What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

*45 minutes.


Why is it so hard to find men who are caring, kind, and good looking?

*Because those men already have boyfriends.


What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

*After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.


What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

* The same urge that makes dogs chase
cars they have no intention of driving.


What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?

* Bingo machine.


What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?

*A porcupine has the pr1cks on the outside.


What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?

*Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

* Mace will do that to you.

What's the difference between a Northern fairytale
and a Southern fairytale?

* A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time."
A Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this crap."

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall.
A teenager walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair
in all different colours: green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.

The old man just stared. Every time the teenager looked, the old man
was staring. The teenager finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"

Without batting an eye, the old man replied....."Got drunk once and had
s*x with a peacock. I was wondering if you were my son."

Too funny, Rockchick!!!!!!!!!!

So Carl Lewis turns up at this golf club and wants to become a member.

The membership secretary looks sheepish and says "I'm sorry Mr. Lewis, I'm affraid the club doesn't allow black people to join"

Lewis is stunned "That's outrageous!" he cries.

The secretary replies "I'm sorry but there's a club nearby that does welcome black people. It's just 10 minutes down the road"

Lewis replies "But I'm Carl Lewis!"

the secretary rolls his eyes "allright then... 3 minutes down the road".

I haven't laughed that hard in so long. thank you !