Hi everyone ...

I'm having a bit of a problem ...wondering if anyone else is.

Mainly, I went sooooo long feeling completely unattractive, my self-esteem was non-existent.

Then I discover this site and holy cow, suddenly men are telling me I'm beautiful and s@xy ...

But I'm finding that I must have been really starved for affection, or something, because when I meet a man (in person) from this site, I have a tendency to jump right into a sexual relationship.

I'm trying to figure out if it's because I don't trust in the whole *idea* of actual love, or because I still don't think anyone could actually love me (or want me for anything but s@x), or if I'm just enjoying (maybe a bit too much) finally feeling like I have some sexual power.

So I'm constantly boinging back and forth between feeling great and feeling guilty for behaving a bit like a sl*t. If you know what I mean.

Is anyone else struggling with this????

Argh.

Spice.

I'm glad that that has been your experience.. but it hasn't been mine.

Music nut,

Beauty isn't found in a size, but most men do find our size appealing, and I've heard I'm not fat enough or if I loose too much weight my boyfriend would leave me, so I told him to get out! *lol*

It took me a long time to have self-acceptance, and now that I've found it I enjoy my body and being with another person who seems equally as content to be with me as I am with him.

I find it's all the terminology that is misused or used with different meanings, as I recently discovered after 'seeing' a man I previously 'dated'. Seems he had me believing we were an exclusive couple, but now I'm just a F. Buddy.

I will admit the physical relationship with him was always very satisfying but what floored me is that he is 'seeing' me while 'dating' another woman and he recently told me in an email that when he 'sees' me that he's 'cheating' on the woman he's 'dating'. ( He and I use to date over a yr ago...and I sorta thought we were now lol)

Anyway, I we all, myself included, want to believe in the goodness of those we meet and get involved with; unfortunately not everyone is as forthcoming with facts and information, because believe me, if I had ANY idea he was dating someone seriously I would have NEVER 'seen' him again.

And I have to agree with most of the ladies, when I hit my thirties someone certainly vevved my engines, and now that I'm approaching 4-0 I don't feel any different...still got the motor humming.

Ain't that the truth! I've noticed I have a higher s@x drive now than when I was younger... although I've always had a healthy drive.

And I must admit, reading her post, I reflected on myself. I have been guilty in the past for sleeping with someone long before I should have. Was it because I wanted the intimacy or was it my way of having a temporarly self esteem boost... I don't know, but I lean toward the second.

We women who are considered SSBBWs I've noticed seem to struggle a little harder with the low self esteem issues. After all... how many of us have been told that the 'like BBWs but not THAT big'. Too many times for me...

Hey Freysh,

You're right, I've been taking a break from the forums for a while ... but so nice to know you care!

Still haven't met the young man, beginning to despair if it will ever happen ... he's "busy" all the time.

Oh well, if it happens, it happens. I still like him a lot, but it can't go any further until we meet face to face.

Hope things are well with you, Freysh!

Spice

Awwww, thanks Freysh,

It should have been 2 days, now!

Unfortunately he's not able to get any time off this weekend and he doesn't want me to go such a long way for only a few hours of his time (which is sweet of him, but on the other hand I'm *dying* to meet him face-to-face).

But things are going very well and I'm sure we'll figure something out soon.

I'll keep you posted!

Spice

Modgal, thanks for the lovely advice!

And Freysh, thanks for wishing me luck ... with this guy, jumping in the sack right away isn't such a problem .. he lives 5 hours away. So we've had (and will have) plenty of time to talk before we meet in person (in 11 days!).

I am sooooo cautiously optimistic about this man ... he is such a sweetie. But what happens, happens ... and we've still got the face to face meeting to deal with ...

Thanks gals,

Spice

Treasure,

Good for you with the quote button ;-)

You are totally right ... once you get into the swing of things with this online dating stuff, you can really get pretty good at weeding out the riff-raff before a face-to-face meeting.

In lots of ways, this is much easier/safer than "conventional" dating.

And I like it! Although, at the moment I've hidden my profile 'cuz I think I may have found a gem ... Yay!

