I often see profiles and messages here staying that a person won't "settle" for less. So I'm wodering what does "settling" for someone mean to you and what does "taking a chance" on someone mean to you.

To me settling is dating someone who doesn't fit what you want just to have someone while "taking a chance" is more when maybe someone doesn't meet all the things I'm seeking, but there seems to be something there that I just don't want to write them off. Therefore, I "take a chance" on them and see where things go ... if anywhere.

I've settled too many times. Trying to get rid of the last one right now. LOL!! I've decided to go with the chance and I'm very happy with my decision so far. We'll see.

Hey Sexyonetoo,
Glad to see that my revelation could help someone else too. And yes Rockchick my marriage only lasted 2yrs and 6mos, and that was really 2 yrs too long. but I kept thinking that we were newly weds and I just needed to get used to him and try harder. then I realized I was the only one trying to make a decent marriage of the whole mess. besides he lied to me about who and what he was about to begin with so i came to the conclusion i didn't even like who he was when i figured out what he was really like. When you make yourself out to be different than what you really are in the end it doesn't work, especially if you are worlds apart in ideals and standards,and totally incompatible. And so that's why I won't settle for less than what i know i need and can live with compatibly. I cannot allow myself to settle for less in what I expect in my life partner I would be cheating us both.

Well said BeSWeet. You spoke right to me as I've been grappling with something like this.

cat

Ok canderella its a deal !! ;)

And Diva .... Georgia / Florida is better than Australia / NYC USA !!

rockchick... i know you hear me... we've all done it more than once, even twice, three times maybe? lol... i'm still pretty brave about it all, but i took a risk not too long ago, red flags and all... biggg, redddd flags! big mistake... too much, too soon and a lot of other things..
BUT! OK... i'll continue to brave it since you are! lol! but it's ok if i turn and run before that red flag even hits half staff? i'll meet cha half way on this risk thing k rockchick? lol!
i can do this... i can do this.... :)

Does take a chance also mean say..... distance? For instance: Georgia / Florida...........eh hem ! ! !

I hear you canderella .. I have lost count of the number of times I have been stoopid when it came to some of my choices ... they say with age comes wisdom .. but I am still a bit of a risk taker ...

i agree... i also see settling as a second choice... the compromise is too large... i think that most of us have settled at one time or another...
there is some fear and maybe some little red flags in a risk...
i'm not the risk taker i used to be... i'll still take a risk but i'm not as brave going into it.... oooowwwwww there was a time i was sooooo brave.... and so stupid! lol! i lived through it... i'm pretty skittish these days... doesn't take much to turn me the other way... i don't know if that's good or bad....maybe a little of both...

Hey besweet..wondered where you had got to ;) now I know... u were settled somewhere :P good to see u back lovely !!

Hey its good that you had some kind of fun in the mean time...but I think the older we get, there isnt time to just settle anymore ... we have to go for what feels right

I agree too...... settling is when u stay with someone that u may have feelings for but u know in your heart that u just do not love them whole heartly..... and not necessarily until u find someone else as u can settle and stay together forever... it does happen.

Taking a chance .... yes I agree.... when u hear from someone and they seem so nice and u want to meet and take a chance to see if it can work out.
Best to all........ smiles, me

Hey rockchick how ya doing??
long time no hear, but that's because I was distracted for a few months. It didn't work out, this topic fits the scenario perfectly. I realized I was settling for someone that wasn't what I was really looking for. And by settling I mean we got along OK, we had some compatibility, the s-x was regular and OK, I had some affection for him and cared , but there was no passion, I was not "in love" or even working on it, and I realized we were not compatible in a lot of areas, there were a lot of things I had to keep to myself cause he didn't understand my view and vice a versa. We Just were together cause it was less lonely. And that is unacceptable to me.
I am looking for someone I enjoy being with talking to or even just sitting and watching TV, or taking a walk. someone I can have passion for ,admire how they think and live their lives. And value their opinions. I didn't have that with this man. Taking a chance means there may be a possibility for all those things you hope for,possibilities for more, and more. Settling is being disappointed,stagnant with no growth, or less than what you hope for.

I use the term 'i would'nt settle for less than love' in the sense that i would 'settle' down - i would'nt marry someone or set up home with them. I consider the word to mean that.

well to me "settling" is like u guys say, being with someone just because they were there, my Ex from PA said he would be "settling" with me if we were to continue, for one cause I am a bigger girl and he didnt like that, BUT I would have been crucifying myself had I of stayed with him !! lol

On the "taking a chance" , I have a great guy off this site coming to see me hopefully in June from New York, he put it as "taking a chance" cause for one its a long way to come, and we never know what could happen, so thats how he worded it, and to me thats not a bad thing

I agree totally with your viewpoint on settling vs taking a chance. When you settle, you have feeling in the pit of your stomach that you know this is not going to work, but oh well. When you take a chance on someone, you have a feeling of this could really turn out to be something good. There is a huge difference. I have settled and was miserable for many years and paid a huge price. I have also taken a chance on someone, but yet still got hurt. You never know. But I refused to give up.

That's what it means to me as well. Settling when there are no better alternatives at the moment. As for taking a chance, I agree with you there as well.