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Intimacy and Trust
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Posted on Sun, Apr 03, 2005 13:19

I have a question. How does a person open themselves up to intimacy and trust after they have been through a bad relationship.



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Posted on Sat, Oct 29, 2005 23:20

In the words of my favorite songwriter Tracy Chapman," Save a little love for myself Enough so my heart can mend A little love for myself cause one day I just might love again One day Some sweet smile might turn my head One day I just might give all myself away One day
In the words of my favorite songwriter Tracy Chapman," Save a little love for myself Enough so my heart can mend A little love for myself cause one day I just might love again One day Some sweet smile might turn my head One day I just might give all myself away One day



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Posted on Tue, Oct 25, 2005 23:45

I agree with Freysh..... you have a great personality and it is great getting to know you! Besides... we are all a little nutty..... come on guys... fess up... you know it's true... don't make me pull out the tapes to prove it! LOL
I agree with Freysh..... you have a great personality and it is great getting to know you! Besides... we are all a little nutty..... come on guys... fess up... you know it's true... don't make me pull out the tapes to prove it! LOL



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Posted on Thu, Oct 20, 2005 03:55

you are absolutely correct, Freysh
you are absolutely correct, Freysh



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Posted on Tue, Oct 18, 2005 12:20

I am so sorry to hear that MystyLove... I too was a victim of child molestation ... but you know, although it is hard, you can move on and be able to enjoy s_e_x and intimacy again one day. It is not easy, but possible. I wish you all the luck in the world sweetie. Hang in there! Besides.... great relationships are born out of great friendships!



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Posted on Tue, Oct 18, 2005 07:42


MystyLove_2 write:
I am in the same boat. Speaking of being hurt before, I've been *exually abused since the age of 11. Finally it stopped when I reached 18 yrs old. However, I still was abused (in other ways) ever since. Am I just an abuse magnet?

I don't feel comfortable w/ *ex anymore. So just looking for good friends. Maybe one day Mr. Right will come along and treat me like a queen...yeah right!



MystyLove sorry to hear about the abuse you've been through. People who do that should have things done to them I won't go into now. I hope you've gone through or are now going through counseling for it. You deserve better than what you've had and I'm sure one day Mr. Right will come along and sweep you off your feet.

  


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Posted on Fri, Oct 14, 2005 07:53

I am in the same boat. Speaking of being hurt before, I've been *exually abused since the age of 11. Finally it stopped when I reached 18 yrs old. However, I still was abused (in other ways) ever since. Am I just an abuse magnet?

I don't feel comfortable w/ *ex anymore. So just looking for good friends. Maybe one day Mr. Right will come along and treat me like a queen...yeah right!



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Posted on Sun, Oct 09, 2005 20:11


kewannap write:
MrGW... you do have a point there. I agree that sometimes people are afraid to take the risk again because they have been hurt. I personally have been hurt so many times that I have about 5 feet of scar tissue on my heart... but yet, I still believe that love is worth the risk. I am a firm believer that anything worthwhile comes with risks... if we are not willing to take the risk, then we might be missing out on something wonderful.



I have been hurt and scared to trust - That is a big issue with me. Recently I meet someone from this site and I am afraid of getting to close. So who knows...



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Posted on Thu, Oct 06, 2005 22:04

MrGW... you do have a point there. I agree that sometimes people are afraid to take the risk again because they have been hurt. I personally have been hurt so many times that I have about 5 feet of scar tissue on my heart... but yet, I still believe that love is worth the risk. I am a firm believer that anything worthwhile comes with risks... if we are not willing to take the risk, then we might be missing out on something wonderful.



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Posted on Thu, Oct 06, 2005 21:00

Trust issues? Everyone is going to have their heart broken, feel the pain of lonliness (I can't spell this late at night), and etc... Those are valuable lessons in who we are. If we feel that "everyone" is not to be trusted with our feelings and love then maybe it's time to re-evualuate ourselves. That's the problem with young people today, EVERYTHING has to be easy and require little (if any) thought, work, and commitment. The only way to grow emotionally is to accept and deal with the "risks" that he or she may not desire your attention. Our perfect matches are out there; but we will never be able to tell when they are here unless we have developed the ability to assume the risks inherant in seeking them. Kind of like if we're very thirsty and standing at the edge of a cow pasture which has an oasis with a cool and bubbling spring at the center. Wouldn't it be best to make our way to the spring for that water? Of course we'd need to maneuver around the many "cow-pies", maybe even get our feet dirty. But, in the end it would be so worth the struggle and the education we get along the way.



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Posted on Wed, Oct 05, 2005 07:35

I have to agree with the majority - We all have trust issues. It happens after a few bad experiences.

I would want to meet someone with similar insterests as me that lives close to my area. To be honest I am nervous and afraid because of the hole trust thing. I was in a relationship for many years and after a while things happened which broke tha trust. Now I have a very hard time in trusting people.