Spice

I totally agree...wooohooo! wait till you hit 40!

ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Shoot... talk about being in heat! man oh man.... wish I had this drive when I had a man in my life!

Hey Freysh,

If there's a class on Men, sign me up!

I also missed out on the usual teenage/twenties wildness ... and find myself suddenly on a very steep learning curve ...

Thanks to you and everyone for the advice and support.

Spice

You go, girl!

Wait till you hit your 50's-LOL!
Women tend to be of two groups--those who DO & those that DON'T like to boogie!

I have married friends that want nothing to do with their hubbies, women of all ages--which really dismays me. Even when my marriage was sliding down the old marriage hill, at least our bed stayed warm--if not our relationship.

I've been without the fear of pregnancy (although STD's are still something to be aware of) for 21 years now---and THAT'S LIBERATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! woooohooooo!

Aww, you guys are so great! Thanks!

I totally forgot about that mid-30's sexual peak thing, too.

Spice

Spice I know EXACTLY what you are talking about ... been there, done that until recently, seemed that the only guys I attracted were the ones that wanted to bed me but not take me out anywhere or be seen with me, so I resorted to the fact that maybe thats all I was good for .... but I KNOW I am good for a LOT more ;) , with my last boyfriend which has now become my Ex as of last weekend, he was persitant in wanting to see me more often, so we started a relationship that only lasted 7 months .... but he is a s3xy guy and fun and intelligent and saw a LOT more in me than just s3x .... and yes its ended, but we are still great friends, just not right for eachither in this point in time, but that doesnt mean I am going to go back to "my old ways" .

Never feel guilty about having s3x with one person or 10 at the same time !! enjoy yourself... as Diva said, you are heading to your mid 30's and OOOOOOEEEEEEE it IS the prime !!!!!! so enjoy ...just be safe .... and a relationship will happen when its meant to and you accept it .....

Thankfully, I've always had pretty good "self-image". I say, you're sexual prowess has less to do with starving for attention and more to do with you being a lovely lady approaching her mid 30's - - girl - - it's gonna get worse (or better, depending on how you look at it ;>). One thing I've recently embraced like never before is my big arse ! The guys are like, oh my god - look that that....and I'm like, yeah baby, you like that? O M G ! ! ! My hormones are going nuts, therefore I am going nuts obviously! ! ! I say - wrap it up - and enjoy your life - - as we all know, it is way too short!

Thanks for that ...

I *did* re-read my post .. and I *did* kind of answer my own question.

And you're quite right, I'm an adult and I am allowed to seek pleasure without guilt (within safe limits, of course).

I feel better now ...

Spice

You seem to have answered your own questions-LOL Really, go back and read what you said.

So many of us have huge self esteem issues and that can lead to all kinds of 'acting out'. I've often heard of women saying that they feel like if they don't 'sleep' with that man, then that man may not stick around--whether that is the case or not. Obviously, if he DOESN'T stick around, then he wasn't worth the effort in the first place.

The only one that can answer all of your questions is YOU. Ask yourself what are you really looking for? Women bemoan that they don't want to 'settle', that they're 'waiting for the one', well, I guess it all depends on ones definition what 'settling' means. That handsome knight on the white horse is a figment of way too many imaginations. We all have our flaws, quirks & ticks-LOL How can I expect someone so friggin perfect if I'm not perfect myself?

I think.........that whatever two people feel comfortable doing together as CONSENTING adults is just ducky with me. I myself don't think that one should jump into the sack on the first date, nor the second. Chemistry is a strong heady drug--it's intoxicating & oh so yummy! After a couple of dates, you'll feel more comfortable in your decision whether to 'do the deed' or not.

You are an adult with a healthy s*x drive--nothing wrong with that--unless you're sleeping with men to try to hold on to them--then that's NOT healthy--for YOU. Having a Friend With Benefits is OK, too, if you can successfully not let emotions cause a rift. Often one side may get possessive and the other partner feels that more is wanted of them than they're willing to give.

Bottm line: enjoy yourself! S*x is fun & natural, just be prudent, safe & savvy-LOL