Intimacy and Trust Friendship

  • View author's info Author posted on Apr 03, 2005 13:19

    I have a question. How does a person open themselves up to intimacy and trust after they have been through a bad relationship.
  • 13Comments

  • View author's info posted on Oct 29, 2005 23:20

    In the words of my favorite songwriter Tracy Chapman," Save a little love for myself Enough so my heart can mend A little love for myself cause one day I just might love again One day Some sweet smile might turn my head One day I just might give all myself away One day
    In the words of my favorite songwriter Tracy Chapman," Save a little love for myself Enough so my heart can mend A little love for myself cause one day I just might love again One day Some sweet smile might turn my head One day I just might give all myself away One day
  • View author's info posted on Oct 14, 2005 07:53

    I am in the same boat. Speaking of being hurt before, I've been *exually abused since the age of 11. Finally it stopped when I reached 18 yrs old. However, I still was abused (in other ways) ever since. Am I just an abuse magnet?

    I don't feel comfortable w/ *ex anymore. So just looking for good friends. Maybe one day Mr. Right will come along and treat me like a queen...yeah right!
  • View author's info posted on Oct 09, 2005 20:11

    kewannap write:
    MrGW... you do have a point there. I agree that sometimes people are afraid to take the risk again because they have been hurt. I personally have been hurt so many times that I have about 5 feet of scar tissue on my heart... but yet, I still believe that love is worth the risk. I am a firm believer that anything worthwhile comes with risks... if we are not willing to take the risk, then we might be missing out on something wonderful.

    I have been hurt and scared to trust - That is a big issue with me. Recently I meet someone from this site and I am afraid of getting to close. So who knows...
  • View author's info posted on Oct 05, 2005 07:35

    I have to agree with the majority - We all have trust issues. It happens after a few bad experiences.

    I would want to meet someone with similar insterests as me that lives close to my area. To be honest I am nervous and afraid because of the hole trust thing. I was in a relationship for many years and after a while things happened which broke tha trust. Now I have a very hard time in trusting people.
  • View author's info posted on Sep 27, 2005 07:54

    Rockchick, I hear ya and I am sorry to hear about what happen to you. I still read what is in these post r/t trust issues and I have learned that we are resilent as Southeren has stated. I believe we learn from each time we are intimate with another, some lessons are good and some are heart breaking. We also learn that each time we let some one into our hearts we are not alone for that period of time. We take chances when we do so but I feel it is ok to take the chance on love. When you are feeling better and you have had a chance to figure out the good and the bad you will be ready to try again. Life teaches us lessons each day.
  • View author's info posted on Apr 06, 2005 13:52

    Of course everyone who's had a broken heart is afraid of having it broken again. That's natural. But when we wall ourselves off from hurt, we're also walling ourselves off from the joy, fun, and good times that come with finding that special connection with someone. It's always a risk. But remember to focus on the positive things that came from the bad times. You are stronger, wiser, maybe more independent, perhaps have new interests or hobbies that he/she introduced to you...But most are resilient!!!! You survived that nuclear blast...odds are it won't happen again that way, but if it does, you'll survive it again. You're much stronger than you've given yourself credit for! Now reward yourself...and go out and meet a new friend and have fun. If that click happens...just one baby step at a time...and soon you'll be dancing on the ceiling! Just my two cents.
  • View author's info posted on Apr 06, 2005 12:43

    That's a hard one, beemoregirl, but I tend to agree with Shieuk's advice. I would also add that you have to listen to and trust your instincts also. Many times we end up getting hurt because we disregard the "red flags" that show up in that person. And "red flags" are not about trust, they are warnings that something is not right about the person. But on the other hand, if you don't get "red flags", and the person has qualities that you seek in a mate, then by all means go for it.
  • View author's info posted on Apr 05, 2005 15:24

    I agree with you Shuie, I was just having this conversation with a girlfriend of mine.....many of us build the great wall of China around our hearts after Hiroshima blows us to pieces.....but the heart is resilient....I believe that when you're ready, the bricks begin to come down. That's all I can guarantee, that the bricks will come down when you're ready......not that the outcome will be all sunshine and smiles....only that when your heart has healed enough to withstand another blow, it will tell you so.....
  • View author's info posted on Apr 05, 2005 12:27

    I think that all of us, both gusy and gals, ovewr 40 have felt betrayed by a lover. But we are humans and wo pick up. Remember it is better to have been loved and lost rather then never having been loved at all.

    So let the wall come down brick by brick. go out with your church group, or pople from work. Join a bowling league. Be with people of similar interests (but never the bar scene). The best advice is on a mayo jar, keep cool but do not freeze

    Good luck canamex
  • View author's info Photo Verified posted on Apr 05, 2005 11:43

    Unfortunately, I find myself to be a little, too trusting. After a 17-year-marriage that tanked....I guess I could be bitter, but I cannot live miserably. I am pretty laid back and good natured, but I am definitely cautious. You don't want to block out too much, 'cause than you miss out on the good stuff! Peace.....
  • View author's info posted on Apr 05, 2005 09:16

    Just take your time. Hopefully the person you are with is patient and everything should work out fine.

    We all have our own defenses sometimes we just need to tone it down some. You know keep it at "DEFCON 1 instead of DEFCON 4"
  • View author's info posted on Apr 04, 2005 13:23

    I think it starts by letting down a few bricks in the wall you build around yourself. It's not going to be easy, but if you don't start to let someone in, you may end up with no-one. They are not all the same as the one that hurt you Hun. Time is a great healer, it does get easier.
    Let a few bricks down at a time, the wall will eventially be down(most of it anyway, you'll always keep some of it up for protection!)
    I wish you all the best.
    Shula x
  • View author's info posted on Apr 03, 2005 23:27

    I wish I could be more help there, but I tend to have trust issues of my own.

    I just keep myself "cautiously optimistic".

    Some days that's easier than others.
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