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Posted on Thu, Sep 29, 2005 06:19

Thanks for your kind words too Bee, just saw your post now .... yes I have always been content when I am single, have never been someone who needs to have a partner, and I am always the first person to say to my friends "take a chance he could be the one" !! lol .... big contradiction to myself huh ...?? anyways, I am sick of lifes lessons, sick of all the crap that we have to go through in life just to learn from the experience .... just want a break ... thats why I will stay single, it truely is the happiest place for me to be

  


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Posted on Wed, Sep 28, 2005 14:48

Good for you Rock! It is wonderful that you can find happiness and contentment in singleness! Now all you need to do is find that little something when you need it! lol



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Posted on Wed, Sep 28, 2005 00:57

Thanks Kew .... I dont know, I am always at my happiest when I am single ... only me to care for a nd worry about and more so trust ... I am at the stage where I couldnt give a rats if I stayed single for the rest of my life, just get some every now and again, no strings attached, I am independant in all aspects of the word .... and no worries about lies, and cheating and trust issues ... its the best place to be for me

  


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Posted on Tue, Sep 27, 2005 21:45


Rockchickbbw write:
Reading this post again is interesting to see where I was at with my last post (4th Apr) and where I am at now .... the guy who was trying to gain my trust ended up getting it, and abusing it, and hurting me and making my barriers 10 times the size they were when he was trying to get to know me ... so now ... how do you and trust ...?? Trust yourself first and your gut instincts, and never doubt your inner self .... I am going to sound bitter and twisted I am sure but nothing is forever, nothing at all ... and you have to keep your guard up at all times JUST in case ....




Rock... it is so unfortunate you had to go through the hurt and pain again. I can relate so well. But I have learned that, for me, I had to remember that not every man is going to hurt me. Yes, I agree, you have to guard your heart to a certain degree... but I am the type of person that I give 100% of my heart to a relationship which opens me up to be hurt. But it is worth the risk to me. Wouldn't it be so nice to live in a world where everyone treated their loved one the way they wanted to be treated? I pray your Prince Charming will come along and your days of pain and hurt will all be over.

  


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Posted on Tue, Sep 27, 2005 07:54

Rockchick, I hear ya and I am sorry to hear about what happen to you. I still read what is in these post r/t trust issues and I have learned that we are resilent as Southeren has stated. I believe we learn from each time we are intimate with another, some lessons are good and some are heart breaking. We also learn that each time we let some one into our hearts we are not alone for that period of time. We take chances when we do so but I feel it is ok to take the chance on love. When you are feeling better and you have had a chance to figure out the good and the bad you will be ready to try again. Life teaches us lessons each day.

  


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Posted on Mon, Sep 26, 2005 05:43

Reading this post again is interesting to see where I was at with my last post (4th Apr) and where I am at now .... the guy who was trying to gain my trust ended up getting it, and abusing it, and hurting me and making my barriers 10 times the size they were when he was trying to get to know me ... so now ... how do you and trust ...?? Trust yourself first and your gut instincts, and never doubt your inner self .... I am going to sound bitter and twisted I am sure but nothing is forever, nothing at all ... and you have to keep your guard up at all times JUST in case ....

  


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Posted on Fri, Sep 16, 2005 13:20


Largewaist write:
I have gone through phases of relationship phobia and thoughts of becoming a monk but invariably realize that aloneness is neither inevitable nor healthy.



You are just TOOOooooo handsome to consider being a monk! lol I haven't seen posts form you lately... someone must have snatched you up! Lucky girl!!!



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Posted on Thu, Apr 07, 2005 04:48

While I don't have any research to back this up I would suggest that in contemporary North America large people have experienced a greater degree of rejection and disappointment in relationships because of size discrimination. But as snowflake has so nicely described, "nothing ventured nothing gained". I have gone through phases of relationship phobia and thoughts of becoming a monk but invariably realize that aloneness is neither inevitable nor healthy. So...never give up, there is someone out there who will love you for who you are.

  


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Posted on Wed, Apr 06, 2005 13:52

Of course everyone who's had a broken heart is afraid of having it broken again. That's natural. But when we wall ourselves off from hurt, we're also walling ourselves off from the joy, fun, and good times that come with finding that special connection with someone. It's always a risk. But remember to focus on the positive things that came from the bad times. You are stronger, wiser, maybe more independent, perhaps have new interests or hobbies that he/she introduced to you...But most importantly...you are resilient!!!! You survived that nuclear blast...odds are it won't happen again that way, but if it does, you'll survive it again. You're much stronger than you've given yourself credit for! Now reward yourself...and go out and meet a new friend and have fun. If that click happens...just one baby step at a time...and soon you'll be dancing on the ceiling! Just my two cents.

  


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