just going to not renew my membership and drop my profile, the optimist in me talks me into staying. Sometimes I think I'm going to be alone forever, and other times I'm hanging in there until their pitching dirt over me. I do know this, I really don't know what men want. I've given up on that topic. I reply to those who ask for what I can give, yet here I am, always back at square one. I do know one thing, I'm not compromising my values and morals anymore, even if it means I'm alone forever. I deserve better than what I have gotten all my life. The rest of us do as well. Have a wonderful rest of your day everybody!
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